This is a reflection of the life, times and creativity of a self described creative soul... A sponge, a mirror, a cloth... I absorb all surroundings and let my thoughts redirect it's energy toward my fingers and sometimes my eyes because the pictures you see, I create them too! Captured moments of life...
Saturday was a sort of breezy cool day for me, metaphorically speaking; not so much weather-wise. It rained off and on throughout the day but I still had to get out for a little while. After I traveled to my first destination, I couldn't resist going inside this huge cemetery nearby. I'd always been curious to look inside. I have friends and family of friends buried there. I walked around, took a few pictures of statues and a beautiful water fountain. Then I came upon this headstone with a really nice picture. Seems like a lot more headstones have pictures nowadays. This one caught my attention because for one I could see that this woman left the world much too soon and not only was it a great picture but she looks so happy. I read the headstone, which paid tribute to her as a daughter, a wife, and a mother. The flowers lying on top were all wilted and pretty much gone. I saw a deflated heart shaped balloon close by. Perhaps it was brought by this woman's family or maybe even the husband placed it there for Valentines Day. I imagined him being heartbroken and missing his lady; missing all the great times they shared and all the dreams they'd hoped to live for and share together... As a couple they were one and now he must carry on without her. Life is precious and so is love. Even if what you embrace are memories and the spirit of someone passed on, that love remains very special and very crucial to your life as you continue on... It began to rain as I took one last shot of this woman's headstone and in a short distance away, someone else was being put to rest... More love passing on yet hopefully never forgotten...
This was a good weekend, photographically speaking.. I took this great shot of a woman dancing her heart out. She was into her every movement. She had fun. She blessed the drum circle that she danced inside of, along with a few other ladies... I also enjoyed the presence of a buddy of mine as we discussed something happening before our eyes in the distance. It was a display of jealousy by a man who seemed to quietly object to his girlfriend wanting to dance and bless the circle as well. It was pretty sad because she was wasting all this great energy and joy outside of the circle. He was diffusing her beautiful spirit and denying her from shining. He should've encouraged and pushed her forward considering the direction she so eagerly wanted to go was a very positive one. Luckily the positivity won out and once she stepped inside the circle, it was a beautiful union of rhythms and joy. The man stood with a sour look on his face, which eventually gave way to recognition. Someone felt his negative vibe and offered that he contribute by taking that energy out on a drum. He did and positivity prevailed all around... My buddy and I agreed that because this man changed his tune, so to speak, tonight he'll probably get some extra good lovin and more than that, he and his lady shared in something that they can talk and laugh about later... To me, that's what it's all about if you have someone special. Experience moments together and build upon it. Create new memories together and turn them into special traditions that you look forward to doing again and again... I hope that man learned something from today's experience... I know I had a blast just being a part of the whole vibe.
Here's a little something to aspire to... Love... mixed with mutual pride. The world may be the stage but what's most important is that they have each other... The same can be practiced on the local level... meaning, everybody can have this... I wish everyone the best kind of love, however you may dream it to be...
Five minutes away from where this beautiful creation(Watts Towers) was erected and preserved over the years for all to see and experience, there was another tradition going down that unfortunately serves as a reminder on how not much has changed. the trading of lives; bullet for a bullet mentality continues. There were hundreds gathered in a cemetery, celebrating the life of a fallen loved one. They mourned, they cried, they looked angry... A great number of them were dressed in white t-shirts. A lot of bravado. Young men standing tall with their chests stuck out. Most fighting back tears. The fallen one had many friends and the amount of cars that lined the street leading into the cemetery stretched a very long distance on both sides of the street. And on every corner in the vicinity there were police officers parked; waiting for any trouble that might occur. With the exception of the anger, sadness and tension that filled the hearts of those saying their final goodbyes, peace prevailed but all one has to do is listen to the news, read the paper, and decipher the writing on the walls. You'll discover that change don't happen much despite this country's possibility that something historic is on the verge of becoming reality... maybe. Sometimes hope ain't always the most convincing argument and love is often used as motivation for battle rather than healing, coming together and building a stronger bridge that connects understanding and compassion in a way that doesn't blow over so easily... Folks gotta get it together because what goes on in the hood aint a priority for the White House or the Governor's Mansion, no matter who's in it...
February is here and it brings with it the so-called “Black History” celebration time, which is definitely important and a beautiful thing. Me being black, I like to think I celebrate it every day, every month but since this is the official time of the year, I want to kick things off with my own celebration and tribute. I’m hoping one of these years I’ll be able to celebrate with the relase of my much delayed epic novel, Until Again which should’ve been out this month but nevertheless, its on the way.. *smile* Be that as it may and without further delay, I want to honor someone who to me is worthy of a black history tribute/celebration trophy for his accomplishments and for representing himself as a multi-faceted black man. Perhaps he’s not famous to the average Joe and Jenny on the street but he’s known by friends and family. He’s known by teachers, scholars, and students. He’s known in the hood, the country, and the classrooms. He’s blessed by his two beautiful children, which he plays an extremely active role in raising them. No doubt his son and daugther will be amazing individuals when they grow up. I’ve admired this dude since the day we met on his home turf in Memphis, Tennessee so I write this little tribute with a smile on my face. His name is Torrance Stephens.
You ever meet someone in life that instantly reminds you of family? You ever meet someone who you just want to sit and listen to because you instantly respect that person? You ever meet someone who no matter their age, you feel like this is someone to look up to like an older sibling? You ever meet someone who is so cool and down to earth, you wish them nothing but happiness and success no matter how much time passes before you see them again? Thanks to the internet, I can check on what’s going on in the prolific mind of this brotha because he’s probably got the best blog (http://rawdawgb.blogspot.com/) in the internet hemisphere… You’re always sure to learn something, be inspired, forced to think, and entertained all at the same time. I always imagined that if you peel open this man’s mind and stretched out every thought and piece of knowledge inside, it would probably wrap around planet earth several times. He’s got the street intelligence, the country boy work ethic and the intellectual scholar ingredients that would make anyone envious but he’d never have you feeling that way because he’s cool like that. My admiration is endless. I mean, my man Torrance has traveled to other countries to speak to folks on behavioral sciences and health education, written countless articles and chapters on some very serious issues like AIDS/HIV and other infectious diseases but he's still a country boy and a father which means you'll find him coaching his son in life and athletics all the while finding time to eat some stew that's got ingredients like pork, possum, rabbit and squirrel in the mix. *smile* Besides all that, he's also an author of some very deep stories like "Fast And Gamin," "Butter Brown," "For U Who Left Me While I Slept," "Matter Of Attention," and "Rockstar, Stud, Gigolo." What? A scholar writing books with titles like that? Yeah, 'cause he's cool like that so dig beneath the titles and see what he's talking about. You can check those out at www.BBOTW.com Here's a quote that shines a little light on the man as an author....
"In the tradition of Iceberg Slim, his work carries the immediacy of corner stoop storytelling but is that rare creation--African American oral tradition in a literary form." LISA RICHARDSON- LOS ANGELES TIMES
Anyway, I wanna send a sincere shout-out to Torrance Stephens PhD, rawdawg buffalo as I kick-off Black History month on Super Bowl Sunday to salute this good dude... Peace and continued blessings...
Today, I was listening to an interview on a hip hop station. It was interesting in all kinds of ways... Informative? Nah... and I definitely aint trying to put down hip hop in any kind of way but I just found today's interview of Prodigy from Mobb Deep interesting. It had me wondering what folks will remember about the music and the artists from the genre, twenty years from now. No doubt, there's some great history in hip hop but the way they were talking on the radio today the only history they celebrated was violence rather than the...MUSIC. Prodigy talked about being able to afford a bullet proof car. He spoke about various beefs aka disagreements he had with other rappers that would lead to violence if he had run into that person. The interviewer brought up questions about Tupac's ability to fight because of things she's heard, which really doesn't matter.. Around every corner there's someone who could get the best of you in a fight and vice verse, but my main point is, what does that have to do with the music??? Me being a huge fan of Tupac, I didn’t really appreciate the comments made about him but everybody got their own perspective. The interviewer to me sounded like she was motivated by the very same hearsay and unnecessary bravado which fueled the kind of environment that brought down such a prolific artist. He had his issues and was at times a victim of his own young ego but he was an amazing artist, a brilliant mind, very well read, and was extremely driven, albeit the motivation could’ve been because he feared the end was coming soon but he was able to accomplish a lot in a short time. Funny thing though, in the four or five times I’d seen him around LA, when he was driving he was alone and had the top down on his convertible. When I saw him hanging out at the Glam Slam niteclub many years ago in downtown LA, he was alone. But the bottomline with respect to how I’d like to remember him most is by his contribution, which was music and film. There's some incredible hip hop musical moments and great artists that have come and gone and that's what should be talked about/celebrated.
As I listened to the interview, it made me think about a conversation I had not too long ago with a friend of mine. We talked about music and brought up memories that had us both smiling and feeling the goose bumps all over. This fella is older than me so he could recall a little more than I could, from Miles to Hendrix on forward but then I brought up Parliament/Funkadelic and he laughed in a proud way... "Ahh yes, the mothership!" I told him about how as a kid, I got into a few of those Parliament shows for free because my father promoted some of the concerts in Houston along with a couple buddies of his. He asked me "what year was that?" "Around 77, 78, 79..." "Ahh okay, then you got to see them in they prime. Eddie Hazel, Hampton, Glenn and of course George was on top of his game then..." "Yeah, I even saw them that year when they had that funny lookin dude from the Spinners singing with them.." "Phillpe Wynne... yeah, okay... You seen some music history back then, man." "Yeah, but I didn't know it at the time, being so young. I would just be lookin at how crazy everybody was dressed!"
The conversation continued on to other musical groups and artists that became legends and/or well respected musicians, singers, performers but the thing is, all we talked about were these artists contributions to music. We didn't need to go into who shot who, who had beef with who, etc etc. Of course there's always been a shady side to the music industry and there are stories that go way way back; tragedies, early loss of life but music folks from back in the day wear a badge of honor that reflects what they accomplished musically... Think about Curtis Mayfield and all the incredible songs he wrote for others and himself... Isaac Hayes and his amazing body of work... Barry White, Earth Wind & Fire, Aretha, Minnie Riperton, Marvin Gaye, Donny Hathaway, Stevie Wonder, the list goes on and on forever and again, despite whatever tragedies and behind the scenes drama that might have occurred, it's all about the music.. I dont think any of those folks still living or no longer around are thinking to themselves, "I wish I would've bought a bullet proof car..." Just my two cents as I wonder why stuff has come to be the way it is or as I said, why it gotta be like this! *smile* Anyway, peep out Parliament live from the Houston Summit Arena. I was there backstage representin with my father and company...
Here's a little video showcasing recent shots taken of and inspired by the many surfers that I've run into on the Southern California coastal areas... You can't help but capture the moments...
My father used to talk a lot about this one mechanic that he knew. It was this man named Chet who owned an auto shop down on Venice and Western Blvd a long long time ago. Chet was the most honest man you'd ever want to meet. He worked hard every day and took care of your car as if you were trusting him with your life. Your satisfaction is what motivated him and your paying for a job well done was a blessing. Chet would always say "no problem, just leave the car and I'll have it done." My father's fondest memory of Chet was that this man would never take money from my mother. He'd basically fix the car perfectly, have it all tuned up and cleaned up but would wait until my father came around to pay him. He wouldn't worry. He was a man driven by honesty and wanting to be appreciated for not only that honesty but for his quality work. He didn't even have to preface his actions by saying "you have my word, it'll get done." In today's world, people say those words all the time and then you have to keep calling and asking them when will it get done. People today seem to lean on the shoulders of excuses. They embrace laziness. They don't care. A lie feels more natural. The truth is abnormal. Chet was a good man, did incredible work but times changed and finding a person like him is rare... Your word is your most valuable, transportable possession. You carry it everywhere you go. You wear it like a badge of honor, connected inside, hanging from your heart and soul. It shines when a soul is true. You can see it reflected in the eyes of others. Have someone ask others that know you, what their impression is of you. I hope they come back with more than just you looked good, made money or had nice things...
Rest in peace to 2007; one of the worst years of my life(not all bad) but also probably the single most powerful lesson that I will ever live/experience. I leave this year in the past but I’m amazed at what I had to endure. It will affect me for a long time and has changed my outlook on many things; underline trust. The way I used to trust must change. And as I attempt to repair the damage done, I have to go on and return to simply living again. There’s a certain someone out there with false assumptions. She believes that all was resolved back in July concerning a bad decision I made. It wasn’t and may never be but I'm surviving... I had to take that chance regardless of how it looked or what I might lose. Sometimes you gotta do something for yourself... "do for you, for once" as a few people have said to me recently.
The last seven months have been the most significant part of this lesson. I’ve had to endure losing my freedom to live the way I was always accustomed to. I’ve had to struggle like never before. Every day, week after week I've had to deal with trying to get back what I’d lost due to a very bad decision that was motivated by love and also by what sounded like an easy way to obtain something that’s better to achieve through hard work and perseverance. I also lost a great deal of my own self respect; feeling trapped every day inside of a nightmare that I had no control over. I allowed someone to steal my joy and almost destroy my spirit. I felt like a slave or a prisoner waiting for freedom and during this time the calls of misguided assumption kept on coming. In a strange way, those calls gave me strength. They validated my decision to walk away despite wishing that things could've been different. I wish that it could've all turned into the beautiful dream that I imagined from the start but for whatever reason this was one puzzle in life that no piece could fit. I had to make a decision for me. I wouldn’t have been able to survive these past seven months if I didn’t make that decision.
As the holidays approached, things got worse. Keeping my spirits up and believing that an end to this craziness would come soon began to wear me down. I tried to find motivation by planning a special trip. The only thing that really gave me some degree of excitement was the fact that all aspects of my creativity were improving. I guess when you feel in a sense, imprisoned; you find other ways of escape. You turn up the notch with respect to reading more, writing, and in my case you can add to that, music and photography as well. All of those things gave me a sense of pride and kept me holding on. The holidays were nothing to me. They came and went like regular days. I felt nothing but the worry of my mother who continued to watch me struggle. I had one night of escape when I went to see Denzel Washington’s “The Great Debaters.” That put me in the mindset of east Texas where my family comes from on my father’s side. That made me think of all the fun, the inspiration and beautiful connections to the past that I’ve enjoyed in previous years. But, as I exited the theatre, walked down the escalator and headed to my car, I truly hated how I felt as that feeling of escape inside of the movie theatre quickly wore off. I had to return to my own life and the darkness of feeling so disappointed in myself that I hated to see the next day arrive...
In the last few days I've had to reach down and pull myself up. I've been writing like crazy working on a few stories. I've re-written and edited my most powerful novel, Until Again and half done with the sequel to my last book, My Life Is All I Have, which ironically was about life decisions. I'm down but not out... I don't believe I deserve what has happened but it happened. Somehow, I'll get back what I've lost ten times over... I accomplished something at the beginning of 2007 that I must now say goodbye to. It hurts my heart but one day even this loss will be ten times less than what I believe I can accomplish.
A couple of people have sent me quotes that they live by and refer to whenever feeling down. As I say rest in peace to 2007 and look ahead to rebuilding my life, I leave you with these two quotes...
"No weapon formed against me shall prosper..."
and
"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it..."
I wish everyone much happiness, joy, and what I hope to find.... peace..
Because of you, all I do is exist. No more life; I sit around waiting. A never-ending nightmare is the only thing that comes true. Daily promises that I hold onto thinking this is finally it. Then that day comes filled with disappointment like a hole big enough for me to slip- in. What a decision I've made. I'm stuck in a deep, long bottomless pit; a place designed for fools like me that trust so easily. Life doesn't feel like it goes on when you've blown the best chance given by God to get it right. No matter how good love looks like on the outside, doesn't mean its guaranteed to become that beautiful connect you always dreamed of. This really isn't about love though; not about an ex but just an attempt at trying to understand why honesty and sincerity serve no purpose. Those that resemble champions of the art of a good lie dish out compliments and receive rewards. Those that scratch their heads wondering (like me), discover more roads for suffering; unable to relate to the concept of being joyous and feeling blessed. Echoes of someone saying "don't do something stupid" only sound like the opposite could be more true. That which is perceived as stupid sometimes feels like the best way out...
Friday, November 16, 2007
This is a featured shot from the Dreamstyle Photography collection... Once again looking forward to the showings and very grateful for the encouragement from Daryl of BRIMM Magazine..
Thanks so much to BRIMM Magazine for the spotlight in this month's issue... BRIMM is an incredible magazine based out of Atlanta. I'm also looking forward to the showings of my photography work sponsored by this magazine. What a beautiful feeling to be recognized in a positive way... Life is precious. Gotta keep it moving in a positive direction...
Big shoutout to a good friend of mine named Jaime Saucedo. Gotta thank him for giving me good ideas on how to enjoy the weekend. The ideas I hesitated on at first. My spirit was a little low and a little too comfortable. I needed to get out of that comfort zone known as laziness and get my butt up. Do something different.. A different route and of course, bring my camera too.. Jaime suggested that on Saturday I checkout the anti-war protest going on downtown and then maybe on Sunday hangout and vibe off of the atmosphere of good people, african rhythms, and a positive vibe... I did just that and found myself enjoying the kind of weekend that I haven't had in a very long time... It felt like the old me coming to the foreground and was great opportunity to capture images of life that I could use for my portfolio as well as this spotlight going on right now via BRIMM magazine that's got me featured as a "Best Kept Secret." I'm honored by the spotlight, especially because they noticed me via my photography.
Saturday was cool at the anti-war protest. A lot of people came up with the most creative rhythmic chants to protest Iraq, Iran, Jena six, New Orleans, etc. It wasn't just the same we shall overcome sort of thing but even when they did something like that, they twisted the beat a little bit.. *smile* The signs were real cool too... I'll be putting up a little montage of the images in the next post from the protest.
Sunday, I enjoyed myself a lot. Great conversation with Jaime and incredible opportunities for some picture taking. The lady above represents one of the many that were in attendance as the sound of drums carried on until night fall. A woman known possibly as Oma Oya spoke with me and gave me blessings... And then I missed out on a lovely dancer that I wanted to approach but I'll find her again... and again, I hope.. She was incredible... and so was this weekend.. A return to me as I prepare for a special journey coming real soon. I miss being on the road but I'll be there soon...
Seems like every year October brings with it a passing... I've lost several members of my family during this month over the years and almost left this earth myself a couple years ago. My friend Angela was a witness to that moment in time. This year October has been quiet on an immediate family level but a good friend of mine lost his mother last week. I attended a fiesta that was already planned in her(Emiliana) honor as well as her viewing and eventual burial held this past weekend. The funeral was on monday. It was from beginning to end a beautiful celebration of life. All the children, grand children, etc that she leaves behind. My friend is truly blessed with a big beautiful and close family; something that I wish I had or at least a close one no matter the size. The years have added distance to my family.
The events held in honor of Emiliana were interesting to me. I felt honored because many of them see me as a member of the family. I've known my friend Ed for many years and he's always invited me to family events so I've been able to see some of the kids grow up into young adults now. At the viewing I observed how a lot of these family members reminded me of my own family from years past. The faces looked familiar except these people come from a different cultural background but the personalities are the same. Uncles looked familiar, cousins, aunts, etc etc... The laughter, the jokes, the sadness, the celebration, the worries, the hope... It was all the same. Unfortunately the events were overshadowed by a younger member of the family, Ed's nephew(RJ) who was paralyzed from the neck down in a freak accident on the night after his mother passed away. My prayers go out to RJ. Life is never without its moments that remind you not to take each second for granted. So much negativity is allowed in our lives; people with motives, game playing, etc. What happened to the days of truly appreciating one another for who we are? I felt appreciated at Emilana's viewing just for simply being me and they all appreciated me for joining them in their time of loss... Appreciation and thoughtfulness.... it's lost in this world that overflows with shoulder shrugs and dont care attitudes... It goes without saying that Emiliana is truly in a better place but what a blessing it is to know that she leaves behind so much love and family closeness...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
In the middle of downtown this lady hangs her clothes out to dry. The streets is her home and she made due with whatever she could find, borrowing money from passersby. I seen her soak the clothes in a bucket. The money she collected I imagine she'll use for more important things than water, which she found for free by turning on the faucet coming out of a wall a few steps away. I gave her a couple dollars. She bowed and said thank you. I took a picture of her from the front. She had an interesting face; her eyes had a softness to them despite all that she's probably seen in her lifetime. Her skin was definitely affected by the elements but her spirit seemed strong. She continued to smile and collect any change that anyone might give to her as she waited for her clothes to dry. I didn't mean no harm but I wondered how often she wore the black lace that she had hanging on the steel rod fence. Much respect to this lady and her survival...
She lives on an ugly street pulling out weeds just for friends she meets. She waits for time to remind her of all her mistakes. She figures that's enough inspiration to see what more she can take. She leans on false hope in dark corners. Deals with men less likely to love or honor her. I loved her, though. Sacrificing everything I had to give her more than I'd ever dream. An investment in love is like guessing with your eyes closed. You mean well but without the legs of time to stand on, you never know if your decision is as sound and true as the wanting invading the walls of your soul from head to toe. I made mistakes and therefore I struggle. I suffer because I'm hard on myself. Too much time on my hands forces me to look into the mrror of hindsight. I underline thoughts translated as, you should've known better. Now I walk around as a man others fear to touch but that's nothing compared to my fear to love. It just seems like too much sacrifice at this point and I'm just a little too tired right now...
