A scene from My Life Is All I Have

My Life....montage... 
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Once we reached the area known as Boyle Heights in downtown LA, Scottie finally opened his mouth. He asked me if I was sure that this was where the mural was located.
“Yeah, it’s over there…” I pointed.
We drove over this long bridge. We could see some graffiti to the side and I told Scottie that the mural was underneath.
“Why he put it way over here? Why he didn’t do it like on Crenshaw or somewhere close to where you was staying at?”
“I don’t know Scottie. Actually I think he said he put it here because of the trains passing by. People could see it everyday.”
Scottie shrugged his shoulders and looked for a place to park. We would have to climb over a fence and then climb down into the area where the mural was. Once we got there, Scottie reacted before I did.
“Check that out! That nigga can paint, huh? Look at that shit!”
“It’s beautiful…” I said in total disbelief.
I’d seen it before it was finished and thought it was nice but now that Trey added the final touches, it looked really beautiful. I could barely feel my feet hitting the ground, I was so amazed. The expression Trey painted on my face looked so real. Trey had even drawn a white flower in my hair like that jazz lady, Billie Holiday.
“I need to have that dude paint me too! Damn Leesha, you need to tell that brotha to do something with his talent instead of chasing after you. I’m looking at this and I see a young dude with a solid ticket to fame but he putting all his energy into trying to get you to love him. You my girl and all but I know you feel what I’m saying.”
“I know Scottie but why should I feel bad? He’s as old as me so he should be able to make his own decisions.”
“Yeah, you right but when a brotha is real about loving somebody, he don’t always see everything clearly. His mind is all messed up right now and all he trying to do is figure out what he could say or do to make you feel the same way that he does.”
“Whatever Scottie…”
“Damn Leesha, y’all must’ve made some serious love for that brotha to be painting you like that…”
Scottie was talking to me almost under his breath as he stood in amazement over the huge mural that Trey had created. If it weren’t for Scottie mentioning something about making love, I would’ve ignored his comments and kept my eyes on the mural like him. But then I thought about what he’d said and immediately got defensive.
“Scottie what did you just say?” I asked.
“You two been together, right?”
“You mean, had sex?”
“Yeah, you know what I’m talking about!”
“Our first time was last night so I don’t know what you trying to say.”
“Damn, for real?”
“Yep.”
“That’s deep.”
“I don’t understand what you trying to say, Scottie.”
“Yo Leesha, it’s like this… I mean, the way this dude put so much detail in your face and your eyes? Damn, it’s almost like he held your face in his hands and just placed it on the wall.”
“So, what does that have to do with us having sex?”
“Might be just sex to you, but dude is so into you that he captured your spirit. If I never met you before, I could look at this mural and feel who you were.”
“I don’t know what you talking about, Scottie.”
“Aw, you tripping…I bet you do know what I’m talking about. Shit, you in shock just like me.”
I knew what Scottie was saying but I didn’t really want to think on that level. I couldn’t because I had other things on my mind. Plus Trey was just a friend to me and I didn’t want to admit to the reality that I cared about him because of what he could do for me. I glanced over at Scottie and he was staring at me really hard. He was shaking his head and looking at me like I needed to do something.
“What!” I shouted. “Why you looking at me like that?”
“I don’t know Leesha, this is just deep to me. I mean, maybe I’m getting soft or something but I just feel this niggas love for you.”
“Scottie, let’s sit down so I can talk to you about something else.”
“What, you don’t wanna talk about this right here; this painting?”
“We can talk about that later. If I don’t tell you what’s been on my mind lately, I’m gonna drive myself crazy thinking about it.”
“You got something else going on besides this stuff with Trey? Damn girl, you stay busy, huh? I don’t never hear you talking about how good you doing in school. What’s up with that?”
“Scottie, school is just fine. I need to talk to you about something else.”
I wasn’t sure how to approach telling Scottie what I wanted to say and he didn’t give me much time to think about it. He kept nudging my shoulder as we sat close to each other on the pavement, underneath the bridge. The beautiful mural that Trey had painted was in back of us and we could hear cars passing by overhead. I figured the best way to tell Scottie what I’ve been thinking was by bringing it up casually. I wanted to get him thinking about something else and then I could just say what I had to say.
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My Life Is All I Have copr.2005