Love has come to this... she spends her nights calling my phone(s) constantly and now she's decided to send me text messages over and over; a silly attempt to harass me. An indication of a soul with too much time on their hands motivated by an ungliness inside their heart. The message she sends me; "LOST SOUL." Is she talking about me? I'm totally found and living a good positive life thanks to my decision to turn away from her. She puts out constant negativity. She speaks with curse words and mean-ness that she's picked up over the years because of how she's been treated. My love for her was complete unselfishness, taking on responsibilities that I shouldn't have and I guarantee you, no man in their right mind ever would or ever will. I sacrificed beyond the call of duty, buying her groceries, new clothes, getting her hair done, coming to the rescue all the time when she needed this or that for herself and in the meantime draining my funds, leaving my refrigerator empty, not buying anything new for me and only making sure to pay my bills. I carried a heavy load, doing it for love? Is that what love is supposed to be like? A never ending cycle of being on call, day and night to give and give until you can't give no more? I will forever love her daughters. I will miss them and pray that they live a beautiful life but I too must live my own beautiful life.. The life that was mine before though granted, she and I weren't all bad... I conveyed beautiful messages right here on my blog and back then it was amazing but that's before reality mixed with selfishness stepped in... Her constant need, needs, needing takes precedent over anything, anyone, any and all... Her needs include an addiction that she's not honest with that controls her mind, her emotions, her way of life... So, the devil in someone's heart continues and she tries to reach me with her ugliness but I won't respond.. I dont pick up, I dont answer... I simply move on and live my life and at the same time wish her well, pray for her and hope that she wakes up with the realization that she can do so much better for herself. And she warned me in the beginning but I didn't listen. She even suggested many times that I seek another who could be better for me; give me the 100% love that I deserved. Well, that's the direction I'm taking though first I would like to give myself that 100% love and attention. I was told that I was the best man to come into her life. The "best thing to happen to her." She even told me this and said many other things that let me know I'd touched her heart and soul but at this point I just want the best life for me as well as her but in doing so she and I could never be and for that I am grateful. There was a time when my heart would go nuts at the thought of losing her but now I am overjoyed to carry the strength which has allowed me to turn away, move on, look forward and to keep my belief in love still intact. I'm not looking for love anytiime soon but if it's there I wont run... However I will be careful and I wont make the mistake of being consumed thereby leaving friends, family, and dreams behind as I did with this needy soul that I became so involved with... A needy soul with enough baggage to fill LAX. I've got about 12 text messages waiting to be deleted... And she's found her way to my blog, leaving messages as LaughingProphecy or perhaps she's having someone write the words for her because her skills aren't really that good. She's telling me I'm spineless because I will delete her message so I'm gonna be that and do that... spineless(lost soul that I am) but again, I wish her the very best that life and love have to offer...Life is beautiful now and all my friends see the return of me when they look in my eyes...
4 comments:
Again, you strike me as weak and incredibly naive Anthony. You speak as if you have done no wrong. Playing the part of the victim...which seems to fit you so well. Please, enjoy my negativity...this "dark force" that pulls at you. Your faith in God will not change what you have done....but of course you will not let your readers know of it will you? Devil? Goodness...someones feeling awfully religious. And this "constant harassment" was only part of the chain reaction that you have created. Remind yourself of that as you write your sugar-coated blogs of faith and darkness. Also, I thought you would enjoy the name-change. For some odd reason...perhaps me being "broken free and indpendent" it seemed appropriate. This will be the last comment I leave you seeing as how my out-smarting you, and telling the truth (God forbid your readers read such a thing) seems to be scaring you. And Good luck with whatever friendship you seem to have acquired in all this. ;) And don't bother praying for anyone when you should be praying for yourself...perhaps God will help you gain some sense of intelligence and common sense.
laughinggasdreams...love will make a person do stupid things at times...not because they are naive, but because that person loves unconditionally and doesn't past judgement on another...love will make you give your all...the mistake that a lot of people make though is when we love someone, we should make sure that person loves us back with the same intensity; otherwise one person will take advantage over the other. Love between two people can beautiful if one is not trying to use the other or if one doesn't disrespect the other by lying, stealing, cheating, etc. Breakups are hard. I've been there, but when it's over, it's over. I don't call them and they don't call me. Maybe in time when things simmer down, me and my ex might communicate...but when there's too much "bad blood" between two people, sometimes it's just best to let it go and move on.
The intelligence of Laughinggasdreams shows me that she is not the one writing the words.. much too intelligent but look how sad this is that things comes to this... Trading verbal blows and harassment, text messages, phone calls, etc etc.. so much anger and yeah, I speak of God because through all this I prayed a lot.. And yeah, I use the word devil because any sort of ill feelings expressed in the way it's being done at all hours of the day and night? The motivation to do so has got to be the devil inside... It's actually very comical but at the same time very sad considering the age of this person... but again, what was once such a beautiful love has come down to this and it's beyond sad, beyond stupid... Umm.. and no friendship acquired as of late just mutual respect to resolve an issue like good people do without all the drama. That's what me, myself and I decided to do on the 4th of July rather than going your route. That's how I live my life. I dont carry vendetta's or anger not even for you... I still care about you and wish you the best.. Your beautiful daughters I believe can conquer the world... They'll always remain special to me... I'll be just fine in future relationships.. I made mistakes in this one but life is blessing me with another chance... Thanks for your responses and for reading... be blessed...
Life is a constant learning process and challenge. We all lose our way at times. A soul lost can only be found through courage and belief! To step away from evil that tries to consume our spirit is a freedom that words cannot describe! Enjoy your return to your true self and all else will fall into place!
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