Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The weekend formed into something cool. It was a weekend of inspiration and thought. A weekend of love in all shapes; the kind of love that never stops growing. The kind that flourishes because of the differences and the similarities; a blessing always recognized and appreciated... adored in disbelief sometimes.. This weekend found me enjoying culture too; deep in Watts in front of the towers. It was a beautiful scene of all kinds, enjoying various music, art, and food. It was nice to see such a great park and important landmark being used for such a positive event. Then I became drawn to what surrounds the park so I took a walk around the neighborhood for a moment. I walked some streets that aint supposed to be cool to walk down but I was greeted all the time with positive head nods and hellos. I only cut short my walking because it was hot outside! I'll be glad when fall rolls in and cooler days prevail... I headed back to the park to get a pina colada smoothie before hitting the streets again. I ended this warm hot day/night by checking out a deeply moving movie with someone special. It was the new Richard Gere flick called Nights in Rodanthe. Loved the location. I need to go to North Carolina.. I hear I have family out that way.
The movie was good. I got lost in the story though at the same time this special someone was right there with me. I thought about her most of the time as I watched the movements, the expressions and feelings expressed by the characters onscreen. The story is one of those passionate love stories that take you on a whirlwind of emotions, so powerful that your heart is ripped in two, thereby pulling with it whatever causes one to release a full load of tears... Yeah, that's the kind of story that I love to write myself and in some ways, live... I even shed a few tears. Movies can do that to me or I should say great stories. I was moved to tears on Sunday as well while watching Spike Lee's new movie, Miracle at St. Anna. Great film, intelligent, truly great story telling and a powerful ending... I wondered while watching the movie would people be turned off by the subtitles. I imagine the subtitles were used to force you to pay close attention to the story and also bring a lot of realism to what's happening on screen. Everyone should see the film. Just like this weekend as a whole, this movie was great inspiration for all that was going through my mind. I've been developing a story in my head and on paper for about two or more years now. I write from time to time but I put it aside. I'd really like for the story to be authentic and heart wrenching. I give it time because I like to allow my own life's disappointments, accomplishments, dreams and goals to connect with and influence the ways in which my characters speak. I use conversations and life events, memories of mine and others, news and chance moments.. Then I watch the characters respond, typically allowing their decisions and reactions to be completely different from what I might do or even think about doing... These are strange times with so much going on all at once... The good and bad colliding with the bullshit and good sense. Patience is tested and trampled upon but hope keeps you walking despite the unstable footing.
Thinking back to a couple days ago after the debate, I kept hearing talk about Obama being soft, McCain being out of touch and both VP candidates being kind of stupid or silly or both.. Obama makes sense to me most of the time though no one seems like the answer to everything and probably no one should be placed on that unreachable pedestal. The days of those kind of leaders have long come and gone and these times have been allowed to become as complicated as they are perhaps due to the greed and the consistent and constant lying. However, I do think Obama needs to put aside some of the respect he has for McCain and adopt a Michael Jordan like passion for his game of politics. Develop that killer-in-your-face kind of instinct and definitely drop those three words, "you're right John" from his vocabulary. McCain shows no respect nor does he make real eye contact. Obama can show respect, kindness and good games-man-ship after the game is over... but anyways... time is rough and tough and aint no one man or woman the answer but I'd feel not so secure if Palin was a heartbeat away from Prez. That's kind of scary but at the same time it's sadly an on the point reflection of what this country seems to value today... So-called realism, good looks, popularity, a lack of depth and intelligence, sound bites and slogans, drama queen politics, and speaking basically on automatic pilot without a clue as to what was said until they play the tape back...She has no mind of her own. Its completely controlled and filled to the brim with someone else's words and ideals.. It's all crammed into her head and she can't remember when a curve ball such as an easy question is thrown her way... It's sad. It reminds me of those that hold themselves accountable to nothing and no one, thus lying and taking advantage of others is nothing to them. The ego is so inflated that they float sky-high. The only image in their radar screen is themselves until some sort of karma catches up...
But anyways, life is a trip and right now its a major league soap opera too. I'm all for a little fantasy to off set the so-called keeping it real world? Or if not fantasy then how about kickin back on memories... I welcomed this monday by finding an old recipe that belongs to my mother. It didn't take long to accomplish and the aroma smells way too good.. I baked a fabulous banana pudding with the vanilla wafers sticking up from all sides... A small victory.. Life is good for a few minutes...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I reside in love and anger; abused daily by a mistake I made. Crucified by the reminders and the memories that cloud my mind. Kept afloat by love that checks on me constantly and by my own belief that the blessed flower of talent and wisdom which grows inside me will one day flourish in a way that will release me from this long and winding road beneath my feet...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sometimes you come across people for no reason at all that you must speak to or more importantly, listen to. You find yourself compelled to absorb every nuance and every deep meaning behind the words they speak. You play a positive scrimmage between yourself and them. You ask questions, make comments followed by a natural overwhelming sincerity or gratitude for the moment and then you take the experience with you as a memory to revisit from time to time. Sometimes you pass it on to others.
He said to me "I've had thoughts and memories that weigh me down. I'd cover my eyes and hold my head, praying this feeling leave my body but there could be a reason why it lingers so long, ya know."
I told him I could relate. I began to speak but he cut me off in mid sentence.
He said "so, what keeps you going?"
"The same thing that caused my stumble..."
"I hear ya and it happens to many but dont let it weigh you down forever. You can sift around in that feeling for too long and forget that in your bag of memories, you can pluck out a lot that is good. That which is good is the payoff to being true, honest and working hard to surpass where you once were before your fall... Wrestle with it but make sure you keep standing in the process..."
Saturday, September 06, 2008
I hungout in old stomping grounds today.. Even the new ones felt like old ones. All around LA not much has changed but it felt good to be out and about despite the lack of "change." I was greeted a lot, which was cool. Head nods and verbal hellos unlike past times when there would be an abundance of angry glares or obvious attempts to avoid eye contact. I was worlds away from where most folks go but I love it... there.. I passed through Nickerson Gardens and Imperial Courts, Jordan Downs, Compton Blvd, Watts Towers, etc.. Played lotto over there though I've never heard of anyone from that area hitting the jackpot before.. *smile* I mainly stopped for an Arizona tea before continuing on, capturing moments with the camera and just enjoying myself despite the hot temperature. Got stuck in traffic one time due to a car overturned after what was a high speed chase according to the loud talking onlookers. Everybody was just standing around. The police just looking at what "had happened" so I guess everyone figured they might as well stand and look too.. I was glad to be thru the traffic. I took a few cool shots during my travels but mostly captured a lot of images in my mind of former good times, good moments and then it was countdown time before I would head over the hill and catch my uncle playing with a local blues band. That was real cool because we got a chance to talk for a while and catch up on good times, old times, bad times, etc. I could've used his guidance during my own misguided moments but you live and learn and thank God when you can return, rebuild and find that the closeness is still there... I've never needed a brother because of him... my uncle.. It was a good friday...