Thursday, December 22, 2005

Year In Review of sorts..

 

The hands of time move so fast that it makes a lot of things blurry. As I adjust the focus during the last few days of 2005, I notice a few folks who dont take the time to appreciate or recognize sincerity when it's rubbing their shoulders... Sadly, disappointment was one of the gifts that I opened this year for Christmas and its been an eye-opener.

I did something different this year during my usual three week vacation. I stayed home, stayed in Cali and got in some much needed relaxation. It was cool but it's not me... I've felt a big part of me missing because I wasn't out there on the road, traveling from town to town in the south like I usually do. All that delicious food on the road, the uncertainty of what's around the corner and all the beautiful history found in the land, spirits and eyes of people I'd encounter along the way. I miss placing flowers on the graves of my father, grandfather and grandmother.. I even miss the cold weather during this time of year and the smell of Texas when I'd typically first arrive just outside of El Paso in the early evening searching for a hotel to lay my head for the night. Next year I've got to make my return to the road... Its in my blood to hit that highway and document through pictures and special memories, every moment of my travel...

Now, 2006 is almost here and I'm trying to stay motivated; keep everything in perspective and make sure my dreams remain in focus...I usually like to indulge in a year-end wrap up so I thought I'd start on a few things...a few thoughts... inspirations, disappointments, etc etc...

2006 brings with it a whole lot of promise and cool things on the horizon... 2005 was fun, interesting, emotionally exhausting and even uplifting at times... It brought a whole slew of new friends, a deepening of current friendships, and a few disappointments that can only be classified as mind boggling, just-dont-get-it-type-of-stuff... I may have to make an appointment with my friend Dr. Stephanie to see if she can place the card of enlightenment in these blurry hands.

I had a chit-chat recently with one of my fellow white chocolate mocha drinkers outside the Magic Johnson's Starbucks in the Ladera Center. He too was wondering what's the deal with folks today... The lack of concern... The tossing away of positive experiences for the party-party gotta get paid mentality...

He said to me, "when you got somebody good in your life be it friendship or a deeper reason, you hold on to them.. If you got folks that can't appreciate real sincerity or the stability of a strong hand that reaches out to them with no expectations, let them go... More than likely they'll leave anyway due to the clueless induced, trifling behavior that floods they veins.. Youngblood, people be seriously trippin these days..."

After we sat in silence for a minute possibly pondering similar thoughts, a car drove by blasting a new song with the familiar vocals of Too Short rapping "I do it everyday anyway, 'cause I gotta get paid..." We both laughed. Dude said to me "see what I mean, that shit is everywhere.."

When I got to my car after enjoying the chit-chat, I took out my journal and began to scribble some poetic thoughts down... I never finished it because I didn't want to harp on something that got me down or had me feeling confused but this is how the half that I wrote read from my thoughts to the page in my journal.

I'm sitting on the shoulders of time watching rainbows float by.. They look like dreams that glow with no real focus.. Women that wave with smiles like love is hopeless.. But I know that not to be true... I hear the sounds of waves crashing in the distance. The wisdom emanated from patience... I grow in the midst of undecided hearts trying to figure out direction... Waiting to tell me that perhaps another time things could be different. Time has nothing to do with it, at least not the present. Your mind has decided that you and I have no mission. Your past appears to dictate your decision... I listen... I offer to you friendship because from day one that was always priority...foundation... I hurt but I foster no regret. My heart and intention overflowed with respect... first, last and forever.. Life is clever... New hope floats by and changes my mind from never to this might be better...

Anyway, I'm excited about the next book coming out and thanks to a fabulous publicist/friend(Glenys), we're gonna do big things with this novel..(My Life Is All I Have) The cover is the bomb and the choice of model has turned out to be the best choice because she represents the character in more ways than I originally imagined... Sort of like life imitating art... You'll have to read and get inside the character's(Leesha) mind in order to know what I mean... Now I'm in search of a new model for my book due out in the fall of 2006 called "Until Again." I've got two choices already in the running and both I'm sure will be beautiful but it's gotta be right because this story is epic.. It's very special and it was completely motivated and inspired by the kind of LOVE folks dream about... I know I do... It's dedicated to my great grandmother Mama Julia on my mother's side, my great great grandmother Moriah Rivers on my father's side and the initial inspiration and reason for the title; a beautiful woman who during four months of my life shared something with me that felt as powerful as an eternity... Despite a certain recent misunderstanding, she(Ardys) has my love(friendship) forever.... One day she will finally see what I've been telling her about for years. This story is the most amazing journey put on paper...

Well, I leave this interesting year behind with no one to fill my heart.. That's a sad admission for a brotha who is definitely passionate about love and remains a big supporter of such a blessing... I've got amazing shoulders to lean on(Angela, Shelia, Jamise, Missy, Apryl, Big E., Arnail, Kitten, Kim, etc etc) and I thank those who send me compliments and cool affirmations about whom they see in me... I especially thank Angela for being there for me on October 6th. Powerful experience... But in closing, It's not hard to be sincere... To not be is when you find yourself struggling to represent in the right way so instead you find ways to remove yourself or to simply no longer care but I'll be here when you do and it be that way because from day one, my intentions were always sincere... From this romantic soul to the world...Happy New Year... Posted by Picasa

5 comments:

Shelia said...

Anthony, this was a thought provoking reflection. Made me think about my own life.

Shelia said...

I forgot to say thank you for mentioning me in your blog entry. You've been a light during dark times--a true friend in deed. I hope that you'll find the happiness that you so much deserve.

angela said...

wow! i know i sound like a broken record, but that was deep...as you have captured so much more than a year in the life of V. Anthony. my thoughts echo yours, and my dissapointments, very similar. but i continue to be in awe of your ability to KNOW things will get better. i really admire that quality in you. stay up Anthony...your day is coming :-)
ps. i so enjoy seeing my name in print :-)))) thank you

Groove said...

This post is sooo powerful, it is leaving me almost in tears, Your Poem is if you plucked it straight from my head. I feel like I could finish it, Wow!

You are so right about sincerity being easy, it's just so sad that some folks prefer the hard life.

I can't wait for you book, and wish you much success and a happy New Year!

Absolutely Beautiful Post~

Sexkitten said...

I appreciate and admire you beyond words. Your ability to capture emotions on paper is amazing to me. I feel you. And I'm cheering you on.