Searching

  

Halle was in a store yesterday, searching for my book... And when she found it? Whew.. she just couldn't resist! She had to read it right there! Her fingers kept at a steady pace, her eyes remained glued to each fabulous page. She was oblivious to the world around her. She didn't care about the paparazzi or about being seen without make up on. It didn't matter because she's still beautiful anyway but with my book in her hand? Her beauty was elevated to new heights! lol... ahh yessss.... aint life cool? *smile*

War

  

Caught while driving black on a Saturday night, I heard this song coming from the speakers of another car. It was an interesting moment because between myself and the car playing this powerful Bob Marley song was a policeman. He creeped up slowly, no doubt he punched my license plate into his computer. Probably disappointed that he came up with nothing and when he pulled beside me, he gave me one of those cold hearted stares that read, stay out of trouble... Trouble aint my ambition in life, it just comes with the territory being alive. The dude rockin that Bob Marley song turned it up louder, taking away the policeman's focus... That music sounded good and that song definitely needs to be heard.

Until the philosophy which hold one race
Superior and another inferior
Is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned
Everywhere is war, me say war

That until there are no longer first class
And second class citizens of any nation
Until the colour of a man's skin
Is of no more significance than the colour of his eyes
Me say war

That until the basic human rights are equally
Guaranteed to all, without regard to race
Dis a war

Bob Marley

Tag

  

Taggin' the walls with my gift to the world and a celebration of...

Sweet

  

"Sweet memories take me back to you..."

There's a magnetic force out there that can sometimes return you to the exact same spot where you once found happiness. I could very easily close my eyes, imagine and return there but it wouldn't feel the same. It's a trip that gets me every time... That unspeakable magic when no matter how long its been, no time in between could ever dampen what you feel. Your heart is like a fortress, camouflaged by the world's most beautiful flowers. Each one representing her; the real true rationale for your smile. For her happiness, sacrifice is a blessing. Her laughter is necessary. I was never once blinded by the obvious, her movement so mesmerizing... It was her touch, her conversation and when I held her still in my arms, I'd wish for the minutes to change to hours as the silent rhythm boasts the declaration, it's ALWAYS nice seeing you and the next time? As God is a witness to everything going down on this planet...next time will mean the world to me, too...

Hmmmm

  

Saturday

  

If I Could

  

If I could speak for a woman I never met or know...

Taken for granted and abandoned.. Love is like a headline tossed under yesterdays news 'cause nobody takes it serious... It's like the nourishment required is spent on self indulgence aka the "me" time that's supposed to be once or twice a week turns into ALL the time and no time for "we." And then someone is left wanting and missing.. Sifting through songs attached to memories that play with your heart. You get sick of hearing "when love calls you better answer" 'cause love left the phone off the hook and is out there juggling coochie; trying to be inspiration for a book. If I was wise, I wouldn't be looked upon as a fool. Crazy thing is that everybody knows but me; the foolish one cooking dinner. I made his favorite eventhough he said he might be a little late. I can still hear that song coming from my speakers in the den. "Dont let it slip away too many times because love may not ever come again." That was the jam back in the day and we danced to it. If he was here right now he'd change the channel; probably to something that makes him instantly think about bootie jiggling in front of his face. He'd like that... Some unfamiliar bootie that comes without a warranty saying in order to hold me you must be devoted, respectful, faithful, loving, dedicated, prideful, attentive, and not afraid to make love to a woman who knows you inside and out... a woman that sees you for who you are, even on those days when you're full of shit... like right now only I'm not supposed to know anything.

Painting with nature

  

Stepped into my backyard today and found the beauty of nature... Flowers blooming and little baby birds waiting for their mother to feed them.

In This World

  

In this angry world we live in, people dont care. They drive faster to keep you from getting in their lane. They cut you off when you're already there. No one remembers the concept of a helping hand.. Allow someone to blend in with the flow... Say hello.. Heads go down when an unfamiliar face approaches.. Some play the tough roll and greet you with an angry glare.. So much effort to be hard and yet unaware of the lack of energy it takes to be nice... Yesterday I came upon two men, both had a certain air about them. They were dressed in a way where you could tell they were probably from Jamaica or some caribbean island.. One was young and the older one had gray dreads. The older one walked with so much coolness about him. He was light on his feet and strutted with a quiet confidence. I first glanced at the younger one who nodded but his heart wasn't into it. Then I looked at the older one and felt as if I'd stepped into a garden of coolness. He greeted me by placing his hand on his heart and said "greetings my brotha.." And for that split moment the world was alright. I greeted him back by mirroring his beautiful gesture. I placed my hand on my heart as well.. In that moment it felt like we'd exchanged a feeling of pride. It felt good but after that moment was over I was reminded where I was by a brotha up the street with his chest stuck out and a cold hard stare on his face. He didn't nod at all. He just gave me a cold hearted look that got so intense I thought he'd have a tear or two drip from his eyes. You'd think I stepped on his foot but we were a slight distance away from each other. Then I heard car horns blowing, people driving way too fast and probably going nowhere, beautiful women giving you the gas face, and not so beautiful women looking down as if they lost some change.. The detached vibe that permeates this town can be frustrating at times and sadly I catch myself blending in with that negative mess too... As always whenever I do, I miss out on a beautiful moment and I forget how relaxing it is just to be nice... How rejuvenating it is to smile... It's a challenge in this town but the end result is such a great feeling that I gotta strive to at least try.

Poster Child

  

Poster Child for the question...

Where will you be ten years from now?

Click-click

  

I told my homegirl Kim to take the shot and thus, she did... The above shot came out great!

Pose

  

Gotta send a warm thanks and a hearty, what's uuuuup to the first two contestants of the "My Life Strike A Pose" contest, showing that these ladies know how to have fun because that's what its all about... The story itself is a serious one and one that allows you to step inside this young woman's mind which aint always reminiscent of fun. Leesha got a serious life with serious consequences attached. There's a few press releases that went out last week calling My Life Is All I Have an "intoxicating story of unconditional love with staggering consequences.." true.. true... true... *smile* It's deep... Ha! But putting that aside for the moment, I wanna thank these two ladies for joining in on the fun... Alfreda McMillan of Rowlett, Texas on the left and Angela Tademy of Houston, Texas on the right... I'm blessed by your participation...

Looking Up For A Better Way

  

Capturing the soul, the essence, burning inside me like the sun on my face... I stand against the backdrop of a powerful history and I pray that I can contribute in a way that makes my reflection proud...

Found it don't come easy...

  

By the time she met me I'd run out of words.. I'd fallen; a tragic loss of sincerity.. I'd found a need to shine via the seduction of instant gratification.. The images of gloss over no amount of time... No investment and no need to be real. No stains of consciousness, a handshake not a part of the deal. No revelation of memories that recall a different me. No timeline situation that says one plus two equals three.. No reason to believe that love is designed to be free...

Eyes Of A Homeless Soldier

  

People get lost down here; mentally wasting away. Some already lost before they come. They think it's they last hope. Like they gonna get picked from the crowd and be saved with a job but it aint that easy. I aint heard too many people on these streets use the word hope, lately. Hope get confused with destiny down here because in the end, what we hope for is a respectful way to go when it's time to rest our souls forever. Nobody wants to be an unidentified number just like we dont want to be living this life down here in the streets, huddled together telling stories about how we got here until those stories fade away and get twisted into something that sounds better than the truth... I got a story but I'm tired of telling it so now I just listen to others and hope that I can say something that make them want to put a happy ending to theirs..

How will it be for them..

  

Can you imagine what these kids must look forward to? Who's gonna lead? Who's gonna represent some kind of common sense that actually makes sense? I pray for their sakes that love prevails just enough to keep some sort of balance in the world. No doubt they will see tragedy, heartache, and horrific events that will shape lives and directions but something's gotta give? All this anger in the world and even folks on a small scale not recognizing all the pettiness that's so unnecessary in our lives, especially those that cut ties for silly reasons or those that de-value relationships with each change of season. Be unconditional and real with your love on every level, y'all.. These two kids will experience all that unnecessary stuff as well and maybe even be responsible for some of it but the sad part is that they'll learn it from us. Like always, the cycle continues and it'll be our fault..

Something I watched Tupac say in an interview was so on point and so cool. He talked about the differences over time in how we try to get what we want. He used being hungry as an example. Back in the day he said we would march and try to sing our way in. Folks might sing "we hungry, please let us in.." over and over.. But then his and my generation are more akin to saying "I'm picking the lock, coming through the door blasting!" Imagine what these young kids generation will be saying... As I said, I pray that love can keep things balanced and on every level, you gotta represent how you truly wish things to be... A smile feels great, a handshake is beautiful, a hug is a blessing... Positive words in passing can change a person's day, thus change their direction... Small scale but the difference means so much..

Sistah Carla B.

  

Thank you to my sister in Dallas, Carla B. for staying up all night reading my masterpiece. Carla began the book and ended it in one night, taking her into the wee hours of the morning. That's an incredible thing and now she gives very high praise to the story and says its a definite winner.. Thank you to Carla for that...

Now I gotta change the subject for a second and bring light to a little ghetto observance that I made today... I can't help but put this out there.. *smile* I was driving, headed to one of my favorite Starbucks. At the time I noticed this ghetto moment, I was semi-deep in the hood. I looked to my right and noticed this gheri curl drippin female postal carrier on her cellphone, yapping away and delivering mail. I could say the gheri curl or the yapping away was the ghetto part but it wasn't. What had me laughing about this moment was that she was delivering mail at 7:30pm when it was almost dark outside. Anybody getting their mail at that hour has got to be not too pleased... Ha!

Honeysoul Friday

  

Special shoutout to Honeysoul.com and Honey herself for blessing me with a beautiful shoutout on her radio show on Friday... Thank you so much and I especially love it that she did it in the name of Prince, rockin that classic jam, Ballad Of Dorothy Parker.. Love...love..love that song!

Bar Scene Games

  

The games people play; it amazes me... I shake my head in observance of all the BS. I laugh to myself and wonder why it's all so necessary. People consider the little things of importance(a job, paying bills, etc.) as wasting time and yet they go out of their way to be about drama and nonsense, jealousy and obvious signs of insecurities. It all makes for great things to write about. Real life is sometimes better than sitting at home and watching television. Just pull up a stool at some bar, preferrably one that has a real cool bartender that takes care of you and has great conversation too. I have that blessed situation with Lisa, my favorite bartender in the world. It's funny because she and I are on this journey to rediscover this delicious drink she once threw together for me. We haven't been able to so far but she's been trying really hard. She'll place a drink in front of me and ask if it's the one. Usually I can tell just by looking at it. I keep telling her that the one she made was blood red with a pineapple taste to it. Not much alcohol in it at all. Just delicious to drink... She keeps making these light pinkish colored drinks that taste good but are nowhere close to being that mysterious drink we're trying to find. It's a fun journey because Lisa is cool but going back to the games that people play; that ain't always so cool. It borders on stupid...

Check this out...Do you ever just go to your favorite watering hole aka bar, grab a stool, sit and observe? I did that after hanging out all day over my cousins for a BBQ/family gathering... Grown people play some silly games! One guy sits next to me.. He seemed cool. He struck up a conversation, talking about the fight(De La Hoya vs Mayorga) that was on. Then this lovely lady comes over. I glance at her because she's very beautiful, cool dress with her stomach showing. She's got a belly button piercing. The guy flirts with her. He touches and massages her hand like he's feeling for a wedding ring. She's not wearing any rings. Then he leans back against the bar looking pleased and folds his arms while talking to her. After a few words exchanged he leans forward again and reaches for her arms. He rubs them a little bit. She doesn't seem to mind. After that she gave him a hug and went back to her table where she was sitting with another lady. The guy then looks at me and tells me that was someone from his past that got away.

"You should've held on to that one!" I say to him jokingly while at the same time kind of thinking that he was probably expecting me to say something like that.

He smiled, glanced at her and then looked back at me and said "she left me so I couldn't hold on. It don't matter though because I got a few other ladies trying to get at me and they all look better than her."

I just nod and I'm thinking, ooooooh kay! This guy got some serious wishful thinking brewing inside his head...

After that he's sitting there finishing his drink. The guy tells me "watch this.." Then he explains his plan before he gets up. He says he's gonna sit where the lady can see him ordering drink after drink and eventually she'd think that he was a highroller, thus providing her with the kind of inspiration to make her want to come over and sit with him. So, he did that... He sat close to her and kept the waitress coming to him but the young lady didn't budge at all from her table nor was she really paying attention to his efforts... His plan didn't work and eventually he left. He staggered away with his head down and probably in need of a strong cup of coffee...

Meanwhile, this other guy came and sat near me. A heavy set dude that looked sort of like the rapper they call E-40. That's what came to mind when I saw him. He was dressed in an oversized short sleeve Sean Jean shirt, some jeans and a powder blue baseball cap that was tilted to the side. He had this big gold chain with a butterfly medallion on the end. This guy was a trip! He leaned over and asked me what he thought was a brilliant question as he noticed two women at a table looking at another lady in the distance.

He asked me "let me get your educated, honest opinion!" He pointed to the ladies at the table and then looked in the direction of the other lady in the distance. He asked "do you think they checking out what this other chick is wearing or do you think they want to get with her- and I mean GET WIT her, you feel me?"

So, I gave him the answer he peobably wanted to hear. I said "GET WIT her!"

"THAT'S what I'm talkin bout! Women be trippin!" He yelled out.

After the E-40 lookalike is sitting there sipping on his second drink, this other lady walks by. He tries to say something to her in order to get her to stop but she keeps going. She looks at him but doesn't smile or frown. Just a cold, empty quick glare at him... I'm not sure if she even heard him. She just kept walking. I looked at her just to see if she was gonna stop her forward motion and come back and talk to the guy. When I turned back to look at him, he was mad at me for looking at the lady!

He said to me "how you gonna look at the girl when I was trying to talk to her? You a weird dude!!"

Then he picked up his drink and left. He sat way on the other side of the room. I could see him in the distance. He looked at me and shook his head as if he were disappointed in me. I could hear the sound of one of my uncle's voice saying "this negro crazy.." because I was by no means interested in that woman who obviously wasn't interested in him at all. She just kept walking without any sign that she was even remotely curious about him or me for that matter! I turned back around and kept my eyes on the monitor to finish watching highlights of the fight, the Lakers losing and enjoying the company of Lisa the bartender. She usually makes my drinks with very little alcohol in it but I sort of told her to make them strong this time. She did and damn was my head spinning!!

Road To Wisdom Found

  

The delicate space between the hands of time
The air between the touch of your fingertips
The celebration of true friends and real family
The substance between life and death
The grown ass feeling when you actually get it

Shoutout to the backroads of east Texas where I captured this beautiful shot. And thanks to the realness of life and the surrealness of the people all around that inhabit this journey I'm on. The canvas I work with gets deeper by the day and every moment provides me with new inspiration for looking at things...

Multi-Colored Watts

  

Hungout in Watts yesterday, visiting the infamous Watts Towers. It was a multi-colored extravaganza and experience. You mention Watts to some folks and they're afraid to go anywhere near this very historical neighborhood. Yesterday was real cool as I took my friend Kim to checkout the Towers since she wasn't sure exactly where it was. When we got there we met a cute couple taking pictures and enjoying the surroundings. They came all the way from Japan. It was a trip to hear them say that but at the same time it was really cool. They were very nice. It felt like we were standing there appreciating and exchanging the spirit of our cultures.

After that Kim and I did the same as the couple and shot pictures from various angles of the towers and then I ventured off as I could hear the blues playing up the street. I found some folks playing cards outside in the front yard. A beautiful mixture once again of different cultures enjoying each other... What you see in the picture above are many of the images captured yesterday and blended together to make something beautiful just like the experience itself of being in Watts...

My Life Shoutouts

  

I'd like to take a moment to send a warm shoutout to my latest contest winner; Toni Bonita Robinson of Saint Marys, GA. She won a special "My Life" pack that I put together personally for her with all sorts of inspired creativity.. I dont want to say what's in there just in case she happens to be reading this before the package arrives. I definitely hope to get word of her enthusiasm when she opens the gift. I've been blessed with a lot of practice when it comes to doing cool things for people and it is the greatest feeling in the world to be motivated by doing something for someone aka giving... A new contest will start very soon and thus I'll have another chance to make somebody smile.

I also want to send a shoutout to a young person that likes to go by the name of Supermodel Jay from the Bronx, NY. What a nice compliment it was to read these words "For us as teenagers it makes us think twice about what Leesha had to go through and what she did to get by.. Ever since I picked up the book I couldn't put it down..." That meant the world to me to see that as I've been trying to get the book into more teenage hands including those young ladies who happen to be at a crossroads in their lives, spending days and nights in detention centers...

Over the weekend I experienced a really cool moment that continues to make me smile and feel good... I was enjoying the really late nightime LA air when I couldn't resist taking a detour over to Crenshaw Blvd. When I pulled onto my favorite street, I ran smack dab into some latenight cruising. It reminded me of years back when traffic was sometimes at a stand still. Nowadays they go overboard with the cars doing donuts in the middle of the street but the actual cruising is cool with me. I've seen a car or two lose control when doing those donuts.

Anyway, the cool moment happened when this silver Dodge Charger pulled up beside me carrying three lovely young ladies; two in the front and one in the back. The one in the back saw me and started flirting. She was saying stuff I didn't understand at all. I was like "what the hell are you saying to me!" I was joking but at the same time she was using a couple words that I just couldn't figure out but she was cute and I enjoyed that she was flirting with me. Traffic in my lane was starting to move but before I drove off, I pulled closer to their car and handed a copy of the book to the young lady in the back seat. She yelled out to her friends "look what he gave me!!" and I drove off. Further up the street I noticed the silver Dodge with the three ladies again only this time they had rolled up their windows, turned down the music and the young lady in the back was reading the book. I was like, whoa! Now that's cool... *smile*

I wanna close this entry by giving special mention and thanks to a really cool lady by the name of Amber Lisa in Virginia. Thanks for lovin the book, thanks for the incredible emails, and thanks for pointing out the powerful message of unconditional love throughout the story. I didn't realize I'd done what you said but I feel blessed that it came through that way because that's something that I believe in when given the opportunity to be just that... Thanks to your husband as well for being there with you when you got the book..*smile* I appreciate it...

First Time Misunderstood

  

"The beautiful thing about living is paying close enough attention to have memories..."

I remember when she first misunderstood me... Dad thought I had a crush on this older lady.. A beautiful woman named Janice who used to come by his record store on Alameda Blvd in Houston, Texas. She'd come by especially on weekends and make me smile real big. I was in the ninth grade at the time and I'd see this lady walk in and be like "whoa!" before it was cool to say, whoa! She'd have on tight jeans and I dont even know what she'd be wearing above that. My eyes usually traveled from her jeans to her face... Her skin tone was soft chocolate. Her eyes were either dark brown or black and her hair was always lookin just right. Janice had a slightly southern voice.. She reminded me of some actress but I could never put my finger on who. It didn't matter, she was fine...

Janice used to always joke with my father about taking me home with her. Images of an older lady taking advantage of me had my mind doing cartwheels and thinking "damn, is she gonna do something to me? I dont know what to do or say if dad ever says it's okay.."

One day, my father gave the okay and I went home with Janice.. I was nervous the whole ride; answering her questions with yep and nope... Janice would smile or laugh. She'd call me cutey. She'd ask me about my life in Cali because at the time I was just visiting my father during the summer time. She asked me if I had a girlfriend. I shook my head, no. She'd laugh and say she didn't believe me..."a cutey like you has got to have a girlfriend." I shrugged; a response I'd give way into my adulthood with the way ladies be trippin..

When I stepped inside Janice's home, I felt different. I wasn't nervous. It was cool. She had a really nice place. Seemed like she had it fixed up especially for entertaining and having fun. There was a nice looking pool table in her family room. She was a single lady, late twenties, no kids and had a real cool vibe about her. She was a tease too.. She told me to relax and then she kissed me on the cheek... She laughed and asked me if I wanted something to drink. I said to her "dad told me I can have wine if I want to!" I was trying to sound older. Janice said "is juice okay 'cause boy you dont need to be drinkin no wine!" I smiled and said "yes, thank you..."

Funny thing, once me and Janice settled in on the couch, sipping our orange juices and snacking on some pizza rolls, we got lost in some cool conversation. She had me really thinking about school and making sure to do the best I could. She told me that she would be real disappointed and she'd laugh at me if I brought home a bad report card. Something about her saying that made me feel like that would be worse than anything my father would do to me. As time went on I used that as motivation to hit the books in a serious way and when the semester ended in school I'd gotten the best grades I ever had. I wanted to repay Janice though she never knew why. She and my father misunderstood my gesture.. I bought Janice a beautiful diamond ring simply because her talk motivated me to doing my best. She was confused by my gift and from that moment began treating me bad, ignoring me and acting as though I got on her nerves... My father tried to lecture me on what it meant to have a crush on someone and how it can make you do things you shouldn't. He said my money was wasted but I didn't think so. Looking back, it appears that that was the first sign of my giving and being grateful when a woman blesses my life in some kind of way... It was also my first time being misunderstood because of the way I give and in return getting hurt as a result of being so giving.

I dont know what Janice did with the ring except that I'd never seen her wearing it. And then a year later something tragic happened. Janice died of a heartattack. I was again visiting with my father at the time and this happened just before I was to return to Cali. Before I went home, I said something to my father which caused him to pause; catching him off guard. I told him "I never had a crush on Janice. That ring was just my way of saying I appreciated her and what she meant to my life." Then my father mentioned how he didn't sleep well that night after hearing about Janice's death. I told him "I slept just fine." And despite what she thought of me, I never stopped treating her nice...

Words Of Love And Wisdom

  

This incredible woman always makes sense to me. Her beautiful voice, the songs she sings, the music she produces....always amazing. However, these words below dont come from any song, they come from her thoughts when speaking on the subject of love. I couldn't resist sharing this with anyone who happens by my creative world here on the blog... Take a peek, enJOI, and feel what this woman says...
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one thing i've learned about love in my 30's as opposed to love in my 20's is that my needs and desires have shifted and become A LOT more specific. i could accept and roll with a lot of generalities before. my patience was broader. my ability to "let it ride" was greater. i had a deeper desire to be with somebody and stay with them. simply put, most of what turned me on in my 20's turns me way off in my 30's.

after heartbreak and dissapointment became such a huge part of my everday living, getting beyond these weights molded me into another kind of creature.
am i jaded? sometimes. am i better? absolutely. do i still believe in love? you better fucking believe it. do i have the uncontrollable desire to love and be loved by that special someone? not really. my focus is not there anymore. my focus is on my daughter, myself, my relationship with my creator, my career, my health, my light. if someone comes thru and fits without struggle into that picture, in a comfortable, easy way, they can stay. but how i feel and what i need has become paramount. i mean, unflinchingly paramount. i have become neccessarily selfish. and you know what, that's ok. having developed this new quality will allow me to love smartly, deeply, honestly, passionately, and whole.

i'm confident of this.

joi
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A Hot Mess

  

Okay..I wasn't planning this at all but I have to follow up on a previous post concerning the "Seattle Chick" because this is beyond funny and just plain stupid. SHE CALLED ME TONIGHT AT WORK! She called to confirm whether or not I received her message last week when she said I couldn't call her, email her, ever again.. cutting all ties..etc etc.. I never responded to the voicemail because uh ra...her message said not to call, email, etc etc ever again... duh? So yeah, she calls me tonight and says she wanted to make sure I got her message. She sounded all non-chalant like this was business or something.. My guess is that she did it for her man who was probably listening in on the other line. And I might understand this if I was a threat to their relationship but I ain't seen this chick in person in more than five years!! I might also understand if we lived in the same city but we don't! I'm in LA, Van Nuys to be specific... If she put on the show tonight for her man, he's got to be THE MOST insecure dude on the planet and at the same time, I take great pleasure in that I must've left a strong romantic imprint on this chick! Ha!(five years ago, seeing her only three times) I can't help but laugh because this is classic... She and her insecure man have too much time on their hands to worry about me but I guess I'm just too fabulous for words...*smile*(laughing at myself now)

Let me leave you with this final fabulous thought... LOVE maturely... and with that said, you should be confident in the love you give and who you give it to.. Don't be a fool trippin off of someone's past.. If you're worried about that, you'll be frustrated and worried forever... In the case of Seattle chick and her insecure man, he's worried about a brotha who's physically thousands of miles away from them and probably a BILLION miles away mentally because it's a RARE occasion when she's even in my thoughts. He needs to worry more about those hundreds of men she'll come into contact with each and every day in passing though if he should ever wake up, become secure in who he is and as I said, love maturely, confidently, he wont care one bit about anyone in passing or anyone from the past because he's representing himself as a real man. I can't see how Seattle chick and insecure man can both look each other in the eyes without feeling stupid... I guess stupidity for them is a confidence builder and thus they both represent themselves as assholes.