Saturday, July 30, 2005

SuperHead and me?? *smile*

Me and Karrine... Posted by Picasa

My friend Jay sent me a letter attached to an article the other day. It also had a picture of this chick I'd been seeing in the news and hearing about on anything representing what's what in current blackness. I vaguely remembered her. The picture was a little blurry...The letter read;

Yo Ant! I didn't know you had it like that. I mean, this shit is funny and little bits of it might be embarrassing to you but yo; I didn't know you knew Karrine! What's up with that! Why you keep'n shit like that from your number one ace? Yo, read on dude and if you still tight with her, give her my number, aight!

Okay, so I remove Jay's letter from the article and take a quick glance at the top of the page. It says "From the pages of reporter Steven Sumner..." I'm thinking, why would I be interested in some reporter I never heard of? Then I skimmed pass all this stuff about this chick named Karrine Steffans and all these famous brothas that she got busy with. Then I noticed my boy Jay had highlighted with purple ink a whole section that I'm assuming he wants me to read. I look closer and I see my damn name on there! Jay didn't write that. My name was actually in the article... I sat down and started to read. If you've ever read something so hard that you couldn't hear a thing around you except the thoughts running through your mind then you know how intensely I was reading this stuff.


Forgive me but I'm not really familiar with this person. Who is he and just like I asked of the other celebrities, where did you meet?

Oh God, I met this guy in LA or specifically standing outside the Magic Johnson's Friday's. That's a restaurant where a lot of hottie's in training go. You know, all these young ladies who basically want to be like me when they grow up. I go just for practice because it be some nice looking guys there and some got money. You see these on the verge rap stars and athletes rolling around in they SUV's, Infiniti's, and that fake Mercedes they call a Chrysler 300. The noise level is so high over there with motorcycles and loud ass music systems that it makes my clothes shrink up! Then I just smile and adjust my thong; making sure no lines can be seen 'cause I know brothas constantly looking at my ass from the moment I step out of my Lexus.

And so, how did you meet this guy?

Seems like your question should be why did I meet this guy! *Karrine laughs so hard she snorts twice* Well, I'll admit he was looking really cute.. He was standing there looking borderline thug 'cause he had one of those thermal white shirts on draped over some baggy black pants.. He had some minor league bling on. Well, he had a nice watch and something around his neck which sparkled a little bit. The thing that caught my eye was his height and then I heard a couple girls talkin bout they was gonna rush him because they heard he was a basketball player. Shit, somebody lied to they ass which I found out way too late but again, the brotha looked handsome with sort of like thugged out overtones. when I seen those girls trying to make their way over to "V," I had my two spies that work parties with me block those heffas.

Two spies, Karrine?

Uh huh, they block out all competition, literally! You should've heard the laughter when people turned around and saw those two girls trying to get up off the pavement. So, while all that commotion was going on, I was talking to "V." He had charm, I'll have to admit. I said hello to him and moved really close. That's when I noticed his soft but warm eyes. He's handsome; he's aight but I kept having to say "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" because the brotha talked so low but it didn't matter because I quickly gave him a hug and whispered sweet bullshit in his ear... My God, that brotha was packing! I mean, I thought he was. Then he showed me what he was packing. He had just come from a car show at the Staples Center where they gave out free miniature bats that work as keychains. I laughed and then I hugged him again. He kept asking me if I was alright because I kept squirming around trying to position myself just right. I was doing that in order to determine what he was working with! I couldn't find it!! *Karrine snorts again*

Okay, so you met him outside Magic's restaurant in LA. Which was better, the food or the man?

Oooh, you mean Magic?

No, umm, we're still on the suibject of this person, V. Anthony Rivers. By the way, what does he do? Who is he?

Oh, he's some lightweight author in training... I mean, he got some interesting stuff. I shouldn't be so mean, huh? He's sweet but to go from Usher to Jay Z. to The Game to Busta Rhymes and then to V. Anthony Rivers? I dont know; I musta been on crack that night! *Karrine falls out her chair from laughing so hard*

Are you okay Ms Steffans?

SHIT! Why you ain't got carpet on your hardwood floors? I think I hurt my hip...

Sorry about that. So, you two went home together or had sex somewhere? Whatelse happened?

I was curious about the brotha; I ain't gonna lie. He had this way of catching you off guard with clever things he'd say. Stuff that'll make a chick like me smile when I dont want to. He did that enough to score brownie points because he seemed sincere. However, I was a little too high to care about sincerity because with them bartenders knowing me real good, they was sending over free drinks; two of which were shots of petrone and I think I had one long island ice tea. "V" was drinking juices.. I remember sticking my finger in his drink and stirring it just to see if maybe he had a drop of liquor in it but he didn't. I screamed at him one time. I was like, this is bullshit!!! And then I was embarrassed because I was sounding all ghetto. "V" just kept his composure so he earned even more brownie points. Then what did it for me was once again another heffa was trying to move in on my territory. She even had the nerve to walk towards us, make a quick turn, flash her little rotten smile at him and say hello. "V" said a quick hello and then I asked him about it. He just responded by saying she was being nice but I didn't like that shit. Turns out she was a waitress but even still, that bitch better not come to no table I be sitting at with a man!

Sounds to me like this "V" as you call him is a decent fella. Maybe one day we will hear about him and he'll present the world with his own tell all book.

I doubt that and he better not be saying nuttin about me if he do!

How's your hip?

My shoulder hurts now... *Karrine makes a sad face*

So, can I assume that you had sex with "V" or did something else happen to make this date a memorable one?

Well, first of all it wasn't a date. It was just one of those things that happened. We met and we were spontaneous. We had dinner.. And after all those drinks and everything else, I wanted to f&*k!!!!!! I even told "V" that. I was like, take me to your car dammit and lets get it on!!! And you know what he told me then???

No, but I'm sure you'll let us know...

Well, he said in this sweet ass voice that I hate him for now; he said "I can't right now. I gotta go work some overtime at my regular job." Oh my God!!! I wanted to take a swing at him then but I was too drunk and he looked like three regular-job-workin-negroes sitting across from me! I didn't know who to punch! I dont date no regular job man, period! A regular job???? I was so mad!!!!

So, what happened then?

Well, he stood up and then he looked like six regular-job-workin-negroes because my head was spinning. Being mad as hell and drunk as a skunk dont go hand in hand. But, I did notice the big wad of money that all six of them had. And when the money hit the table like a brick and I heard his deep voice say "here's enough money for wine, roses, and your next love affair" I wanted to grab "V" but I was about to pass out by that time. I mean, he walked away looking like a combination Billy Dee and DMX all rolled into one. His ass never looked back so I threw my fork at him for that shit. I accidentally hit somebody but I dont know who it was. I just heard a loud ouch! I was too through... Who knows, maybe I'll see him again if he ever gets famous... A girl has got to keep her dignity, ya know... *Karrine smiles really big*

Thanks Ms. Steffans...

Thank you Scott...

It's Steven...

Oh yeah.... smooches...


B.E.G said...

Is that actually true? Well either way it's hysterical (and kind of sad).

alli-babe said...

Kinda sad??....shit's pathetic. What are young black women coming to and what are we teaching them if they think this is ok....Superhead...WTF?!?

..but get mad props for having this miscellaneous, non-remembered, one-sided conversation that in a way, dissed the ever so lovely and opportunist Karrin..LOL

Layloni said...

Aaaaahhhhh!!! I love you even more for this, Anthony!! You go boy!! Look at it as free advertisement for you! Gold diggin' hoes always pass up the true *Starz* ;)


Shelia said...

Reading this post made me post the question...are there Book Vixens out there? If so, V Anthony, you better watch out. You're going to be a man in full don't fall for the okey doke.

VAR said...

LOL... Shelia.. :-) Book Vixens? Yeah, I think there's lots and lots of them but that ain't for me. I'm already constantly around that sort of vixen environment and aint fell for it yet so there's no need for me to lose my mind And if I be in full demand then I hope each one of them takes at least ten of my postcards and do a brotha a favor. Past them out and say fabulous things about this incredible story I got coming out! My Life Is All I Have... :-) Yep, that be the one with the bomb ass cover on it!

VAR said...

Thank you BEG and Alli-babe for reading the post... Oooh and thank you layloni.. Me a Star?? I've got the footprints to show but I'm still working on my star credentials.. :-)