November 4th Shots of the day...

My anxiety got the best of me. It was hard to just sit at home and wait, watch, wonder how it's all gonna play out. I decided to just drive and capture shots of the day from my car as I traveled from one area of town to another... Here's a little of what I saw...

Pride In Voting..

What a great feeling it was on November 4th to cast my vote. It never felt this good before. The feeling of pride snuck up and caught me by surprise. I stood in line for what was to me, a short thirty minute period. The sun was hot at first. The Cali weather still hasn't changed much from summer time; at least not during the first part of this day. Then as the voting line inched closer to that final few steps before giving your name and receiving your ballot, there was lots and lots of cool shade to hide underneath. Perhaps that was a sign of good things to come; the first sign... Another good sign of what this day would become was the unity expressed between myself and several black men that had voted before me. As they walked out individually, each one greeted me with quiet pride. It felt as though none of them wanted to celebrate in advance or perhaps intimidate by showing outwardly, the kind of unifying feeling we were all experiencing. Instead, we all gave each other smiles and head nods as if to say, we've got extra incentive for making our vote count like never before... Again, it felt good... I walked inside what is a senior citizen home, received my ballot and headed for the booth. I noticed a few eyes of assumption smiling upon me. Folks that quickly summed me up as an Obama supporter based on skin color, of course... BUT... I didn't mind. Part of that is the reason he gets my vote but also, in my heart of hearts, I have no doubt that he is the best candidate for the job and in watching his story played out many times on CNN and other channels, I also feel in some ways that his mission is greater than himself; sort of like he's the "chosen one" if you will... It's amazing what he's done in such a seemingly short time but at the same time, it all makes sense..

So, I casted my vote and stood there for a moment. Then I had to collect my thoughts and figure out how I would vote on the local issues as well... After I finished voting, I checked my ballot three times. With so many stories that you hear on the news, you end up leaving the booth feeling like you have to watch every move of those voting workers. Suspicion was on high and I noticed I wasn't the only one keeping an eye on things... Half the folks still standing around in the voting area had already voted. We just all wanted to make sure the ballots were put into the machine and really and truly counted.. whew... When I left the voting place, I felt so good and so proud of myself. I had parked pretty far away because of the parking situation being on a busy street, which meant I had to park around the corner in the neighborhood. An african american man yelled out to me from his car "hey brother, how long did it take?" I told him thirty minutes and he gave me the thumbs up. Then after I turned the corner, a latino man pulled up next to me after noticing that I still had my sample ballot booklet in my hand. He asked me where the voting place was and I directed him where to go. He thanked me and leaned his arm out the window to shake my hand; another cool showing of unity that I felt today... I felt completely like a walking example of pride... And then the rest of this day and night became one of anxiety, waiting and listening out for confirmation that HOPE came true and history or perhaps OUR-story was made...

Dr. Robert Klapper

This is a good hero of mine. I look up to this man and I'm amazed and fascinated by the passion in which he lives and even loves his life. He is as gifted as he is blessed with not only creative but scientific tools at his disposal inside his mind, heart, body and soul... Imagine, a gifted orthopedic surgeon, sculptor, husband, father, and a working on being gifted, surfer. Plus on top of all that goodness that would make an average man's head swell, Dr. Klapper is a very down to earth, sincere, personable man. I listen to his stories; his punch-lines always demonstrate his love of life. I wish there were more doctors like him just as I wish there were more truly good people, like him. My "regular" work is at a hospital and unfortunately, I've come across many a doctor that somewhere along their paths checked their human qualities, their compassion and common sense at the door. Some even in their first years of residency, succumb to huge egos and/or child-like behavior. When I see and listen to Dr. Klapper, he simply appears as a man who truly "gets it" about life and about actually living it in a way where you can look back on your journey with pride, smile real big and say "wow!"

I had the honor and privilege to watch a lecture today given by Dr. Klapper. It was like an art history/appreciation lecture combined with anatomy, expressed with passion and an appreciation for capturing emotion. He spoke about Michelangelo's work and demonstrated not only the emotional and artistic approach to what this amazing artist did but also it's relation to orthopedic surgery. Dr. Klapper also showed his own sculptures, which were re-creations of Michelangelo's work. It was amazing stuff just as his work has been as a surgeon. Many of his patients were in the audience and one elderly lady that was a patient of his thought I was a basketball player. She shook my hand and held it for a while. She was very sincere; shining in personality, similar to Dr. Klapper. Perhaps he injected sincerity into her along with the hip replacement. Dr. Klapper is the coolest... From what I've found out about him, he owns nine patents on the angled telescope and other instruments used to do hip arthroscopy. He's designed special tools to repair hip implants and he's got the hollywood credentials too being that he's served as a Orthopedic consultant to the "ER" television show... He's not a bragging kind of guy so I never knew about these things until I read it. The only thing he does is live with passion and along the way, make other's lives better through his incredible work as a surgeon and his natural gift of being a good man... Much respect..

Southern Winds

I was feeling the south today.. My southern spirit calling me as it does every so often. Typically this time of the year I would be driving through backroads, small towns and beautiful country sides somewhere between Mt. Pleasant, Texas and Atlanta, Georgia, taking the longest route I could find. Living out of a suitcase for three weeks is the best kind of fun. Capturing images along the way and playing music reminiscent of what I was jamming off of this morning... good old delta blues music. I had to postpone my trip due to family illness and financial struggles.. hard times hit hard but it don't take away happiness or the drive to reclaim what was lost.
This morning after I experimented and discovered something delicious to eat, I picked up my dobro guitar and started making up some funky but delta blues inspired jams. It was fun. I stopped only to dip the piping hot sweet potato biscuits that I made into some maple syrup.. The taste was heavenly! The southern wind blew in again.. I strummed a few more chords. I could visualize my grandmother hanging clothes out to dry on the farm in Mt. Pleasant. I could visualize a few years ago when I drove down a lonely road in Arkansas. All the trees were different colors; a lot of bright reds, yellows, browns, paprika, light green... I couldn't believe my eyes. I'd never experienced fall colors like that before in my life. I stopped at a small store. Inside were people with seriously southern accents. I was greeted with stares from some and friendly head nods from others. There was positive and negative tension flowing through the air but me? I loved everything about it. As I've expressed many times, I'm always wishing I could travel back in time and that's exactly what it felt like when I stepped inside this store. When I stepped outside, I heard some hip hop blasting from a pickup truck; a reminder that I was still in these times...

I strummed some more chords and beat a little funky rhythm simultaneously... I remembered my mother pulling fresh water out of a well and preparing a bath for me as we adjusted for a couple weeks of living in the country. No running water, no bathroom no toilet.. Only one very small black and white television in my grandparents bedroom. Had to rely on what was called a "transistor radio," which only seemed to pick up country music stations and very passionate church services; preacher always hollering and others shouting in the background; gospel music sounding both eerie and celebratory...

I strummed some more, simultaneously playing a melody on the high E string... I remembered walking thru an old cemetery in the middle of town in Savannah, Georgia. The spanish moss hung low from trees. I reached and grabbed some of it. The first time I noticed a huge spider crawling up the first hand full that I grabbed. I quickly dropped it. I grabbed another hand full and placed it inside a paper bag that had a couple souvenirs inside. I picked up my camera, took pictures and walked around the cemetery. When I got to the other side, I'd realized I left the bag on a bench. I went back. The bag wasn't on the bench but instead appeared to have fallen underneath. All the contents had fallen out but I didn't see the spanish moss... I picked up my magnets and ceramic coasters, took a few more pictures and then went back to my not so comfortable hotel room. The hotel was really weird because the rooms had no windows and at the time I checked in, I was desperate to find a place to sleep so I wasn't choosy. I stopped at the first place I could find. It was strange how a lot seemed to be going on outside. All I could do was either listen to what was going on outside or turn up the volume on the television to drown it out. The outside seemed more entertaining. I had used up all the film on my camera so I was looking forward to seeing the images. When I made it to Atlanta, I had the pictures developed since I had time to wait and was planning to stay for a couple days. Crazy thing happened... there were no images whatsoever on the film...

I strummed some more.. ate more biscuits... The wind was howling, memories flowing fast.. I could go on forever.. The images blowing across my mind like a warm southern wind in Mississippi... I can see the highway... that's where I belong; where I wish I was right now...

Life and Death

I know someone who embraces the possibility of death though I can tell she's hiding from her true feelings. She hides a lot even in the presence of others. She has no clue about death. She's prepared? She paid for all her funeral costs, her program, and mapped out how everything should be. Nah, she's not prepared... It shows in how she handles her believed to be final days and how she struggles with her illness more in frustration than actual fight... I picture her in the final moments panicking because basically, she'd stepped over the process by which one should take time to come to grips with their own journey. Her ascension will be filled with panic and worry rather than a peaceful, ready, and embracing transition.

I remember a long time ago I used to imagine to myself about why people die or perhaps are chosen to go. Maybe its kind of silly but in a way I used to think that in some cases, God takes those who "understand" and leaves behind those who need more time to figure things out. This person underestimates her time and will probably be around a lot longer than she imagines or believes, thus she'll waste time sitting around wondering "when" rather than living, loving, and enjoying life to the fullest... Other's might go before her and this loss will weigh heavy on her heart as she tries to figure out why... I always believe that things make more sense when you can look beyond yourself... If she finds it, it won't happen until discovery becomes too late.

Great Escape

This year in 2008, my second greatest escape has been movies... I haven't seen a lot but I have seen a few and most of them have been my way of leaving the world and perhaps my own life behind for a couple hours. Hollywood should recognize that in rough times as these, some form of mental escape is very much needed. For me personally, a great movie/story works a lot better than drugs or drink (I've not indulged that route)and great stories watched on the big screen is a lot more enticing than the silliness they refer to as "reality TV." Inside the theatre, the lights go down, the movie comes on and while I watch, I can feel, imagine, think, experience... especially if the film tells a great story.. I found that in Spike Lee's Miracle At St. Anna a couple weeks ago and I also found that today in The Secret Lives Of Bees. This movie was an emotional escape for me... A great story. I loved all the characters... The young girl was very good. Narration thru the eyes and soul of a young girl works well. Reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Eve's Bayou. In Secret Lives Of Bees, I loved the strength and grace of Queen Latifah. Alicia Keys played her part very well as if the attitude her character possessed came very easy for her... However, my favorite character was played by Sophie Okonedo or as she was known in the film, May Boatwright. May feels very deeply. Everything hits her hard, be it joy or pain, perhaps a little too much.. When she first came on the screen and became so emotional, I laughed as did many in the theatre. I think we all judged her immediately as strange. But then as the story continues you begin to understand her, thus her ability to feel so deeply touches your own heart and makes you think about life's loves, joys, and pain... Of course as always, I love the southern backdrop of yester-years gone by and wish most times that I lived back then despite all that went on... I'm sure I'd be fine without the computer, HDTV, cell phones, and all the other things we worship daily. It reminded me of the times I've parked my car and walked down country roads in east Texas and Louisiana, thinking how faraway I feel from my so-called real life at home. I felt that while watching this film. I also felt a connection between what was happening on screen and that very special part of my life that I can say is my number one greatest escape these days... It's something that Queen Latifah aka August Boatwright spoke about often in the film... Love... being loved, feeling loved.... I'm honored by someone who expresses it to me daily... The look, the smile...every part of me feels appreciated... but no ones world can ever be perfect... well, seems that way... I'm on a beautiful ship, constantly sailing in positive directions yet I still have to reach back on broken promises from another who cant seem to understand the value in simply being true... So my side keeps its thorn buried deep... A reminder or a curse; I'm not sure which but I keep fighting and hanging on or fighting to hang on as the frustration is both annoying and exhausting. So, in the midst of something so unnecessary, I cultivate that which I truly see inside of me... flowing... streams of hope, love, and dedication... I find strength and when I'm able to enjoy the gift of a great story, I find motivation and inspiration tucked inside what is always a great escape....

Imagine His Shoulders

Imagine his shoulders.. the weight of the world, carrying "HOPE" everywhere he goes. His schedule is beyond hectic. I wonder if at times the faces all become a blur, the hands coming from nowhere to touch his. He's received the blessing, honor and privilege of becoming a beacon of light for so many and a symbol of pride for not only those that look up to him now but those that watch over him, smiling down in amazement, whispering the mantra "we've come a long way..." He's on the verge of carrying that mantra into the uncertain but still very hopeful future. And looking at this picture, it shows that beyond the greatness and achievement of something once imagined impossible; as a man, as one soul walking this earth and living his journey, he still requires a moment to himself to collect his thoughts, to take a deep breath... I imagine the deep sigh and long train of thoughts that flow through his head like sitting at a light, waiting for a long train to pass by. And then when that moment is done, he has to stand and rise to the challenge because so many seek his leadership... HOPE rest squarely on his shoulders... Imagine the weight and watch how he carries it... it'll raise the level of your respect and even your pride...

Ten Years Gone

On this day ten years ago, my father died. It's a helluva mental trip to even go back in memory, thinking about that day and night. Today, ten years later, I felt the same pain in my chest. The same tightening in my shoulders as though I had some major stress gripping my body. That's how I felt on October 3, 1998 even before I learned of his death. I remember I was with a friend and for whatever reason, I couldn't sit still. I kept thinking about my mother for some reason. And when I did see her, the first thing I noticed was a picture of my father in her hand. She didn't have to say word. I knew before she confirmed the first thought that ran through my mind. He was gone and that was the beginning of a sad and very trying time in my life. Death and funerals can bring out the worst of times... sometimes... So-called friends of my father decided and acted as if they owned his life while he was among the living. Their orchestrated greed enabled them to take all his money and material possessions. My mother did her best on my behalf. All she wanted was to make sure there was money to be used in taking care of the mother, my father left behind aka my grandmother, Senora Rivers. My father's body was flown to east Texas via a lot of confusion from Richmond, California where he lived his last years. The orchestration was so intense that they even sought control over the wording of the funeral program, thereby seeking to make it appear as though I didn't exist. My mother and I had a crazy time making sure the funeral program was worded as it should be. During this time, I held tight and still do to that last time I saw my father. He told me he was proud and said "love you, son." We hugged. It was a strong and reassuring moment. Previous to that we'd had a not so positive moment with mutual misunderstanding involved but in that last time together, we'd reconciled everything in a way that I can positively hold onto forever. Those individuals that took everything went on about their way, despite having promised my grandmother to do things that would keep her comfortable. They enlisted a cousin of mine who fell for possible financial promises. She took advantage of the situation but never made out as big as she'd hoped for. In the end after my grandmother passed away three years later, this cousin asked me for five grand; payment for all the help she claimed to be doing because she "loved her auntie so much." Love... I said no and never heard from her again...

Ten years ago after my father was buried and I was met with the responsibility of taking care of my grandmother, I welcomed the honor of doing all that I could to keep her comfortable. I'm grateful that my mother lent a very strong supportive hand. I took a three week trip and spent two of those weeks with my grandmother. The other week I set out on a special journey, driving from east Texas to the Mississippi Delta region. I had my father's spirit by my side and whenever I think about it, I can recall every minute of that special trip. I can remember the music playing on the radio, the food I ate, the smell of the country, the cool temperatures during that third week as October was coming to an end. I remember everything.. And now, ten years later, ten years gone, what happened back then feels like a lifetime ago one moment and the next minute it feels like yesterday. I've had a lifetime of experiences in between those moments that still remain... Moments that have to do with missing his presence. As he watches my life continue from above, I've probably given him reason to cheer and jeer.. Reason to laugh and cry... reason to smile and say "got!" which usually preceded a silent, "damn.." I believe that no matter what, there's deep pride and I'm sure he still smiles when he says out loud, "There go that Rivers kid." In memory of my father.. this is for you dad... Love alwayz..

Spirit of...

Sometimes you miss out on the spirit of folks.. You don’t know that in a short time, their memory will be etched into your psyche for a long long time. You’ll wish you had watched a little longer or sat with them during those times when you walked away because your mind was elsewhere.. Or maybe you were just like me; too young to appreciate anything around or in front of you… There I was, a small child in the midst of grown folks having a party… BBQ dominating the air and smelling so sweet… Good funky soul music spinning on the stereo, long before CD’s and such. And in the middle of all this was Uncle Pete, made infamous thru memories shared by myself and my uncle Richard… Uncle Pete had a way of dancing that was not only on the beat and entertaining, he had style. It was comical too. He preceded those that sort of remind me of his style of dancing. Folks like Sherman Hemsley of the Jeffersons television show, Martin Lawrence when he would do that funny dancing, and this music artist from the seventies that sang about a few dances like the funky chicken and the breakdown. His name was Rufus Thomas. Uncle Pete was like those three and then some. He commanded the dance floor with his funny style, feet stomp to the beat, right on time, serious look on his face, sometimes wiggling and rubbing his hands up and down his pants legs. Then when you throw into the mix, his wife Ethel who resembled Aunt Esther on Sanford and Son, you really got a show going on right in front of your eyes... Those were the days; good times I didn't realize I had. Uncle Pete passed away a long time ago but for some reason his memory has been coming around lately. I appreciate the visit...

Water

In the beginning I was too blind to see how good I had it. The flow was so perfect. Streams rushing so plentiful. I was able to float in directions I never dreamed, imagined or expected. Beautiful discoveries that allowed me to stand tall because I had something to add to my existence; my journey. Memories stacked upon memories like the many pages of thoughts that fill so many diaries. The water it flowed but I took it for granted; never measuring it's true value or purpose. Blinded by influences and negative directions; suggestions... They say you don't miss your water, until your well runs dry... chi-ching..

Love, War & Politics

The weekend formed into something cool. It was a weekend of inspiration and thought. A weekend of love in all shapes; the kind of love that never stops growing. The kind that flourishes because of the differences and the similarities; a blessing always recognized and appreciated... adored in disbelief sometimes.. This weekend found me enjoying culture too; deep in Watts in front of the towers. It was a beautiful scene of all kinds, enjoying various music, art, and food. It was nice to see such a great park and important landmark being used for such a positive event. Then I became drawn to what surrounds the park so I took a walk around the neighborhood for a moment. I walked some streets that aint supposed to be cool to walk down but I was greeted all the time with positive head nods and hellos. I only cut short my walking because it was hot outside! I'll be glad when fall rolls in and cooler days prevail... I headed back to the park to get a pina colada smoothie before hitting the streets again. I ended this warm hot day/night by checking out a deeply moving movie with someone special. It was the new Richard Gere flick called Nights in Rodanthe. Loved the location. I need to go to North Carolina.. I hear I have family out that way.

The movie was good. I got lost in the story though at the same time this special someone was right there with me. I thought about her most of the time as I watched the movements, the expressions and feelings expressed by the characters onscreen. The story is one of those passionate love stories that take you on a whirlwind of emotions, so powerful that your heart is ripped in two, thereby pulling with it whatever causes one to release a full load of tears... Yeah, that's the kind of story that I love to write myself and in some ways, live... I even shed a few tears. Movies can do that to me or I should say great stories. I was moved to tears on Sunday as well while watching Spike Lee's new movie, Miracle at St. Anna. Great film, intelligent, truly great story telling and a powerful ending... I wondered while watching the movie would people be turned off by the subtitles. I imagine the subtitles were used to force you to pay close attention to the story and also bring a lot of realism to what's happening on screen. Everyone should see the film. Just like this weekend as a whole, this movie was great inspiration for all that was going through my mind. I've been developing a story in my head and on paper for about two or more years now. I write from time to time but I put it aside. I'd really like for the story to be authentic and heart wrenching. I give it time because I like to allow my own life's disappointments, accomplishments, dreams and goals to connect with and influence the ways in which my characters speak. I use conversations and life events, memories of mine and others, news and chance moments.. Then I watch the characters respond, typically allowing their decisions and reactions to be completely different from what I might do or even think about doing... These are strange times with so much going on all at once... The good and bad colliding with the bullshit and good sense. Patience is tested and trampled upon but hope keeps you walking despite the unstable footing.

Thinking back to a couple days ago after the debate, I kept hearing talk about Obama being soft, McCain being out of touch and both VP candidates being kind of stupid or silly or both.. Obama makes sense to me most of the time though no one seems like the answer to everything and probably no one should be placed on that unreachable pedestal. The days of those kind of leaders have long come and gone and these times have been allowed to become as complicated as they are perhaps due to the greed and the consistent and constant lying. However, I do think Obama needs to put aside some of the respect he has for McCain and adopt a Michael Jordan like passion for his game of politics. Develop that killer-in-your-face kind of instinct and definitely drop those three words, "you're right John" from his vocabulary. McCain shows no respect nor does he make real eye contact. Obama can show respect, kindness and good games-man-ship after the game is over... but anyways... time is rough and tough and aint no one man or woman the answer but I'd feel not so secure if Palin was a heartbeat away from Prez. That's kind of scary but at the same time it's sadly an on the point reflection of what this country seems to value today... So-called realism, good looks, popularity, a lack of depth and intelligence, sound bites and slogans, drama queen politics, and speaking basically on automatic pilot without a clue as to what was said until they play the tape back...She has no mind of her own. Its completely controlled and filled to the brim with someone else's words and ideals.. It's all crammed into her head and she can't remember when a curve ball such as an easy question is thrown her way... It's sad. It reminds me of those that hold themselves accountable to nothing and no one, thus lying and taking advantage of others is nothing to them. The ego is so inflated that they float sky-high. The only image in their radar screen is themselves until some sort of karma catches up...

But anyways, life is a trip and right now its a major league soap opera too. I'm all for a little fantasy to off set the so-called keeping it real world? Or if not fantasy then how about kickin back on memories... I welcomed this monday by finding an old recipe that belongs to my mother. It didn't take long to accomplish and the aroma smells way too good.. I baked a fabulous banana pudding with the vanilla wafers sticking up from all sides... A small victory.. Life is good for a few minutes...

I reside in love and anger; abused daily by a mistake I made. Crucified by the reminders and the memories that cloud my mind. Kept afloat by love that checks on me constantly and by my own belief that the blessed flower of talent and wisdom which grows inside me will one day flourish in a way that will release me from this long and winding road beneath my feet...

I Keep Trying...

It's a long walk back but I'm still trying. Exhaustion blankets my track but I keep climbing. Mental ups and downs plague my mission but somehow, some way, I keep the spark which enlightens my vision...

Weigh Me Down

Sometimes you come across people for no reason at all that you must speak to or more importantly, listen to. You find yourself compelled to absorb every nuance and every deep meaning behind the words they speak. You play a positive scrimmage between yourself and them. You ask questions, make comments followed by a natural overwhelming sincerity or gratitude for the moment and then you take the experience with you as a memory to revisit from time to time. Sometimes you pass it on to others.

He said to me "I've had thoughts and memories that weigh me down. I'd cover my eyes and hold my head, praying this feeling leave my body but there could be a reason why it lingers so long, ya know."

I told him I could relate. I began to speak but he cut me off in mid sentence.

He said "so, what keeps you going?"

"The same thing that caused my stumble..."

"I hear ya and it happens to many but dont let it weigh you down forever. You can sift around in that feeling for too long and forget that in your bag of memories, you can pluck out a lot that is good. That which is good is the payoff to being true, honest and working hard to surpass where you once were before your fall... Wrestle with it but make sure you keep standing in the process..."

Friday Familiar...

I hungout in old stomping grounds today.. Even the new ones felt like old ones. All around LA not much has changed but it felt good to be out and about despite the lack of "change." I was greeted a lot, which was cool. Head nods and verbal hellos unlike past times when there would be an abundance of angry glares or obvious attempts to avoid eye contact. I was worlds away from where most folks go but I love it... there.. I passed through Nickerson Gardens and Imperial Courts, Jordan Downs, Compton Blvd, Watts Towers, etc.. Played lotto over there though I've never heard of anyone from that area hitting the jackpot before.. *smile* I mainly stopped for an Arizona tea before continuing on, capturing moments with the camera and just enjoying myself despite the hot temperature. Got stuck in traffic one time due to a car overturned after what was a high speed chase according to the loud talking onlookers. Everybody was just standing around. The police just looking at what "had happened" so I guess everyone figured they might as well stand and look too.. I was glad to be thru the traffic. I took a few cool shots during my travels but mostly captured a lot of images in my mind of former good times, good moments and then it was countdown time before I would head over the hill and catch my uncle playing with a local blues band. That was real cool because we got a chance to talk for a while and catch up on good times, old times, bad times, etc. I could've used his guidance during my own misguided moments but you live and learn and thank God when you can return, rebuild and find that the closeness is still there... I've never needed a brother because of him... my uncle.. It was a good friday...

His heart was a rope and he should've known...

-Curtis Mayfield

God Bless New Orleans..

Keep everyone safe and sound... New Orleans is one of the best places in the world to become one with and experience... Beautiful, mysterious, alive, spiritual, mystical, whimsical town with the most incredible food, music, and truly great people. You haven't truly lived until you've gone there at least twice..

Eyes... them..

One of the most honest barometers for a lifetime lived is/are the eyes. I’ve been asked why I never wear sunglasses. My sly answer is “I want you to see the real me…” but the truth is, I just got used to not wearing any over the years. There was a time when I would make my once every three month pilgrimage down to Venice Beach and buy a pair of cheap sunglasses. I used to love wearing the ones that were all silver. They would wear out after a few months and the cheap silver tinted lens would fade. I’d have dark holes in the center of each lens where my pupil was.. It looked funny. Made me think my eyes were burning holes in my lens… Piercing reflection… But anyway, the eyes are amazing.. I’m someone that makes eye contact most of the time, whenever possible. I don’t look away unless I sense a feeling that I could be intruding or causing discomfort in another or unless I have one of those shy moments where I feel like my own protective barrier is being invaded. Someone special to me has those curious moments when she asks me “why you looking like that?” The sly answer first; “what you see is a reflection of the life I’ve lived..” The true answer is; “I dunno..” Then when I think deeply about it during my moments of quiet combined with nothing really to do but think, my initial answer seems more fact than an attempt to be sly and brilliant. Look deeply into the eyes of another and you can see a great deal. The best reflection is when you look into the eyes of an elderly person whose path has taken them through many different experiences, good and bad. A life experienced person who has traveled a great deal; physically, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, etc.; those eyes will say a lot. Imagine looking into the eyes of those famous names who seemingly have accomplished stuff that many of us wish we could. Pick a name and imagine sitting across from them as they tell you their story… I think about that some times just as much as I think, dream, wish and imagine sitting with my grandfather who passed away when I was a kid. I would love for my grandfather to look into my eyes and tell me what he sees, feels, or could sense about my journey thus far. But if I could sit across from a few so-called famous folks and talk about life in a non-chalant, non-pretentious way, it would be folks like Martin Luther King, Marvin Gaye, Prince, Isaac Hayes, Muddy Waters, Johnny Cash, Spike Lee, Malcolm X, Denzel Washington, Billie Holiday, Muhammed Ali, Minnie Riperton, Bruce Lee, Barack Obama, Curtis Mayfield, Gordon Parks, Paul Williams(Temptations), Jimi Hendrix, Sammy Davis Jr.; the list goes on for a long time but those folks fascinate me when it comes to what it would be like to make personal eye contact combined with deep or even not so deep conversation about life and not in an interview sort of way but as two people kicking it, so to speak… Still, with all due respct to the famous folks, if I could trade them in for people like General, Solomon, Senora, Palestine, Virgil Sr. & Jr., Charlie, George, Oscar, Jean, Saddie Mae, Moriah, Peter, Mama Julia, Frank, Alzata etc. who are all family of mine that lived their journey and passed on; I would in a heartbeat… Some of them I have photographs of but most I don’t. I wish I had close up shots of everyone, capturing the spirit reflected in their eyes… That to me is the beautiful gift of photography; capturing the spirit… The eyes; windows of the soul that mirror the reflection of your journey…

Imaginary Time Machine

I love to go back... Been going back a lot recently. I'm speaking of back in time. If I had a time machine that could transport me physically, I would probably go back to the days of blues musicians traveling a round Mississippi with a guitar in my hand or just sitting on the front porch, strumming and playing; accompanied by friends or by the sounds of crickets, trains, and whatever else was out in the distance. It feels like I miss the days that I never had, though I've come close via my trips to the south. But, if I had a time machine, I would definitely go back regardless of how much harder those days were... Seems like to me that despite the hard times, everything and everyone else was honest and showed their true colors from the start... Life was honest.. Reality didn't need to be on a TV screen; you carried it everywhere you went... I've been playing a lot of old music and even learning how to play it on my new toy, which you see in the picture. *smile* When I pick this thing up, I feel like I've gone back in time.. It feels like all I have to do is hold it in my hand, open the door and see asphalt turn to country side... It's like strumming my imagination; a creatively beautiful way to escape... My closest thing to a time machine next to sharing memories with friends and family but I wish I could go back... in time... and stay a while...

A Pigeon No More

This pigeon came flying in out of nowhere. He landed on the ledge and appeared to be disoriented. He stumbled around and threw up several times. He was in really bad shape and I figured he probably wasn't gonna last much longer. I sat inside my car, observing him. The pigeon walked along the ledge until he was directly in front of me. I took a few pictures. He seemed okay during that time. Then he shook for a moment. His wings went up and he flew away. Perhaps it was panic that caused him to do that. After a few minutes, I got out of my car and began walking towards the other side of the parking structure; that's when I saw him again only this time he was surrounded by twenty or more crows who had discovered him, sitting helpless and weak. They pecked and crowed at him. It was the perfect opportunity for them to take advantage of the bird. It reminded me of "real life." I walked in the direction of the crows and they all scattered. They circled high above me; flying round and round as I tended to the pigeon. I tried to make the pigeon fly away but he couldn't. I wasn't sure it would be safe for me to pick him up so I had to leave him where he was... The crows waited; perched high above on top of light posts. They watched me and called out to each other as if to say "wait until he leaves then we'll finish the job on that pigeon.." I had to leave and when I returned later, I knew what I'd find... Poor little bird and an example of how life can be sometimes...

"Most times just telling the truth is so much easier..."

"You have to learn to fall in order to rise..."

RIP and Soul... Isaac Hayes

I was very sorry to hear about Isaac Hayes passing.. It feels like his musical influence and presence has always been a part of my life going back to my young teen years when my father took me to a walk-in movie theatre in Houston Texas to watch "Truck Turner." I loved that movie. I know that may sound strange to some; "walk-in movie theatre" but back in those good days, it was just as normal to go to a drive-in theatre as it was to do a walk-in. I saw Shaft back in the day too but for some reason I wasn't really into that movie back then as much as I was just into Isaac Hayes; his music and style. My father had this close friend by the name of Big George who always reminded me of Isaac Hayes because he sometimes worked as a bodyguard and carried a 357 Magnum just like Truck Turner. And whether I was riding in my father's Cadillac Seville or sitting in someone's home or place of business, two things filled the air; some kind of fruity smelling incense and some music from the man they called "Black Moses." It was more of a background thing to my early life but interestingly enough, I've really been checking out his music more so in the last two years than ever before. I mean, I listen and I study it.. I marvel at all the songs he wrote along with his partner, David Porter. Thanks to satelite radio and this station on XM called Soulstreet, I've been awakened musically, so to speak... All this incredible music that floated around me back in the day was just there... It didn't resonate too deeply but I could hear it.. Now it's more than just there.. I understand and appreciate it especially when there ain't much to grasp and hold onto these days... Isaac Hayes wrote a lot of incredible timeless songs.. I stand accused, When something is wrong with my baby, Soul man, Hold on I'm coming.. he wrote songs for the Soul Children and Lou Rawls.. the list goes on and on forever... I was checking out this instrumental track called "Ike's Mood" and just grooving off of all the different parts of the song that I can remember were used in several hip hop and R&B tracks... I can definitely hear where Mary J. Blige took one of her grooves from... Much respect to Isaac Hayes.. I hope they do great things in his honor to celebrate his life and amazing body of work... He put a major stamp on music history... Stare at the photo below and listen to the track called "Soulsville." You'll feel like you've been transported back in time when despite this not being a perfect world around us, there's still pride, family and brotherhood/sisterhood to lean onto. Isaac Hayes was definitely a symbol of pride. Special mention to Bernie Mac who also passed away... He was a great example of success and being cool in a down to earth sort of way at the same time... Heaven got some incredible talent up there...

The sweet smell of real true love, written from head to toe, every inch to behold because it belongs to the soul.. I’m blessed with coming first for all the right reasons.. I smile from inside and out, every bit of me, all around... we see things that equal we rather than me or I. Whether down or up, I believe because of she. I laugh more. I can be silly. I can breathe. I can do me, freely… I have space and yet I cherish and look forward to when she’s all over me. I count days, hours, minutes, and seconds between the next time I see her, touch her, etc… She’s so real, she’s normal and I ain’t seen that sort of thing walk across my path since… possibly never.. but she’s here now… forever…

Latest view from my everyday cruise...

All done by Dreamstyle Photography Inc...

Independence

Life comes full circle again and again.. Negativity reaches back to greet you, allowing you a glimmer; a glance at the reasons reflecting positively inside your heart; shining a spotlight on the best decision you possibly made in your life. Thank God.. Independence is a great groove to dance to especially when it takes me away from a downward spiral; that place where the negativity celebrates and feeds off of absolutely nothing.. This weekend has been good though last week was rough... Surgery on monday for my mother and a procedure for myself on tuesday. Both a test of strength; an endurance of some serious pain but that in and of itself is like an exclamation point of just what's truly important in life... My mother's battle outweighs the silliness that enters my life from time to time like the warm greeting (I say sarcastically) received in the middle of the night. Independence; I move forward, onward... thankful for what and who is in my life; family, friends, love.. it's some real true realness that makes moving forward not only a necessity but a promise that I need to keep to the LOVE which overflows and surrounds me now... I've got to be strong for that love and most importantly, for my mother because this is serious.... Happy 4th to all and a special very appreciative thanks to that LOVE...

The dream was exciting and beautiful; the anticipation of which had been matched the moment we stepped off the plane holding hands and looking out for each other. We owned that airport, walking as though we were in our own world; the king and queen, princess and prince... Our chariot awaited, we hit the road not knowing what our journey would bring despite the planning that went into it all. Nevertheless it stayed beautiful because of her, matching all the effort, wishing, wanting, and sharing that I could muster up. I kept thinking that I'd never experienced this before; someone like her. It was a blessing and an honor to share with her, all that meant so much to me. During our journey, lightning struck all around us. I offered that we stay put for a moment but she feared nothing about mother nature. She wanted this journey to continue as planned and so did I. It was a sign of more beautiful moments to come and a strong desire to do it all over again...

Hope, change, what...

Will we begin to love ourselves more or will the division and destruction continue.. Ignorance is a practice that's dedicated to going nowhere; staying put and grounded in same-ness. Change can mean growth or at least a fresh approach to moving forward, moving on. One never knows but you gotta try. Live for something better or at least inject pride within your reflection before you die. We can't live mistake free but at least we can stand stronger with less contradiction to our belief... Anything is possible, even hope...

-VAR