When, I keep asking..

Humility, vulnerability, life, lessons, struggle, different light, hurt, pain, worry, anxiety, stuck, alone, money, hate, can't, love, swimming thru rough waters, holding tears inside my soul, watching others celebrate life as I hide from the sun planning my future with nothing. A world of dreams and accomplishments coming to an end. Floating on memories until the oxygen thins. This time in my life has rocked the core of my soul that is the foundation of me and changed my outlook as well as the way I look inward. Gone is the excitement and desire to find you/love...


You ever felt like you were dying inside; living on hopes, dreams, wishes, wants and all those positive things that you believe in your heart should be your destiny? How could these tough times invade your path? How could life throw you the kind of curve ball that feels like it's suspended in air forever. You keep swinging at it to make it go away. You pray, you try to stay strong as others suggest; keep your chin up, etc but its still here; still there. What's worse is when you can sit back, imagine and recognize that you had it ALL before; your life was truly good but then you saw a glimmer of that perceived extra-special-something that you always wanted but was out of reach so you look the other way; the opposite direction of good common sense and you go for it. Your decision only makes sense during that moment when you might as well had worn a blindfold because now that your vision is clear you live your life in fear of what will come behind a mistake that has you labeling this as the worst ever year; a year that seems to have no end...