Sunday, December 24, 2006

To be missed and missing..

I'm home from watching the latest Will Smith movie.. I already knew the story so basically I just wanted to "watch." I was hoping for a feel good type of story.. I can't really say it was that.. Mostly it just had me feeling and recognizing how close we all are to being out there on the street with no place to stay... The old cliche' "a paycheck away from homelessness" or something to that affect.. I dont know... Plus, I had recently made trips to downtown LA and took pictures of life down there in areas where homelessness is rampant... The lines for shelters are scary.. People lined up in droves, wrapped around several blocks.. scary... So, I couldn't feel completely good about the movie.. I enjoyed Will Smith's kid who was too cute but I waited basically for the happy ending so I could walk out of the movie feeling good.. I didn't really get it but on my way back to my car as I exited the theatre and walked through the mall, dodging a sea of white faces, some trying to bump into me and others just giving me mean looks, a tall brotha walking with his fine sistah said hello as if we knew each other and it felt good. There was my feel good ending... Dude looked like he belonged to some professional basketball team and he made me proud for that couple seconds of greeting and wishing each other well. No disrespect to anybody else but when I get a warm greeting by a black person it feels damn good...

Anyway, I did a little midnight car washing because my car was dirty and I want to wake up to a clean car tomorrow on Christmas Eve. Washing my car gives me time to think though the subject on my mind had been there for a couple days now as I found myself missing someone; an old friend... A friend who I spent Christmas with last year and really enjoyed her company. I sent her an email the other day wishing her well and letting her know that I hope she's having a great holiday season. Her response was a thank you but I could tell her heart probably wasn't in it.. You know how you can feel a certain coldness to words.. Her thank you felt real It doesn't hurt because I understand but I had to try and say hello to her because as I said, I miss her and her friendship.. We shared a lot of great walks and talks together. I took her to her first Prince concert. She's a great lady doing great things, I hope.. We crossed the line though we disagree on that perceived line... She wanted more than I did... More than friendship.. I just couldn't see us as more... We shared hugs, we shared a certain closeness and came close to that ultimate closeness, if you will but we didn't... A mistake on both of our parts but I like to think that as adults you can handle things like that. Her perceived line was crossed and she read too much into things I had written during that time which caused feelings to be hurt... She was done with me and still is.... but nevertheless, I miss her and wish her well... I dont seek forgiveness, though.. but I do apologize for the uncomfortable-ness I may have placed inside her heart... In my opinion, real true friendship should never end unless there's a real good reason... I can't recollect any good reason.. All I remember are the great times... take care old friend... :-)


Shai said...

That was nice. I had a friend I had to let go. Let me change that I was a friend and he was not. He told so many untruths that I know he was not a true friend. I do miss our honest creativity. You cannot fake a gift. He had a gift for spoken word poetry and I have the gift of written poetry. Together we riffed off each other, I even started spitting some free style. LOL.

I can say that I will thank him in my poetry book acknowledgments. I can say I don't want to ever talk to him. It is sad but hey he got married and moved on never telling of the union. I forgave but cannot forget or trust him again.

Shelia said...

I haven't seen the movie yet, but plan on it. Actually I might do a double feature since Dreamgirls starts tomorrow :)

Too bad in reference to the friend. Maybe she'll come around. Losing a friend is hard.