Only In The Past

Thanksgiving represents a reflection of what time has brought within my family. Gone are the days when gathering together to share laughter, love, great food and conversation existed. The glue that brought us together was always my grandmother. With her around, everyone made the effort, though love and family or love of family should inspire everything to be effortless, especially during this time when not many of us are still among the living and one; my grandmother's eldest daughter(my mother) fights to remain... Instead, there are promises to spend time but no follows up on that promise... In a family where everyone lives less than an hour away from each other, no one can find the direction that leads us in similar paths. No one truly reaches out. No one remembers that life ain't guaranteed and a phone call does nothing to cover the tracks of a real true showing of love and appreciation for family... Nah.. Instead, we go elsewhere in opposite directions, doing things we've done in previous years that takes us away from what we once promised. My mother is blessed with three brothers and one sister; most of which have kids and families of their own. So, the potential of possibly nine to ten folks or maybe more around the dinner table is like a daydream or silly wishful thinking... The dinner table this year had four and that's only because someone special to me joined in along with my mother and her sister. There's an old song that says "the best is yet to come" but in this case, the best has come and gone. The best days, the best years, the times when family remembered family, first... But alas, without the glue around, we float in distant opposite directions, believing that coming together during times like funerals changes everything but it doesn't... the glue is gone and tape can't last forever... Promises hold the same weight as smoke blowing in the wind...

"Sometimes, not having the very best makes you push the limits of what little you have..."

If I didn't love life or possess a curiosity for the future, I would request a checkout pass right now. I look at the world and the way some folks represent themselves as humans and question simply, why? People go out of their way to lie, to distort, to find fault, to tear down, to blurt out nonsense, to hate for no reason and to embrace amnesia when it comes to their own mistakes or lack of commitment to promises they've made... Seems like there could be a much easier route toward living lives of dreams fulfilled than to have to step over so much bullshit, walk around so many lies, or tip toe and try to avoid so much negativity only to find yourself being greeted by either incompetence or deceit around the corner and sometimes just a phone call away... It's no wonder why you find so many tired looking faces in the world because so many are trying to sift through the nonsense just to take a vacation but alas, funds are low so can't do that either... Thank God for the ability to dream, for the blessing of finding a quiet place to regroup, take a deep breath and rekindle good thoughts with the hopes that this too shall pass once you get over the final hump of someone else's stupidity; one of life's frustrating speed bumps...

LA in the Fall..

LA in the fall is beautiful yet I wish for a real true fall season leading into the winter... I miss the fall colors of the south but today was a soothing day. Temperatures warm yet the visuals were something else... The sky was yellow at the beach. Drum beats could be heard in one direction and in the other, skateboards mixed with dancing skaters spinning and twisting to an semi-old E-40 song. Graffiti artists were out and about, photographers, models, restaurants filled with folks eating and drinking and in one club on the beach, a rock band was playing Darling Nikki; the Prince jam and had everyone dancing on the sidewalk.. Just a nice day in LA on a Saturday... It didn't feel like fall but nevertheless it was cool...

Prop 8 LA Protest

LA was wild this weekend. In the midst of so many fires burning all around, there was a huge protest rally downtown going on.. I love capturing moments at protests. This one was interesting.. Definitely filled with colorful folks, marching, displaying creative signs, and shouting with passion. I saw a few signs that attempted to connect the cause with past civil rights movements and the struggles of African Americans. I can't say I agree with that argument. I mean, one sign said "someone forgot about Jim Crow" while another said "gay is the new black." The battle over prop 8 seems to me more about a disagreement of beliefs held by two different sides.. What african americans went through from slavery to civil rights to being hosed down, denied, killed, dying for the right to vote, the right to go to any school, to drink water out of the same fountain, use the same restroom, eat in the same diner/restaurant, sit anywhere on a bus, live in any neighborhood, etc. is hard for me to swallow with respect to comparing all of that to this battle to have the right to marry. I give much respect to the protesters and wish them the best in their fight but in my opinion, the cause, the struggle, the fight is not the same... Toward the end of this rally, the protesters wanted to begin another march from the same starting point. Their time was up so the police informed them that the city streets needed to be opened up to traffic. They were given a certain time to protest and march and that time was up. A show of force from the police came out with rifles at the ready but everything was cool. The protest organizers talked things over with the police and they made an agreement to march a short distance under police supervision. That sort of working together meets compromise didn't exist back in the day... Another huge difference in years gone by...

The Greatest Person May No Longer Be Around..

With time comes destinies defined by what used to be and what we’ve become as a result of our choices made during the journey of living. The life we’ve lived presented to us sometimes as flashbacks because the end could possibly be near. Flashbacks for not only us but those that share the same memories; family, friends, etc. Right now, someone that means everything to me, speaks about the inevitable. She speaks words I don’t wish to hear and express thoughts that I counter with positive outlook. I tell her, why not simply live and not worry so much about how long. I believe she’ll out live expectation but she counters with medical reasoning and responses to treatment given; all of which are probably true but I still look toward the positive; erecting a sense of positive stubborness that’s anchored where it should be; Love... I believe you can remain positive without tossing away reality. I’m not living in denial about the inevitable, I just believe you can squeeze out more minutes, more seconds, more hours, more time, more life… Anything is possible isn’t it? So, the greatest person in the world to me might one day no longer be around and as always she worries about me more than about herself. It’s not the pain from her condition that causes her to toss and turn at night. It’s her concern for what my life will be or become. She’s seen me encounter and endure ups and downs, lows and highs, sometimes successfully and sometimes not. The most recent crossroad had been a tough one to bear but the lessons have been enormous. Through it all, she’s always been here and if it wasn’t for her, I would not be around to express my gratitude. I would not have survived those crossroads and I imagine that’s what concerns her most; future crossroads. Thing is, I know without a doubt that I am better prepared. My strength is a lot less wavering for reasons I hold close to my heart and for reasons that spark memories similar to warning signs resembling journals filled with wise words and revelations from past mistakes; some of those words passed on to me by my mother… I get the feeling that a mother’s life is like one long beautiful sacrifice, flowing not only thru life but carrying on perhaps into the hereafter but I don’t want to consider the hereafter just yet. That’s a hard one to swallow without feeling anxious or wanting to retreat into disbelief while preventing the eyes to well up in tears. Life came too soon. I wish it were still 1974 when I returned home from a couple months of a summer visit spent with my grandparents in Texas. I came back home to Cali with so much weight on my young body that my mother instantly put me on a diet. I remember dinner with less calories and some kind of bread that was almost as thin as paper and tasted nothing like the baked from scratch, toasted with churned butter, straight from the farm biscuits and breads that grandma was cooking me everyday and early evening in Texas. Yeah, if I could put the brakes on time and move it back to then, I would but it can’t be done so now it’s all about squeezing in every second… Squeezing is hard sometimes but I remain prayerful and grateful even when strength becomes that which I attempt to squeeze out the most…

Greatest Place 2 B... the road

Ain't nothing like being on the road.. My favorite place to be... Out on the highway; one adventure after another... This time of the year is synonymous with cruising down the highway for me. I'm reminded of a special memory, driving down interstate 20 about an hour away from Dallas, Texas. It's about 3:00 in the morning and I'm blasting some Parliament while looking forward to making it so close to my second home in east Texas. I didn't expect to make it this far and should've gotten a hotel earlier that night but I was pumped up and my adrenaline just wouldn't allow me to stop until the subwoofer in my car blew out. Awwww man! I was left with music that sounded as if I were listening to a small hand held radio... That deflated all my energy and cruising into Dallas ended up being a big letdown for a moment. I found a place to rest soul but I wasn't down for too long. Once I saw the beautiful country side and fall color drenched trees in east Texas, I was way past excited all over again because that's what its all about to me... being on the road; one unexpected adventure after another... the greatest place 2 B..

For No Other Reason

For no other reason except to reflect how incredible I felt this weekend, I just have to say that I had a blast! It was one of those weekend escapes that you never want to end.. A beautiful moment that you'd wish could last forever... Smiles and laughter... closeness that makes you feel like it should be a crime to have to return to reality but as they say, time waits for no one. It keeps on going, ticking, moving forward so it's left up to us to appreciate, be thankful, enjoy, endure, work for and live for more chances at whatever bridges the gap between reality and dreamed about moments as this... It was beautiful, special and more to come on the way, I pray...

Historical Importance

I took this picture on election day of a man playing his trumpet in downtown LA. The sound echoed down the street. It traveled with the cool winds that were blowing at the time; whipping in, out and in between buildings. He stood down the street from a park called Pershing Square. I could hear him from there at first. The songs he played were a great tribute to what would become a very special and historical day. One melody sounded like that Sam Cooke song, A Change Is Gonna Come; a beautiful song which could surely serve as the theme for the now President Elect, Barack Obama.

Today as I watched more interviews, opinions, and thoughts shared about Obama's victory, I questioned though not too vigorously, the ways in which such a huge moment tends to be defined by the media, per se. I mean, the effort is geared more so toward what our celebrities think and feel rather than the people in say the most remote parts of this country. I'm slightly guilty of wondering about the thoughts of those famous ones that I admire too; I can't lie; Denzel, Michael Jordan, Spike Lee, etc but a nice little quote floated across my mind as I was thinking about this stuff today... I said something to myself and wrote it down...

"It's important not only to know how the famous feel but also or perhaps more so, how history resonates within our own hearts. It is also important how we respond to what we've seen as a new measuring stick for just how far we can dream, thus turning that dream into achievement at the cost of hard work. Dare to dream and follow it up with effort."

As cool as it is to see and hear from Oprah, Jessie, Brad Pitt, and others, I would love to hear the personal stories of the regular folk on the street, in the country, in the hood, in the senior citizen homes and in the schools that have been motivated and inspired by this very human beacon of hope... I would love to hear more from the elders who can compare and contrast how things were and how this became... An elders journey from what was to how it is now are stories we should never take for granted. This moment in time is huge and humbling, especially if you're aware from whence it all came to be... Awareness is important and respect always due...

Unyielding Hope

Unyielding hope is now a historically beautiful reality come true...

November 4th Shots of the day...

My anxiety got the best of me. It was hard to just sit at home and wait, watch, wonder how it's all gonna play out. I decided to just drive and capture shots of the day from my car as I traveled from one area of town to another... Here's a little of what I saw...

Pride In Voting..

What a great feeling it was on November 4th to cast my vote. It never felt this good before. The feeling of pride snuck up and caught me by surprise. I stood in line for what was to me, a short thirty minute period. The sun was hot at first. The Cali weather still hasn't changed much from summer time; at least not during the first part of this day. Then as the voting line inched closer to that final few steps before giving your name and receiving your ballot, there was lots and lots of cool shade to hide underneath. Perhaps that was a sign of good things to come; the first sign... Another good sign of what this day would become was the unity expressed between myself and several black men that had voted before me. As they walked out individually, each one greeted me with quiet pride. It felt as though none of them wanted to celebrate in advance or perhaps intimidate by showing outwardly, the kind of unifying feeling we were all experiencing. Instead, we all gave each other smiles and head nods as if to say, we've got extra incentive for making our vote count like never before... Again, it felt good... I walked inside what is a senior citizen home, received my ballot and headed for the booth. I noticed a few eyes of assumption smiling upon me. Folks that quickly summed me up as an Obama supporter based on skin color, of course... BUT... I didn't mind. Part of that is the reason he gets my vote but also, in my heart of hearts, I have no doubt that he is the best candidate for the job and in watching his story played out many times on CNN and other channels, I also feel in some ways that his mission is greater than himself; sort of like he's the "chosen one" if you will... It's amazing what he's done in such a seemingly short time but at the same time, it all makes sense..

So, I casted my vote and stood there for a moment. Then I had to collect my thoughts and figure out how I would vote on the local issues as well... After I finished voting, I checked my ballot three times. With so many stories that you hear on the news, you end up leaving the booth feeling like you have to watch every move of those voting workers. Suspicion was on high and I noticed I wasn't the only one keeping an eye on things... Half the folks still standing around in the voting area had already voted. We just all wanted to make sure the ballots were put into the machine and really and truly counted.. whew... When I left the voting place, I felt so good and so proud of myself. I had parked pretty far away because of the parking situation being on a busy street, which meant I had to park around the corner in the neighborhood. An african american man yelled out to me from his car "hey brother, how long did it take?" I told him thirty minutes and he gave me the thumbs up. Then after I turned the corner, a latino man pulled up next to me after noticing that I still had my sample ballot booklet in my hand. He asked me where the voting place was and I directed him where to go. He thanked me and leaned his arm out the window to shake my hand; another cool showing of unity that I felt today... I felt completely like a walking example of pride... And then the rest of this day and night became one of anxiety, waiting and listening out for confirmation that HOPE came true and history or perhaps OUR-story was made...