Water

In the beginning I was too blind to see how good I had it. The flow was so perfect. Streams rushing so plentiful. I was able to float in directions I never dreamed, imagined or expected. Beautiful discoveries that allowed me to stand tall because I had something to add to my existence; my journey. Memories stacked upon memories like the many pages of thoughts that fill so many diaries. The water it flowed but I took it for granted; never measuring it's true value or purpose. Blinded by influences and negative directions; suggestions... They say you don't miss your water, until your well runs dry... chi-ching..

Love, War & Politics

The weekend formed into something cool. It was a weekend of inspiration and thought. A weekend of love in all shapes; the kind of love that never stops growing. The kind that flourishes because of the differences and the similarities; a blessing always recognized and appreciated... adored in disbelief sometimes.. This weekend found me enjoying culture too; deep in Watts in front of the towers. It was a beautiful scene of all kinds, enjoying various music, art, and food. It was nice to see such a great park and important landmark being used for such a positive event. Then I became drawn to what surrounds the park so I took a walk around the neighborhood for a moment. I walked some streets that aint supposed to be cool to walk down but I was greeted all the time with positive head nods and hellos. I only cut short my walking because it was hot outside! I'll be glad when fall rolls in and cooler days prevail... I headed back to the park to get a pina colada smoothie before hitting the streets again. I ended this warm hot day/night by checking out a deeply moving movie with someone special. It was the new Richard Gere flick called Nights in Rodanthe. Loved the location. I need to go to North Carolina.. I hear I have family out that way.

The movie was good. I got lost in the story though at the same time this special someone was right there with me. I thought about her most of the time as I watched the movements, the expressions and feelings expressed by the characters onscreen. The story is one of those passionate love stories that take you on a whirlwind of emotions, so powerful that your heart is ripped in two, thereby pulling with it whatever causes one to release a full load of tears... Yeah, that's the kind of story that I love to write myself and in some ways, live... I even shed a few tears. Movies can do that to me or I should say great stories. I was moved to tears on Sunday as well while watching Spike Lee's new movie, Miracle at St. Anna. Great film, intelligent, truly great story telling and a powerful ending... I wondered while watching the movie would people be turned off by the subtitles. I imagine the subtitles were used to force you to pay close attention to the story and also bring a lot of realism to what's happening on screen. Everyone should see the film. Just like this weekend as a whole, this movie was great inspiration for all that was going through my mind. I've been developing a story in my head and on paper for about two or more years now. I write from time to time but I put it aside. I'd really like for the story to be authentic and heart wrenching. I give it time because I like to allow my own life's disappointments, accomplishments, dreams and goals to connect with and influence the ways in which my characters speak. I use conversations and life events, memories of mine and others, news and chance moments.. Then I watch the characters respond, typically allowing their decisions and reactions to be completely different from what I might do or even think about doing... These are strange times with so much going on all at once... The good and bad colliding with the bullshit and good sense. Patience is tested and trampled upon but hope keeps you walking despite the unstable footing.

Thinking back to a couple days ago after the debate, I kept hearing talk about Obama being soft, McCain being out of touch and both VP candidates being kind of stupid or silly or both.. Obama makes sense to me most of the time though no one seems like the answer to everything and probably no one should be placed on that unreachable pedestal. The days of those kind of leaders have long come and gone and these times have been allowed to become as complicated as they are perhaps due to the greed and the consistent and constant lying. However, I do think Obama needs to put aside some of the respect he has for McCain and adopt a Michael Jordan like passion for his game of politics. Develop that killer-in-your-face kind of instinct and definitely drop those three words, "you're right John" from his vocabulary. McCain shows no respect nor does he make real eye contact. Obama can show respect, kindness and good games-man-ship after the game is over... but anyways... time is rough and tough and aint no one man or woman the answer but I'd feel not so secure if Palin was a heartbeat away from Prez. That's kind of scary but at the same time it's sadly an on the point reflection of what this country seems to value today... So-called realism, good looks, popularity, a lack of depth and intelligence, sound bites and slogans, drama queen politics, and speaking basically on automatic pilot without a clue as to what was said until they play the tape back...She has no mind of her own. Its completely controlled and filled to the brim with someone else's words and ideals.. It's all crammed into her head and she can't remember when a curve ball such as an easy question is thrown her way... It's sad. It reminds me of those that hold themselves accountable to nothing and no one, thus lying and taking advantage of others is nothing to them. The ego is so inflated that they float sky-high. The only image in their radar screen is themselves until some sort of karma catches up...

But anyways, life is a trip and right now its a major league soap opera too. I'm all for a little fantasy to off set the so-called keeping it real world? Or if not fantasy then how about kickin back on memories... I welcomed this monday by finding an old recipe that belongs to my mother. It didn't take long to accomplish and the aroma smells way too good.. I baked a fabulous banana pudding with the vanilla wafers sticking up from all sides... A small victory.. Life is good for a few minutes...

I reside in love and anger; abused daily by a mistake I made. Crucified by the reminders and the memories that cloud my mind. Kept afloat by love that checks on me constantly and by my own belief that the blessed flower of talent and wisdom which grows inside me will one day flourish in a way that will release me from this long and winding road beneath my feet...

I Keep Trying...

It's a long walk back but I'm still trying. Exhaustion blankets my track but I keep climbing. Mental ups and downs plague my mission but somehow, some way, I keep the spark which enlightens my vision...

Weigh Me Down

Sometimes you come across people for no reason at all that you must speak to or more importantly, listen to. You find yourself compelled to absorb every nuance and every deep meaning behind the words they speak. You play a positive scrimmage between yourself and them. You ask questions, make comments followed by a natural overwhelming sincerity or gratitude for the moment and then you take the experience with you as a memory to revisit from time to time. Sometimes you pass it on to others.

He said to me "I've had thoughts and memories that weigh me down. I'd cover my eyes and hold my head, praying this feeling leave my body but there could be a reason why it lingers so long, ya know."

I told him I could relate. I began to speak but he cut me off in mid sentence.

He said "so, what keeps you going?"

"The same thing that caused my stumble..."

"I hear ya and it happens to many but dont let it weigh you down forever. You can sift around in that feeling for too long and forget that in your bag of memories, you can pluck out a lot that is good. That which is good is the payoff to being true, honest and working hard to surpass where you once were before your fall... Wrestle with it but make sure you keep standing in the process..."

Friday Familiar...

I hungout in old stomping grounds today.. Even the new ones felt like old ones. All around LA not much has changed but it felt good to be out and about despite the lack of "change." I was greeted a lot, which was cool. Head nods and verbal hellos unlike past times when there would be an abundance of angry glares or obvious attempts to avoid eye contact. I was worlds away from where most folks go but I love it... there.. I passed through Nickerson Gardens and Imperial Courts, Jordan Downs, Compton Blvd, Watts Towers, etc.. Played lotto over there though I've never heard of anyone from that area hitting the jackpot before.. *smile* I mainly stopped for an Arizona tea before continuing on, capturing moments with the camera and just enjoying myself despite the hot temperature. Got stuck in traffic one time due to a car overturned after what was a high speed chase according to the loud talking onlookers. Everybody was just standing around. The police just looking at what "had happened" so I guess everyone figured they might as well stand and look too.. I was glad to be thru the traffic. I took a few cool shots during my travels but mostly captured a lot of images in my mind of former good times, good moments and then it was countdown time before I would head over the hill and catch my uncle playing with a local blues band. That was real cool because we got a chance to talk for a while and catch up on good times, old times, bad times, etc. I could've used his guidance during my own misguided moments but you live and learn and thank God when you can return, rebuild and find that the closeness is still there... I've never needed a brother because of him... my uncle.. It was a good friday...

His heart was a rope and he should've known...

-Curtis Mayfield

God Bless New Orleans..

Keep everyone safe and sound... New Orleans is one of the best places in the world to become one with and experience... Beautiful, mysterious, alive, spiritual, mystical, whimsical town with the most incredible food, music, and truly great people. You haven't truly lived until you've gone there at least twice..

Eyes... them..

One of the most honest barometers for a lifetime lived is/are the eyes. I’ve been asked why I never wear sunglasses. My sly answer is “I want you to see the real me…” but the truth is, I just got used to not wearing any over the years. There was a time when I would make my once every three month pilgrimage down to Venice Beach and buy a pair of cheap sunglasses. I used to love wearing the ones that were all silver. They would wear out after a few months and the cheap silver tinted lens would fade. I’d have dark holes in the center of each lens where my pupil was.. It looked funny. Made me think my eyes were burning holes in my lens… Piercing reflection… But anyway, the eyes are amazing.. I’m someone that makes eye contact most of the time, whenever possible. I don’t look away unless I sense a feeling that I could be intruding or causing discomfort in another or unless I have one of those shy moments where I feel like my own protective barrier is being invaded. Someone special to me has those curious moments when she asks me “why you looking like that?” The sly answer first; “what you see is a reflection of the life I’ve lived..” The true answer is; “I dunno..” Then when I think deeply about it during my moments of quiet combined with nothing really to do but think, my initial answer seems more fact than an attempt to be sly and brilliant. Look deeply into the eyes of another and you can see a great deal. The best reflection is when you look into the eyes of an elderly person whose path has taken them through many different experiences, good and bad. A life experienced person who has traveled a great deal; physically, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, etc.; those eyes will say a lot. Imagine looking into the eyes of those famous names who seemingly have accomplished stuff that many of us wish we could. Pick a name and imagine sitting across from them as they tell you their story… I think about that some times just as much as I think, dream, wish and imagine sitting with my grandfather who passed away when I was a kid. I would love for my grandfather to look into my eyes and tell me what he sees, feels, or could sense about my journey thus far. But if I could sit across from a few so-called famous folks and talk about life in a non-chalant, non-pretentious way, it would be folks like Martin Luther King, Marvin Gaye, Prince, Isaac Hayes, Muddy Waters, Johnny Cash, Spike Lee, Malcolm X, Denzel Washington, Billie Holiday, Muhammed Ali, Minnie Riperton, Bruce Lee, Barack Obama, Curtis Mayfield, Gordon Parks, Paul Williams(Temptations), Jimi Hendrix, Sammy Davis Jr.; the list goes on for a long time but those folks fascinate me when it comes to what it would be like to make personal eye contact combined with deep or even not so deep conversation about life and not in an interview sort of way but as two people kicking it, so to speak… Still, with all due respct to the famous folks, if I could trade them in for people like General, Solomon, Senora, Palestine, Virgil Sr. & Jr., Charlie, George, Oscar, Jean, Saddie Mae, Moriah, Peter, Mama Julia, Frank, Alzata etc. who are all family of mine that lived their journey and passed on; I would in a heartbeat… Some of them I have photographs of but most I don’t. I wish I had close up shots of everyone, capturing the spirit reflected in their eyes… That to me is the beautiful gift of photography; capturing the spirit… The eyes; windows of the soul that mirror the reflection of your journey…

Imaginary Time Machine

I love to go back... Been going back a lot recently. I'm speaking of back in time. If I had a time machine that could transport me physically, I would probably go back to the days of blues musicians traveling a round Mississippi with a guitar in my hand or just sitting on the front porch, strumming and playing; accompanied by friends or by the sounds of crickets, trains, and whatever else was out in the distance. It feels like I miss the days that I never had, though I've come close via my trips to the south. But, if I had a time machine, I would definitely go back regardless of how much harder those days were... Seems like to me that despite the hard times, everything and everyone else was honest and showed their true colors from the start... Life was honest.. Reality didn't need to be on a TV screen; you carried it everywhere you went... I've been playing a lot of old music and even learning how to play it on my new toy, which you see in the picture. *smile* When I pick this thing up, I feel like I've gone back in time.. It feels like all I have to do is hold it in my hand, open the door and see asphalt turn to country side... It's like strumming my imagination; a creatively beautiful way to escape... My closest thing to a time machine next to sharing memories with friends and family but I wish I could go back... in time... and stay a while...

A Pigeon No More

This pigeon came flying in out of nowhere. He landed on the ledge and appeared to be disoriented. He stumbled around and threw up several times. He was in really bad shape and I figured he probably wasn't gonna last much longer. I sat inside my car, observing him. The pigeon walked along the ledge until he was directly in front of me. I took a few pictures. He seemed okay during that time. Then he shook for a moment. His wings went up and he flew away. Perhaps it was panic that caused him to do that. After a few minutes, I got out of my car and began walking towards the other side of the parking structure; that's when I saw him again only this time he was surrounded by twenty or more crows who had discovered him, sitting helpless and weak. They pecked and crowed at him. It was the perfect opportunity for them to take advantage of the bird. It reminded me of "real life." I walked in the direction of the crows and they all scattered. They circled high above me; flying round and round as I tended to the pigeon. I tried to make the pigeon fly away but he couldn't. I wasn't sure it would be safe for me to pick him up so I had to leave him where he was... The crows waited; perched high above on top of light posts. They watched me and called out to each other as if to say "wait until he leaves then we'll finish the job on that pigeon.." I had to leave and when I returned later, I knew what I'd find... Poor little bird and an example of how life can be sometimes...

"Most times just telling the truth is so much easier..."

"You have to learn to fall in order to rise..."

RIP and Soul... Isaac Hayes

I was very sorry to hear about Isaac Hayes passing.. It feels like his musical influence and presence has always been a part of my life going back to my young teen years when my father took me to a walk-in movie theatre in Houston Texas to watch "Truck Turner." I loved that movie. I know that may sound strange to some; "walk-in movie theatre" but back in those good days, it was just as normal to go to a drive-in theatre as it was to do a walk-in. I saw Shaft back in the day too but for some reason I wasn't really into that movie back then as much as I was just into Isaac Hayes; his music and style. My father had this close friend by the name of Big George who always reminded me of Isaac Hayes because he sometimes worked as a bodyguard and carried a 357 Magnum just like Truck Turner. And whether I was riding in my father's Cadillac Seville or sitting in someone's home or place of business, two things filled the air; some kind of fruity smelling incense and some music from the man they called "Black Moses." It was more of a background thing to my early life but interestingly enough, I've really been checking out his music more so in the last two years than ever before. I mean, I listen and I study it.. I marvel at all the songs he wrote along with his partner, David Porter. Thanks to satelite radio and this station on XM called Soulstreet, I've been awakened musically, so to speak... All this incredible music that floated around me back in the day was just there... It didn't resonate too deeply but I could hear it.. Now it's more than just there.. I understand and appreciate it especially when there ain't much to grasp and hold onto these days... Isaac Hayes wrote a lot of incredible timeless songs.. I stand accused, When something is wrong with my baby, Soul man, Hold on I'm coming.. he wrote songs for the Soul Children and Lou Rawls.. the list goes on and on forever... I was checking out this instrumental track called "Ike's Mood" and just grooving off of all the different parts of the song that I can remember were used in several hip hop and R&B tracks... I can definitely hear where Mary J. Blige took one of her grooves from... Much respect to Isaac Hayes.. I hope they do great things in his honor to celebrate his life and amazing body of work... He put a major stamp on music history... Stare at the photo below and listen to the track called "Soulsville." You'll feel like you've been transported back in time when despite this not being a perfect world around us, there's still pride, family and brotherhood/sisterhood to lean onto. Isaac Hayes was definitely a symbol of pride. Special mention to Bernie Mac who also passed away... He was a great example of success and being cool in a down to earth sort of way at the same time... Heaven got some incredible talent up there...

The sweet smell of real true love, written from head to toe, every inch to behold because it belongs to the soul.. I’m blessed with coming first for all the right reasons.. I smile from inside and out, every bit of me, all around... we see things that equal we rather than me or I. Whether down or up, I believe because of she. I laugh more. I can be silly. I can breathe. I can do me, freely… I have space and yet I cherish and look forward to when she’s all over me. I count days, hours, minutes, and seconds between the next time I see her, touch her, etc… She’s so real, she’s normal and I ain’t seen that sort of thing walk across my path since… possibly never.. but she’s here now… forever…

Latest view from my everyday cruise...

All done by Dreamstyle Photography Inc...

Independence

Life comes full circle again and again.. Negativity reaches back to greet you, allowing you a glimmer; a glance at the reasons reflecting positively inside your heart; shining a spotlight on the best decision you possibly made in your life. Thank God.. Independence is a great groove to dance to especially when it takes me away from a downward spiral; that place where the negativity celebrates and feeds off of absolutely nothing.. This weekend has been good though last week was rough... Surgery on monday for my mother and a procedure for myself on tuesday. Both a test of strength; an endurance of some serious pain but that in and of itself is like an exclamation point of just what's truly important in life... My mother's battle outweighs the silliness that enters my life from time to time like the warm greeting (I say sarcastically) received in the middle of the night. Independence; I move forward, onward... thankful for what and who is in my life; family, friends, love.. it's some real true realness that makes moving forward not only a necessity but a promise that I need to keep to the LOVE which overflows and surrounds me now... I've got to be strong for that love and most importantly, for my mother because this is serious.... Happy 4th to all and a special very appreciative thanks to that LOVE...

The dream was exciting and beautiful; the anticipation of which had been matched the moment we stepped off the plane holding hands and looking out for each other. We owned that airport, walking as though we were in our own world; the king and queen, princess and prince... Our chariot awaited, we hit the road not knowing what our journey would bring despite the planning that went into it all. Nevertheless it stayed beautiful because of her, matching all the effort, wishing, wanting, and sharing that I could muster up. I kept thinking that I'd never experienced this before; someone like her. It was a blessing and an honor to share with her, all that meant so much to me. During our journey, lightning struck all around us. I offered that we stay put for a moment but she feared nothing about mother nature. She wanted this journey to continue as planned and so did I. It was a sign of more beautiful moments to come and a strong desire to do it all over again...

Hope, change, what...

Will we begin to love ourselves more or will the division and destruction continue.. Ignorance is a practice that's dedicated to going nowhere; staying put and grounded in same-ness. Change can mean growth or at least a fresh approach to moving forward, moving on. One never knows but you gotta try. Live for something better or at least inject pride within your reflection before you die. We can't live mistake free but at least we can stand stronger with less contradiction to our belief... Anything is possible, even hope...

-VAR

Took this shot on Saturday while waiting for my photoshoot to begin. Makes you wonder what's really on the minds of folks out there.

Cool image weekend...

Images from the weekend photoshoot and other places...

Very cool moment

This was a beautiful moment when I was blessed to catch up to this lady and give her a canvas copy of the image that I captured of her a couple months back. I had always wanted to give it to her and yesterday I was able to do so. Bringing happiness to even total strangers is a beautiful thang. I pray I'm always able to continue the trend of bringing happiness, especially with this gift of photography...

So, I walked in the direction of love and discovered it had been in place, waiting for me. This place I had walked by many times, curious about the vibe, the sound, the rhythm, the energy. I peeked inside for a moment. I saw my reflection and it startled me but not enough to keep me from continuing to look, to gaze, ponder and consider. There was so much to see and absorb. This would be a learning experience twisted upside down because nothing appears as it seems. Throw assumption out the window and live for the moment. Take in everything and see where it falls because this may have the potential to lift you up and be that necessary glue to hold your future together. I walk a path now that looks similar to what I've always dreamed about. I wish I could do more to demonstrate my gratitude. It's almost unreal; the past, surreal. I remember it to keep my feet grounded and pray about the potential of what I envision the future to be. I toggle back and forth, images in my memory bank, sound bites recorded on my internal heart-drive. I remember the misquote taken from a favorite movie of mine; a sign of a bad fit in my life. I play that against the vision of my grandfather's rocking chair; a face smiles at me. Seems like she belongs right there. Always wanting to keep me full; anxious to enjoy what I've seen. It feels so comfortable when real true happiness is free.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to everyone... I'm blessed with a fabulous mother that has gone beyond the call of duty to be there for me and make sure I do okay and that I am, okay... I can without a shadow of any doubt or twisting of the truth say to you, I wouldn't be right here, right now if it hadn't been for her and I'm not just talking about birth... And special mother's day wishes to those departed love ones, from my grandmother's on backwards in time.. Alzata Moorings, Senora Rivers, Julia Patterson, Lucy Rivers, Moriah Rivers...

"Get it together and pass it on..."

--Ruby Dee

Portraits In Protest