Tuesday, June 08, 2010

June 8, 2010

Amazing.. that time thing again... it moves so fast and today marks that one year anniversary of the passing of my mom, Gloria Ann Rivers. I can't believe how fast it went but I always thought about how I would feel when this moment would come. I miss my mom and never stop thinking about her... That's a day to day blessing and a pleasure.. I never imagined she would be gone this soon.. I was hoping she would at least live to be in her eighties. I even thought she would outlast me. There were at least two to three times where that almost came to be but someone else I suppose had the plans already drawn out; moving things in the direction to where we'd learn our greatest lessons in life... I wish my mom would've expressed many of her thoughts as she came to the end but she held on and just worried mostly.. Me? I've learned and learned some more... picking up life lessons along the way that make me mad while at the same time wake me up. I can see clearly.... most times... And then I look to the blessings, especially love who blows me away with her thoughtfulness and caring. She puts forth the energy and thoughtfulness for telling me to make sure I acknowledge my mom's passing and visit her grave, etc.. She shows love and respect for mom's memory... That's an incredible thing. It leaves me in such appreciation for what I have now and the struggle it took to get here. The life lessons... So, here we are, a year gone by leaving behind memories that I'll never forget. Even those images that burn in your mind that you wish you could remove like looking closely at my mom's face, listening for her breath and realizing that she was gone. Then a few hours later seeing her body carried out of the house in a white body bag and knowing that just a month or two prior she was still able to drive and was more concerned about me having my favorite frozen yogurt which she found on sale at Ralph's grocery store... Time.... its fast and we take it for granted always... My visit to the cemetery was peaceful and this morning was a perfect backdrop to a time spent reflecting.. The weather was cloudy and grey. The temperature cool.. Not many around though from the looks of my mom's resting place, there's been a lot of people passing on recently and many visitors leaving behind beautiful flowers in their memory. I cleaned the area where my mom is and placed a few flowers. I reflected for a moment and then went to the church where her service was held. Unfortunately, the doors were locked. I sat outside and just enjoyed the breeze... I felt... okay.. Then I felt proud that I at least began this day doing something my mom always did and was proud of. I voted in the same polling place she always did... It felt like a milestone... time...

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