Saturday, July 28, 2007
"Damn, Timothy had the kind of gift that we all wish he would've passed down to somebody in the family. Maybe seeing what he saw could've helped one of us pick the right lottery numbers. I guess what he saw was a little bit too much for a normal person to handle. Even in church, the elders used talk about it all the time but now that they gone it seems like ol' Timothy finding other ways to let us know he been here before."
"What happened to the elders?"
"Pastor run them away with his triflin ways. You know how it is. Tradition is gone and folks got they own set of rules. Way too much drama to tell you about it right now but if you stick around long enough, you'll hear all about it. Plus being that you staying in Timothy grand mama's house, you libel to hear more than you ever bargained for. I'll be around to check on you. Enjoy your vacation. What you say your name was, again?"
Timothy Beekerwood, copr.2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
I was like Anthony in Wonderland this past week, spending wonderful time with myself in an area that felt like a blessing. It was miles away from my day to day life and worlds away from the past few months... I hungout in areas that I'd been introduced to last year and found the same warmth and good feeling from total strangers but the best part was just me being creative, snapping real cool shots like this beautiful entrance and enjoying all the R&R I possibly could... This was one of those moments where I wish I could control the hands of time...
Usually whenever I would wish time to stand still, I'd be in some beautiful company.. Like the time when she asked me to "fly," which then led to our very first kiss. Or the time in Seattle that was reminiscent of the movie, "Before Sunrise" where we stayed up all night and didn't want to chance closing our eyes for fear that we might miss something. Or the special birthday celebration on Tennison Road, the magical nights spent on a plantation in St. Francisville, Louisiana, the beautiful night in Vicksburg once again on a plantation and the special nights in New Orleans. In those instances, time standing still would've been heaven and this past weekend, time standing still would've been bliss... I guess I have to settle for the inspiration. It was a real good time...all by myself..
Sunday, July 22, 2007
The first words I heard were "Anthony's home!" and then I was greeted with a warm hug, smiles and concern.
"You lost some weight!" she said.
"Yeah, but it dont look bad on him.." another said.
"Chile, you been on my mind and I've been meaning to call you but then one situation after another come up and then some things that I wanted to do just slip my mind."
"Yeah, I know about situations..."
"I'll bet you do. Sit down-"
Cousin Maggie and I sat on the couch and after we chatted for a moment about my life, she then gave me a long sermon about life's ups and downs and in between's. She was both hard on me and forgiving but the main thing was that she embraced me and showed me what's in store if I just hold tight to my dreams, work hard and always remember to take care of myself. Then she updated me on all the latest family news.
"Cousin Charlene had a rough time before she passed-"
"Yeah, she slipped and fell inside her house then they took her to the hospital where she just refused all help. She argued with everybody and meanwhile back at her apartment they evicted her. We always wondered why Charlene stayed locked up inside her place so much. She probably had three bolted locks on her door. She didn't last long once they put her in a nursing home but they had to since she had no place to go. She was blessed with people that cared about her because everybody raised enough money once she was gone so that she'd have a beautiful funeral and a very nice casket."
"She's the last to go of my grandfather's brother's and sister's, huh?"
"Yeah, she was the last... I remember how the others left this earth one after the other so fast. I remember Rosetta and how she locked her eyes in a corner and then started making that death rattle. I sat in the other room just listening and I just knew she would be leaving us soon. Your grandfather was a proud man so he refused all visitors in the end except for you. I remember they snuck you in. You was just a little boy then."
"Yeah, I didn't stay long. He was curled up like he was cold but he kept saying my name. I never forgot that sound."
"It's good to see you..."
I took a long deep breath... "It's good to be here..."
"You staying long?"
"Nah, leaving tomorrow..."
Thursday, July 19, 2007
"Don't fan the flames of negativity..."
I've decided to get back to the positivity... I've got a whole series of posts that I would love to share about what I just been through.. The love, the beauty, the nightmare, the ugliness that now invades my day to day... She reaching out in threatening ways which is very sad. Accusing me of this and that when it's so unnecessary... Perhaps it's best to leave it alone and continue my successful direction so I will but I'm sure she'll say something in some kind of way soon and thus she will feel better?
Anyway, stay tuned to some beautiful pictures and other surprises around the corner... I've got so much to give and none of it has to do with attempting to ruin someone's life.. God bless her.... Peace...
Love has come to this... she spends her nights calling my phone(s) constantly and now she's decided to send me text messages over and over; a silly attempt to harass me. An indication of a soul with too much time on their hands motivated by an ungliness inside their heart. The message she sends me; "LOST SOUL." Is she talking about me? I'm totally found and living a good positive life thanks to my decision to turn away from her. She puts out constant negativity. She speaks with curse words and mean-ness that she's picked up over the years because of how she's been treated. My love for her was complete unselfishness, taking on responsibilities that I shouldn't have and I guarantee you, no man in their right mind ever would or ever will. I sacrificed beyond the call of duty, buying her groceries, new clothes, getting her hair done, coming to the rescue all the time when she needed this or that for herself and in the meantime draining my funds, leaving my refrigerator empty, not buying anything new for me and only making sure to pay my bills. I carried a heavy load, doing it for love? Is that what love is supposed to be like? A never ending cycle of being on call, day and night to give and give until you can't give no more? I will forever love her daughters. I will miss them and pray that they live a beautiful life but I too must live my own beautiful life.. The life that was mine before though granted, she and I weren't all bad... I conveyed beautiful messages right here on my blog and back then it was amazing but that's before reality mixed with selfishness stepped in... Her constant need, needs, needing takes precedent over anything, anyone, any and all... Her needs include an addiction that she's not honest with that controls her mind, her emotions, her way of life... So, the devil in someone's heart continues and she tries to reach me with her ugliness but I won't respond.. I dont pick up, I dont answer... I simply move on and live my life and at the same time wish her well, pray for her and hope that she wakes up with the realization that she can do so much better for herself. And she warned me in the beginning but I didn't listen. She even suggested many times that I seek another who could be better for me; give me the 100% love that I deserved. Well, that's the direction I'm taking though first I would like to give myself that 100% love and attention. I was told that I was the best man to come into her life. The "best thing to happen to her." She even told me this and said many other things that let me know I'd touched her heart and soul but at this point I just want the best life for me as well as her but in doing so she and I could never be and for that I am grateful. There was a time when my heart would go nuts at the thought of losing her but now I am overjoyed to carry the strength which has allowed me to turn away, move on, look forward and to keep my belief in love still intact. I'm not looking for love anytiime soon but if it's there I wont run... However I will be careful and I wont make the mistake of being consumed thereby leaving friends, family, and dreams behind as I did with this needy soul that I became so involved with... A needy soul with enough baggage to fill LAX. I've got about 12 text messages waiting to be deleted... And she's found her way to my blog, leaving messages as LaughingProphecy or perhaps she's having someone write the words for her because her skills aren't really that good. She's telling me I'm spineless because I will delete her message so I'm gonna be that and do that... spineless(lost soul that I am) but again, I wish her the very best that life and love have to offer...Life is beautiful now and all my friends see the return of me when they look in my eyes...