Once upon a time I was with a woman who I loved in a way that was bigger than love itself.. She was my everything and all the cliches' wrapped up into one... I felt like I truly had a woman and I actually belonged to someone.. I'd overheard her saying to someone "that's my man!" and she said it with pride and I loved her even more for that... Then in the end, she forgot.. She took love for granted.. She allowed her life and others around her to flip the script, so to speak.. She got comfortable in taking me for granted and laughing at the fact that she could break my heart... Years later she's asking questions which are disguised... She's feeling me out for the possibility of getting back together but how can I when I remember the end... How can I when I remember being treated like shit? I remember being put in the back of all her decisions... The girls came first, then "me time," then trips somewhere else so she could getaway.. Then she'd come back and brag about being away yet I did nothing to crowd her space... She accused me of not being there for her and when she gave me that final blow of kicking me to the curb as I drove her to work in the early morning, she smiled at the fact that she left me sitting in the car in tears... It made her proud of herself... How do you return to that sort of thing? How do you repair enough trust to go back? Forgiveness only provides enough space for the makings of a possible friendship... Phone calls and concern for well being.. It's hard to forget when you're treated like shit... That odor in your soul that's left behind dont go away so easily... nah mean? I can forgive but I can't forget... Then I think about life as it is now and all the growth I've experienced in just being a man over the years.. It feels good, it feels great... A brotha on the move, thinking about his future, setting things up so he can enjoy perhaps an early retirement from the 9 to 5 one day... I'm on the verge of doing as I like to say "dreamstyle" things... A project in the works that I can't reveal but it's such a dream come true. Something I can be extremely proud of and say "I did it all by myself!" And then I can show my mother and let her enjoy it too, whenever she chooses... The only real thing I miss right now is my grandmother, Alzata Moorings but I bet she's proud too.. And one day soon, another dream will come true... My epic story.. Until Again.. released in a big way thanks to all the love and very special help that holds me up, keeps me lifted, and inspired...Thanks to Tee... I'm on a humble mission to simply live a good life.... no BS... no time wasting drama... no foolishness... I just wanna live a good life with passion and appreciation... From the heart... From the soul... I bleed with sincerity and respect...Dreamstyle..
4 comments:
You Back!!! Thought you went on hiatus.
Man.. I've been through what you're writing about..Its hard to say no to the familiar.Its funny how our minds accept the unacceptable. Why I say that. Because if you didn't care about her you wouldn't have written about it. Her words to you would have been just that Words. No meaning behind it.
Now the question you should be asking yourself is how much do love this woman and is there room in your heart to forgive. I'm traveling down that road right now and must say the ride has not been bumpy since repairs have been made. Ya Feel me...
Think about it and get back to me
Hey Slish..
That's real cool what you said and for me as well, this road hasn't been bumpy at all because i'm cruising in such a positive direction thanks in part to the good people around me and the beauty of being patient and waiting for "my time" if you will... Friendship is all she can have from me. The trust was shattered and I dont even say that with any degree of anger or bad feelings... It's just plain simple truth.
All I have to say is keep it moving, moving, moving. Nobody can feel our struggles but ourselves. I think i am on my way to becoming your #1 fan. As a matter of fact, I am buying another book next week. I hope that the everyday's sun gives you the energy and power to keep smiling and creating beautiful work.
That was a nice post. I can relate to being hurt than the hint at can the violator come back.
Godspeed on your endeavors.
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