Monday, August 14, 2006


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It wasn't you.. I knew that from the start. You with the three kids and a life with another man, spread so far apart. What we had was beautiful but friendship is all it was meant to be. If we were together you'd get tired of me. I'd need much more than you could give.. Time... be it in short intervals that placed emphasis on the kind of romance that a brotha like me needs to live... Together we are not capable; least not in that way... So, offended by words you slid away mysteriously.. Kicked me to the curb so gently.. stopped caring so easily... so easily which is sad..almost hypocritically....thus... It wasn't you..

The one is out there looking for me unconsciously... The one whose heart mirrors my own. The one who right now is finishing every thought I make. Listening to every word I say because even without words, we speak the same way... She knows me.. she's the reason these words flow from the top of my head, tippy toeing from the bottom of my heart...

It wasn't you... the one who shared more with me than anyone else I've ever known. The one who I convinced myself would be the kind of love I could forever call my own. The one who believes she was born many lives ago in a place she knew nothing about until I took her there... Eating meat pies and walking amongst the spirits, you'd have to discover humility, sacrifice, and selfless-ness in order to truly hang with those people. No mood swings 'cause the moon is full. No trippin 'cause you cant force another to pay for what you owe.. The kind of love you want from one man and one man alone is easy... You got rid of the one who could... thus it wasn't you...

The one knows my eyes, she can read my soul...tell if I'm lonely, the kind of lie that feels old. She knows my shirt size, favorite color, what makes me laugh the hardest. She knows what makes me cry, what makes me tired...She knows the words that can put out my fire.. She represents everything I want but have yet to see.. She recognizes what's in my heart, my soul, and everything I believe.. She can embrace with a passion the kind of love we both crave. She'd have no worries about the responsibility of making sure I rest peacefully in my grave..

It wasn't you..the one who embraces negative change... Kick a friend to the curb because new man is insecure... I wish you well because I remember the stories, the hours, the effort to remain as friends... The times you shared family photographs on a beach front balcony with me. A night when I brought to life the very same white horse galloping through your dreams and disappearing in your heart. I showed you no matter what that sort of love was never far from your grasp...reachable...attainable... A dream is a beautiful representation of your least for that moment... Thus..I thank God it wasn't you but I wish you love no matter what you do... wasn't you...

The one laughs at me right now, trying to speak poetically, paving the way which leads me to her... Though actually, I'm not looking nor is she trying to find me. We both recognize that when it happens, it happens... When the moment is right, it's right.. It is what it is, when it is sort of thang... I thought I saw her today, laughing at me as I changed my flat tire. She said sorry. Told me I was the best looking flat tire changer she'd ever seen and then drove away in her black Escalade. But I didn't envy her. It made me laugh.. I enjoyed the moment for what it was and thus it made the frustration a lot more bearable... The one isn't waiting for me at happy hour. She's not at the movie theatre or in the bookstore. She's not on Crenshaw Blvd. She's not in Beverly Hills. She's not in another state. She's not anywhere that I can imagine but then again... she could be... maybe...perhaps..

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