Quiet man...

I don’t talk much but my mind is very active… My imagination carries me to a lot of places. Like a cloud floating over experiences; some I’ve had and some I imagine having. Everything from being the most sought after photojournalist to walking down the aisle with a certain someone... I’m not a man that jumps for joy but inside I feel joyous. I’m not a man that screams and shouts but there are moments when I want to. Sometimes I may even sound sad when I'm simply just very relaxed and happy to be in the moment... I’m very calm and not always easy to read via the expressions on my face. I don’t readily speak on how I feel at any given moment but I will share very easily if I’m able to grasp the words at that time. Seems like I dont do it that often; grasp the words and speak them verbally. It's not an easy flow for me like it is when typing on the keys or writing with a pen... I’m so used to thinking first, which means there’s typically a delayed reaction and when pressured to respond, I fumble with my words. I sometimes worry that my quiet nature will be so misunderstood that I lose the most important gift God has ever given or perhaps returned to me... LOVE...love...love... One thing I know how to do very well is love and giving is a strong part of that… I love to give and I’m in love right now; very much. This is who I am, a quiet man sometimes misunderstood though I’m always trying to learn and find ways to be understood. I'm a student of life. I can't know something until I've learned first...but love, I do know... I’ve also always possessed something that has been a blessing and a curse though more so a blessing in my mind... I’ve had my writing which has served as my outlet for anything on my mind and yet my writing seems to work hand in hand with the way that I am; a quiet man…

I think sometimes about why I’m so quiet. I don’t mind being this way but because it's often questioned, I wonder about it too. Most times I feel very at peace, looking at the world and observing all sides from the balcony of my quiet persona… I can take in the worst and the best without revealing my reaction… I can appreciate the most beautiful that walk this earth like the woman I’m in love with… I’m in awe whenever I see her in more ways than she may ever know... My reaction to this blessing I do reveal constantly because I dont believe I've ever gone more than five minutes at a time without thinking about how much I love this woman... Still, I look back on my life and wonder… During my childhood there were many times when I was told to shut-up and go into my room. If you talk with my uncle he’ll tell you how funny I was as a young teen and how I used to tell stories at night whenever he would sleep over. My uncle is only four years older than I so we basically grew up together like brothers. I would tell real funny, comical stories; making them up using my wild imagination and have him rolling around in laughter. Those were great times but in between those times there were moments with my father who would tell me to shut-up. It would kill my spirit and I’d always promise myself that if I were ever blessed with my own children, I would never prevent them from expressing themselves unless that child was doing something disrespectful. But if that child is being creative and happy, let that child be joyous... Back then I would go to my room and begin to escape into my imagination. I would learn to have fun without making a lot of noise. Learn to enjoy myself without really being seen or heard. Then there would be times when I’d be out with my father. I’d be so quiet and respectful that older folks would say “your son is so well behaved; such a gentleman…” It seemed like I was seeing some kind of confirmation that my father was right. So, quiet I remained… my personality shaping and me becoming who I became though it’s definitely not a bad thing and I don’t put it all on my father but yet and still, there’s probably something to it… And once again, me being the writer I have my outlet to express my thoughts…No, as I said, I dont always do it verbally like perhaps I should but this is me and all I can pray and hope for is to be loved for that reason... me being me... a good man.. My outlet being here right now, sharing what’s inside of me with anyone willing to perhaps listen to the words expressed on this page… Love and many thanks...