I’m writing a beautiful story right now that may never see the light of day, so to speak. That’s okay. It’s fun to write because I enjoy it rather than for the purpose of being published. The journey is much more satisfying because of the reflection of both reality and imagination. The escape, so much more revealing. The story doesn’t fit the typical category that you see displayed across every bookshelf but to me has a little bit of everything including what I enjoy the most and that’s a character who discovers the past through strangers. Quite often I meet family through stories told to me by close or not so close, aunts, uncles and cousins. That’s one of the things I miss most about traveling, especially to Texas. The stories fall from the lips of those southern voices with excitement. It's like riding a roller coaster that starts off slowly and then twists and turns until reaching some kind of euphoria before coasting back toward the sense of calm that started off the ride. That's what a conversation feels like when I sit down with someone who knew about so and so from back in the day. And then they might tell me how much I favor that person like a family trademark, a way about my smile, the shape of my forehead or the way I carry myself. It's nice when I hear the family name mentioned with pride and interesting when there's a cloud of mystery about some dark figure from long ago, making me wonder if I was truly related to that person or not. "Yeah, they was kin to you!" I might hear. I'm writing a story that reflects a lot of that... The mystery, the romance, the good and bad that comes along with the discovery of kinship because sometimes you ain't always proud of what you find out and other times you're blown away by the beautiful discovery so much so that you wonder in which way do you contribute to the lineage. What will be said about you in time; after your time...

"To be that which you portray means you take on the responsibility of what happens afterwards"

-VAR

I hate to be like I’ve got all the answers because I screwed up royally. I made ill decisions and lost a lot; still paying for it today. Still sinking in a deeper hole and waiting on someone to discover the real side of sincerity. Waiting; I do way too much of. Giving benefit of the doubt; I do beyond too much of. Believing in and often proven wrong. I’ll probably see an early grave; a victim of stress related, heart flip flopping in my chest, reverberating to the sounds of voices saying I was a good person but when does that matter except when looking back. Reflection ripples in life like pebbles tossed in the pond. I’m sometimes amazed just at how much of my life I can look at. Those times when I couldn’t see the forrest for the trees but despite all that wasn’t right I still searched and waited for the beauty. Living, working and hoping that it would be alright. Things are supposed to get better at some point. Why go downhill forever? Why not try to soar above the BS and find happiness? Pull yourself out of the debris, step over the mud and laugh about that little bit that got on your clothes. It don’t matter. Somebody watches over you enough to give you strength to brush that stuff off your shoulders. Somebody’s got love for you and someone sees everything in you that makes sense… or so I'd like to believe... imagine... live... it's gonna be alright, most days.

First sign perhaps..

I was sitting with a woman who I’ve grown very fond of. We were in deep conversation at the beach on a very late Friday night. The sand was almost ice cold. The moon was shining brightly above; reflecting off the ocean. The waves crashed in the distance and the sound of airplanes taking off over the ocean were to the left of us. So much going on during this peaceful night shared between us. This moment felt different to me. Here I was sitting with a woman and feeling no hesitation in talking about anything and everything. Whatever she wanted to know, I gave to her. I reflected upon my life; the recent and distant past. I shared it all and never held back. She leaned against me and listened to the sound of my voice and the echo of my heartbeat. She held my hands to keep me warm. My heart was at peace and my voice was a reflection of that. As I was in the middle of sharing a personal story, two men; dark shadows appearing out of no where walked in our direction. This woman that I was with looked into my eyes.

She asked “should I be scared?”

“No,” I responded.

She relaxed and adjusted herself, snuggling against me. She continued to listen; fearless of any danger, she smiled. She placed her trust in me and it meant a lot. I listened to her story as well and appreciated such a warm and beautiful moment...

It Seems Like...

Seems like to me with each step we take into the future, there's less respect and appreciation not only for the past but for human life in general. No one takes into account the consequences of any type of negative action. Value has declined like all the other stuff we seek out on a daily basis, thinking life will be better because of it... Yesterday some news hit friends and co-workers really hard. A friend/co-worker was involved in the worst kind of tragedy. He took a life(killing his wife), the result of which was all over the news and now his life and the lives of those around him are changed forever. A mother will never see her daughter again and he will no doubt do some hard time with plenty of days, months and years to think about what he did in one split second. Once you pull the trigger, the bullet ain't gonna stop and turn around. He now no longer has the freedom with which he lived to the fullest, showing off his latest ride, his jewelry, his clothes, blasting his music system; he attracted the ladies with no problem; he lived the bling-bling lifestyle bigtime; a lifestyle that perhaps led him to the sort of reaction that caused him to pull the trigger... It was a sad day yesterday... Life taken for granted and it doesn't look like that trend will ever change...We should watch more carefully the direction we step forward...

Rest In Peace & Love..

" Things are not the way we see them but how we remember them..."

-R.M. Valle Inclan

April 1st is the day we lost this creative soulful genius. Folks recognized on various stations how it happened; that unfortunate footnote to a life and spirit that touched millions and continues to inspire. We should all be that blessed to put such a stamp on history... April 2nd would've been his 69th birthday. Time to celebrate how Marvin Gaye lived and what he left behind...

"Why focus on the last sentence when there's a whole story to be inspired by..."

-VAR