Tuesday, October 19, 2004
To one day wake up and find a friend no longer speaking for absolutely no reason is beyond my comprehension. But such is life in this world where paper is more valuable than blood... People purge folks from their lives left and right with no reasoning behind it except to say "you're no longer giving me what I want!" Poof! Vanish...Gone! You dont fit MY song... You dont follow MY rules... We can't mesh because you dont bend in MY direction... There's no HOPE... "So, I'm gone and I dont have to tell you why because an explanation would mean I care," she said... that is, if she had the courage to speak.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Beautifully Human VAR
A self-portrait from within, I display my thoughts like a candle in the wind. The scented kind... A little something whose residue is the result of time... A little something because of this mind, which is basically space I pay for daily... feels like! (smile)
The Rivers Star
In three weeks I'll be headed for Texas; the original birthplace of my father. I miss being there on the date of his death. I'm usually there to place flowers on his grave. I'll soon make up for that as I celebrate his life on this journey and carry the one thing that meant a lot to him which was passed down to me. A little tiny star that he once received as a gift. This star he wore proudly on his chest. Sometimes it represented his ego as he shined in a world he'd create around him during the late seventies in Houston, Texas. I'd watch that star dangle from his neck and lie against his chest. During that time, open collars were the rage and you could wear your shirt practically unbuttoned to the navel and be perceived as super cool.. My father did that all the time along with wearing his bell bottom jeans. Or sometimes he'd wear a pinstripe suit and still have the shirt opened wide enough to expose his chest and that star. Funny thing, I would later buy the same exact four button suit for myself many years later but I never wore it. Financially that wasn't a good move but it felt great to have the suit in my closet.
Back in the day, my father would tell me proudly that one day that star he wore so proudly would be mine. I only smiled at the gesture and though I looked forward to one day possessing that beautiful piece of jewelry, I wanted to wait at least eighty or ninety years before it happened because the trade off would mean that he'd no longer be alive... I now have the star. I wore it for a longtime but now I just keep it locked away. I wore it during one of my annual trips to Texas as seen in the picture above but after that I tucked it away. I now travel with the memory of it's meaning and a little bit of that Rivers ego as I find my own identity with jewelry that represents me. The Rivers Star is now deep within my heart and as I prepare to ride beneath the stars in the sky, I'll be saying some prayers and sending shoutouts to my dad. I know he and my grand parents will be lookin and watching me once again on hopefully another cool journey..
Thursday, October 07, 2004
I'm coming off of a week where I had a blast spending too much money, cruising round town, meeting folks, enjoying the Cali sun, being called adorable, taking mental notes from all the inspiration that goes hand in hand with living in a busy diverse city like Los Angeles. It was an interesting week but also a week that left me wanting... When you've seen as much of LA as I've seen, the city becomes small and crowded. You feel like you need to escape. Like you need to expand your boundaries inorder to truly be fulfilled. LA is cool but I need more. I'm probably also reaching that sort of mental zone wherein my days might be a lot more better if I had that special someone to spoil. I'm great at spoiling. Perhaps a little too great at it and thus things dont workout.
Last week has definitely left me with a truck load of thoughts. My mind is so heavy that I force a smile just to relieve the stress. Funny, but I'm looking forward to getting back to work. I'm looking forward to seeing what's on the other side of tomorrow and then reaching into the following weeks for more strength and purpose. There's got to be more to all this than just chasing paper and being happy about riding in style and luxury.
October will be an interesting month and hopefully a good month. I look forward to what is revealed and then on the other side of this month, it'll be time to journey and see what's beyond my Cali boundaries. And when I return, I want to start anew with as Nas would say "a whole nother format." Renewed spirit and a renewed search for the escapeable, impossible.....Love...and maybe a bestseller too! wink!