Sunday, November 06, 2005
You And I For A Reason
You And I For A Reason
I began writing this story last year. It's a little something dealing with the gift of friendship. I'm revisiting it because it reminds me of a novella that I have coming out soon as a part of this collection called "Love Is Never Painless." Only thing is, this story is more about the blessing and reason why folks connect so deeply as friends.. sisterhood, brotherhood, etc etc... Finding true friendship can test your patience just as finding true love and for the most part no matter what you do or what circumstances you meet under, it just happens... Love does...Friendship does... I often wonder why people are so quick to run from love and why they place it in their minds as something so scary... A very wise and beautiful in the spirit woman told me recently "love is chance happening..." That's a cool quote and I love taking chances like that but going back to this story/excerpt that I'd like to share; this is more about that less scary and threatening sort of love/gift... That thing called "Friendship." So far, in friendship I've never been accused of being scary or trouble or any of the millions of other descriptions placed upon me simply because of being sincere with no hidden agenda... Got no time to hide.. I'm trying to enjoy life, take chances, and share/reflect my experience...thus, maybe someone will smile and give me a positive nod.... Don't be scurred... Enjoy this excerpt from "You and I For A Reason."
Confusion set in like a mofo the other day. I shake my head sometimes wondering where I'm headed. I'm trying to live right and remain the nice guy that people label me as. I'm proud most times when I hear it though I also get a little sick of it too. I walk through this battlefield of life noticing that some of the victories I want to win come to those that have no trouble with deception. I stick my hands out there wishing to help and uplift. My hands are heavy like I'm picking up sand that never stops pouring between my fingers. Sort of like time standing in front of you as a constant reminder of what you want but may not be able to have.
I called up my homegirl Tuesday the other day. That's actually her name; Tuesday Jackson. She's a dime piece with style like a young Angela Bassett but when she gets serious and feels like she needs to school you, she'll have you feeling like you're sitting in conversation with Susan Taylor; that lady from Essence magazine. She smiles alot, speaks with confidence and touches your arm when she's about to make a point. When I met up with her at Jamba Juice she diagnosed me instantly.
"Brotha you look tired! What's wrong with you?"
I didn't have an answer for her. I just shrugged and smiled simultaneously. We greeted each other with a hug. Tuesday and I are just friends. Of course me being a man, I always steal a few glances at her bootie or cant help but notice when the cleavage is within reach. She's definite eye candy but the boundaries are there and I respect that. Plus I got her up on such a well deserved pedestal that ain't no way I'd try to bring her down with my confusion.
After we got our drinks from Jamba Juice, we sat down outside at a small table with an umbrella overhead. Tuesday pulled out a bag of honey roasted cashews and offered me some.
"Nah, I'm cool.."
I refused not because I didn't want any but just out of habit. Most times my first reaction is to always say no when someone offers me something. I think its a psychological habit of me not wanting to appear needy. I'm a trip; I know this already.
Tuesday touched my wrist to get my attention. I assumed that maybe she'd said something but I didn't hear her due to being lost in thought.
"Huh?" I asked just to be sure.
"I didn't say anything yet..."
I tried to change my mood and act as if everything was lovely in my life. I sat up, took a sip of my drink and smiled at Tuesday.
"What's that you drinking?" I asked.
"Do you really want to know or you just making small talk?"
"I have a strawberry nirvana. Now tell me; what gives with you?"
"Its like this, Tuesday. I live in a world where nothing comes easy, games are played everyday, and nobody can tell me where to buy the magic potion that will allow me to wake up tomorrow with a million dollars in the bank and have this girl I met a few months ago lying next to me, slobbering on my pillow."
"You're silly. Why you want some chick slobbering on your pillow?"
"It's not so much the slobbering its just that she seems really real in that way to where despite all the smoke screens she puts between us, I just know she's down to earth and right for me..."
"Wait a minute... Are we meeting today to work on your wounded heart again?"
"I'm not wounded, just confused. My situation aint deep enough to be wounded. I just get a little tired of the waiting, the not knowing, the unanswered efforts..."
"You know we been over this before and I've seen you put your heart on the line many times. Somehow, you have to figure out a way to stop waiting. Just do what you do because it's a part of you and then move on. Keep being you. Don't go broke trying to show these sistah's your a good man because no matter what you do or how you do it, that's a quality that will come out regardless."
"Yeah and that quality gets on my nerves. I'm beginning to understand why some fellas become no good..."
"Don't go there because that ain't you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and give you your slobbering chick but I can't. Maybe her ass dont deserve you anyway or you just gotta be content with waiting..."
"That's what I mean..."
"Sorry. Maybe you should try focusing on that million instead."
"Yeah, having that would make me slobber."
An hour went by though it only felt like ten minutes. I'd temporarily forgotten all about my confusion. Tuesday was always good at bringing relief to my spirit. She caught me several times just staring at her with a smile or losing myself in the soundscape of her voice. That's typically when that ghetto twang would surface. She'd put the brakes on whatever she'd be discussing and turn toward me.
"Okay, what is wrong with you now?"
I laughed. "Nothing at all. I'm cool. I feel much better..."
Tuesday had a life of her own to deal with so we parted ways. I'd recently bought this new cell phone which is the bomb because you can receive emails with attachments. I had two images waiting for me. They were sent by my good friend and business partner, Jayson. We do photography and graphic design, which we funded from the proceeds of our first venture, realestate. Jayson and I are always getting into something. We sit for hours talking about ways to make money and just like my girl Tuesday, Jayson had been a God send from day one. They say folks come into your life for a reason and there had been many days where I was looking up to the sky complaining that I can't find a good male friend. I'd get tired from dealing with jealous knuckleheads or trifling fellas that had a woman completely all to themselves but was trying to find a way to keep her happy and the other chick they got on the side. I was looking for a good friend just like I'm still trying to be number one in a certain lady's life. It was getting real frustrating and the friends I had, I would run from on weekends which would make outside observers think I was a loner. But in reality, I got mad friends all over the place. I just dont want to hangout with them for any length of time, that's all.
Jayson and I clicked right away when we met. I had the male counterpart of Tuesday giving me daps just because he liked my unsuccessful attempt at getting this fine ass girl to talk to me. She left me in the dust shaking my head. Jayson approached slowly as a stranger would but as soon as we spoke, we were strangers no more.
"I feel your pain, man. That girl was fine as hell. I wish I had my camera with me because even if I just captured her backside, that would still be a money shot! You feel me?"
Jayson had one of those Tupac laughs. It was infectious and real. My disappointment was gone and we'd spend the first hour standing next to each other talking about photography, traveling and women. Actually, everything we talked about had to do with women but what was so cool was that this first meeting never once felt as if it were truly the first.....
You And I For A Reason