Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Tongue Tied In Heaven
Today was one of those days when I felt like I was tongue tied in heaven, bursting at the seams and wanting to scream out the reason why. I kept it to myself. I wanted to savor this flavor for a while and let it continue to make me smile from within.
A long time ago I started saying to myself, every moment means everything. I'm not even sure why those words came to me but it's something that I live by and with that said, I'm very thankful especially for those little moments that I document emotionally inside myself. To the reason today I say, thank you...
Tonight I picked up what will probably turn out to be one of my most favorite movies of all time; Ray. I love this movie and of course I'm looking forward to seeing Jamie Foxx win the Oscar for his incredible portrayal of Ray Charles. I mention this movie not so much because of the obvious, which is the genius of the man himself and the incredible acting genius of Jamie Foxx. I mention this because some of the great scenes portrayed in flashback when Ray was a child bring back memories of times I spent with my grandmother, Senora Rivers not too long ago at the end of her life.
After my father passed away, I had to be the one to make decisions on her behalf. It was tough because there were folks coming out of the woodwork trying to take what belonged to she and I. Fake friends, deceitful family... Greed was at an all time high trying to take everything and they almost succeeded. I can thank my mother for helping me get through that though I know it almost drove her crazy too.
One day, when I made a trip to Texas to visit with my grandmother, I sat on the edge of her bed and listened to her attempt to speak. At this time due to parkinsens disease she was unable to communicate very well. I prayed constantly that she could get better and return to the strong, always giving everybody a piece of her mind woman that she was before. She wouldn't stand for the way things went down after my father died. She could do nothing but lay there and watch me go through it.
I remember sitting in silence with her for a good thirty minutes. Well, it wasn't complete silence because of the television. At the time Oprah was on. Funny thing, in Mt. Pleasant Texas, Oprah's show is on two channels at the same time and at my grandmother's house with her old style antenna and no cable, all she could get was three stations. Oprah was the best choice at that time and grandma seemed to be enjoying it. Then she looked at me. Her hands were shaking and she could barely form the words she wanted to say. It frustrated her and I could see tears traveling down the side of her face. She turned her head and stared at a picture of my grandfather, which she always kept close by. For some reason, I felt like I should leave the room so I got up from the edge of her bed. I guess she felt me moving so she said something that sort of stopped me in my tracks.
Grandma said "you remember him, dont you?"
She slurred the words so much that it took her a few tries before she got the whole sentence out, but I didn't mind. I would've stood there for hours just to hear her say anything. Her mind was still very strong but she just wasn't able to communicate all of her thoughts.
I told grandma "I'm too much like him to forget..."
"That's right, baby, that's right..." she said.
Grandma's eyes filled up with tears and she couldn't say much more. I checked on her an hour later. When I peeked my head inside her room she smiled. She asked me if I was hungry. I told her I was. Then after she asked her next question, she erupted into silent laughter with more tears to follow but she smiled as if she were very pleased. She looked very proud...
She said "you got money, don't you?"
It was a good day then, and today.... I'm thankful....