Long Way From Home...

Long way from home... 

"You a long way from home... You get this a here where you come from?"

The old man spoke to me as I exited my car, camera in hand and ready to photograph anything that appealed to me. The man noticed my out of state plates. I was traveling through Omaha, Texas just doing a little sightseeing and killing time while wondering if I could ever live in the country.

"How you doing, sir?" I asked.

"I'm doing just fine. What you think of all this here?"

"What do you mean?"

"These purty colors and such. That's why I can just sit on my porch for hours. As you can see I dont get much traffic through here. A car go by maybe every fifteen or twenty minutes. Last car before you belong to my neighbor and you can't even see his house from here."

The man spoke proudly. I looked in his eyes and could see he lived a lot of years before he reached his current state of serenity. Could I live like this? I asked myself. I mean, I'm from Los Angeles. I work in a world famous hospital where stress is at an all time high because life be like that in LA. I just know when I get back to that world, I'm gonna have to catch up, literally. People move faster, cars move faster, life moves faster... I've seen signs of that in the small towns that link these beautiful country sides together but for the most part, they only going half the speed of their big city counterparts.

"What you got in your hand there?" The man pointed to my camera.

"Digital camera..."

"Oh.... seen one of those on television. Don't care much for 'em but I can understand you wanting to take pictures of the country. That's a good way to take what you found out here back witcha, huh? Yeah, I know how it is..."

I assumed that the man didn't want me to take a picture of him so I photographed some of the scenery around him and then snapped a couple shots of his house. Even though I had seen some enormous brick homes scattered throughout the area, occasionally I'd come upon how country homes used to look. This man's house was just that type of place. I could imagine sitting on a porch like his myself and after I took a few more pictures, I asked the man permission if I could sit and listen to the quiet with him.

"Pull up a chair. I got a son that stay in Houston. When he come here he can barely sit still cause he gotten so used to all that noise in the city. Let's see how you take all this here quiet" The man said.

"Oh, I'll be just fine. I love it out here..."

"Uh huh, well sit on down... Ain't no loud music out this way. Only them cows out yonder be keeping up a ruckus every now and a gin. Just the other day the swallows was flying by."

"Yeah, I saw them too..."

"Yeah, that mean winter coming pretty soon...We been having some good weather out here. Fall come kind of late seem like but either way, when it get here, it look just like what you see now..."

I told the man that when I first came out this way a couple weeks ago I didn't see hardly any fall colors but then as I made a couple trips to Louisiana and Mississippi, it seemed like each time I brought back with me a little more fall. The man laughed at me.

"It probably seemed that way, young man but we just last on that autumn trail you probably hear about. I dont travel as much as I'd like or probably should but sometime I visits family over in Texarkana. They usually take me a little farther into Arkansas cause one of they favorite restuarants is out that way. Well, on that highway around this time of the year you see a lot of folks just a taking pictures of the trees and what not.. Now that's where you need to go especially during the fall season.."

"Yeah, I was thinking about going there to checkout the Clinton library..."

"Ha! Yeah..."

Something about the mention of Clinton had the old man laughing gently to himself. I left his laughter alone and joined him in watching the beautiful country side. Only one other car went by in the hour that I sat there. But during that hour I'd see two deers, a hillside full of cows and few gorgeous horses roaming about as though they knew someone were looking at them. Horses act like they got a sixth sense for knowing when they're being watched and especially photographed. I had a great time but the question remained in my mind, could I live a country life? It would be an adjustment but I could do it if I had a whole bunch of horses, some cows, a few dogs and especially a special lady that wouldn't mind the same experience... Without that, a life in the country might drive me crazy!

Country-fied Peace!

Beautiful Spot... 

Today I followed this road leading beyond my imagination. I was merely taking in sights and snapping pictures at every opportunity. My fascination grew wild as I discovered long, winding roads with beautiful fall colors on either side. This is how fall was meant to be experienced!

I wonder sometimes the benefits of seeing so much and seeing it alone. I wish I could run and tell the world how beautiful nature is and how blessed anyone with eyesight would be if they were looking through my eyes today. Thing is, it wasn't just my eyes receiving this incredible gift. My entire being took it all in. Every nerve-ending on my body relished this experience as the road led me to a beautiful piece of land that overwhelmed me in the most peaceful way.

I got out of my car to explore. As soon as I stepped out, a strong wind wrapped around me then let me go... It returned several times like the feeling you get, possibly when you're in love or perhaps when you break through the clouds and reach heaven. I dont know, but I walked and kept walking. I didn't want to return to my car.. I wanted to revisit a time when you could claim a spot of land as your own, build on it and that's it; it's yours but I couldn't... Part of the land included a small hill and an old abandoned barn.

When I walked to the top of the hill, I turned to look.... Funny thing, I was turning to look for someone. Someone I could smile at and say "what do you think?" And perhaps she would say "I like it... We could put our home right there..."

I saw no one once the sound of birds flying overhead brought me back to my senses. I realized my imagination was getting away from me, again. Thing is, when you're surrounded by total and complete serenity, it's not hard to imagine love and all that it's mean't to be....I find myself wishing that I lived in a time where love was truly all we needed... Somebody always finds a way to remind me that ain't so... So in the meantime, I discover possibilities and photograph them so that deep within my imagination I can play a positive game of what if..... What if will probably follow me forever...

Tracking The Past... 

Bridges to Somewhere... 

November Thoughts

November Thoughts 

Got a ton of thoughts swimming round my brain. Sometimes I be trippin this way. The obvious would be to say I'm going insane. *smile* Nah, I was just rhyming there but my thoughts have been heavy as of late... I'm loaded up with dreams, affirmations, disappointments, fears, goals, direction, retreat, forward progress, all balled up into confusion... A beautiful mess because I'm still a good guy or so my reflection tells me so... Still trying and still reaching... Still believing... hoping... praying... still... I keep myself whenever I'm able... just to think...

In the meantime, I'm gonna let the visuals speak until I've collected more that I wish to say...

One Day in November 

Time In The Life Of Me... 

Mama Julia's House 

No Comprehendo'

Poof! 

To one day wake up and find a friend no longer speaking for absolutely no reason is beyond my comprehension. But such is life in this world where paper is more valuable than blood... People purge folks from their lives left and right with no reasoning behind it except to say "you're no longer giving me what I want!" Poof! Vanish...Gone! You dont fit MY song... You dont follow MY rules... We can't mesh because you dont bend in MY direction... There's no HOPE... "So, I'm gone and I dont have to tell you why because an explanation would mean I care," she said... that is, if she had the courage to speak.

Mine Eyes Seen A Few Thangs! 

Beautifully Human VAR

Beautifully Human VAR 

A self-portrait from within, I display my thoughts like a candle in the wind. The scented kind... A little something whose residue is the result of time... A little something because of this mind, which is basically space I pay for daily... feels like! (smile)

The Rivers Star

The Rivers Star 

In three weeks I'll be headed for Texas; the original birthplace of my father. I miss being there on the date of his death. I'm usually there to place flowers on his grave. I'll soon make up for that as I celebrate his life on this journey and carry the one thing that meant a lot to him which was passed down to me. A little tiny star that he once received as a gift. This star he wore proudly on his chest. Sometimes it represented his ego as he shined in a world he'd create around him during the late seventies in Houston, Texas. I'd watch that star dangle from his neck and lie against his chest. During that time, open collars were the rage and you could wear your shirt practically unbuttoned to the navel and be perceived as super cool.. My father did that all the time along with wearing his bell bottom jeans. Or sometimes he'd wear a pinstripe suit and still have the shirt opened wide enough to expose his chest and that star. Funny thing, I would later buy the same exact four button suit for myself many years later but I never wore it. Financially that wasn't a good move but it felt great to have the suit in my closet.

Back in the day, my father would tell me proudly that one day that star he wore so proudly would be mine. I only smiled at the gesture and though I looked forward to one day possessing that beautiful piece of jewelry, I wanted to wait at least eighty or ninety years before it happened because the trade off would mean that he'd no longer be alive... I now have the star. I wore it for a longtime but now I just keep it locked away. I wore it during one of my annual trips to Texas as seen in the picture above but after that I tucked it away. I now travel with the memory of it's meaning and a little bit of that Rivers ego as I find my own identity with jewelry that represents me. The Rivers Star is now deep within my heart and as I prepare to ride beneath the stars in the sky, I'll be saying some prayers and sending shoutouts to my dad. I know he and my grand parents will be lookin and watching me once again on hopefully another cool journey..

Last Week...

VAR 

I'm coming off of a week where I had a blast spending too much money, cruising round town, meeting folks, enjoying the Cali sun, being called adorable, taking mental notes from all the inspiration that goes hand in hand with living in a busy diverse city like Los Angeles. It was an interesting week but also a week that left me wanting... When you've seen as much of LA as I've seen, the city becomes small and crowded. You feel like you need to escape. Like you need to expand your boundaries inorder to truly be fulfilled. LA is cool but I need more. I'm probably also reaching that sort of mental zone wherein my days might be a lot more better if I had that special someone to spoil. I'm great at spoiling. Perhaps a little too great at it and thus things dont workout.
Last week has definitely left me with a truck load of thoughts. My mind is so heavy that I force a smile just to relieve the stress. Funny, but I'm looking forward to getting back to work. I'm looking forward to seeing what's on the other side of tomorrow and then reaching into the following weeks for more strength and purpose. There's got to be more to all this than just chasing paper and being happy about riding in style and luxury.
October will be an interesting month and hopefully a good month. I look forward to what is revealed and then on the other side of this month, it'll be time to journey and see what's beyond my Cali boundaries. And when I return, I want to start anew with as Nas would say "a whole nother format." Renewed spirit and a renewed search for the escapeable, impossible.....Love...and maybe a bestseller too! wink!

Virg & V. Anthony 

Morning whisper of thoughts... I dunno...

... 

My voice dont travel much but my heart runs miles... After five days I might lose you, yes you...if you're afraid of a little silence... They say I love too hard or perhaps too fast. I place a lot of dreams in front of me and find special purpose in every potential thought or expression of love. The beauty and purpose of my soul leans heavily on every beat of my heart. I've been accused of knowing exactly how to hold a woman. Even those that get held by many men each night tell me my arms are made for sleeping in. They could be lying but somehow it feels like truth. I've felt it and seen the comfort in a woman's eyes... before... Her gentle sigh felt like cool fresh air. Something makes her do that and perhaps I am him... the reason...

Where I Get It From...

Love Letter 

It's a late night or perhaps an early morning. I'm sitting here. A song is playing that brings to mind the thoughts I have while gazing at a pair of pictures alongside a love letter written by my grandmother, Senora to my grandfather, Virgil. The song is called "Coming From Where I'm From." I'm lovin it not only because the singer possesses a deeply rich, southern voice but also because I've heard these words directed at me a few times both as a question and a statement. Where do you come from? How do you come about your ideas for love? What makes you think the way you do?

I'm reading this love letter written by my grandmother and it makes me smile. Her handwriting and the words she chooses look to me as though she struggled a bit, trying to find the right way to say what was on her mind. She wanted to convey a message of love and to assure my grandfather that he was truly the man of her dreams. She thanks him for convincing her to go away to school. I take it they weren't really "official" at the time she wrote this confession of love on September 4, 1933. She goes on to remind him how he joked with her about going away to learn to speak "better english" but then when she'd return, she might not want anything to do with him. She closed the letter with these words leaving him and me with no doubts as to how she felt about Virgil. "I'm coming back to make you my one and only..."

Where do I come from? How do I come about my ideas for love? What makes me think the way that I do? Right now all I can do is smile, point to the heavens and continue to groove off of this slowjam for a little while longer. I'm blessed to come from where I'm from and nothing or no one in my life thus far can make that feeling less true. The sad part is that someone actually tried to do just that...

A Sly Tribute to...Patriotism & Love...

A Sly Salute 

This day dripped constantly with patriotism on the TV screen and in the streets of LA. 911 flashed everywhere, as it should I imagine... I seen this dude walking across a bridge overpass, just above the 101 freeway. He carried a very large flag that trailed behind him in such a beautiful way, held up by the gentle breeze of an early evening. It was a sight that had me wishing I had a camera but instead, I was able to simply photograph and capture the moment in memory. My only worry was the possibilty of getting hit by another driver who might be so overcome with the sight of the flag that they forget we're traveling at a somewhat highspeed on the freeway. Luckily, nothing like that happened but folks did slow down a bit.

Funny thing, on this day I also found myself paying tribute to the musical legend and genius of Sly Stone. I think that brotha was one of the most patriotic artists of his time. His enthusiasm when he first started, matched the times of the day and his later discoveries and disappointments could be felt just as strongly. Seems like in the beginning he thought he could change the world and just create sounds that would unite everybody... Dancing to the same rhythm; humming the same melodies... That's a tough mission for one man to take on and even tougher to convince a nation to adopt, one melody of love. Ain't nothing sadder than a creative, gifted soul losing his faith in love...Keeping the faith is a test all by itself..

Harmony Of Love & Memories...

Dreamstyle 

I sat up late thinking about love and remembering when I was a passenger to a beautiful future. I sat there watching...her... The way she moved. The way she sat, leaned forward while driving. That alone made me think about a time when my father used to laugh at me while driving because I leaned forward, reminiscent of his own father that leaned forward while driving as well. That was cool and it was such a trip to see it in the form of a woman who no matter what will always remain beautiful in my eyes, mind, spirit and heart. I honor her in some of the things I write and I hope she's proud and perhaps touched a little bit. I expect nothing in return for I have memories that last as long as I wish to visualize what leaves me feeling good to this day, four years later... When it's good, it's good.... Harmonious... Like a flirtatious dance mixing perfectly with an infectious groove, trying desperately to keep the bounce from seeping outside where the world can get to it because sometimes, most times... life changes things... Life camouflages reality when we think love ain't possible... We think we have to submit to the sting of sadness and being stuck in situations that keep us wanting... Why not embrace something that feels incredible and thus build upon it and make it fly in the face of all that's wrong in the world.... Give folks something to aspire to rather than retire to. I dream constantly..I remain positive even when I'm down because I know what I deserve and I know what I've given... On days where I wish I could go back, it's not so much so that I can make things turn out different, it's only because I truly celebrate what once was... It was great... it was incredible... it was right... Harmonious.... until... ciao'

Look At Me When You Do What You Do...

Breezy Friday Evening... 


It was a hot but breezy Friday evening when I met you. I remember the gentle smile I had on my face because of two unexpected moments. After I swiped my credit card and began filling up the tank, something told me to look up gradually. The sky was sort of a purplish orange color and with my creative mind working overtime, I'd placed a mental picture frame around the AM PM sign up above. It was sort of funny but something about the sign, the words and the sky in the background seemed to mix just right. All day, all night, I thought to myself and then I saw you. There you were on the other side of the gas pump trying to figure out which number corresponded with the pump you were about to use. I pointed and said "it's right there" as I intruded on your mission to figure it out for yourself. You didn't seem to mind, though. You smiled and then you walked away. I watched you. Seemed like you were halfway performing for a brotha. I laughed gently and then you turned around and caught me smiling, again. And again, you didn't seem to mind.

When you returned from pre-paying for your gas, I tried to be discreet when stealing glances at you. I have no doubt you knew what I was doing. Why else would you be smiling and trying to catch glimpses from the side of your eye? That was when the second unexpected moment happened. You said, "hello" and then we made eye contact. The sound of your voice turned that hot breeze into a cool mental shower. I was immediately drenched by your beautiful spirit. I finally returned the greeting just before the sound of my gas pump clicked, signifying that my tank was now full. Somehow it made me feel like this unexpected dream was over, but it wasn't.

You laughed when you said "come here often?" I smiled almost bashfully and said, no. You commented on my ride while somehow throwing in the fact that you were impressed by my height. Seems like you were taking in as much as you could in the little time that we had for this moment. I tried to come up with a fitting line for the occasion but it was probably corny though you smiled. I told you that my height was just perfect for you but truthfully there was something so incredible about you that I'd adjust myself to any size or height you'd happen to be. Of course that's probably easy for me to say being that from head to toe, you already had me in awe. That's when your pump clicked. Your tank was full and this dream moment was seconds from ending. You looked almost disappointed. We shared that feeling because I was too. We didn't say a lot or perhaps we didn't say enough during this encounter but nothing compares to the way you lit up when I asked you for your phone number. You brushed your hair to the side. You smiled. You nodded your head, showing me a warm sign of approval. Then you said "okay, and do you have a card or something?" I patted my pockets. I usually do have a business card but this time I didn't. Then an idea hit me. I opened my car door on the passenger side where I was standing closest to and pulled out my journal. I ripped one of the white pages from it, grabbed not one but two pens and turned to look at you. This time I caught you smiling, though your right eyebrow was raised. I may have to ask you sometime what ran through your mind. I could probably guess.

I walked over to you. I handed you one of the pens and the piece of paper that I'd ripped. You began writing your name and then I stopped you. I told you it would be fun if we write it together. You questioned what I mean't. I said "let's look at each other while writing our names and numbers; see what happens..." You laughed but you appreciated my creativity. That's when you sort of moved in closer to me. Seems like you adjusted really well to the little game I was playing. We both wrote slowly, trying both to write correctly while at the same time trying to see who would look away first. It was funny. It was a nice little moment of mind control because it was hard as heaven trying to concentrate on numbers while looking deeply into your eyes, at your nose, your lips, and back to your eyes. You played unfair when you took a slow, deep breath and then blew it out gently. When your lips parted my hand shook. When I glanced down, I had written all over the page and you? Just like I'd imagine, your writing was just like you; beautiful, fluid, sexy, and seemingly confident. It was great meeting you, even if this dream really was a dream...

Aunt Thelma 

Julia Patterson

Julia 


Ever wish you could step back in time? I wish I could step back and climb inside the mind of this woman. I wouldn't want to become her, per se. I'd just want to sit across from her and listen.

They called her "Mama Julia." She's my great grandmother. I wish I could talk to her some kind of way. Find out how she loved and lived. Walk some of the same steps she did. Listen to how others spoke to her or viewed her from afar. What did she listen to? Did she have a favorite song? Did she smile a lot? Did she speak often or was she reserved? Her eyes have a softness about them as if she were a little bit shy. Maybe she didn't really want to take the picture but I bet once she saw it, she smiled. I wonder if she covered her face or allowed others to witness her pleasantly surprised reaction? Somebody probably told her she was beautiful...

I wonder if her looks were a hindrance or did it open doors for her? How did folks react to her complexion? Where did she work and where did she play? Was she a church going woman? Did the men stare at her all the time as she sat while fanning herself on a hot Texas, Sunday morning? I wish I could step back and find her... Listen and observe her every move... Julia Patterson must've been a very interesting woman. Perhaps she's the inspiration for a story I wrote recently. A very special story, which I hope to be my next book. I found the contemporary inspiration and maybe Mama Julia is the past...

Shade's House

Shade House 

Not too long ago, I'd learned about this man named Shade. He lived during the early 1900's. He was somehow related to my great great grandmother, Moriah. Something about this man just stuck in my mind. Probably the whole mystery around his name had made me more curious. I asked about him and most didn't know. I did more research and found the general area that he lived in. It was as if his spirit was contacting me and maybe smiling at my efforts to find him because little by little I'd find the trail leading to who he might've been.

I searched around Green Street; a road that lies in an area between Mt. Pleasant and Daingerfield, Texas. I found someone who described Shade as a tall, very darkskinned man who kept to himself. I filed the description in my mind and continued on. Somebody told me his house was not too far away if I just continued down the road on back into the woods. I did just that and I could feel something. I could sense I was close. Then all of a sudden, I'd seen this house with a tall, very darkskinned man standing on the porch. His truck was parked in front of the porch so I couldn't see him very well but I could see enough to know he was there. It wasn't Shade but I would learn later that it was the house that he once lived in. I'm still searching for more about this man so I can place his spirit inside of a story that I'm working on. Shade Rivers...

In times of worry, don't forget who you are.....or were

Alzata Moorings 

I remember when this woman use to strut! She'd move about with so much sass. She'd laugh and hold her head high. She's lived a full life with many ups and downs, but mostly ups because she'd never let much get her down. She knew how to brush stuff off with pride. Let it fall to the floor and glide....away... She could go from being elegant to throwing a fishing hook in the water trying to catch her a "covina!" I ain't so sure if that's how you spell it but I can remember her always talking about that fish. She could do it all...

She's blessed with the love of a big familiy. She's celebrated with pride filled smiles, love and laughter yet now she worries. She surrounds her heart with thoughts about today. Life has placed an obstacle that's tough to get around. Tough to find an answer though she looks in the right place... But even during this time, if she can remember her journey and share what she's seen, no obstacle will matter. It's only LIFE she should see and be proud of... FAITH... Love you grandma aka the lady we all call "Mother."

Subtlety Shines...

Little signs always reveal subtle thoughts. Of course, what I see might look different through someone else's eyes. As the sun went down today, I looked out my window. I saw a shadow lying against a tall green ivy bush. The shadow was shaped like the state of Texas, the birthplace of both of my parents. As I get older, I feel like that state is calling me and like a stubborn child, I don't listen but I do think about it. I brush it off... I say, tell Texas I'll be there soon...

I was born in Los Angeles and eventhough I continue to have an on again, off again love affair with the city, it's home for me. Then again, I sometimes think of it as pure seduction because all the things I love about LA have nothing to do with feeling spiritually at home. I love the shine... The glitter.. The weekends where a brotha might mimic being at a tennis match because his head moves from side to side trying to keep up with all the beautiful attention getters parading by.(smile) LA is definitely seductive but Texas and the south got so much more... I'm working my way there... Time will reveal as I gain more courage to try...

Not much sense in Saturday...

Yesterday was gorgeous. The sky all blue. No clouds. If happiness serves as your current calling card, yesterday would've put you in a state of euphoria and had you bouncing off imaginary walls as if you'd lost all good sense. I envy you if that's what you felt. I found myself floating through the experience that was yesterday. I was stranded in wonderment, trying to figure out why I felt so stuck in the middle of neither feeling good nor bad. I couldn't tell what the hell I was feeling. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either but the feeling was there... Then for a couple hours I escaped with the help of a fabulous friend, CFM. She sang and she shared her spirit with me. There's no greater gift than conversation with someone that shares and listens at the same time. An unselfish act that doesn't require practice. It's all about sincerity and being true..

After that blessed moment, I got the urge to get some chicken and biscuits from Church's Fried Chicken. I was reliving a two year old memory when I did the same thing in Louisiana. I fell in love with those honey biscuits. The ones out here aren't nearly as good as the ones I had in Grambling, Louisana but the memory was just as sweet. Then came a funny moment when a brotha asked me for five dollars so he could buy a piece of chicken. He just wanted to get something to eat, he told me. The trip part about it was that I'd seen him using a cellphone prior to when he approached me. How can he afford a cellphone and not be able to buy a piece of chicken? Not much sense to that but it was certainly reminiscent of my day. I had to write the whole day off as being one of those times that would've been better served if I had stayed home and out of the heat...

Midnight Magic Hour!

Midnight seems to awaken my spirit... I often wonder why when the stroke of midnight occurs, something inside of me boosts the level of energy to where I feel no struggle, no pain; just energy, creativity, and drive. My body and mind feels high like a feeling beyond any type of second wind concept. It's a situation that I try to move beyond the unexplainable.

It happens like clockwork, most times. I get a little sleepy around 11pm, imagine and/or fight off the urge to get a giant cup of coffee with cream and four bags of Equal. My movements become a little bit slower. I catch myself drifting. Take deep breaths and wonder if I'll make it. I warn myself not to fall asleep as if to say "do it and you'll have hell to pay!" I laugh off my threats to myself and continue on. Then when the clock begins to inch closer toward midnight, an awakening feeling occurs. My movements become more swift and my energy level becomes the equivalent of being inspired. I'm ready to take on anything. Work harder. Love harder. Write with an overload of imagination. Drive faster. Listen closer. Step outside and watch the sky. And from midnight to about 5am, this is how I feel... Shoot, lastnight I was trying on clothes at 4:30am, being all vain and having a little fun. A grown man playing dress up in front of the mirror... I looked good. Found a few combinations that work. Most importantly, I felt good and then about thirty-five minutes later, I was knocked out, sleep...

Midnight Magic Hour! I'm about to do it all over again tonight!

Real Life Yesterday 

In My Grandfather's Boots