Friday, April 21, 2006

Another Brick

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Another brick thrown at my heart...but it missed... I'm still standing despite the sting it caused momentarily... That was some ill shit to hear heartless words coming from a woman who I've shown nothing but praise, admiration, and gratitude for simply being a friend... It's a trip.. It's been something like five and a half years of knowing her.. two months of which in the beginning had romance in the air but she ended that part of the journey. That turned into a blessing because friendship despite the initial disappointment felt much better... She definitely wasn't for me on a romantic tip.. But again I say it's a trip to travel through memories when words were first sent to me looking like this... "I dont need starlight or moonbeams or flickering candles to feel romantic....all I need is you..." And then when I wasn't needed, I heard sermons about the importance of life long friendships, call me whenever you need to talk...I wanna see you always do well.. You are a special man... And then maybe a couple years and several months later I heard words like, I have somebody now so you can no longer call me but emailing is fine.. And then on Thursday it's, you cant email me, call me, no contact of any kind...I'm cutting all ties....thank you... And I laughed but it stung too... I think how our friendship most recently consisted of maybe five emails per year and one phone call... She lives in Seattle so its not like I'm bothering her or desire to show up at her door for lunch. I shake my head as this recent change in my limitations of friendship with this chick from Seattle is her response to an email I sent four days ago letting her know I have a new book out... She always told me in the past to let her know when I had something new available... so I did with no concern as to whether or not she'd even answer my email. If she ever did, cool, I would've been very appreciative and I'd hope that she'd say something brilliantly simple like...ummm... "congrats on the new book! I'll have to get a copy one day..." Some normal shit... But folks aint normal no more.. People throw away people like used socks or old clothes taking up too much space in the closet.

But alas.... Seattle chick gotta do what she gotta do though in my opinion it wasn't necessary... She left me stunned for a moment. I listened twice to her message. I utttered the word, Bitch one time... An angry glare covered my face and I felt like once again I was given more fuel for the pain in my next story. Something to place inside a characters heart and let them work it out or not.. but, I will in some kind of way... I'll store it some place and use it because I am a writer and that's how I do most times... put away the pain for another day.. You wonder why brothas walk around angry and not smiling... Perhaps they know a B%*...I mean, a chick like Ms Seattle.. And then as my day went on, I bought a couple shirts at my number one favorite store in the Fox Hills Mall. It's a big and tall shop that's got the bomb clothes.. The best place to go because I'm loyal not only to true friends but also to places where I shop. That felt good because I'm a sucker for some cool shirts and then on my way out as I walked through one of the other stores there I saw two elderly ladies, standing in front of a mirror trying on church hats.. They were laughing and just enjoying themselves.. One lady put on a white hat with all this netting and everything else you could imagine. It was bigger than her head and face put together but she loved that hat! She was smiling and when she saw me watching she said "what you know about that!" I just smiled but what I saw in those two ladies were true queens and I have no doubt they saw a similar reflection in the mirror.. Imagine what Seattle chick sees in the mirror when she looks at her reflection... Nah, she probably dont care. She's been an asshole for a minute now so she's proud of her glare... And I say to her, your wish is my command as I've always ventured beyond the call of duty with my respect for you...of you...and now... you...no longer exist...

4 comments:

Groove said...

Wow that was deep. I find when it comes to stuff like that, "Shid might get you down, but It can't keep you down" and one thing is for sure she will need you before you need her.

Best of luck to you.

MsJayy said...

That's crazy. I don't think we should have to talk someone into remaining our friend but if I called you 'friend' & you think it's time to let that go, a simple conversation would do. Oh well, I'm with you - build it into a character. One of my mottos: If I can't ride it out, I can dayum sho write it out! Keep ya head up!

kolohe jo said...

Seems like you were together when she was at her best.....a good place in her life.... Obviously this woman is not in a good place right now.... Hopefully she will realize it for herself.....the biggest hope is that she is brave enough to act on that knowledge and get back to that place in herself that was happy.....was free...

Mr.Slish said...

I know the feeling bruh..went through something like that recently...I think its my second to last post..lol