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Random Discoveries by V. Anthony Rivers | Make Your Own Book

Happy Mother's Day

Wow, this will be my first Mother's Day without my mother actually here in the flesh. I can definitely feel her spirit. I've had dreams of her recently in the last month or two. She's smiling in each one. I've seen her (in my dreams) sitting with my grandmother and both appear happy and at peace. It's a welcome vision from the last time I saw her-here... I will never ever forget last year, especially during this time as the changes in her mind and body began to happen quickly. The inevitable became more and more visible and I had to recognize that she wouldn't be here. It was a time when I had to reach for a kind of strength that I didn't know I had. The good thing about this blog is that I can look back to May of last year and see what was on my mind. It was a lot of reminiscing going on. A lot of wishing I could turn back the clock. I still wish that and many times as I discover new joys in my life, I wish even harder that my mom was still here. The other day I was thinking about two things introduced to me by the love of my life. Two things that I would love for my mother to enjoy. One is this dish called Rellenong Bangus, which is "stuffed milk fish." The taste is sooooo delicious and just the texture of the food reminds me of something my mother would enjoy eating like crazy. Then there's the trip that I took, of course to the Philippines and spending time at Love's beautiful place on the beach. My mother was crazy about Love(Lorna) and she probably would've smiled with so much pride to see such a beautiful place. She would've said "wow!" and "oh my goodness!" many times and when I was there, I did have one dream of my mother. It was quick like a flash... She was smiling... Maybe in spirit she's enjoying all of this too... And seeing me blessed with this kind of real, special and truly supportive love probably has her feeling completely at peace... probably another reason why in those dreams I see her smiling... I also remember this time of the year as a time I would struggle, trying to figure out what the perfect gift would be. I had to work extra hard because the following weekend is always her birthday. Sometimes she'd try to let me off the hook so to speak by announcing that once again she'd be going to Las Vegas with my aunt Tamer for her birthday weekend. That being said I would buy her one of those gigantic extra large greeting cards for effect and place inside of it some money to use for gambling in Vegas. That seemed to always please her but then again, she's a mother and mother's are special... *smile* Happy Mother's Day..

The Most Unique Gift Of All

"We don't have forever to get it right but for those of us blessed with time, we can at least learn how.."

Life affords us so much that many dont take into account. In my mind, my opinion, it seems better to stack the chips of experience rather than marvel at the size of the bank account. Money is nice too, don't get me wrong. I could use a healthy sum and put it to use in the name of heaven about 12 hours flight away from here.. But anyway, today as I was doing some much needed chores inside and around the house, my mind drifted... I was thinking about "time" and faith, not in the religious way though it all comes out in a spiritual way to some degree. It's like time/life affords us the gift of learning and its not free. It cost everything you can ever imagine and everything you can't even foresee. It's like when they give you the cliche that things happen for a reason; it does. Timing is everything; it is.. but what we do with all that is the determining factor in all of the above... In my mind today I kept saying "have faith, it'll all workout." And even if it doesn't, that too is as it should be because if your heart is in the right place and you are true and deserving, there's probably a better and more fruitful path to that rainbow you wish to see... Have faith, believe, stay true and do the unthinkable in this day and age by occasionally being nice. That part don't cost you nothing, as Ashford & Simpson once sang. *smile*

On my recent trip to the Philippines, it reminded me of so much as I've mentioned in previous posts. And despite me being born and raised in the big juicy city of Los Angeles, California, I am so grateful and thankful to my parents and my grandparents for exposing me to the other side of life known as "simplicity" during a time when things were just that; simple. It changed over time and I swam along with that; going thru my this and that, here and there experiences that brought me to this day; still living and blessed with the ability to look back with hopefully that lightbulb of wisdom that illuminates future steps and mis-steps before they happen. Man, in the Philippines, despite the obvious hardships and poverty etc etc that's truly a shame when you look around, I still witnessed happiness, smiles, laughter and endearment from those that were in that sort of predicament. The will of people is very strong and we can all sustain in the face of so much. It makes you wonder how and why in our own lives we would get upset over something as simple as our favorite whatever being out of stock at a store or those who are blessed with so much getting upset over the slightest inconvenience happening one day out of the blue... We trip so hard when there's no reason to even travel that direction. Life through its ups and downs, speed bumps, joys, disappointments, assholes getting in the way, victories, losses, and on and on and on and on is truly amazing... What a world we live in and yet we see so many adding their ingredients to a very large stew, causing so much bitterness, difficulties and strife... But that simple life that I spoke of? That was like sugar... Like a small bag of equal being added to half a cup of hot coffee... *smile* when it hits your taste buds, it feels just right.. God Bless it all and umm... it's always so nice to think... *smile* Kaibigan. I love the sound of that word for some reason...

Another Look At The Philippines..

Here's another video look at my recent trip to the Philippines.. Looking forward to my return there one day in the hopefully not too distant future... This ranks up there as one of my best vacations ever!

Thank you 2 The Moments..

As I continue to embrace the memories that's been hitting me from time to time this week following my special journey to the Philippines, I can't resist talking about those moments that made me smile really big. Of course, I was always smiling inside thanks to love spoiling the heck out of me as she always does no matter where we be but there was also some really cool moments that I will remember and continue to take with me... Those moments when in a faraway land, mean something extra special to you. Hanging in the Philippines, there were those chance moments when I'd come across another black person. In Boracay I noticed this fella walking along the beautiful seashore, nodding his head with excitement like a yesssss moment when a sense of pride overwhelms you. Then I realized he was doing that because of me. Love said "there's a brother!" I laughed and then I greeted the brother from a distance with a smile. It was like a strong handshake that squeezed tighter out of real true sincerity and it felt good. He continued on his way but the prideful moment lasts forever. In Tagaytay there were a group of singers moving from table to table at a restaurant called Leslie's. They could sing any song you requested and they did it very well. One of the singers was a tall fella that looked to be a cool mixture of black and filipino. When he approached our table and made eye contact with me, he put his palms together and bowed with pride. I nodded in agreement that it was a blessing to make the connection and he was a helluva singer... In Manila at Green Hills Mall, an elderly black woman greeted me the moment she saw me. "Hello, how are you?" she said in a very distinguished voice. I returned the greeting and she continued on her way... Those were good moments and sometimes that's all you need to put strength in your heart for those times when the flow of life ain't so good. Downtimes are inevitable but so are the upswing moments if you keep striving, think positive and be faithful to your pursuit in knowing that you are deserving... That's one of the main reasons I was blessed with love... the right time and as she says, "God's will.."

Video Celebration of my Philippines Visit...

Thank You Philippines from Anthony Rivers on Vimeo.

Children of the Philippines

I have to say that during my recent trip to the Philippines, I got a big kick out of photographing the children. It just happened by chance. I didn't plan to take so many pictures of children but you cant help it, or at least I couldn't. Every shot I took I wondered what the future held for them. Many of them were either begging for money or selling fruit and other items to make money. I pray this phase of their lives is a short one and they prosper in every way they dream and imagine or better yet, find a way to become inspired to do and become more than what's been shown to them... I have to thank them for all the great smiles and hellos given to me... Salamat..

Thank You Philippines...

Imagine traveling thousands of miles to another part of the world to find what you've not only been missing but what you've been looking for every time you return to the birthplace of your parents. Such has been the case with me. My parents were born in Texas. I love that state with a passion as well as neighboring, Louisiana. I can never get enough. For many years I would travel there at the same time of the year, seeking, searching and hoping I could find and reunite with old feeling and experiences from the days gone by. Meaning, the incredible summers I would spend in Mt. Pleasant Texas as a child with my grand parents, Virgil and Senora Rivers. And all those moments and times with my parents(Virgil Jr. and Gloria Rivers) visiting the farm in Texas. I've learned by experiencing the last year of my mom's life recently that preparation is everything and so much of my life prepared me for the incredible trip/journey that I took to the Philippines thanks to my special love(Lorna/Mitos) who showed me her birthplace and so much more.

I was warned of the heat that I'd experience in the Philippines. I smiled. Everyday I kept asking, "so umm, when does it get hot out here?" *smile* Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi and Georgia prepared me for any kind of heat. When I got off the plane in Manila, I felt like I was in Atlanta. The only difference was the fellas trying to pull my luggage away from me just so they could get us in the position of having to tip them. It was just the beginning of what would become one of the best trips of my life. I was also warned of the mosquitos. I didn't really notice them until almost the end of the trip when I saw a couple bites. The only minor annoyance was the funny looking lizard that kept making a funny sound late at night. His sound is the exact same thing as if some one were beating on glass with the edge of a coin. tick tick tick tick... When I first heard the sound, I said to love "is someone knocking on your window?" She laughed and told me it was the tick tick lizard... The only major annoyance was the guys selling sunglasses on the beach in Boracay. One after the other makes you feel like "dang!!!!! didn't you see me two seconds ago say no to the other guy!!" They drove me crazy along with the DVD sellers in the Green Hills mall.

Anyway, the Philippines felt like home right away. We hit the highway, headed for Pangasinan. I felt like a kid watching the best cartoons except my TV screen was the car windows. I didn't take pictures right away. I just sat there watching this part of the world. Traffic was crazy in Manila and it took a while to get out of the city but I loved just being there. I was fascinated by the poverty followed by the more well to do areas. It was different from what you see in the states on one level but at the same time as we got outside the big city and I saw more scattered areas of poverty, it reminded me of the Mississippi delta region.

My first really fun moment was getting stuck in the middle of traffic somewhere in the Pangasinan province. I'm not quite sure where we were exactly but traffic was at a stand still and that's when I grabbed my camera and started shooting. I looked all around and noticed how colorful everything was. The jeepney's, the trike's, the bike's, etc etc.. Everybody revving up their engines and blowing horns at each other but no one appeared angry. In Cali, I'm sure a traffic situation like that would result in a bunch of fist fights and road rage. There, they just blew horns and inched their way forward until somehow the gridlock of traffic unlocked itself. Soon after that we made our way to a place called Calasiao where love said I'd be able to eat the best "puto" you'll find anywhere. When we pulled into the area, young women reached their hands forward and began to desperately wave for us to come to them. I guess you can say competition is stiff right there and every peso counts. I also experienced my first moment where young children came over to beg for coins. It's somewhat heartbreaking to see the little faces pressed up against the windshield of your car, begging for you to roll down the window and give them something...I pointed to love so they waited for her. *smile*

And then finally we reached San Fabian, the place where love flourishes and the incredible Efren and Violi work hard to keep the beautiful beach house estate looking just that... beautiful.. And I was blessed to be able to stay there and be spoiled constantly... i'm not used to that sort of thing; being spoiled and having others do so much for me...

Anyway, there's so many moments I can go over and eventually I will as they come to me. That was just part of the first day's arrival in the Philippines and believe me, from day one to the end of the trip, it was filled with moment after moment.. We were super busy, back and forth from Manila to Pangasinan to Tagaytay to Boracay... I'll write more as it all comes back to me but I just wanted to share something really quickly before going to sleep and preparing for my back to reality moment. I'm back home in Cali and already missing the Philippines. But more importantly, I'm so thankful for love, her fabulous friends, batchmates aka classmates, and her truly amazing family... I am truly blessed and I hope my mom is watching from above, maybe smiling or shaking her head and saying "wow Anthony... " Thanks again to the Philippines!! Mabuhay!

The Strange..

People are strange. People waste so much time not doing or being who they pretend to be. Imagine a life where no one takes advantage of anyone. Where no one tells a lie to get over. Where no one evades and avoids the truth in order to keep you waiting for something they had no intentions of doing in the first place. The world is full of folks like this and I keep running into them. This instance isn't as bad as the one which almost ruined my life and became a headache in the worst most undefinable way but nevertheless, this encounter was so unnecessary and a complete waste of time. Just someone who claims to provide a service but is too lazy to do things the right way. She keeps you wondering, waiting, calling, asking why, when and nervously she responds "tomorrow..I'll call you..." and then.... no call... Yeah, this encounter reminds me of the first one.. Another woman who lives her life telling lies every single day. They say that kind of stuff catches up to you. I'm kind of hoping I'll hear about it when it does catch her or maybe it has already. She'll be the subject of something I'm looking into... I thank God this latest encounter with a clueless individual only lasted a few weeks and yesterday I felt exhausted. Dealing with liars is an exhausting journey. The first one(PT) lasted three years and she still didn't honor her promise. The second(LL) is just plain stupid. Yeah, those are initials... *smile*

But life is just and things happen for a reason.. I fall back on love for comfort and find hope in the fact that another anniversary is around the corner for a very special union that began two years ago and is still so passionate, full of smiles, and without stress... I dont know how long I'll survive in this world with all the truck load of BS you have to negotiate around but whenever I go, I will feel like I was at least able to discover, to find what I always dreamed of in a woman, a lover, a friend.. someone who could be your everything and make you feel like sleeping with your eyes closed is actually okay and when you wake up the next morning, guess what? She's smiling again... Aint nothing strange about that... Pure blessing.. The other stuff, the other ish... I'll find a way to survive...

Valentines Weekend...

Love is always in the air for me and has been so for a couple years now. I am truly blessed despite the ups and downs that life and this world may bring at times. This weekend brings me memories of life changing decisions and incredible moments of celebration… discovery.. love… appreciation.. The incredible outweighs the bad but sometimes the bad is like a staple so hard to remove that instead you fold the page just to avoid it for the time being. Still, sometimes you return to that page, unfold it and analyze the significance.. Then you realize, no mater how much you relive and re-think the moment, it all boils down to cliché’ wisdom.. That verbal write-off when you say; it was mean’t to be; things happen for a reason… somebody up there somewhere, pulling the strings…. Life providing you with a test to see if you’ve learned anything from before... Anyway, on this Valentines Weekend, the time machine in my mind that kicks in from time to time for whatever reason took me back to a few years ago.. three or four when I was living the high life… riding high, money, chillin in Vegas during the NBA All-star weekend, being impressed by all that is fleeting and truly not real.. I was the perfect candidate for what was to come soon thereafter… The big tumble, the fall, the brink of disaster and so many other words that describe the result of poor decision making and not listening to previous life lessons; stepping backwards and falling down... But again, the cliché wisdom flashes across the screen and perhaps its one of those defining moments that you can take several lessons from… I have and it’s kept me thankful in the most profound way with respect to where I am now. There’s a whole lot of moments in my life that I wish I could return to, but that’s one that I never want to relive so I appreciate to the fullest what’s been given to me now and who has been placed in my life… another one of those meant to be exclamation marks, yet in this instance it has more to do with the lessons learned than reaching for something akin to forcing a square peg into a round hole. Some things aint supposed to fit but try as we might, we eventually wake up, most times after the consequence… So, on this Valentines Day, I say happy Thanksgiving *smile* because I’m so thankful to still be able, be willing, be desiring, be anxious to give… Give of myself and receive something so beautiful, so incredibly special in return… This time it’s so very true…

Always moving toward the dream...

Congrats to the New Orleans Saints..

BIG BIG congrats to the New Orleans Saints. Super Bowl Champions!! I picked them to win and it was the most satisfying pick I ever made because I simply love that city! Aint nothing like being in New Orleans and as I say to everybody, you haven't truly lived unless you've experienced it once or twice or three times or more.. Congrats and God Bless that great city..

Last January Weekend..

It wasn't a busy weekend but I did manage to squeeze in a photo shoot and a relaxing time at the beach... I missed LOVE and just kept myself creatively occupied. Great things on the horizon.. February is here now.. Happy Black History Month...

Colorful Candy Necklace

I had a thought; a memory the other day about some childhood trips to the liquor store. These were the good ol days... I remember waking up on a few wonderful Saturday mornings. I could smell the pancakes cooking in the kitchen and noises coming from the den, which was typically my father working on something or listening to his 8 track player. As I said, this is way back when; the good ol days. I’d eat breakfast, watch the Jackson Five cartoon and then later on I would be checking out Soultrain. Back then, Soultrain was the best thing on TV with real soul sistas and brothas, afros, velvet looking pants, mini-skirts, bell bottoms and that afro-comb that came in a pouch. I had one of those. My mother ordered it for me from the commercial that came on during Soultrain. The pouch had a large peace sign on it and the comb had a fist at the end. I wish I still had it. I lost it somewhere along the way and my cream colored “apple cap” that I used to wear.

Anyway, after Soultrain was over, I somehow would get the urge to walk from our house on Carmona Avenue to this liquor store around the corner about a block from Rodeo Road. I would go to this liquor store because they sold these colorful candy necklaces that I could both suck on and wear as a fashion piece.. One Saturday the guy behind the counter thought I was trying to steal something. I had turned my back towards him and was digging in my pocket. I didn’t realize it until much later how my actions translated into something potentially wrong. The man said “hey!” and I turned around still holding the necklace in one hand and digging in my pocket with the other, trying to pull out a large wad of pennies. Once I did, the man breathed a sigh of relief and started laughing. He could see the innocence written clearly on my very young face because I wasn't really startled by his assumption. I simply and honestly was trying to pull the money out of my tight pocket. I was clueless but I did have exactly the right amount of pennies collected from the previous days, contemplating that moment when I’d proudly buy my colorful candy necklace.

Another time I went to the liquor store, I remember seeing a woman drop her purse and wallet. A bunch of money flew out. She picked up everything except for a five dollar bill that was slightly underneath a nearby car. I didn’t say anything. I just stared at the money but for some strange reason I was afraid to pick it up. The car had driven away and the five dollar bill laid there, uncovered, edges sticking up and I guess in a way, staring right back at me. If it had a voice it would probably say, “well, aren’t you gonna pick me up?” I probably would’ve shrugged in response but instead, I just looked at it. Then some guy came by. Looked like an older teenager. He looked at the direction of my eyes and noticed that five dollar bill too. The grin on his face slowly developed. He didn’t hesitate to pick up the money, in fact he snatched it off the ground and disappeared just as quickly. I bought my colorful candy necklace with my pennies and for some reason after that, I don’t remember ever returning to the liquor store to buy another… That little adventure had ended for me in a way as if the excitement had gone away and I didn't need that any more…

So much expectation...

In this grand expectation of change, it seems as though folks have already forgotten the moment when it felt like this entire country was one.. Everyone was proud of our newly elected son. It didn't matter the reflection though the achievement was definitely noted in the pages and hearts of history and our-story.. But it seems now, everything matters... He didn't fix the economy, he didn't create more jobs, he didn't get healthcare for all, he hasn't won the war on terrorism, he hasn't killed Bin laden, he hasn't fulfilled all of his campaign promises and we've got CNN, Fox News and all the fact-check-he-said-she-said websites to prove it... It don't matter that it's only been one year into his Presidency. He was supposed to change the entire world and make everyone of all race, color, creed, nationality and situation super rich, happy and healthy during his first six months! Right now, we're all supposed to be just chillin.. taking it easy and watching the NFL playoffs on our 100 inch TV screens... But nooooooooooooooo... and why not!?! It's HIS fault!! I'm sounding ridiculous on purpose because that's how a lot of people are sounding these days to me... I saw an interview with some ladies in Massachusetts who justified their changing vote from Democrat to Republican by saying that their former party and especially the President are very arrogant. I dont get the whole premise and definition of arrogance as it relates to the President. Seems like Bush was fairly arrogant himself. He had a swagger constantly and enjoyed it. But Obama? Is he supposed to keep his head down and speak softly? If he did then seconds later, they'll be saying he's not tough enough which they always say as well... Personally, I wish he would show more arrogance and toughness though that would probably threaten some folks a little too much. I think he's always gonna have it rough in the White House and any little inch of progress he can achieve will be the equivalent of winning a world war over and over and over again... I can't remember any President being watched and scrutinized so closely as this one. He (Obama)basically put the excitement back into Politics in recent years. It's that excitement that from what I remember even got Jay Leno to want to have that prime time show so he could do political humor. It's that excitement that generated more interest in folks watching CNN, MSNBC, etc etc... It's that excitement that probably caused more reporters, writers, camera people and others to have work on the various networks, cable channels, internet news/video channels, etc etc... All this excitement that kinda sorta went away in one aspect.. Now they aim and poke in a different direction... Why haven't you fixed this nation and the world, Mister Obama!?!?! Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!! It takes a WHOLE LOT OF TIME to undo and bring it all back to where we once were... And now that the Supreme Court decided to do something supremely silly, the cards are truly stacked against Obama and anyone else hoping to do good for the people, now, today, and generations to come... corporate greed I imagine is about to get another huge dose of adrenaline..

The Rain The Rain..

We're supposed to dread times like these but I was personally loving the rain... all that wonderful water overflowing from the sky and causing folks to act like fools, driving super fast on the wet roads... I didn't love that part but I did get a kick out of so much rain... Hearing the water outside is a great sound to kick back and fall asleep to. And as they always say, we needed all this water because there has been a shortage to the point where we cant have the sprinklers on during certain periods and no more than five minutes, etc etc.. The rain helped all of that and made for a bunch of beautiful green front lawns all down the street. Unfortunately there's a lot of potholes out there caused by so much water but we survived it.. Rain aint nothing compared to what other folks in another part of this world have had to deal with.. Now, they're predicting a few days of glorious California sunshine and we can go back to being spoiled... Ha!

God Bless Haiti and it's People

You've got to love, honor and respect the strength of the Haitian people. I pray their pride holds up during this unimaginable crisis. I was blown away especially by the images and video of people being buried in graves that belonged to someone else. I don't know if that's a good thing but the desperation embedded upon the faces of the people is truly heartbreaking.... What's even more devastating to imagine is what Anderson Cooper of CNN kept reporting during his coverage. He said people who have died will simply disappear because there's no way of identifying them. That is the saddest thing of all.. Women, children, men, father's, mother's grandparents, babies, etc.. gone... Someone who was smiling that morning and perhaps looking forward to a good day. Someone dreading the work week but had major plans to party on the weekend. Someone struggling to make ends meet but using every day to it's full advantage by working, hustling, dreaming, achieving... whatever it takes; whatever it took.. Gone.... And now just like Wyclef holding the flag with pride, hopefully somehow, someway they can achieve the seemingly impossible... survival.. God Bless... donate..

RIP Teddy Pendergrass

Rest in peace and much love and respect for Teddy Pendergrass... wow.. he was such a big part of my life through his music, which I heard so so much thanks to my mother. She wore out his records. I still have the LP's/Vinyl in boxes in the garage. Memories! At times, I would say to myself "not again" as my mother would spin the same song over and over. There were times when she would be playing that song "And If I had" and she would turn it up louder each time. I knew she was feeling down; thinking about my father and feeling heartbroken. I'd peek down the hallway and see a half full glass of wine on the coffee table. Her foot would move slowly to the beat. I'd try to listen closely, not so much to the music but for tears that she might be releasing.. My mother never experienced Teddy live except for a video that I bought her but I was able to see him perform in concert at the Houston Summit arena with my father. As I look back now, I cant believe all the now legends of music that I basically witnessed in that arena but that's another story... I was still in Junior Highschool when I saw this concert and besides seeing and hearing so many women screaming so loud as if they were either losing their minds or having an orgasm, I remember so vividly two men getting into an argument in the next row and immediately throwing punches. Neither was able to connect with each other because they were large men wearing very tight suits with large lapels. One fell over the seats and the other perhaps slipped because of all the soda or beer that was on the ground beneath. When it was all over, the women accompanying those two men helped them up, sat them down and told them how foolish they were. Both just sat there with lips poked out like little kids for the rest of the concert while the women continued to dance, party, and be blown away by the incredible passionate voice of Mr. Teddy Pendergrass. He was in his serious prime around that time. He lit up the arena with his smile and shook the building with his performance. And of course during the slow jams, he brought intimacy to a whole new level all the while building the song and the moment to a climax... I actually saw him again perhaps that same year or the year after; I cant remember exactly but that performance was in a smaller arena with a round stage. Again the performance was passionate and powerful but a little more intimate and personal. He showed off his more playful, one to one side... his sense of humor.. his powerful control over the gift that was his voice... his soul.. He was on fire back then. I was blessed to be able to see it for myself like I definitely grew up at the right time... Rest In Peace & Love.. Teddy Pendergrass.

2009 Year in Review...

2010 is here now and another year has come to an end. It’s amazing to even see the new number; 2010. I can remember when thinking about any year beyond 2000 was like a fantasy. And then when my life flashes before my minds eye, I cant help but wonder how I/we got here. The steps/experiences have been many and the life lessons enormous, especially recently. But right now, it’s all about remembering another chapter of life closed with an exclamation point because of 2009 being the year that my mother passed on to the heavens above. Even as I reminisce about her struggle and fight with cancer, it blows me away how the time went by and how it all started. One moment she’s in vegas enjoying her bingo playing, eating mexican food and sharing a fun outing with her sister. The next moment she’s telling me that she may have cancer and she’s not so sure how bad it could be. Soon thereafter, she knew how bad it could be and then began to get things in order and guide me through the process of what would become the end of her life. A life filled with some ups, downs and disappointments.. but also a life where she’d found her place in the end and was really joyous about her self discovery, her friends, and her life as a very active, young spirited senior citizen. Her only complications at that point was the worry and concern she had for me as I’d become knee deep in my own trials and tribulations. My mistakes and mis-trusts of certain individuals only ended up preparing me in a huge way for what was to come with my mother. And even as she fought until her last breath, she maintained her concern and preparation for me to be ready once she was gone. She worried that I still had to deal with a situation that seemed never-ending due to a certain individual who champions excuses over truth and simply doing what’s right. It’s pathetic but the negative energy by no means blocks the blessings of all that my mom left behind and all that she instilled in me. The best part was that she met and and enjoyed the presence of the special someone who blesses my life unselfishly to no end and her family who remind me of how times used to be when all of my family was still here on earth.. Those times when gift giving was made special by the effort, the smiling faces, the hugs, the visits as we’d travel from house to house all over LA on a cool Cali night sharing Christmas cheer. Then we’d return home eventually for some sweets, some eggnog and watching Santa Claus or Rudolph The Rednose Raindeer or The Grinch. My love’s family is incredible; truly and I feel beyond blessed that I’m embraced by them. I was thinking the other day that sometimes you can have experiences that basically kick your behind so tough that if you’re smart and truly gracious, you’ll discover the kind of humility that will always keep you appreciative… as I said, I’m beyond blessed, thankful, grateful…

But anyways, here we are now… 2009 has come to an end.. Unfortunately, I don’t think all the negativity that we see in the news and on TV will cease. And lord knows those folks out there who love to bash Obama wont give up until he’s gone. And then they’ll let up on him and probably begin to recognize his accomplishments and sincere desire to do what’s right. I question him sometimes as well and wish he would fight back harder against the critics and nitpickers but nevertheless he’s got my support and prayer. I’d like him to realize a lot of successes before he leaves office and then when he’s done, I hope he puts out a serious tell-all memoirs that details what has got to be an extraordinary experience in the White House; good, bad, sad and unbelievable… So many expect so much like he’s the second coming and others hate hate hate because of his complexion/reflection in their eyes.

I cant think of many more reasons to talk about 2009 as the major moment of losing my mother pretty much dominated it. I’m so grateful for the continued growth of my creativity and look forward to discovering more of it. And love being the greatest gift of all is truly all of that… I watched the usual year-end review of all the important individuals who left this earth in 2009 and the list is truly awesome…. Percy Sutton, Gene Barry, Oral Roberts, Edward Kennedy, Les Paul, Eunice Shriver, John Hughes, Walter Cronkite, Karl Malden, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Keith Carradine, Dom Deluise, Bea Arthur, Ricardo Montalban, Soupy Sales, James Whitmore, Paul Harvey, Altovise Davis, Wayman Tisdale, Koko Taylor, Fred Travalena, Dominick Dunne, Steve McNair, Patrick Swayze, and my mom, GLORIA RIVERS.... Her train to heaven was filled with a lot of other first class individuals… I wonder what 2010 has in store for this world… Happy New Year… Peace?

Merry Christmas 2009

Christmas is here again... I can hear a combination Charlie Brown instrumental coming at one ear and Prince's, Another Lonely Christmas aimed at the other ear.. I love both those songs... though, I'm not really lonely as my everything continues to spoil me no matter what time of year it is. Because of her I feel beyond blessed. She is beyond amazing and just like the perfect puzzle, we fit. When I rest my head on her shoulder, the comfort is instant. When I wrap my arms around her, I become a part of her.. it's just right..

I miss my mom on this semi-cold night in LA. Her voice would always greet me on this night/day, "Merry Christmas, Anthony Rivers..." and if it was a phone call she'd punctuate that with "this is your mother speaking..." I miss that sound though I can hear it in my mind... I miss the card with some money in it, attached to a box with some t-shirts in it. The card would have a note attached telling me she wasn't sure what I wanted but figured I could get something with the money.. It didn't matter. What was most important was how she went out of her way to make sure there was an abundance of Christmas spirit surrounding me and not to mention the delicious pies and pineapple upside down cake or even the big strawberry cake she use to make... whew.. delicious! Recently, I've been receiving cards from people I dont really know but who knew and seemed to have cherished my mother. Each of them I've written back to let them know of my mother's passing. I hope those people say a prayer and simply think of the good times with my mom rather than allow the news to sadden them too much... I thank them sincerely for thinking of my mom..

Anyway, I cant say that I've put much effort in the Christmas spirit this year. I tried, I thought about it, planned to do something special with respect to decorations around the house but when all was said and done, I did nothing.. No tree, no decorations except for the wooden Santa Claus that I bought a few years ago in my favorite Louisiana town, Natchitoches. I wish I was there for Christmas. They always have a really big celebration with a fantastic light show along the Cane River. I took a picture of my mother in that town and it instantly became her favorite picture not so much because of the shot but because she fell in love with that town as well and felt really good sitting there in such a peaceful place. She was healthy and happy during that moment. That was a good time. Just before she passed she asked that that picture be placed on the front of her funeral program.

Now it's time to rest up for Christmas Day.. Hopefully it'll be a good time... I'm sure Love will make sure I'm alright and my mother looking down will watch over me closely... Merry Christmas to any and all passing by... WarmBlessings..