Jackson Square in New Orleans. You can feel the spirits in this place. It's beautiful despite the history not being so kind...  

Great store to find the best Texas souveneirs as well as cool stuff like spices and sauces to make foods and snacks taste off the hook! Try the peach salsa and you'll be coming back forever! 

If you got taste buds, you will get hooked on the catfish at this place as well as other local eateries in this part of Texas. This is in Jefferson, Texas. 

Taking a shortcut to Baton Rouge after getting stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on I-10. This is the Sunshine Bridge. Old and beautiful... 

Rearview of the St. Augustine chuch. This place is heaven on earth.. 

Overlooking the St. Augustine cemetery in the backwoods of Natchitoches, Louisiana 

Bourbon St. residential area in New Orleans 

An idea that looked great from the lens. *smile* At a picnic stop outside of Terrell, Texas. 

Chillin in the backwoods of Mt. Pleasant, Texas. 

She Trippin....

Gurl... 

LA Women.... I gotta female friend who will remain nameless that tells me you can never find a good woman in LA. She says that quite often you'll end up with one who's triflin and puts you through unnecessary drama. I try to stay away from generalizations and keep a positive attitude. I just figure I dont get around enough or explore all the avenues to find the right one. Plus, I'm not really looking per se, but in the back of my mind I'm always thinking about how nice it would be to have that special somebody. I definitely wouldn't run from it.

But anyway, on the weekend before last there was a young lady that unfortunately proved my friend's point about triflin women in LA. This young lady has called me often and we speak occasionally whenever we happen to catch each other on the phone. Funny thing, as I was driving down Crenshaw Blvd., I looked over to my left and there she was. This young lady who will also remain nameless was in deep thought or just not wanting to look around to see who might be looking at her. So, rather than blow my horn to get her attention, I called her on her cellphone. She answered.

I said "hey, what's up! This is Anthony!"

"Hey Anthony, how you doing?"

"I'm good, how about you?"

"Fine..."

During this brief exchange I was watching so I clearly knew it was her. Then we pull off as the light turned green. That's when the bizarre part of this moment happened. She'd changed lanes and was now in front of me.

I said "where you headed to? You know I'm driving right behind you?"

I could see as she positioned herself to look into her rearview mirror. Then she responded. "No, that's not me..."

"Say what...That's not you?"

"No, you must be looking at somebody else..."

"You serious?"

"Hey, let me call you right back, I need to put something away..."

She hung up and then I noticed her get in the far right lane to make a turn. As I pulled next to her, she held her left hand up with her fingers spread wide in her attempt to block her face from being seen. Picture me laughing because it ain't that serious!!! *laughing* I was merely calling the girl just to say hello because I noticed her in the car. I called back knowing full well that she would probably let my call ring through to voicemail and my assumption was correct. I left her a message. The first part was me laughing and then the second part was me wishing her a beautiful life.... Her behavior was ridiculous but I wont allow her to taint my belief in the women of LA.... I'm holding tough... *smile* whew... well, trying to..

Eyes...

Eyes 

Life provides direction and purpose. Chances determined by lessons. Love determined by perception. Reflection processed through emotional stimuli. Sometimes we pay attention and sometimes we dont. Windows to the soul kind of blurry. Weariness because of dreams we wish to hurry. Redness colors our eyes like it's dirty. We wipe, we give it solution but nothing works. The best cure is resolution to reality; a good rest never hurts...

Juneteenth

VRII 

Juneteenth weekend fell at the same time as Father's Day this year. That seems like a beautiful time to mix in the two special reasons for celebration. Of course with respect to my situation, I celebrate in memory, which is appropriate considering the reason for Juneteenth is something we should remember and constantly remind ourselves in order to truly appreciate where we came from...

This weekend I didn't do much to celebrate either occasion. I worked and I treated myself to two movies and some junk food. A friend of mine (SG) reminded me of what this weekend was, however I did happen upon a little street celebration in Leimert Park on Saturday that was nice despite overhearing three older black women ask each other "what is Juneteenth?" That kind of blew my mind but then again you sometimes find life in LA so far removed from our cultural identity that it shouldn't have surprised me... Still, I had a good time... There was some beautiful artwork on the sidewalks, the smell of BBQ in the air, people dancing at one end of the street and in a parking lot I could hear the sounds of a live band playing an old Crusaders song. It reminded me of my uncle Richard because I heard a trombone playing similar to the way he likes to play his horn...

But anyway, Father's Day.... Juneteenth.... I remember my father celebrated history all the time. He loved to remember and to discover. He didn't really travel back in time the way I do by searching roots, traveling and connecting with old people and spirits but he did love to travel. Most of the time as I've gotten to know his life in hindsight it appeared that he walked around the past and kept his distance from the deepest of roots. He lived that southern/country life growing up so I imagine he couldn't wait to getaway... He's traveled and seen every country you could imagine and has made the highway journey many of times from Cali to Texas and beyond... I have that same love for the road but I'm not as fascinated by what's on the other side of the ocean as I am with what's beyond Georgia or what more I can find in Texas and Louisiana.. I love traveling the south...

Wherever my father is I pray he's found peace and a beautiful highway to travel upon. He's got new company with respect to our cousin George Rivers Jr. who passed away on May 9th. I wish I had known sooner but was not told until many weeks later. Happy Father's Day to them both.... in memory.....

NYC Weekend

NYC June 05 

New York New York.... Don't imagine me singing the Sinatra tune. I was thinking more about the Dogg Pound's version for a minute there.. I'm back safe and sound with sore ankles and feet from having a blast in New York over the weekend. I attended the BEA convention.. Book festival of America, which for me was really fabulous.. I had a great time and the whole experience ended with the sounds of Coltrane echoing from the streets below. Coltrane? Yeah... this saxophone player standing right near the entrance of the Crowne Plaza Hotel on Broadway was playing that tune, In A Sentimental Mood. Anyone that remembers Love Jones might remember the song playing in the background as Nina and Darius gazed into each others eyes.. I always wanted to indulge in that experience with that song playing but alas, its never happened...lol.. But that's aight! :-)

Anyway, my trip from beginning to end was very eventful and memorable.. In the beginning I actually dreaded the thought of going but I felt I needed this trip with respect to the book stuff and the experience. I left for the airport and the unknown on Thursday morning.. The plane flight was looooooonnnnnggg.. I slept through most of it but I was very comfortable thanks to this lady who gave up her seat so I could stretch out. She was very nice. I hate that I cant remember her name but she told me she was a professor of spirituality and had made many trips to NY to teach others. This trip would be her last for a while because the program was coming to an end. She had all sorts of goodies to eat and offered me plenty if I wanted but I declined. All I wanted to do was sleep so I wouldn't have to count the hours going by.. At the end of the flight she wished me well and wished me plenty of success at the convention. Maybe she blessed me with good luck because I definitely had plenty....

I made it to the hotel after enduring an Indy 500 experience inside a black Lincoln Towncar.. It was night time when I arrived in New York so I could barely see a thing and had no clue where I was except for the various familiar names on street signs... The towncar was new and fresh smelling so that part was enjoyable. The driver sounded as if he were from Jamaica and only spoke occasionally. The traffic made the journey a little longer than it probably would've been but it gave me a chance to look at all the lights as we hit Broadway Blvd at the same time many shows were letting out..New York, I thought to myself and that's when a smile came across my face as I begun to get that travel bug inside of me... It hits me when I'm out there somewhere knowing I'm away from home and I gotta survive and make the best of a potentially beautiful moment so I can come home with a million stories to tell... Then I smiled because I noticed a lot of beautiful NY women in the crowds of people I would see walking... Nice! *smile*

After I made it to the hotel, I unpacked my clothes, put everything away and then went outside to do some walking after I called my mother to let her know I made it safe.. I wanted to get a feel for my surroundings and it didn't take long.. I walked up and down Broadway. It was a little bit noisy but not as much as I'd imagine.. I was comfortable and the lights reminded me of Las Vegas. I noticed all the familiar places like the Goodmorning America window and the big Virgin Music store.. It was fun...

Friday it was time to get to business.. I was a little lazy getting up so I didn't get to the convention until about 10am. After that it was on! I got my badge holder thingy and walked around.. I finally made it to the booth I would be signing at around 11am or so. Met up with a very cool brotha named Dante Feenix who also happens to be the model on the cover of my book, Everybody Got Issues. He was one of the highlights of this trip because he's really cool. I enjoyed myself every minute of talking with him. He worked hard and set things up to the best of his ability. I can only imagine how well he'd do if he had more to work with as far as promotional items but he did his thang plus he had me laughing real good a few times...

Friday I was amazed at how fast folks were coming over to get a book signed.. Those copies of Issues flew off the table and I went through about two boxes.. That meant I needed to hold off so I could have something to sign the next day since there was only one box left of Issues and one box to my surprise the next day of Daughter By Spirit, my first book.. Those would go fast too...

I enjoyed meeting Jonathan Luckett who seems like he'd have every woman in the world eating out of his hands without really trying or without that being his goal. He's got a natural author's spirit about him.. He seems real cool.. I also enjoyed meeting Jimmy Hurd and his wife too.. They both have the same smile as if they were made for each other.. Two very good people and very nice... Laurinda Brown was also very cool to meet... I got a warm hug from Tina McKinney. I got to visit really quickly with my good friend Brandon Massey, the next Stephen King with hopefully as much success to boot! Super great guy with a great new book called Within The Shadows. I also got to see author, Earl Sewell. He was a treat to finally meet in person... Got to see one of my favorite authors and a really cool person, D.V. Bernard(God In The Image Of Woman) And of course my favorite moment came when a beautiful author shouted from a nearby table "dont I know you!?!?!" It was truly a blessing to see Stephanie Johnson (She's Got Issues and Rockin' Robbin) live and in gorgeous color, lookin good in her new hairdo and ummm..well..the rest of her too... Her spirit shines through as she is a cool lady... Another highlight was meeting Candace Cotrell and Mark Anthony from Q'Boro Books... Candace is fabulous and Mark Anthony is an inspiration in how you can still be a super cool brotha and be a business man at the same time...

Friday went by fast and it was great...Saturday was perfect because I used my Grandfather as inspiration. He always got up before the crack of dawn to start his day so I did the same. I figured I could get a ton of stuff done this way and that's what happened... I got to BEA a little after 7am and was ready to get it started.. No one was around until Candace happened by. We talked for a while and then I walked around until I was able to enjoy more signing. The books went fast and I had a couple cool moments. The most special was signing a book for this elderly lady who was enjoying her birthday. She'd read my first book before and loved it. Because of her spirit and kindness I think it drew others to my table so the books went fast and I was done by noon... I had nothing more to sign and had given away a great deal of postcards...I was very happy with everything.. I met author Nane Quartay who had me rolling with laughter long after he told me about his adventures while trying to make his way to the convention. I regret not being able to talk with him longer but I didn't want to get in the way of him and the others that were signing books. Nane is real cool...

The rest of my Saturday was spent touring Harlem and other areas uptown.. Then I took the night tour through downtown... I was wishing I had more time to do the same tour during the day so I could see ground zero a little better.. You could feel the spirit of that loss as we traveled through the area and the tour guide kept saying "if any of you made the pilgrimage to ground zero, us New Yorkers appreciate it..." He repeated that several times and you could feel the pain and sincerity inside of his voice. The tour bus drove by these pictures on the side of the wall of a hospital showing people who hadn't been found yet as a result of the 911 tragedy. That was very sad.. Andrew the tour guide was really great at detailing every experience of NY, pre and post 911... I ended my evening with getting a couple sandwiches from a street vendor.. I didn't know what kind of sandwiches they were but they looked and tasted great! There was an award show that I wanted to attend but I ended up falling asleep and waking up too late to make it... Nevertheless, my experience in the Big Apple was cool... I enjoyed it.... Peace....

Sunday Sailing Around....

Sunday Sailing 

Sunday fun in the sun... I took a little drive time excursion once again with my dear friend KR. This time we didn't do the hood journey or venture off into Nickerson Gardens. Instead, we went to the beach areas; mostly Marina Del Rey. Funny thing though, it was super foggy near the beach. It was like smoke rolling over beautiful houses and sandy beaches. You couldn't see the water at all unless you were right up on it. KR and I walked around. It was good exercise and then I took the picture above which shows the sails in the background. It's almost as if someone drew them there with white chalk even as I'd seen it with my very own eyes before capturing it with the camera lens. Today's outing was short but fabulous as always...

Now I find myself reminiscing about a cool time I had lastnight talking with a beautiful young woman by the name of Christy. She works as a waitress. I meant to blog about her a couple weeks ago when I first laid eyes on her. I wanted to say how cute she was and how she had my creative mind working overtime. I'm not speaking in a sexual way but just as a man observing one of God's gift to the world; a fascinatingly beautiful woman... whew.. And what was even cooler than that was that she was wearing some tennis shoes with her sexy waitress outfit. I thought she looked cute doing that, which probably prevented her from getting really tired with all that walking she does from table to table. Plus I observed as she would try so hard to remember customer orders. She was saying the words to herself so she wouldn't forget. I'll admit that watching her lips was a slightly sensual thing but mostly it was just...ha ha..cute..

Saturday night I discovered a little cleverness to my personality. Actually, it's always been there but sometimes I would get tongue tied especially when those chances presented itself to where I could speak with a dream, such as this lady. Well, what had happened was her fellow waitress whose name I dont know approached me. She told me that I missed out on a party the previous night in which she celebrated her graduation from Cal State Dominguez Hills. I congratulated her but my mind was focused on Christy and that's when the sly brilliance presented itself. I said to this waitress, "I can give you your first post graduation job..."

She looked at me suspiciously and asked carefully "what job?"

I pointed in the direction of Christy and said "hook me up with her!"

The waitress exploded with laughter and sort of brushed me off. Later on she gave my message to Christy and that's when I was blessed with a moment of really cool conversation. I felt proud of myself for taking the chance. I didn't have to feel like Mos Def any more. I make the reference because Christy looks a little bit like Alicia Keys and I felt like I was taking on the role of Mos Def in that video "You Dont Know My Name." It was funny... Unfortunately, Christy is spoken for and that's alright. I hope and pray that lucky man is doing right by her and spoiling her with the attention and sincere compliments that she deserves. Every compliment given to her should be real and not by simply going through the motions... A woman is like perfume....When she speaks, take in the aroma and see what it does to you...

To Da Doc I Say Hey!

Doc! 

A special wink and a nod to someone I think is ultra-real-cool-amazing. Her smile is etched within my imagination. Her friendship burns as a light I seek to attain. Her conversation I yearn to listen and appreciate up close. Her presence; a gift that's as easy to expain as saying thank you...

Real True Eye Candy..

Eye Candy 

Dont sleep on this for real true eye candy!! Artist; Kadir Nelson and Frank Morrison are the bomb!!! Whew!!

We be trippin but it was a nice weekend....

Weekend  

This past weekend was pretty cool... Life in LA is always a pleasure party for the eyes and observant minds like myself. I hungout at a birthday party Saturday night, which was real cool. I was blessed with plenty of hugs and some delicious finger foods. Met up with this fella that is super cool.. Turning out to be a good friend that I can chill with and not be bothered about jealousies or any kind of BS because the brotha is cool and sincere. He got himself together and still got a little street in him... He talks major shit but at the same time is blessed with a lot of wisdom about life. Sometimes I feel like I just met up with the real version of a couple of characters that I recently wrote stories about. Maybe that's why we hit it off so quickly; brought together by a mutual appreciation for real cool throwback jerseys and then we just hit it off like brothers. Funny thing though, we met maybe about two or three months ago and have hungout maybe five times but I still dont know his name. Next time I see him, I gotta get his name so I can properly dedicate a little space to him. He always greets me with "peace and love" and coming from his warm spirit you can always feel it... I'm blessed to meet that brotha...

Sunday was a fabulous time spent attending a wedding. A good friend of mine named Patrick got married to his beautiful bride. Patrick was beaming nervously in this small but very cool chapel on Wilshire Blvd in LA. I hadn't been to a wedding in probably ten years! It was nice to go to one for a change instead of witnessing folks breaking up... The bride was in tears and Patrick played it cool... It was nice...

After that, the reception was held at their new house in the valley. I had a prior commitment to take care of at the UCLA festival of books but when I was done I headed out to the reception. I was motivated to go for two reasons. To support Patrick on his special day and to also checkout this lady that I'd seen amongst the attendees. Whew.. the young lady was fine!!! BUT...she was with somebody so I couldn't do anything but appreciate from a far... That brings me to the point of this post and how all too often I see fellas mistreating their ladies. The ones that dont deserve an incredible woman seem to always have one by their side and this moment was no exception..

At the reception I got my food, chilled with some friends and by some odd moment of luck I ended up seated across from the beautiful young lady and her not so bright man. He tried to flex his strength I guess by telling her to shut up because she was supposedly asking him too many questions. Then he walked away. Beautiful saw my expression/reaction and said softly "crazy, huh?" I couldn't believe how dude was acting towards his lady. She asked me if I wanted to drink what I noticed her man was drinking but I declined. I told her I dont really drink that often. I said it in a cool way. I was trying to show her how she should be spoken to, with kindness, sincerity. She shouldn't be stabbed with angry words blurted out at her. She smiled and kind of exhaled. We looked at each other as if sharing a mental hug. Then her man returned. He must've picked up on the relaxed vibe so he introduced himself to me, offered me a drink and then tried to make conversation... It was interesting... it was fun.. This was a good weekend where my personal soundtrack included two favorite CD's that brought back memories of good times in LA when I wasn't always so in tuned and observant.. This weekend I was rockin to one of my all time favorite Reggae albums(which is what it was when I originally bought it but now I got it on CD) True Democracy by Steel Pulse.... Classic!!! And I was also enjoying Way Too Fonky by DJ Quik one of the best producers ever! I would love to have a CD of all his instrumental jams because his productions are amazing... Now it's Monday... time to get back into the grind.... As my man says... peace and love....

My Life Is All I Have

My Life- Leesha Annette Tyler 

This is my favorite street novel right here! *smile* Not only because I wrote it but also because it's a journey. I love stories that take you somewhere and in this one you truly go through a lot emotionally. There's something big happening in every chapter and you get to see this young woman's life play out over time; sparked by an idea that grips a hold of her consciousness and wont let go. It causes her to look back and figure out why she came to the decision which could change her life and other lives forever... Here's a very brief excerpt as Leesha looks back...

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All my life I wanted to be free. When I got old enough to have attitude, I defined my idea of freedom in very simple terms. I wanted to be a bitch, a princess, and a queen all rolled up into one. Young ladies ain’t supposed to be all hard. I keep hearing that if you living in modern times you gotta be able to stand up to all the shit being thrown your way on a daily basis. You can’t worry about being courteous or being a fuckin “lady.” Shit. I never once put in my list of dreams to become a part of the “in-crowd” and wear all that designer stuff. I can find just as good or better at the Slauson Swapmeet. I ain’t stupid. I know what to do with my damn money. I learned how to shop from my mama. It was about the only thing she taught me that was worth knowing.

I started realizing mama knew what she was talking about when I went to the mall one day, by myself. The only thing I could afford up in there was a t-shirt and maybe a cute little belt. That’s what I bought, too. I felt so bad. I’d see other girls from my school hanging out and acting up. They was fast and I was just getting started. Teenage boys stepped to them left and right. I sat down in the food court area and just watched the show. I learned a lot from watching. I liked the idea that females could have so much control. That’s what I saw when I watched those girls from school. They had control over any male that tried to talk to them. That is, if they knew what control was all about. I noticed most of the girls just collected names until they found themselves face to face with the most popular boys in school. Even though I wasn’t a part of any clique, I took notes until it was my time.
Copr. 2005
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I'm A Man Havin' Fun!

I'm silly... 

I might be silly for the picture but I sho is havin fun! *smile* Today I got inspired not in my usual way ie. writing or creating something visual. Nah, my stomach got inspired to tell me it craved some Sara Lee Chocolate Dream Pie... Oooh is it delicious and cold! Just perfect for a hot day in Cali! Yessssssss!

Thing is, I can't just go to the store, get my stuff and go home, I gotta be blessed with an unexpected moment.. Something that causes me to pause and say "humph, I may need to blog about this." Ya know, blogging is like suspending your thoughts in time so that you dont have to carry it with you as you continue on with your life...lol.. Well, I'm gonna look at it in that way.

Anyway, I went to the grocery store to get what I craved for. I remembered that I also needed some honey mustard for a future recipe that I wanted to throw together. So as I'm walking up and down, aisle after aisle I come across this one aisle that along with juices and other good stuff, stood this gorgeous mahogany sistah looking incredible. I wasn't gonna walk down that way at first but when I saw her silhouette I said "whoa!" I didn't say that out loud because I am a gentleman but I thought about it. Instead, I played it cool and nonchalant. I eased my way toward her not really planning to strike up a conversation but more so just hoping for a smile and a hello. Hmmm.. what did I get? An angry glare! Arrrgh!! And I got this look as if she's sending me a message that reads "dont even think about approaching me!" lol...

I kept walking and eventually found my honey mustard. When I turned to head toward the checkout stand, Mahogany was there in my way or I was in hers. We danced for about two or three steps trying to figure out who was going what way. The confusion sparked a reaction from her. She started laughing. She dropped something. I picked it up. It was some frozen egg rolls. I handed the package to her and she smiled. It appeared she'd dropped her angry glare or perhaps that was her guard. It was gone for the moment.

"Thank you" she said.

"You welcome..."

I didn't know whatelse to say beyond that..lol.. I guess I dropped something too but nevertheless, I enjoyed the moment. I told her to take care and I went on my way. I saw her again as I was pulling out of my parking space and she was exiting the store. I waved. She smiled and walked to her car. That young lady had a helluva walk too! Whew....

Now, here I sit blogging, eating my chocolate dream pie and listening to Trillville but not by choice! lol.. This is about the 50th time in the last two hours that the song is playing on the radio... This was fun.. I figured I'd throw in some personal experience on the blog after sharing a few excerpts from stories that got me crazy excited right now. *smile* Peace....

The Greatest Journey You Ain't Even Read Yet!

Zenobia 

I've got two very special stories that should be out very soon. One is a contemporary thang aka a "street" novel called My Life Is All I Have and the other is what I'd like to share once again right here. It's my masterpiece called "Until Again." It's part contemporary and part slave narrative. This little bit is taken from the slave narrative part. Until Again is such a powerful journey that takes you to so many places, emotionally, visually, etc etc... This story will be devoured once it gets out there *smile* but for now I'd like to wet your appetite just a little with this excerpt... In it you will see when a young man(Jalen) comes to give Zenobia the news that her man(Cudie) has died.

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Jalen’s voice grow silent and he look away. He try to talk bout something else like he afraid.

“Sho is hot, ain’t it? You remember when you come out of them woods that time?” he say all fidgety like.

“Jalen, what about Cudie?”

“Well, Miss Hattie say I should just give you this letter, first. This here what Cudie wrote to you a few days before his wounds get the best of him…”

“Cudie dead?”

“Yes ma’am. He take ill after those men beat him. Miss Hattie try to tend to all his wounds but he come down with some kind of fever that just don’t let up. Maybe he know what gonna happen so he have Miss Hattie bring him something he could write on. I finds a paper sack in the barn and tear a piece of it to give to Cudie. This what I bring to you…”

Jalen place what Cudie write to me beside him. He stand up and walk to the door. He say, “I best go cause I sure ain’t mean to bring you so much grief. Miss Hattie say she sorry and Eula waiting for you…I best go now…”

Jalen walk out the door and leave me to my silence. My heart feel like it’s no longer beating. I look down at the piece of paper sack and see Cudie’s writing. I could tell it’s his. I know how proud it made him to be able to write something and then read it back. I wish he was here now, reading to me cause I know his words come from his heart.

I sit down beside the letter but I don’t pick it up just yet. I look down and notice my name, written by Cudie as best he could. He ain’t write it out all the way so he just begin the letter with “Zenob.” I smile and then I picks up the letter. Just below my name, it reads:

This here letter so hard for me to write... I very sickly and can’t think too well. One thing for sure that ain’t hard for me to say is that I love you with all my heart. I ain’t sure we see each other again, at least not alive but I believe we find each other somewhere. Zenob, you always say dem words I like to hear and I believes in my heart that God make that happen. I prays when you get this letter, you say dem words again and when we find each other with no Massa to fool with and no more being a slave, we gonna jump dat broom into a life we shoulda had now… I’ma rest for now and I know you go’n be the best mammy, any chile ever know’d…

Cudie

I continued to read Cudie’s words over and over until my heart can’t take it no longer. Tears drip from my eyes to the piece of paper. Some of the words mess up behind the wetness and me trying to wipe it off. All I can think of is that Cudie be dead now but I try my best to do as he would want. I have to be strong and take care of my child. When I’m able to, I go see Eula but for now all I can do is picture Cudie and the last time I seen his handsome smile. I clutch my heart and speak so that he can hear me say his favorite words, “until again, Cudie, until again…” And then I close up the letter, never to read it, ever again. I place it with the one I’ve been holding on to, to give to Eula. I have to be strong for my child and for myself. I can’t think bout Cudie no more. I gots to worry bout myself.

Though I tries hard to believe that what I learn bout Cudie just the same as any other bad news, I find myself unable to stand. I becomes a little weary so I lay myself on the cold hard pallet and begin to release all the tears that’s been fighting to leave my closed eyes. I guess I love Cudie more than I ever realized. I feel my spirit wanting to give up but I know I can’t. My saddened heart make my body feel so worn down. Like something heavy, pulling me that way. I wants to just sleep forever.
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For Your Eyes In August

Coming In August 

Coming out in August is a very special anthology that I feel extremely blessed to be a part of. I can't wait to see it out there and to hopefully receive a couple or so reactions...*smile* I think the story will definitely move a few folks and perhaps leave them thinking about L-O-V-E and the way we respond to it in today's times. We always talk about life being so short so I constantly wonder why we take the best most meaningful part of it for granted? Or worse yet, we fear it.(Love)

Take a peek at some dialogue from my upcoming story, Love Is To Blame. It's one of three novellas featured in this anthology, "Love Is Never Painless." This excerpt shows the main male character(Malcolm) writing in his journal.

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“I wanna be in a situation where we can talk about life and feel understood. That beautiful kind of vibe where smiles coincide with fond memories of what used to be or could become… No blank stares following that overused familiar exclamation point of; you know what I’m saying? We can talk until the wee hours of the morning, only stopping every once in a while for passionate lovemaking. We’d understand the true importance of getting to know each other. I wanna be able to say things that go beyond love. It’s a beautiful feeling to say I love you more, but after the passion has subsided, I want to continue feeling proud of the person that I’ve come to truly know. And within that pride, I imagine there would always be some sort of motivation to keep the passion simmering and the effort would always be mutual. That last word should be underlined in everyone’s consciousness. Mutual…”

Malcolm sighed and looked over what he’d just written. His heart was pouring out on the pages of his journal as he recalled how he used to think before his experience with Shaylisa. It seems so foreign to him now to actually believe that love was possible or that trust could be fact, rather than fiction. A woman actually giving and not just taking from the relationship? Malcolm shook his head in disbelief as he returned to writing in his journal. His thoughts seemed to take on a more doubtful perspective. Malcolm wrote…

“Sometimes I wonder if I’ve taken the wrong route toward my recent discovery. For whatever reason, God took a while to turn the light bulb on and present to me the reality of how cold hearted love can actually be. I’ve been in situations that had no strings attached or so we tried to convince ourselves. Personally, I believe there’s always a string attached. That string is about life and discovery. Sometimes on one end you’ll find an optimistic heart while on the other end you’ll find a selfish soul with a talent for manipulation. Sort of like some chick who will come up with a scheme to get what she wants by giving you a choice on what you should buy for her rather than her trying to do the shit for herself. I used to be so optimistic before, but rather than become manipulative too, I choose to be alone.”
A tear fell from Malcolm’s eye. His anger felt justified but it didn’t feel like an emotion he could hold up with pride. He wondered how much time would go by before he could trust love again.

Copr.2005
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Flowers I Left Behind

Flowers Of Moriah 

I traveled for miles thinking about my children. Two daughters I left behind because I was told they couldn't come. Mister Clark say they old enough to fend for themselves and "besides..." he say with a smile on his face. "You about to begin a whole new life so you dont need to be weighed down by unnecessary weight. I aint got much room for them no how."

I didn't much listen to Mister Clark because no matter how he say it, none of it makes sense, especially when his words just bouncing off all the pain that was collecting inside of me. Still, I had to keep myself strong and somehow believe that in my heart, God make this all work out just fine. I dont know how he do it but I seen miracles happen before. Blessings come to those who need him when it's the proper time.

Mama used to say to me "aint no good to recognize somethin if you aint doin nuttin about it." As I traveled with Mister Clark from one state to the next, I learned how to think and plan ahead. I guess some would call it dreaming but it felt to me like I was doing more than just putting empty promises inside my head. I figures once we get to where we was going, I could finds a way to be with my daughters no matter how long it take. Love so powerful it can't be separated by distance or even years and aint nobody strong or evil enough to pull love from my heart. I refuse to allow it. I may hold a cold shoulder to a stranger at times 'cause I got to protect myself but family whether kin or friend is always welcome... (to be continued...)

Copr. 2005 Flowers Of Moriah

Ghost Of A Good Man...and Woman

Ghost Of A Good Man 

I feel like I'm repeating myself when I say that this past Sunday, I awoke to spiritual voices singing in my head. It's happened before. I even used this for a character in a story once. A story inspired by my family and by the power of the human spirit, which continues to prove itself constantly... The story is "Until Again" and what had happened was.... smile..

This past Sunday in the wee hours of the morning I was tossing and turning. I was deep inside a beautiful dream where I'd seen my grandfather's face. He was smiling and looking strong as ever. He didn't say anything but he was there. He's always been there for me. And then I began hearing this beautiful voice singing a gospel song. I wish I'd listened closer to the words just so I could remember what was being sung but I didn't. I was mostly captured by the beauty and the emotion of the sound. The voice was powerful. And as I came out of this dream, I could still hear this voice. It was coming from my television which I had left on all night. It was a beautiful feeling because my memories hold many Sunday mornings waking up in Texas; hearing the sounds of gospel music coming from a television or radio in my grandparents house. That's where I was this weekend, making a decision which left me wondering if I'm doing the right thing... Deep down I know I am and seeing my grandfather's image sort of confirmed this to me... I felt at peace when I woke up and now I'm back in crazy LA but I brought something back with me that also blew me away. An unexpected treat...

Again, what had happened was... I found some old cassettes as I was cleaning out a dresser drawer belonging to my grandmother. A few tapes had preacher names and titles of sermons. I listened to one where the preacher said to the congregation "when you shut up and straighten up, I'll do somethin..." I dont think he was directing it to them. It was more so in the context of what he was preaching about but I like the way he said it. I listened some more and then I played a cassette which had no writing on it and discovered a beautiful treasure. It was the sound of my grandmother's voice, reading a nursery rhyme. She read "Jack jumped over the candle stick..." It feels like it's been forever since I've heard her voice. The last five years of her life were a struggle for her. She could barely speak at all, which always frustrated her so much. During her adult life and as she got older she was always known for her sharp wit and her sometimes sharp tongue. She was a strong woman that would speak her mind and if you saw her lips get tight, you were in for a serious tongue lashing. Hearing her voice on this tape I consider a gift and perhaps even a special message. My grandmother passed away almost five years ago now and despite those moments when I hear her voice through memory or inside a dream, it was good to hear her for real, once again... sort of...

Success Leads To This...

Success Ave. 

On one of my venturing out journeys over the weekend, I'd discovered this street that served as one of the entry ways into a project housing complex known as Nickerson Gardens. I laughed a little bit and then I wondered if folks living there even paid attention to it or if the sign to them had disappeared in their consciousness and become a backdrop to the sights and sounds of the hood.

This past weekend I took a friend of mine (KR) who wanted to visit Nickerson Gardens again. We'd gone there before but we didn't find that much to photograph. However, on this visit we came across several really interesting images. The young boy in his own world drawing in his coloring book. He refused to smile but he finally looked up. There was a gang of fellas hanging out on Success Avenue that we wanted to photograph but from the looks on their faces, we figured it was safer to capture the image in our minds and be able to laugh about it later.

After that we drove around and discovered a whole world within the confines of this area made famous by videos like the anti-violence music video "All In The Same Gang" and the movie, Set It Off. This area has character and stories for days despite the occasional violence that breaks out. KR had seen and was touched by this young man taking care of his little baby girl. He tried desperately to keep her warm as the wind was strong enough to blow clothes off the line behind him. It was a chilly day despite the clear blue skies.

Another scene we saw was an older crowd playing cards outside on one corner and perhaps a block away there was a latino family of several generations preparing for a big outdoor picnic celebration. Within this world there was a feeling of community and that's something I rarely see in the so-called better neighborhoods on the other side of town including my own. Mind you, Nickerson Gardens looks like a place you dont want to be stranded in and the homes on the outside edge of this area have more bars than your maximum security prisons but over the weekend, the sun was shining and everybody seemed cool with each other. As I said, there was a true sense of community spirit combined with all the images that black folk might smile and reminisce about.. Hair being braided on the front porch, young men standing proud in T-shirts and colors representing who they claim to be and young kids oblivious to their surroundings but having fun as if they'd found all the joy they'd need to see.

It was a cool day on Saturday... A day in the LIFE under the gleaming LA sky...

Space For Rent

Space 

I had a conversation with a young lady this evening. The first thing she said that struck me was "my heart has space for rent..." Before she made that comment I was only halfway listening to her. She was cute. She had a way about smiling that left you wondering what was really on her mind. She'd glance down on occasion or even stick her finger slightly between her teeth. I didn't mind. It gave an observer like myself a few more things to remember about her. But again, it was that statement that she made which really brought her into focus for me.

There I was, first sitting sideways, taking sips from my drink and half listening while watching the body traffic all around. In fact, her original reason for sitting with me was because she'd noticed I was having fun watching the parade of folks going about whatever it is they were going about. Otherwise known as people watching... She asked if she could join me and I didn't see any reason to refuse.

"Please" I said before standing to pull up a chair for her to sit on.

"A gentleman and a people watcher... I'm scared of you!"

I laughed. "Why you say that?"

"Because you're observant and yet at the same time, you dont neglect a woman that's in your presence."

"That's cool. I never really thought about it like that."

"I'm observant too and I notice things like that, especially with a man! Typically I'm just waiting for a man to do something wrong so I can place him in the same barrel I have most other men."

I laughed again but this time it was with reservation. This young lady was getting deep with me even before she knew my name. After a few sips of my drink and only quietly responding to her comments, she introduced herself. Maybe she felt me retreating a little bit because she'd been talking so much.

Her name was Cynthia and the conversation traveled through all sorts of territory from traffic and weather to the trials and tribulations of men and women trying to relate to each other. She told me I was a good listerner and complimented me on looking clean and fresh... I laughed and then I guess she could read the not-completely-understanding-look on my face.

She said "I mean that in a good way. You've got this look about you that's borderline playa but you're shy too and I've yet to see you even hint at anything sexual towards me."

"Well, some thoughts I keep very well hidden."

"Nice comeback. Now you just trying to be charming but I dont think you've looked at me in a sexual way."

Cynthia and I ended up in a two minute debate about the ways in which she could tell how a man looks at her. I took notes. She knew what she was talking about. Then she excused herself because she wanted to throw some used napkins away in the nearby trash can. She turned to look at me as she dropped the napkins in the trash.

She smiled. "See, that was a sexual..." she said.

I shrugged in defense. "What's sexual? What do you mean?" I asked.

Cynthia returned to the table.

"The look you gave me. I ain't mad at you, though. A woman likes to know she got it going on just so long as the man doesn't be disrespectful about it. You're alright, Anthony."

"Thanks."

"So why you sitting alone out here looking like a loner?"

"I am a loner but I do enjoy company, too. Right now I'm just relaxing. Winding down from the weekend and watching the show."

"You had a busy weekend? Maybe a really hot date that's got your mind spinning?"

I laughed and thought for a minute how cool that would be if I had a date that left me spinning or at least dreaming of the next date.

"Nah, no date... How about you?"

"Actually I did have a date. It was cool. We went to this place called 'E' Cuisine. It's spelled Y-I but they pronounce it like 'E'."

"Good food?"

"Not bad... Asian sort of food."

"Good date?"

"It was nice. I dont see this man as a long term vision but he could be a friend. I've seen girlfriends jump way too quickly into things and then I have friends who hook up with some nice guy and then wake up one day and break his heart because he ain't moving fast enough... It can get confusing but personally, I have my parameters set up so I should be okay for now..."

"Meaning what you said earlier?"

"Huh?"

"That space for rent comment..."

"Oh... yeah..." Cynthia smiled.