Wednesday, January 12, 2011
"It's one of those things where if you let it, it'll make you a better person.." I remember this guy telling me one time as we sat in a dark club with music pounding; money and drinks flowing everywhere. This was back in the early part of the last decade when I would frequent a local stripclub and became a noticeable regular. They pretty much knew what I would drink or eat without me having to order. Those days are interesting now as I look back on them; a sort of habit of the moment, at the time... That period in my life seemed to go hand in hand with what I look at now as being somewhat superficial fun. Age and maturity I guess does that to you. I mean, the jerseys over some jeans and Timberland boots. The chain around the neck. The nice watch and large amounts of money to waste and toss in the air. I did too much of that but it was fun- at the time. I was basically living in the moment, impressed by what seemed to appear as cool until noticing I’d become a caricature what was in. Then there were those nights when I’d run across actual good conversations, enlightening moments, and times that ended up as inspiration for what I would write about later. And occasionally, there are times when those voices from the club come to the forefront of my mind. Just the other day as I sat wondering what I would write about for my year end review, I couldn’t think of much to say. I struggled with this tradition I created for my blog... 2010 went by so fast and ended without any sort of feeling that, wow! It’s time to scream Happy New Year!! I didn’t feel like screaming but instead just wanted to relax and feel good because I had a three day weekend to enjoy with family and my love who makes every day, celebration in the deepest sort of way. 2010, where did it go and what happened? I don’t remember much except the end as my love had to go through the unexpected experience of losing her father. It hasn’t been a good feeling to see her go through it but at the same time, its been a blessing to be there by her side and to also be a part of such a great family that comes together and supports each other. And as that voice from the club re-entered my mind, I remembered that particular conversation was about adversity; the ups and downs of life. I remember this guy loved to speak in a serious but reflective tone for a moment and follow that with a satisfied smile. His satisfaction almost seemed like discovery as if he were surprised by the wisdom that accompanied his voice. Adversity, life changes, loss, and even the best of times can teach a great deal, if you let it but it’s those down times that cut the deepest and stain you with some sort of realization. The key is to pay attention and not allow it to knock you off your feet. You might trip but try not to fall. I don’t want to say 2010 represented adversity because it didn’t. It just ended with loss but for the most part, it was decent. The best part was my trip to the Philippines and the day to day, moment to moment love that I’m blessed to share with someone so special. She makes me feel like it's finally alright to love someone passionately... Other than that, each day blended into the next and at work, it was all about change, preparation, and vice verse. 2011 will probably be more of the same but with any luck, it’ll be highlighted by great times, adventures, and escapes from the day to day. So, I say Happy New year and just like every year now since late 2009, I miss my mom and pray she’s watching over me with pride.