Cornerstone of love...

  

My heart still aches from this past weekend. The funeral for my grandmother was a very sad occasion.. It was a day I remember I used to fear would become reality rather than imagination. I used to think about it years ago. That day when this family would lose it's most important cornerstone and how we would all respond to it when we wake up and realize that there will be no more going over to grandma's place for a Christmas celebration. We called her "mother." Alzata Moorings. She used to always call me, Anthony P. It sounded like "Ant-nee Pee.." I dont know what the "P" stood for but it always sounded great coming from mother. We lay her body to rest on Saturday but I think her soul was already at peace. My mother said to me as we stood looking at my grandmother's body "she looks good, huh?" My mother fought her tears when she said that but inside I was thinking, why did she have to say that. I started crying then. Seeing my grandmother's body was unreal to me and yet it brought back an onslaught of memories from previous October funerals that I'd been to. Seeing a loved one's body in a casket is a tough one for me because it doesn't feel like I'm looking at the person but instead some kind of life sized doll. Maybe it's just me but again, it felt so unreal. Though I have to say, once the person closed the casket, I felt my heart drop. It was like my conscious mind and my emotions colliding... I fought desperately to remember that she was in heaven and not really inside that casket. My beautiful grandmother... And no disrespect to any of those folks eulogizing but for the first time that I can remember, none of the words sank in for me. I found no comfort and not much recollection for anything said. The only thing I remember was the performance by my uncle, Richard Moorings as he sang his heart and soul out... Always and forever proud of him... Life ain't fair when it takes away your grandmother but I know...Life is life and this is a part of living... At the end of the day as I walked away from my grandmother's place with my mother by my side, some nice words echoed from behind me as one of the two elderly women sitting outside said to me "your grandmother always mentioned you..." And on Sunday the first thing I did was return to the cemetery for my own peaceful moment with her... It helped but I still ache...