Cornerstone of love...

  

My heart still aches from this past weekend. The funeral for my grandmother was a very sad occasion.. It was a day I remember I used to fear would become reality rather than imagination. I used to think about it years ago. That day when this family would lose it's most important cornerstone and how we would all respond to it when we wake up and realize that there will be no more going over to grandma's place for a Christmas celebration. We called her "mother." Alzata Moorings. She used to always call me, Anthony P. It sounded like "Ant-nee Pee.." I dont know what the "P" stood for but it always sounded great coming from mother. We lay her body to rest on Saturday but I think her soul was already at peace. My mother said to me as we stood looking at my grandmother's body "she looks good, huh?" My mother fought her tears when she said that but inside I was thinking, why did she have to say that. I started crying then. Seeing my grandmother's body was unreal to me and yet it brought back an onslaught of memories from previous October funerals that I'd been to. Seeing a loved one's body in a casket is a tough one for me because it doesn't feel like I'm looking at the person but instead some kind of life sized doll. Maybe it's just me but again, it felt so unreal. Though I have to say, once the person closed the casket, I felt my heart drop. It was like my conscious mind and my emotions colliding... I fought desperately to remember that she was in heaven and not really inside that casket. My beautiful grandmother... And no disrespect to any of those folks eulogizing but for the first time that I can remember, none of the words sank in for me. I found no comfort and not much recollection for anything said. The only thing I remember was the performance by my uncle, Richard Moorings as he sang his heart and soul out... Always and forever proud of him... Life ain't fair when it takes away your grandmother but I know...Life is life and this is a part of living... At the end of the day as I walked away from my grandmother's place with my mother by my side, some nice words echoed from behind me as one of the two elderly women sitting outside said to me "your grandmother always mentioned you..." And on Sunday the first thing I did was return to the cemetery for my own peaceful moment with her... It helped but I still ache...

Kind of makes me wonder...

  

I shake my head sometimes, wondering why Police folks do what they do.. Why they direct their attention toward some and not others. And I'm not so much complaining about things on a racial tip, though I could. Not really complaining about a certain side of town, though in a way I probably am.. *smile* It's just that I noticed something today that was puzzling. I shot this picture above in the midst of my puzzlement, if you will. A group of fellas riding in this white car were stopped. Ordered against the wall, etc etc.. The usual drill. There was even a helicopter above surveying the whole thing. But then on another street there's lots of action going on. A situation that a passerby could easily figure out and determine that the so-called oldest profession was on and poppin. Not only that but it was going on steps away from a corner church. Police cars passing by every few minutes but never stopping. Again, I'm puzzled... Young brothas on cellphones watching the police drive by as they warn the young ladies on the corner but it's not like the ladies run the minute they get the warning. Nah, they just casually walk to another corner on the same street but anyone can put two and two together and figure out what's going on yet it continues to go on... And this sort of action on this particular street always happens on a Sunday afternoon... It was a trip to see but I guess things are the way they are for some reason that escapes me. Enterprising young men and women doing there thing? Apathy amongst the police folks? As long as it remains where it is sort of thing?

Yo..

  

Hellooooo to all my millions of friends out there who visit this blog and especially the four or five that do it on the regular...lol.. And even a wink and a smile to those one or two that peek in with the mindset of "I wonder what HE is doing these days.." :-) I've been on a semi-hiatus from the blog. The motivation for many things has been low. The writing has come with struggle though in my mind I still flow all the time... I've been lazy with putting fingers to keys. That motivation hasn't been there.. Life has been a trip, especially in this month with all the death anniversaries and now the loss of my last grandparent. It's been one of those times when I wish I could reach back and bring yesteryear forward so I could enjoy it all over again... We've got memories but ain't nothin like the real thing, as the song goes... Grasping memories... Maybe that's why I been listening to the classic soul station on the itunes radio so much. Actually, that's been a lot of fun because I'm rediscovering songs that mean't a lot to me and hearing stuff I never heard before because I was into something else..

In a couple weeks I will begin an old tradition that started when my father passed away.. Hitting the road and going on a journey that's purely motivated and inspired by the journey itself. I'll be headed south with one of my main stops being east Texas to visit family, living and deceased. Flowers for my father, grandmother and grandfather's grave. Visiting family and listening to familiar stories all over again. Checking out beautiful scenery and eating some mouth watering food... Hotlinks in Mt. Pleasant, Tx and meatpies in Natchitoches, La. The miles will take me far and the inspiration will stay with me forever once I return. Last year I didn't go anywhere and it left me feeling like something was missing. I vowed I would make my return to the road and document the journey along the way.. Perhaps it'll even get me back to blogging more frequently. I'm sure it will. Ain't nothing like being on the road. It's something that even my father would do on the regular. I may have inherited the roadwarrior spirit from him, traveling from town to town and witnessing the unknown, unexpected each step of the way. But of course I do it in my own style and that will be reflected no doubt.. *smile* Thanks to this blessing of photography I can capture and create. It's a gift that has kept me creative during times when I didn't feel like writing lately. Photography inspires you to look at everything in different ways. Even if your desire is to photograph models ie. women, you look deeper, you search for other ways to find and express the beauty from within. And my digital paintbrush/camera is about to be blessed not only with scenic beauty but I'm sure I'll pass a few incredible ladies along the way.

My last journey was beautiful.. It was a healing time. Healing of the heart because prior to that I was in love and that was taken away. I traveled with that love and we did some amazing things when we journey'd together. Those memories I carry with pride but they're- memories. The journey since then has been better, in a way...different though nothing replaces love per se. Ahh... but I found new discoveries, new cool spots, new smiles, new voices... Time will tell what this journey will bring... The highlight will definitely be seeing my good sisterfriend Kim in Atlanta and possibly a visit also in Atlanta with my other sisterfriend Jamise. That will be wonderful... The most magical time will be seeing my cousin Maggie.. A real true earth angel in Daingerfield, Tx...

In the meantime I want to give a special shoutout to a real cool brotha on the eastcoast, Slish. I visit his blog constantly and always enjoy it. If our paths should ever cross in person it'll be a great moment for sure and I'll have to buy him a sassparilla to celebrate! lol.. Much respect and appreciation for Mr. Slish out there representin in the best kind of way... Thanks to anyone and everyone reading this here.. *smile* Peace...

Ahhh... and one more thing I almost forgot.. Got a new book coming out.. Actually, it's an anthology put together by Zane that has been in the works for quite a few years now. The wait will be worth it in my mind because the story written definitely expresses how a man is capable of loving a woman and how that man's heart bleeds when all that he gave is tossed away... It's a good story. One of three short novellas in the collection called "Love Is Never Painless." Due out in mid November...

Rest In Peace

  

Alzata Moorings, my beautiful grandmother leaves this earth on October 20th. She's at peace now. No more pain... Looking down with love..

Weekend Down..

  

The adversary of life can sometimes knock you back down just as you think you've made strides to get to a certain point... That's when the inner strength must kick in and all those things that one must do to remember dreams, goals, and all things that stimulate your inner-self to say, "it aint over yet. You gotta do it! Keep on keepin on!" and all the other cliche's that have been handed down through time...

Last week was an interesting one. It was a time when memories collapsed upon me like a ten gallon water tank above my head. Not that it was bad and not that it was especially good but as my journey continues, last week was important. Sad anniversaries reminded me of what we take for granted most times...LIFE. Eight years ago my father passed away on October 3rd. The month also marks the fifth year anniversary of his mother aka my grandmother's passing and the one year passing of my cousin Natalie who left this earth a year ago, last week. And then there was something that happened to me a year ago on the night after attending Natalie's funeral that will forever leave a powerful mark in my personal journey. Not a born again experience or nothing like that but a life experience.. a new perspective...lucky to be here...still...today, experience.. I went through this moment in my life with a friend of mine who unfortunately after almost a year of silence I would have to assume is no longer a friend. That's sad because she was special and a blessing to know but folks have their own agendas, reasons, and other stuff that make them stick around or choose to leave... Thus, life continues on and it's been good but again, moments happen like an adversary with a strong hand keeping you from taking the step you wanted to take. This weekend was a little bit rough... I stayed home fighting a bad cold that knocked me for a loop and relied on infomation from my mother about my grandmother(Alzata) being evaluated by hospice. I know too well about this stage as I went through it with my grandmother on my father's side(Senora). With me being the only grandson of Senora and my father having passed away before her, I had the responsibility to make all decisions. That was a very rough time. This time all I can do is pray for my grandmother's comfort as the family on my mother's side attempts to adjust and accept what's inevitable. My mother is blessed to have a sister and three brothers to help her with all decisions. I hope they all recognize this and come together... Life aint always fun but it's always headed somewhere....

Flower

  

A flower blooms in the middle of men...

I was at the Silver Dollar Classic football game in Los Angeles on Saturday. It was a cool event. Alcorn State versus Morehouse. They brought some black college football to the westcoast and that's a good thing. Unfortunately there wasn't very many folks in attendance but maybe next year. Personally I had fun. I even captured a few cool shots with the camera like a shot of Denzel Washington on the sidelines and even a good picture of Snoop Dogg... BUT... nothing compares to taking shots like above. A beautiful lady looking incredible though at the same time she appeared lost amongst all the men. For me, no amount of football being played could ever keep me from checking her out.. whew.. I can catch a football game any day, but capturing a moment like this? Blessing..

Catch A Moment

  

The best part of photography is catching a moment... I caught this moment as this fella was standing in anticipation of a clear path of water that he could glide on.