Another Brick

  

Another brick thrown at my heart...but it missed... I'm still standing despite the sting it caused momentarily... That was some ill shit to hear heartless words coming from a woman who I've shown nothing but praise, admiration, and gratitude for simply being a friend... It's a trip.. It's been something like five and a half years of knowing her.. two months of which in the beginning had romance in the air but she ended that part of the journey. That turned into a blessing because friendship despite the initial disappointment felt much better... She definitely wasn't for me on a romantic tip.. But again I say it's a trip to travel through memories when words were first sent to me looking like this... "I dont need starlight or moonbeams or flickering candles to feel romantic....all I need is you..." And then when I wasn't needed, I heard sermons about the importance of life long friendships, call me whenever you need to talk...I wanna see you always do well.. You are a special man... And then maybe a couple years and several months later I heard words like, I have somebody now so you can no longer call me but emailing is fine.. And then on Thursday it's, you cant email me, call me, no contact of any kind...I'm cutting all ties....thank you... And I laughed but it stung too... I think how our friendship most recently consisted of maybe five emails per year and one phone call... She lives in Seattle so its not like I'm bothering her or desire to show up at her door for lunch. I shake my head as this recent change in my limitations of friendship with this chick from Seattle is her response to an email I sent four days ago letting her know I have a new book out... She always told me in the past to let her know when I had something new available... so I did with no concern as to whether or not she'd even answer my email. If she ever did, cool, I would've been very appreciative and I'd hope that she'd say something brilliantly simple like...ummm... "congrats on the new book! I'll have to get a copy one day..." Some normal shit... But folks aint normal no more.. People throw away people like used socks or old clothes taking up too much space in the closet.

But alas.... Seattle chick gotta do what she gotta do though in my opinion it wasn't necessary... She left me stunned for a moment. I listened twice to her message. I utttered the word, Bitch one time... An angry glare covered my face and I felt like once again I was given more fuel for the pain in my next story. Something to place inside a characters heart and let them work it out or not.. but, I will in some kind of way... I'll store it some place and use it because I am a writer and that's how I do most times... put away the pain for another day.. You wonder why brothas walk around angry and not smiling... Perhaps they know a B%*...I mean, a chick like Ms Seattle.. And then as my day went on, I bought a couple shirts at my number one favorite store in the Fox Hills Mall. It's a big and tall shop that's got the bomb clothes.. The best place to go because I'm loyal not only to true friends but also to places where I shop. That felt good because I'm a sucker for some cool shirts and then on my way out as I walked through one of the other stores there I saw two elderly ladies, standing in front of a mirror trying on church hats.. They were laughing and just enjoying themselves.. One lady put on a white hat with all this netting and everything else you could imagine. It was bigger than her head and face put together but she loved that hat! She was smiling and when she saw me watching she said "what you know about that!" I just smiled but what I saw in those two ladies were true queens and I have no doubt they saw a similar reflection in the mirror.. Imagine what Seattle chick sees in the mirror when she looks at her reflection... Nah, she probably dont care. She's been an asshole for a minute now so she's proud of her glare... And I say to her, your wish is my command as I've always ventured beyond the call of duty with my respect for you...of you...and now... you...no longer exist...

Fly On

  

The river dont flow in the same direction much... Life got pebbles that re-route determination.. Life got branches you swing on through trials and tribulations...Life got tides drifting in and out... Frustrations like booty you cant have so you scream and shout.. You find ways to measure what feels good to you... Magnified by dreams no bigger than your shoes... You fill them with wisdom, hopefully and you walk where steps have been taken before yet you find a way to make them your own... Put that stamp on it that says you were here and for a quick minute you made your shit....home..

All In A Blessed Day

  

Collection of images from today in Leimert Park...

Sunday was a good day..

  

Saturday night I was in heaven and she was beautiful as ever. Sunday I had a vibe that wouldn't quit. Special thanks and shoutout to the woman named Vicky who approached me at Starbucks just to tell me I was beautiful. I'd like to think that had to do with the reflection of my soul more than anything else but either way the compliment was much appreciated and kept me lifted for the rest of the night.


"Love with your heart, define with your soul..."
Dreamstyle *

Cultural Beauty

  

I was hanging out today at Leimert Park where I witnessed a beautiful example of the so-called generation gap. The two faces you see above are the examples.. This little boy is definitely gonna be a heartbreaker and the man with his long dreads and a body full of wisdom probably got a serious story to tell. Today he was riding deep in the rhythm of the drums he was playing and the little boy danced in a circle along with some other little kids... Special shoutout to my sista Kim Roseberry for taking the shots so I could put it all together and make some magic for everyone to see and perhaps feel...

Representin....but?

  

Check it out... I'm representin the point of view of a husband in this article which I was blessed to be a part of for Bahiyah Woman's Magazine Online(www.BWMmag.com). In the article I'm responding to the wife wanting to know what's really goin on! Take a look... But don't get it twisted I'm not married! So, all the hundreds and thousands of ladies sending me emails, letters, cards, photos, and everything else, please continue to do so, aight! *smile*
------------------------------------------
DEAREST HUSBAND, DEAREST BEAUTIFUL

Black Love

By Sharon ‘Shaye’ Gray, M.P.A and V. Anthony Rivers

Dearest Handsome,

I cannot believe we’re back here. Again.
The intrepid of my spirit is broken. Beaten. Worn. The path of yesteryear seems to be resilient which in design may be of conscious as it relates to our present.
Our relations.
Our ‘us’.

I’m suffocating at this crossroad.
Where do I stand? With you? With us?

If I may... take a moment to translate your daunting actions, it would create a stream of tears, derived from carelessness, lunacy and selfishness. How am I to understand...to grasp what I mean to you when all you’ve given me are caution and stop signs of the most obscure nature?

Am I living a boondoggle of neverland meets neverwill?

I digressed...before I can shift the blame or even search for a culprit, let me enlighten you…brush an air of understanding, for you, to my mindset.

I love you.
I will always love you.

You see, I’m perplexed at this interlude so I decided to take a moment and ruminate, ponder... truly, truly reflect... on ways to approach such fragility of one’s heart—mine, in particular. If I may, I should. Therefore, I have.

Absorb my words with the trueness in which they were obliged. Know the essence of my being as it relates to our union. Transcend your ‘I’ and translate our ‘us’, then mystify me as you had once, long ago and enlighten me...about our future and us.

Your Wickedly Unglued Wife,

Beautiful.

Dearest Beautiful...

The only thing I can claim myself guilty of is trying too hard to constantly be your hero. I'm a stubborn man so at times I get disappointed in myself that I can't continue the pace of love and romance, similar to how I did when pursuing you. Do you remember those days? I hope it brings a smile to your face.

Believe me when I say, I have no desire to go anywhere else. I wish not to be another woman's man. I love being your husband and I adore you. I've had moments when I've taken for granted the blessing of being able to wake up next to you each morning. I'd rollover in the opposite direction, get up, go to the bathroom, start getting ready for my day, make my own coffee and later kiss you on the forehead as I say goodbye. That's the picture of a man in a hurry. A man not taking a moment to count his blessings. A man who forgot about the warmth and the escape from the world feeling he'd get whenever he'd rollover into your arms. Remember how I used to joke with you about your body temperature being so toasty in the morning? I hope this too brings a smile to your face...

You know how they say the pen is mightier than the sword? Well, two things that you said struck me in a powerful way. You asked that I look beyond myself or as you put it "transcend your 'I'." That's a beautiful statement and one that rocks the foundation of selfishness that I've been guilty of lately. Yes, I admit it to you, right here and now. I've taken you and us for granted and thus descended, if you will to "I." My motivation for many things in life has suffered, most importantly my purpose. But alas, things happen for a reason and remind you of where you come from if you're brave enough to listen.

Recently a friend of mine shared a song with me by an artist named Joi that awakened my mind and spirit to that which I've taken for granted. In this song, there's a line that goes "as long as you think you woke your ownself up this morning I can not love you- that's the truth." I've been walking around in a selfish mindset that made me forget about you as well as the powers above that created the path, which allowed me to find us. When I look at you, I see my soul. Moreover, when I think about the possibility of being without you, I'm no longer whole. That's not an option I need in my life and I pray you'll pick up the card of forgiveness that I've placed on the table before you right now... My heart, my soul, my love continues to be yours and only yours- forever.

By the way, that second powerful thing that you said? I wish to say it to you- I love you...

Your Husband,

Handsome

Life And It's Contrasting Existence

  

On the other side of this trashcan you'll find a small fire burning, a tent and a dead body lying inches away. It was a stark contrast to the message written on the front or was it? It read; Time we believe...

Eye-Candy For Da Ladies

  

Putting the spotlight once again on my good friend Kim Roseberry as I spotlight her photography skills... She's blowing up and doing amazing things behind the lens. She shot these pictures last weekend... Good eye, great shots...

Through this door you will find?

  

Solitude before tomorrow comes..

  

Presence

  

What did he wanna be when he grew up?

  

Happy Burp-Day 2 Me

  

March 31st was my birthday....331 Style.. I can't say that I really celebrated it but it was a nice day. It started off with a fabulous hug from a good friend, Alisha Dewitt, Mom's coming through with a delicious cake, lots of phone calls from true friends near and far, a call from a former special somebody, and a beautiful hug from a real life fantasy. So yeah, it was a decent day though I'd probably trade it all for that one dream that's never truly been fulfilled.. I'm talkin bout waking up to a day where I get spoiled by one special somebody. Someone that makes me her priority, puts some thought and creativity into making me feel like this is truly "My" day.. But that's aight...it was still a good day..

Special mention: I was pleasantly surprised by a really great cinematic treat today. A movie that I never expected to be all that...but it was... I'm talkin bout ATL-The Movie... awesome story! Kudos once again to Antwone Fisher! Wow!

Happy Birthday once again to me as a new day has now begun, April 1st. I'm wondering is there some kind of subliminal message in the fact that the day following my birthday is called "April Fools Day." Humph..

Six Discs In My Ride

  

Right now in my ride I've got on heavy rotation these incredible CD's. All of which you probably wont readily hear on the radio, at least not in LA. Radio out here be stuck on a certain undefineable stupidness that makes you constantly wonder "why do they play that shit all the time!?!?" There are some that standout like the only true free form show on radio right now; Julio G. of Westside Radio on KDAY. Then you got the always cool Garth Trinidad on KCRW, the incredible seditious beats and knowledge of Fidel on KPFK, and I always like to listen to Sway & Tech when their weekly show comes on. Other than that, as I said..stupidness is put out over the local airwaves. But in a way that's a blessing because it makes you think and search harder for something more...something real...something special... That brings me to the reasons for this post... The music that I'm currently bumpin. My six discs in my ride...

1. Tennessee Slim Is The Bomb- Joi
This CD will blow you away and the lady is super cool and fabulous live... Raw..incredible.. Checkout the power of her song That's The Truth and you'll instantly fall in love with her song called I'm So Famous. Once you hear it, you wont stop playing it over and over and over....

2. Breath From Another- Esthero
Standout track on this CD for me is called Superheroes. I first heard it and discovered this artist recently on Honeysoul.com. Esthero is hella creative with her lyrics, production and style.. I'm feeling her whole vibe.

3. 3121- Prince
What can you say...Prince is forever the bomb and never ceases to be a part of my soundtrack. Standout cuts on this CD for me are The Dance, 3121, Incense & Candles, and Satisfied. I just wish he would've cranked up the guitars and made the song called Fury completely raw.. Just drums, bass and guitar was all that song needed...

4. Confidential- M:1
Dead Prez has always been a personal favorite of mine so as soon as I saw that M:1 had a solo CD out, I picked it up. The songs, the production, the lyrics are all standout.. I love the title track Confidential.. This CD is on heavy rotation..

5. Wikked Lil' Grrrls- Esthero
Once again this lady comes through with some incredible creativity.. The production is too cool and my favorite song right now is Beautiful Lie. Thanks again to Honeysoul for pointing me in the direction of this true artist.

6. Corrine Bailey Rae (self-titled)
This is another discovery I made on Honeysoul.com. This lady has an amazingly beautiful voice... Very different and yet similar in a way to Norah Jones. I heard this song(Young and Foolish) by a group called The Stixx that features Corrine Bailey Rae and I instantly fell in love with her voice. I checked out her CD and whoa... here's another beautiful artist with an incredible style... standout track for me is Like A Star.... beautiful...

Being Nice Don't Return Love 2 Right.

  
I sat dressed in green and grey. She wore gold. I sipped from the bottle. She chose a paper cup that was old. She couldn't fill it to the top. I kept telling her to stop. She never looked into my eyes. I started to think if I told her I was sick she wouldn't know I was making it up; she wouldn't care. I ordered grilled salmon and salad. She ordered steak and fries. It seemed like the air between us could be cut with a knife. We disguised our thoughts with fake interest. "Oh really?" comments were thrown around like napkins removed from our chest. Stained by the substance of something more than either of us chose to reveal. What happened to the non-stop laughter of yesteryear? The yesterdays that were celebrated like a gift punctuated by tears. She beat me to the punch as we sat in silence. A left hook revelation of a lack of innocence. I became obssessed with seeing her eyes. I freestyled my desire as if to say I still had the gift to romanticize. The destination of my words took a long time to get there. Nothing seemed to work, at least nothing that made me aware. I used to thank heaven for her; even God knew this. We'd never allow love to disappear because each moment was bonded with a kiss. I wished. She said no. I took my words back. She told me it was too late. I was blindfolded by the energy between us. She said nothing more needed to be said. Not just over my eyes but my mouth was that imaginary cloth placed. And when she walked away that was it...I was out like a foul taste..

The Beauty Of Rambling Thoughts

  

Regardless of light, images reflect themselves... Regardless of sound, words I can hear as they come... With touch I see through darkness and with love, blurred images become so real. Memories are like shoulders to lean against for comfort. Struggles represent cornerstones full of lessons. The good times are like clouds as soft as cotton lifting me in full view of heaven. Friends are like monuments, some made of stone while others blow away like leaves. Women are dreams with smiles as captivating as a front row seat in the promise land. Some are not. Like the ones who only stick around as long as you stroke that spot which leads them to believe they gettin what they came for... A man can be a hero blessed with love that breeds a heart's reflection of truth. Unless he's a man whose darkness echoes the sentiment of shadows running from the scene of a crime... I lose myself sometimes in destiny's hands as nothing planned comes too easy. But a good day is a beautiful thing like the gift of a song that lifts your spirits when you least expect it. Imagine one word taking you higher, lifted by the voice of an angel with the kind of rhythm that reflects your entire life... The pulse of which only you can speak on... Let's dance right now.

Wishes turn to dreams come true

  

Ahhhh...today was a lovely Saturday. When you wish upon a star and perhaps say a prayer or two in the wind, beautiful things happen... I visited a couple of black-owned bookstores in LA; Zahras and Eso Won. Both had my new book, My Life Is All I Have. The young lady behind the counter at Zahras was speaking with other customers about the book and I overheard her saying it was "flying off the shelves and had been asked about weeks before the book was released." I was pleased to hear that and then I stepped in and introduced myself. I was proud but pride dont come close to stepping inside heaven aka the arms of someone I've missed and was hoping to see. Someone who means the world to me and again I want to wish her a happy belated birthday(just in case she's watching).. She still remains so very special to me. My own personal early birthday gift was seeing her smile and hugging her tight. I thank all powers that be for making today the way it was... beautiful like her... And her last words to me were "you smell like fabric softener." Yeah, that's my favorite cologne...Downey.. Ha! WarmBlessings *

Spring Fever Soundtrack

  

March 21st was a pretty cool day mostly because two real cool creative masterpieces made their debuts in the world and thus, it was on! *smile* I'm speaking of 3121 by Prince and ummm... My Life Is All I Have by V. Anthony Rivers who just so happens to be me! Ha!

I walked into a Borders Bookstore and saw three fabulous copies of my book. I was proud. The books looked lovely and even better once I turned them around so that the beautiful cover could be seen by all eyes approaching... I'm about to hit up some of these walls on street corners with my posters so if you see one locally......smile....I hope the beautiful lady on the cover is smiling somewhere and feeling proud because that was always my intention to have her feel good about herself and others who might see the cover and say "that's me and she is beautiful..." I haven't been blessed to speak with that gorgeous lady in a minute... She's not allowed to talk to me because I'm too sweet for words and mortal hearts or something like that... Ain't no thang... Life is good...

I went to Tower Records and picked up my main inspiration... My soundtrack creator for so many years. The one and only genius himself... Prince... 3121 is the bomb CD. The title track reminds me of the old days when Prince would open up a show with some mysterious sounding beat, warning the crowd that it's about to get funky and you're in for a show you'll never forget... This CD got some incredible songs on there that make you shake your head and say "how does he do it? And he's playing all the damn instruments too?" Radio needs to jump on this tune he has called Incense & Candles. And the ladies better get out a tissue when they listen to the song The Dance. And who else could make a song called "Love" one of the funkiest tracks ever.. That song is a good workout tune for the headset crowd. Incredible CD, Incredible musician... Blessed all around and I can't help but smile knowing that my thang was released on the same day! Is that cool or what? It's like heaven on a popsicle stick... Nah, someone else used to feel like that... WarmBlessings *

Kim..

  

This is my friend, my homegirl, my super sistah, running buddy extraordinaire.. She's like Jada is to Tupac when he said he'd give her his left kidney if she needed it. That's what Kim means to me. She reigns supreme in my heart. I can't even remember how many years we been knowing each other but it's been fabulous every step of the way... We go back... memories..life... She's a brilliant photographer and we've painted this town called LA with a rainbow brush cruising every inch of it... I just wanted to send a special shoutout to her.. Beautiful Kim Roseberry...what up! *smile*

Self-Promotion?

  

A special "Kolohe" wink to a good friend of mine who put me up to this creative self-promotion.. The experiment will be in affect soon, Jody.. Ha! *smile* You'll have to give me the true definition of "Kolohe" one day but I imagine it's all about that spark, that flava, that vibe, that spirit... with a little bit of laugh at yourself intuitive-ness because you can't take life too serious. Ya gotta have fun and live...

When the mentality just wont go away...

  

I found myself in a situation lastnight, standing outside of a club taking in the show. I say show in a sarcastic way because it was a sad situation to see. Fellas allowing egos and negative mentalities to take a hold of them and not let go. I wondered, why... why does it have to be like that? These were all young men who looked just alike. They called each other out using angry words and spoke about killing each other. I dont know what caused this to happen as I was on the outside of the club. All the security guards had closed all doors in order to prevent anyone from entering and then all the drama spilled outside. And these young men pleaded with one of the bouncers to come outside so they could basically kill him. There was so much anger flowing when it could've easily not existed but that mentality took over. Something fueled all of this and I watched.

Watching this drama, I wasn't scared; I was amazed. I stood under the outdoor heater that they had along with other folks waiting to enter the club. Funny thing, we all developed an instant connection. Everyone was shivering so we all stood together and moved in close to each other to stay warm underneath this one heater. It was a direct contrast to the out of control drama going on just steps away from us.

Moments later that familiar sound of sirens approached. Police cars and officers surrounded the parking lot and the fellas creating the drama were pointed out immediately. These young men acted as if they were justified in creating the disturbance. They even tried to turn it into a social cry for justice when the fact of the matter was that they showed ignorance and were trying to beat on another man who was probably just doing his job.

It was a sad situation to watch but interesting at the same time. That uncontrollable mentality gripped those young men and wouldn't let go. One was arrested and because he was so intoxicated, he dropped to his knees and passed out with handcuffs on. The others just kept on talking. Eventually the more sober young men convinced the others that it was time to go but the mentality continued as they yelled at the top of their lungs "we'll be back to beat that muhfukka's ass. We gonna tear this club up next time!"

Let go...

Friend

  

True friends sign their names on the dotted line of life. There's no special clause or unnecessary stipulation claiming that because of this-we can't be...

I'd like to give special mention, respect and admiration to a cool friend that makes me smile. She deserves constantly to be celebrated in ways that I dont believe she experiences often. I mean, digging her for her and not the hot fantasy that one might cloud their minds with when they see her. Yeah, she could start a fire just from her looks alone but listen to her spirit, the reflection in her voice. Look at her eyes when she shares them with you in conversation. Watch her smile develop slowly. The glow in her when she walks and the head tilted back when she talks... She's got the mother instinct and sexiness combined adding a special depth to her soul that's there even if you blink.. She's real cool people. A true friend that makes you feel as such...

Mother's Day Everyday

  

I'm a little too big now for mom's to hold me like this and I ain't got no hair no mo' either but she still got her's... Ha! I celebrate mother's day everyday, especially today as I say prayers and lend a strong hand, body, soul, and spirit of support to my mother. She's pulling through and hanging tough. She'll be just fine 'cause I got a few more things to show her that'll make her proud. It's amazing how time has taken us to where we are now. I dont even remember how I felt as a baby like in this picture above but I do remember my mother's hands. She wave's them at me most of the time now as she says her infamous words "I tell you, Anthony Rivers... you worry your poor old mother..." And I say to her, she gonna always worry even if it's way too obvious that I'm doing just fine. Life is to be lived but it sure would be nice if time slowed down a bit...well, sometimes anyway.

Ummm yeah listen...

  

This is in observance of the uh-ra, silly women saga... Today I had to take my car in to get it serviced. I was pretty much accepting the fact that I'd have to pay a grip of money to get it taken care of. I wasn't wrong either. I mean, when I heard my brakes screaching and grinding? Oh noooo...I knew it.. new brakes needed.... Can you say, ouch? Throw in your favorite curse word to emphasize the point.... Yeah, like that... *smile*

Anyway, I accepted the loss and did as I normally do when I take my car in for a major service, I took a long ass walk! It usually helps me clear my head, it's great exercise and being the observant fella that I am, it gives me plenty of opportunity to checkout the world around me. LA and the surrounding areas aren't always walker-friendly, but you can definitely see a lot when you do take a stroll.

I observed a lot of traffic, a couple of accidents, people jogging, workers high a top this huge billboard making me wonder how in the heck do they do that! I saw tons of people waiting for the bus, people giving each other the finger, and lots of Starbucks and other donut shops filled to capacity. Then low and behold, something familiar crossed my path. It was an angry woman looking at me like she dared me to even hint at trying to talk to her... ouch! The angry glare, the smirk, the tightening lips and finally she looked away in order to avoid any sort of substantial eye contact. God forbid she would see that a nice simple hello in passing is all I was hoping for. I had no intentions of trying to start a conversation, ask for her number and rip her clothes off. It just wasn't on my agenda today. But I tell you! I really wanted to shout to the world that I am a man who loves women with a passion but in the most respectful non-playa-playa sort of way. When I see a woman and especially when I'm by myself or with other fellas, I'm gonna look because THAT'S WHAT I'M SUPPOSE TO DO!!! Remember????

So, I dusted my ego off because it only stung for a moment... I mean, I say hello to pretty much everyone in passing and no disrespect out there but I especially feel a sense of pride when the hello comes from a black man or woman. It makes my day and had that woman today said hello, she would've passed along a positive vibe that I would've transferred to the next person and so on and so on and so on, again... That's life, I guess and hey, it gave me something to vent about, huh? *smile* I look forward to tomorrow because I'm by no means defeated. Looking forward to the next opportunity to say hello...

Damn

  

"Sometimes even the best laid out plans can't get laid..."


Nah, I'm not talking about a sex thang... I'm talking good intentions and wanting to surprise someone very special with a sincere effort to make her smile. I had plans to spoil a real cool friend tonight. Hugs, conversation, midnight stroll through special memories and all that good stuff. My horoscope said something cool. I typically dont read those things unless by accident but even after I had mentally made my plans for the latenight evening surprise, I smiled at the prediction or perhaps suggestion on the page. It read, reconnect with those that bring you joy. Thus, I was planning to do just that; reconnect with AAD, a special lady that's been a friend for more than five years. What prevented this from happening tonight? That situation that comes out of nowhere but always happens when you gotta be somewhere! CAR TROUBLE.... aaaaaarrrrrrggghh!!! A little bump in the road but I'll just make next time even better.. sweeter... beautiful and deserving like her...