Monday, June 08, 2009

Gloria Ann Rivers

How does one pay tribute to someone who gave them every ounce of life.. The memories that collide with one another deep inside my head and heart feel overwhelming at times. I try to be strong in the face of wanting to simply stop and cry but my mother is indeed in a better place right now, resting in peace. Though if her afterlife is anything like her life here on earth, she probably aint resting. Instead, she's writing up budget plans, taking notes, and putting enough money to the side so that she can enjoy a twice a month trip to the nearest casino to play bingo. Or maybe there's some sit and knit sessions going on in heaven. My mother didn't rest much until the powers that be placed cancer upon her shoulders and she had to take it easy, do a little less, cut back on those long drives out of town. I had two parents who loved to hit the highway and head to the promise land of east Texas and beyond. They passed that down to me. I live for moments on the road but I've had to stay close so I could be there for her.

Last year on June 23rd, my mother was diagnosed with gastric cancer. She fought hard and cooperated with all involved. She was a sweetheart in the midst of her frustration. She always questioned, why her and why now? She'd finally found HAPPINESS in a huge way. She wasn't without worry because I was around, working her nerves though not on purpose. *smile* Despite that, my mother found so much joy and purpose during what is now her very short retirement, cut even shorter. She just made five years after working so hard previously and putting in long long hours on the job. Sacrifice, dedication, love, concern, doing the best she could for me.. Every sense of the crown known as Motherhood, she displayed. She wasn't always a rock of gibraltar per se but she remained a constant cornerstone of support and caring, which always preceded her familiar sayings like "I tell you, Anthony Rivers" and "Oh God!" making you feel like the support might not come but it always did... always...

My imagination need not stretch when thinking about my mother. The memories are as complex as a Shakespeare play and as simple as an Isley Brothers groove circa the late seventies. I typically find myself wanting to go back in time and now is no exception. I would rob time if it meant I could go backwards to spend more moments with the love ones no longer here. Now that my mother is gone from this earth, I wish that to the tenth power... Life aint always fair but life is what it is.... time that doesn't always act in our favor. The only way to make it somewhat feel favorable is to take a little bit from my mother's consistent direction of prepare, stay prepared and never let a rainy day sneak up on you... She was prepared even for death despite the end in which the pain was severe and the mind not always clear. She handled it as best she could... Her sense of preparation reminded me of intuition. My mother’s intuition was a beautiful and blessed thing even when she still reluctantly allowed me to swim upstream against negative currents, go my own way, make my own choices, I still had her L-O-V-E. And along with it, she gave me a piece; a large chunk of her mind; advising me on what was good, what was wrong.. She’d give me her opinion on my choices; those that I allowed in my life that might bring strife. Mother’s intuition; she was right but I had to go my own way. Stubbornness pulls you that way sometimes... The best part though, is that in the end she found me happy, making the right decisions and allowing the right someone into my life…. someone she loved and approved of… someone she trusts and smiles at the mere sound and mention of the name… That’s an incredible feeling, blessing, honor and she was there too, with me as my mother joined my grandmother in heaven… My aunt Tamer said she prayed for Mother(Alzata) to come down and take her daughter with her to heaven and I believe she did... Love is that powerful and as they say, always on time... Rest in peace and love and I'll try my best to listen to every word of your wisdom... Love, Son

No comments: