Flying Under The Radar..

As my man Slish would say, I've been "flying under the radar" and doing my thing so to speak or whatever that is but I will be back soon with much to say... Life has been a HUGE lesson of late. I hope the one, two, three or four folks that show me much love and interest on here will return when I return... I'll be back and I'll feel blessed by anyone and every one's visit... Thanks in advance... Prayers are always appreciated... VAR

When do you know you're in a place where you belong? You feel happy, content, at peace, relaxed, you never want to leave, you feel safe, protected, you can breathe, you can move about freely with no constraints and all you think about is enhancing everything you see, including self and whomever shares this space with you... I witnessed this yesterday..The happiness, the contentment, the peace... I could see it in her eyes. I could see the difference between who she was when she'd awaken in such a good place and who she was later when not and having to deal with situations that require way too much strength; more than anyone should have to bear. She's amazing that way; a survivor... She's sacrificed and continues to sacrifice more than she should ever have to... She deserves a million years worth of non-stop happiness and all positive dream come trues awaiting at her doorstep each morning in baskets filled with beautiful tulips... In other words, yeah, she deserves the very best and that's a prayer that I send up daily! *smile*

Quiet man...

I don’t talk much but my mind is very active… My imagination carries me to a lot of places. Like a cloud floating over experiences; some I’ve had and some I imagine having. Everything from being the most sought after photojournalist to walking down the aisle with a certain someone... I’m not a man that jumps for joy but inside I feel joyous. I’m not a man that screams and shouts but there are moments when I want to. Sometimes I may even sound sad when I'm simply just very relaxed and happy to be in the moment... I’m very calm and not always easy to read via the expressions on my face. I don’t readily speak on how I feel at any given moment but I will share very easily if I’m able to grasp the words at that time. Seems like I dont do it that often; grasp the words and speak them verbally. It's not an easy flow for me like it is when typing on the keys or writing with a pen... I’m so used to thinking first, which means there’s typically a delayed reaction and when pressured to respond, I fumble with my words. I sometimes worry that my quiet nature will be so misunderstood that I lose the most important gift God has ever given or perhaps returned to me... LOVE...love...love... One thing I know how to do very well is love and giving is a strong part of that… I love to give and I’m in love right now; very much. This is who I am, a quiet man sometimes misunderstood though I’m always trying to learn and find ways to be understood. I'm a student of life. I can't know something until I've learned first...but love, I do know... I’ve also always possessed something that has been a blessing and a curse though more so a blessing in my mind... I’ve had my writing which has served as my outlet for anything on my mind and yet my writing seems to work hand in hand with the way that I am; a quiet man…

I think sometimes about why I’m so quiet. I don’t mind being this way but because it's often questioned, I wonder about it too. Most times I feel very at peace, looking at the world and observing all sides from the balcony of my quiet persona… I can take in the worst and the best without revealing my reaction… I can appreciate the most beautiful that walk this earth like the woman I’m in love with… I’m in awe whenever I see her in more ways than she may ever know... My reaction to this blessing I do reveal constantly because I dont believe I've ever gone more than five minutes at a time without thinking about how much I love this woman... Still, I look back on my life and wonder… During my childhood there were many times when I was told to shut-up and go into my room. If you talk with my uncle he’ll tell you how funny I was as a young teen and how I used to tell stories at night whenever he would sleep over. My uncle is only four years older than I so we basically grew up together like brothers. I would tell real funny, comical stories; making them up using my wild imagination and have him rolling around in laughter. Those were great times but in between those times there were moments with my father who would tell me to shut-up. It would kill my spirit and I’d always promise myself that if I were ever blessed with my own children, I would never prevent them from expressing themselves unless that child was doing something disrespectful. But if that child is being creative and happy, let that child be joyous... Back then I would go to my room and begin to escape into my imagination. I would learn to have fun without making a lot of noise. Learn to enjoy myself without really being seen or heard. Then there would be times when I’d be out with my father. I’d be so quiet and respectful that older folks would say “your son is so well behaved; such a gentleman…” It seemed like I was seeing some kind of confirmation that my father was right. So, quiet I remained… my personality shaping and me becoming who I became though it’s definitely not a bad thing and I don’t put it all on my father but yet and still, there’s probably something to it… And once again, me being the writer I have my outlet to express my thoughts…No, as I said, I dont always do it verbally like perhaps I should but this is me and all I can pray and hope for is to be loved for that reason... me being me... a good man.. My outlet being here right now, sharing what’s inside of me with anyone willing to perhaps listen to the words expressed on this page… Love and many thanks...

This man...

This man that loves you is one that's dreamt of belonging to you since the day we met 16 years ago. And then when we became separated in time he's carried a feeling of being suspended in air and taken through experiences which allowed him to grow up, become a better man, and be prepared for when he'd find you again. I believe in destiny and fate. I believe God has a plan and who am I to deviate from a plan designed to give us real happiness. A plan covered with love. The kind of love that I've always wanted to share and be a part of with someone; with you... I've never in my life looked at a woman and seen so much promise for an incredible future. I've never thought about God so much in my life before but when I see you, when I think about you, I feel more and more in his presence... I remember something once said by this actor named Avery Brooks back in the day as he spoke about a woman he was in love with. He said "a woman is the breath of the power of God." As I spend time with you, that statement rings true in more ways than I ever imagined... Who am I and why do I love you so much? I need an eternity to express every which way I'd like to answer those questions... I need a lifetime with you... There's no other place that I'd rather be... I can't imagine no other destiny than me belonging to you... God wants it that way and I am so grateful.

Vegas

Las Vegas... It was wild out there last weekend. I had a blast observing it all and getting in the middle of a couple parties and nonstop craziness.. I meant to write about it when I returned last Sunday but for some reason I just didn't feel that compelled to do so. I arrived in Vegas really early on friday morning around 9:30am after an all night drive that I actually enjoyed. They hooked me up with a room right away at the Monte Carlo. I had reserved it last year when they first announced that the NBA Allstar game would be in Vegas. I'd been looking forward to it ever since because I knew it would be a sight to see.. I never expected the amount of women that I saw.. Whoa, that town was filled with the finest, wildest, beautiful-est women you can imagine and then some... Seemed to me like the ladies out numbered the fellas but then again, my head was turning everytime I saw some fine lady and that was every half second. I ignored words like "there go Jay Z!" or "Jamie Foxx got a room up here somewhere.." or "checkout Kevin Garnett at that table..." Nah, I was amazed by the amount of women just parading around.

Anyway, all week long I've been hearing the reports about how things got out of hand in vegas. All the arrests, the fights, the stupidity in the stripclub, the foolishness in parties and nightclubs... I saw a lot of ignorance portrayed by everybody, all people of all colors but the reports I've been reading of late only points fingers at black folks. I heard they're considering taking the Allstar game to Europe next year.. I guess they figure all the rappers, bloods and crips, pimps and ho's and regular black folks ain't gonna buy a plane ticket to go out there! Nah, we probably wont but despite all the so called trouble, I bet Vegas still made a ton of money over last weekend...

But anyways, enough of that... The highlights for me last weekend were the incredible performance by Prince over at his club 3121. Whew.. talk about a blessed and abundantly talented brotha! he opened the show with an old obscure but personal favorite of mine called "Something In The Water" from the 1999 album and closed the show with some great guest performances by Will I Am, Natalie Cole and Celo performing Crazy with Prince's band. he never sounded better! I also love the way they slowly get the crowd going inside that club by having the DJ play a mix of tunes at a low volume. Then they increase the volume and the amount of songs until before you know it, you're watching a really cool live Prince video followed by the man himself coming onstage and blowing everyone away... He was all over the place interacting with the crowd and making a few ladies very happy by reaching into the crowd and pulling them up onstage himself. Incredible show...

Anoher highlight was the surprise conversation I had while waiting on the tram to take me from Mandalay Bay hotel to the Excalibur. I noticed these two brothas dressed in black suits. One had a hat on and I instantly recognized him. It made me proud to see him. It was Terry Lewis. Then all of a sudden I noticed Jerome Benton. For those not knowing, they are original members of The Time and of course you may remember Terry Lewis producing all those incredible hits with his partner Jimmy Jam. Without those two, janet ain't making no kind of musical noise... Jerome struck up a conversation with me after I jokingly said "why aint you over at the Rio?"(3121 club is there) He smiled and said "we been there a bunch of times.." After that we just had a real cool conversation as the tram took forever to get there. Those two were very down to earth people.

Other highlights included the various ladies who approached me thinking I was a basketball player, striking up nice conversations and making me feel like I had it going on. Ha haaa... *smile* It was cool.. I told them I was retired but still had the money... yeah, they laughed at me too... *smile* It was fun... I got in a lot of walking and had some bomb pina colada's at the Paris Hotel. It was hot in Vegas so those drinks came in handy... Other mentionable highlights also include the slamdunk competition and all the really cool exhibits and NBA stuff at the Mandalay Bay Hotel. It was a cool but wild time... Viva Las Vegas... I was actually glad to get out of there because by saturday night I was tired of it.. My vote is that they have the Allstar game in New Orleans next year!! Yeah!! Ha haa....

Life Meets Fiction Meets Life Finds Love...possible

Art imitates life and fiction is a dream in the making. Sometimes they collide, revealing the true essence and power of the human spirit. You ever willed something to happen? You dreamed about it or perhaps as the case with me, wrote a book about it? You ever made a mark on someone's soul and knew that one day they'd be a part of your life again when it was time and when you were ready? I question whether my life the past years has been preparation for this moment. I answer that question before I even finished asking it. The answer ripped right through the package of wonderment. Y-E-S I count my blessings. I never forget the past. I stay within the boundaries of wisdom. I step head first into this new chapter. I remain open to all possibilities as I bring from those years of preparation the courageous ability to say no when it's necessary. I am here for a certain someone to join me in happiness if she's ready, willing, and daring enough to step out of a situation and into bliss because the connection we share is what many will search a lifetime to find... It's all about this..right here.. be still and dont run away. Everything is possible...

Compliment of the year so far...

This is the compliment of the year so far as I received it from a very insightful woman from across the pond, representing sistahs all over the world from her home base in the United Kingdom, London..

"I feel that you are perhaps a very easy man to love but a difficult man to live with? I am sure you frustrate us women because of your quintessential feminine energy. It sure would rival the woman in us. And it is such a creative force, to be reckon with!!!"


Thank you Meserette. I'm looking forward to more frustrations..lol.. in a good way of course... Perhaps I'll be blessed by M..A.. Either way, this is a great journey...

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day to everyone that had a blessed day... Mine was very interesting.. I actually forgot to wish a certain person a very Happy Valentines day as I hugged her while standing in front of an elevator. The hug was special, familiar, forgotten because it's been perhaps 15 years since we were in each other's presence. Today was mindblowing to be reunited with someone from my past.. A very important someone.. She saw me first, coming down a hallway. I saw her too but I didn't recognize her from the distance. I was only thinking about how beautiful this lady looked wearing green. I didn't realize at the time who it was. Then as I walked past where she stood, she said my name and there she was.. wow.. still beautiful after all these years. She told me about her daughter who I also haven't seen in a very long time and hearing the great news that her daughter is doing so well expanded my heart. Her beautiful angel was always special to me. I dedicated my first novel to them both called Daughter By Spirit. This moment today made for a very special Valentines eventhough it lasted but a few minutes. It was incredible seeing you Pookie.. *smile* If my memory serves me correctly, you once told me that was your nickname.

What will be remembered from today with fondness?

What do we have to hold on to and remember? Seems like times gone by provide us with are fondest memories. What will be remembered from today with fondness? I listened to a great interview with Al Bell who is the former owner of Stax records in celebration of black history month. That man’s life was/is full because of the remnants of his journey. He can recall some incredible moments and experiences. He can relive conversations, music, faces, spirits that still affect him today. That’s the beauty of living. Carry your memories with you and learn from each experience. Pay attention to your life; each moment is very significant. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t fall into the automatic pilot zone of just blowing everything off and saying “same old, same old…” Most folks that say that look tired before the words come out of their mouths. Saying or perhaps claiming those words only compound the problem.

As I listened to Al Bell today, I felt his journey and I felt proud to listen to this man who basically came from the same era as my father. Then I heard Mr. Bell mention the name of a man who as a small child I saw on two occasions when my father took me to a Black Radio convention one time in Houston and another time in Los Angeles. This man’s name was Dave Clark, a well known promotion man back in the day. I shook his hand a couple times too and kind of looked up to him because everybody seemed to smile when he was around. They all had a certain fondness for this man simply because of who he was, who he represented, his accomplishments, etc etc.. Then I heard several people tell the same story about Dave Clark, how he never would fly on a plane but instead would drive to wherever he needed to go. I think eventually he had someone driving him as he got older. Looking back I guess that’s also one of the reasons everyone greeted him with such joy because he’d travel such a long distance to get there and when he arrived, whoever he spoke to listened and basically absorbed this man’s spirit. I feel blessed because of the memories I hold inside of me and marvel at my own journey; the conversations, the faces, the spirits, the stories, the music, the love(s)… life.. and the best part is that I didn’t just let time slip by without paying attention to each moment.

A friend of mine(Shelia Goss) tonight used the word "goldmine" in reference to someone who by most standards has it made when it comes to success, status, and the power to get things done. I admire this person that we spoke about. I admire this person's success and all that they accomplished on the trail to get where they are but at the same time I find this person missing out on the true gifts of the goldmine in which they sit on top. The gold is tarnishing/fading as the days go by because they allow really silly, nonsensical things to invade the importance of the bigger picture in life.. To help, influence, inspire, and affect others by example. EGO gets in the way and thus the goldmine fades in the worse kind of way... It resembles or transforms into karma... that, what goes around comes around scenario waits patiently close by... But, this person is on their own journey and I hope they pay close attention as I always wish them the very, very best..

Speaking of goldmines or what I would rather refer to as blessings.. I have to give thanks to great conversations shared with Meserette, a very insightful woman living in the United Kingdom. I've shared a couple of emails with her and I so look forward to the next one as we discuss life back and forth, debating about all it's possibilities so to speak.. I also send a warm smile and thanks to Tomo from Japan for what she likes to refer to as "power," which is her way of saying positive energy or aura shared between two people. I've enjoyed her enthusiasm and desire to accomplish.. And many thanks to the beautiful teacher and good friend of mine named Kattrina in St. Louis for all her help, her wisdom, and spirit... That's the best kind of goldmine to have at your feet.. Sharing and not taking for granted, wisdom, vision, memories, dreams, accomplishments, aura, spirit, life... For Black History month I'd like to honor love because despite the sometimes ignorance that we may witness from time to time, the most powerful thing that has sustained us throughout our history is love... So let us pray that people, that everyone finds the strength to follow love rather than ignorance... For some reason, these days ignorance is like a magnet that some just can't help themselves out of... they follow blindly...

VDAY Performance...

I had a great time today watching some very talented ladies perform the Vagina Monologues.. That was some deep stuff to listen, watch and be a part of..no pun intended with the word "deep." Respectfully, there was some really serious things presented but also a lot of fun and humorous moments too. The best performance put in by Rolanda Watts who really acted out her parts in a powerful way. Jessica Holter of the Punany Poets fame was there. She's a small woman with a very soulful, sensual, sexy spirit and voice... And the always infamous Zane was there and did a great job.. Kym Whitley was beautiful and funny as always... There were others but those were the standouts for me... I just wanted to give a shoutout to this very powerful stage show and salute everyone involved.. and ultimately, salute women as a whole..

Shot of the weekend..

The above image is my favorite shot of the weekend. I took it while driving. I pointed my camera without even looking through the viewfinder. I knew I'd capture something but I didn't expect to capture such a powerful story in one shot..

Short story for a collection inspired by a friend..

I sat in a strange airport looking like I'd lost everything that ever belonged to me. I was feeling like a brother from another planet. My luggage; I didn't know where it was, though I knew where it was going. I felt some kind of relief knowing that I still had my camera, my mac and other important items inside my carry on bag. I even had a change of underwear just in case I needed to be fresh when it came to that stuff. Traveling when everything goes wrong is the worse struggle a first-time-traveling-east brotha could experience. I was stuck in the Chicago airport. My luggage was on its way to LA without me and I could already picture somebody picking up my shit and walking right out the door with it. Even though they give you those baggage claim tickets, LA is notorious for not even checking. You can pick up a bag and walk right out the door, no problem unless the owner sees you doing it.

As I sat in Chicago, I decided to just chill and wait for the delayed flight to arrive. I had no choice when it came to waiting but I did have a choice on whether I'd sit there in a state of woe-is-me reflection or would I make the best of this situation and open myself up to observing my surroundings. I chose to observe. I couldn't help it. There were so many different people walking by with determined looks on their faces. Everybody trying to get somewhere. You could tell which person had either been here before or possibly lived here because they were relaxed and even smiling a bit. They could walk forward and not really pay attention to the confusing signs pointing in all directions. Then I noticed the people that I could relate to more. They looked confused. Their faces were scrunched up, trying to figure out which direction to go. Some looking for gates and other's looking for the direction of the baggage claim. I could definitely relate to what they were going through. I snapped a few pictures. My camera was like my best friend. I could point it in any direction and somehow capture something interesting. I was photographing shoes, legs, body parts, people in nearby airport cafe's deep in conversation, and others at the magazine rack, thumbing through the pages. My camera is digital so I basically experienced instant gratification. I took the shot and looked at the results. I was having fun...



Then I noticed this young lady, lost in a crowd of travelers that had just gotten off of an arriving plane. I took a shot of her pulling headphones out of her purse. She was cute. She looked asian; probably japanese. She sat down in the waiting area across from mine. She was dressed in this brown heavy looking coat, perfect for Chicago weather though it didn't look like this was her last stop. I took a shot of her. She dropped her bag and knelt down really fast so I missed. Then she sat down and appeared to have turned on her music because she was bobbing her head a little bit, closing her eyes and smiling. I took a picture of that. I had to shoot three quick shots before I captured the moment perfectly. People were walking by and blocking my view. I felt like a stalker when others were watching me photograph this lady but I didn't care. Once I was able to block out other's looking at me, I was in a whole nother zone. It was just me and her; this mystery asian lady. I was in sync with the bobbing of her head. It was almost as if I could hear the music she was listening to. I captured more shots of her. She moved her head slightly to the left and I snapped away. She smiled when looking to the right; I caught her again. There was something special about her. I could feel her spirit and I imagined different scenarios. Not so much me with her in the romantic sense but me just getting to know her and seeing her in a different light. That kind of shine that allows me to see and witness the real person underneath those headphones.



I got lost in my imagination to the point where I didn't see the young lady get up from her seat. I thought maybe someone was blocking my view but when they moved, she was no longer in that seat. I visually searched around but didn't see her. I celebrated quietly the fact that I'd captured her with my camera. It was a beautiful way to spend my time waiting in a Chicago airport for a delayed flight. Two seconds later, they announced it was time to board the plane. One minute after that I'd left my seat to stand in line. I'd seen the young asian lady sitting down in the very same seat that I sat in. I smiled and when she looked in my direction; she saw me. She looked away but then she looked again. She bashfully released her own smile in my direction. I boarded the plane feeling light on my feet with a beautiful vision to see in my dreams as I slept on the plane for the next few hours. When I arrived in LA, I prayed that my luggage was waiting for me and if it wasn't, I was at least feeling good enough to not let my anger get the best of me. I'd have to thank that lovely lady for the good feeling.





Copr.2007 Brief Moments Of Wished Upon Destiny

Written for someone who wanted to say this...

From the desk of love.... Every coming weekend felt like Christmas.. The anticipation so great because of all the words whispered through space and time. We shared real honest feelings with one another. We talked about more than just the future; we talked about now. She let me into her life in ways that as a man I must never take for granted. Allstar weekend, the Superbowl; none of that stuff got in the way or came before my lady but thank the lord and knock on many pieces of wood; my lady understands the enjoyment I get from those moments in life. I repay her with an extra dose of lovin and spoiling her with sincere effort. That's all it takes is real true effort. The best motivation for creativity is love. The best inspiration being the infinite possibility of the depths of that love... And then she'd ask me "where did you come from?" or complimenting my mother for doing a great job of raising me. I'd stop her from most of the compliments and thank her at the same time. I don't want to be placed on a pedestal because with the good comes the bad. I'm human so there will be times when I'll say the wrong thing. There will be moments when something rubs me the wrong way. I'm a passionate man. Honest. I react and with being human, reaction time is sometimes a little off and thus, feelings are hurt by something said. The downtimes ensue. But, when a man is true to the love he's been blessed with, it doesn't take forever to recognize the words of that Gladys Knight song. "Your the best thing that ever happened to me..." even if I'm new school and that was old... When a man is true with his actions and pursuit of a woman's love and respect, that mantra becomes etched in his heart and nothing should get in the way. He's motivated to live a little longer, breathe a little better, succeed a little stronger.. Make his destiny all about her and when God takes him away, he won't be afraid because he gave his best effort to do what he felt he was put on this earth to do....L-O-V-E...

History..

Hanging out in Atlanta with my mother over the weekend, I started to have a grandmother memory. I thought about my father's mother, mostly because my mother and I walked the streets near so many MLK monuments and also when I got home to Cali, my eyes glanced at something my grandmother cherished a great deal. This memory was sort of like a quick flashback of my grandmother, Senora. I remembered when she told me the story of how she was in Dallas when Kennedy was assasinated. She said she was coming out of a nearby store with a friend of hers and as soon as they saw people scattering and voices shouting the president was killed, she and her girlfriend got out of Dallas as quickly as they could. She said to me as she recalled this memory "they killed that boy so I went home and got my bible." The same sort of thing happened when MLK was killed. She said she went into the room, got her bible and prayed. Then many years later as she lay in bed unable to move her own body and unable to really communicate very well, I sat in her bedroom with her watching a news report about JFK Jr. when he died in the plane crash. They showed his face with his birth and death years at the bottom of the screen. Grandma asked "he dead?" I answered yes and noticed as she turned her head in the direction of that same old bible, unable to reach for it, she just gazed at it for a moment and then she closed her eyes... This very same bible that she picked up seemingly whenever something tragic occured as I mentioned is with me now. And as I walked the streets of Atlanta over the weekend with my mother, I couldn't help but think about not only my grandmother, but also about history itself especially as it relates to the recent events of this country seen through the eyes of someone whose lived enough years to experience it all in their own way; me... I got a little bit of history under my belt now but it sure is a blessing to see, hear and talk with someone whose seen and even experienced more than me... To be around history is a powerful thing; living or in spirit...

*note to my ATL friends* ==smile== I'll be back soon.. I just had to do this very special trip for my mother and to show her Atlanta for the first time. It was a very special time, we had a blast and I was proud to show her an important recent accomplishment of mine... *

Feels good to be a gentleman...

Even in the midst of all the booty-booty everywhere, it's nice to be a gentleman... I like doing it most times just because the old fashion, come to the rescue type of acts are filed in the same category as dinosaur bones... It's like an old relic of society as it's become cool to watch a lady struggle while you go on about your business, pull up your sagging pants, step through the door first and let her get the car door herself! Let's step back in time for a moment to today... I played the role of a rescuer, so to speak.. coming to the aid of a lady who just looked way too sad for words... Yeah, she was attractive.. I was guilty of first being motivated by that real time fantasy but I also felt bad for her.. This moment happened at a hand carwash. I guess she didn't want to go to the regular carwash where someone could wash her mini-van for her. She had two kids inside who sat patiently in their car seats. The lady got on her cellphone at first. I got the feeling she was calling her man. Maybe he was supposed to be there for her, washing the car so she wouldn't have to struggle with the kids... She appeared even angrier once she got off the phone. She told the kids to stay inside as she washed the car. It was both sad and funny to see her work the water hose thing and wash her mini-van. She was dressed in black sweats and a baseball cap pulled down over her head. Maybe it was a bad hair day for her but she still looked cute; no make up at all.. After she washed the car she pulled forward in the area where you dry your vehicle. That's when she really looked pissed. She just sat there. The kids sat quietly looking and I imagine they were trying to figure out what was wrong with mommy. I was done wiping off and drying my car. I turned my engine on and looked in her direction. She saw me and gave me a half smile; probably too tired and pissed off to give me the full version of her smile. I motioned for her to roll her window down. First I asked if she was okay. She just shrugged and gave me that half smile again. I said to her "I'll wipe your car for you, alright? You stay inside, no problem.." She was shocked of course because as I said, chivalry is ancient history...

So, I got some of my towels and wiped her mini-van off.. It didn't take long. I noticed her license plate was Louisiana. That gave me a little smile. One of my favorite states to escape to. When I was almost done she got out and said "thank you, I really dont know what to say... I mean, do I tip you? I mean-"
"Nah, I'm cool.. You just seemed like you needed a hand..." I told her.

I got the full version of her smile then and a little disbelieving nod of her head... I told her to hold up so I could give her a copy of my book. I gave her "Love Is Never Painless." I think my story inside is probably perfect timing for her and maybe somewhere out there when she has a moment to read it, she'll smile again... the full version... I drove off after that and she was still in disbelief but seemed very thankful... As I said, it feels good to be a gentleman...

2007...double-O-seven?

Life is soooo uncertain but sometimes you just gotta go for it... I've decided most recently to really take a look at and prepare for my future. To have some kind of security, if you will and to also have fun in the process of making sure all things are secure.. Still, it's at times scary... and then other times my confident spirit kicks in and my focus is intense... I basically know what I want and how to get there but one never knows what's around the corner... or who.. ya just never know anything, basically but you try to prepare and to hopefully learn from the past as well as the present...

New Year's morning I woke up thinking about putting together a little year end review like I typically do but I felt no motivation to do so.. Most of what happened in 2006 I can't really remember.. It's like it's a blur to me and most of it I dont want to remember by making myself remember.. I'd rather it come to me in the form of wisdom..that quiet voice that tells me "yeah, that's a good move.." or "no, dont go there... " So, I'm gonna skip the year end review stuff.. Pretty much the two major cornerstones of this year kind of make everything else a blur and that's the loss of my grandmother and the incredible rejuvenation provided by the trip that I went on during the month of November. I end the year taking major steps toward a dream and hopefully in 2007 a couple more dreams come true as I do my part in working toward making them a reality. Life is scary and it's amazing.. Life is uncertain and it's for real... Life is short and yet it takes forever to reveal what you hope to see... I pray my decisions are good, sound, and right for me... until that blessed time or moment when it becomes right for we...us... yet I can't claim that as part of my focus... not yet..

L-O-V-E

This morning I received an email with the title "Love Took The Change Out Of Me." I kept lookin at those words and was thinking that something looked awful familiar about it. Then I realized it was a title of a chapter that I had written in my story "Love Is 2 Blame," which is featured in the Love Is Never Painless anthology... I started to smile because once again I had received another beautiful response to my story. This lady told me that that last chapter was very inspirational for her so she had to email me and let me know. That's an incredible feeling and one that I've been experiencing just about everyday for the past three weeks thanks to everyone emailing me about how much the story has touched them... The emotions in that story are very real, some of the words taken from my own experiences, the feelings taken from my own hopes, dreams and disappointments, the characters....my imagination...

I have to send a shoutout to this young lady named Keysha who said my story inspired her to make a life decision.. Her decision was not to choose a relationship(s) she was unsure of but to instead choose herself. From what I could tell based on the options she mentioned, she made the best choice for her...

Love is something you gotta be sure about 'cause love is to blame for everything... good and bad..

Dreamgirl experience..

Tonight I had a pretty interesting and funny, movie experience... Dreamgirls... ahhh... beautiful people up on the screen but the most enjoyable part for me was before the movie. I typically am amazed by the action before the film starts. Watching folks decide where they're gonna sit and seeing everybody involved in various conversations. I also always seem to have the loudest popcorn eater sit right behind me. I dont know why that always happens. Tonight was no exception to all of that except this felt more like a concert audience than a movie audience with all the various outfits, beautiful women, and men trying to be too cool.. There were definitely some fine looking ladies and one gigantic haired lady with a super skinny body trying to find a seat. I'm grateful she sat nowhere near me because her hair/afro was just way too big.. Then I also noticed this really fine latina with long dark hair and brooding eyes walking up the steps and coming in my direction. She eye'd the seats next to me so I had a feeling that's where she was gonna sit. As she got closer I realized the big football looking brotha behind her was with her too. I didn't recognize him though we nodded at each other but the stunning latina I did recognize. I'll throw out the name(Ice La Fox) though most reading this will still not know who I speak of...lol.. As the movie was playing I had to look at her a couple times not because I recognized her but because thank God the seats next to her were empty because she was acting like she was seven feet tall and couldn't get her legs in a comfortable position. Sometimes she sat up, other times she stretched out...back and forth... and the big brotha just sipped his drink, yawned a lot and sat unmoved by what was showing on the screen...

Ahhh..Dreamgirls... For me personally, ummm.. it was okay... I wasn't moved by what I saw either though I enjoyed some of the music. I loved seeing everybody on the screen that was there. The casting was perfect but I just wasn't really feeling it completely or at least not enough to walk out of the theatre wanting to tell everyone they must see it. I liked it enough to say "hey check it out because you'll probably like it more than I did" *smile* but for me something was missing just as it was with that Will Smith movie... That certain something that just hits you, makes you feel like you're watching something amazing, grabs you emotionally sort of like what Jamie did in Ray. Dreamgirls wasn't it for me but I'm sure folks will love it.. Hopefully anyone seeing it wont be distracted by loud popcorn eating or laughter whenever the characters breakout in song.. Seems like some audiences today dont realize or recognize what a "musical" is. They forget that in telling the story, the characters sing... it's a musical..

Anyway, I did see a really funny preview tonight for a new movie coming with Chris Rock. It's called "I Think I Love My Wife" or something like that and it looks like something that folks can relate to... temptation and how to deal with it...or not.. *smile*

Happy fabulous Christmas to everyone.. The year is almost over... We lost the Godfather of Soul on Christmas Day.. RIP, James Brown.. Life continues on though, doesn't it? It' amazing all that we have these days.. the technology and the world at our fingertips.. The kind of information and advances to allow for learning a lot faster but human behavior and various mentalities really prevent society from truly making a step forward.. Personally, I think our best days and times our behind us.. I'm sure we're gonna have fun and do big thangs in this "keepin it real" world but back in the day was the real fun that admittedly we took for granted, during my time, before my time and probably generations ago but as a person who is growing quite fond of the past, it's never too late to recognize just what we had.. Yeah, we had issues with the whole civil rights stuff and all sorts of other movements.. Crimes being committed on people of color but despite all that, family was important and love mean't a great deal.. People of color went hand in hand with people of strength even when we of today's times misinterpretted those moments of strength..

Today, I had fun reminiscing with someone about pancakes.. This person talked about how her mother in Arkansas made her pancakes with the slightly crunchy edges.. *smile* I love those too.. I often did that by mistake even when I was trying to make pancakes like they do at the restaurant, so smooth and light... All that talk of pancakes reminded me of the summers I spent in Mt. Pleasant(east Texas) with my grandparents.. My grandmother(Senora) spoiled me with fresh milk straight from the cow, fresh eggs that I sometimes picked out myself, and pancakes made from scratch.. Some real country cooking on the farm.. She put some pounds on me so when I got back home in LA my mother would put me on a diet right away... Incredible days, sweet memories...

This past week I've been in touch with a relative that I never met before. He called me all the way from Delaware. A man named James Royal originally from Daingerfield, Texas with an incredible amount of information about family going way way back. The information is really something and of course it points out we weren't a perfect people but we were strong.. We were hardworkers. We owned and developed some beautiful land but typically the most fascinating stories are the ones about the drugs, crime, affairs of the heart, etc etc.. James shared with me information about his great grandfather Ben Royal born in 1860. This man had a white father and it's assumed that his mixed features were what made him attractive to women because he had plenty and took advantage of this constantly.. He fathered many many children, some of them with relatives like an attractive cousin or a sister-in-law that caught his eye. And all these women lived pretty close to him, sometimes even living on the same farm which he did very well at.. Most men back then and in these areas of east Texas had farms. There were even some women who did very well in these small towns.. We always hear about the struggles of black people back in the day but somehow there was folks making money and doing very well in spite of those struggles and predjudices.. My great great grandmother Mariah was described in one of the documents that James found as "Rivers family matriarch, Mariah, was a woman of substance and ingenuity with vast land holdings and a church named in her honor." She first built the church herself after slavery ended. The church still bears her name today but the tradition is being lost to the new generation who chooses to forget rather than to honor... That's the problem today... folks make the choice to forget thinking the past wasn't cool or had no relation to what's going on now.. My next book shows how incredible the past was and how it's so much a part of what some wish for today, everyday; wondering what happened to love...true love... Until Again is some powerful stuff and it came to be that way because I've chosen not to forget... My choice is a discovery that I wish I had made many many years ago.. I think if I had, I'd be a lot farther along in life but no matter because it still feels good.. You want excitement, love, danger, strength, happiness, sadness, passion, romance, tragedy, perseverence...look to the past..

Christmas traditional no longer..

Christmas eve I woke up feeling lazy but that feeling couldn't stop me from getting up, getting dressed and making my way from the valley to the city. I had to go in the direction that I'd travel for many years in the past to visit my grandmother.. Only this time the tradition included a detour... I can't go over to Adams Blvd and take the elevator up to my grandmother's apartment where the smell of good holiday food would hit you the moment you got off the elevator. I'd also hear the sounds of my grandmother's voice, my aunt Tamer's voice, my mother's voice, and maybe a few other's like uncle Charles and Richard and aunt Dee Dee. all those voices blending together to make up that familiar sound known as family.. Then you can add a few extra ingredients like my presence, cousin Vaughn and my other uncle Bubba... That tradition is one that was so familar and so always a part of every Christmas experience that like most things you do unconsciously you end up taking for granted as to how much those moments meant to you... Just thinking about those times allows me to hear those voices so clearly and smell the heavenly aroma of turkey and dressing, football game on the television, sitting out on the balcony, "fixing" a plate of food, my official job as potato salad taste tester, delicious bread pudding with the delicious sauce that my grandmother always made so good.. I got her recipe so I know how to make it but it ain't the same as when she used to make it all the time... Christmas past is no longer... As I said, this time the tradition included a detour... No longer traveling to Adams near Western but instead to the cemetery on Washington Blvd. where my grandmother was put to rest... I spent time with her spirit though I know she's all around me and always there looking down... I like to make sure she knows she's always in my thoughts as I whispered a Merry Christmas to her, brushed off the headstone and continued my day, driving off while listening to some Donny Hathaway and other old soul classics that reminded me of years gone by...