Special Thanks...

Special thanks to "LP" for showing me that there's still magic out there...

Easter Weekend

Easter weekend had it's moments. I have to send out special prayers to my aunt Tamer who is in the hospital battling acute pancreatis and dealing with a lot of pain in the process. I pray she has a very speedy recovery. It's rough seeing time bring with it illnesses and tough times for family members. Time marches on and that ain't always a good thing when things like this happen. Nevertheless, time does move... It was kind of hot out here in southern Cali over the weekend. I enjoyed it with capturing some cool moments photographically and checking out that Meet The Browns movie. It was alright. Kind of predictable for me but it was funny too. I especially enjoyed seeing the beautiful Angela Bassett; one of my favorite actresses of all time. The movie also had me yearning for a healthy dose of country life. I love the country and my southern spirit is aching for me to return. The movie brought back memories of family. It reminded me of good times back a few years ago when things were real good in east Texas. Like when my grandmother was still alive and when on one day I'd go from enjoying time with her to taking a drive down the road about fifteen minutes away to visit with cousin's George, Maggie, Big Mama, Peaches, Apple(they're sisters), Ruby, her boys and everybody else around there. They fed me good and told me stories about family past and present. We'd sit under the "crying tree," which was a tree that always has water dripping from it's leaves. They laughed at me when I kept checking my head and shoulders for bird droppings. I was like "what the?" Anyway, seeing those country folks in Tyler Perry's latest definitely brought back those kind of special memories. Good times that no longer exist in east Texas because people have grown in other directions and doing things they shouldn't do. Meet The Browns also brought back memories of that aching feeling inside your stomach when you're blown away by the potential of somebody. Blown away by what you imagine life with them could be. Mesmerized by the thought of just being near them. Sometimes I wonder if women feel that way too or is it just the certain fellas who dream a little bit too much and got way too much gullible qualities within them. Rick Fox played that sort of mesmerizing part very well and it was a good happy ending to the story as well as a strong message about fatherhood... I'd like to see a little more of Madea hopefully in the next Tyler Perry movie. All in all, it was a decent weekend...

I wasn't born like this, yet I became like this. They say everyone has a chance; an equal opportunity for success. What are my chances now? Every second feels like a step closer to no longer existing. I fear the pain, the suffering; yet I imagine the peace. Would I be missed? Would they say, whatever happened to and think of me with fondness? Everything I own, I carry with me. All of who I am has been taken from me. The streets haven't been kind; the ugliness easier to deal with when something else controls my mind. Sometimes another day for me feels like torture. I exist; I'm here but am I really surviving? Somehow this has become my world; small like me in the eyes of others. A nobody in the eyes of most...

Playing With The Barriers

I had a conversation with two ladies. One of them I complimented. Both of them laughed. They brushed aside my compliment as yet another man's attempt at trying to get something. They both had that familiar smirk like tightening of the lips, followed by an audible sound that could only be translated as "don't even go there..." I continued to "go there" because I was sincere. I didn't want anything but conversation. My compliment was simple, yet I meant it with sincerity. After that, I decided to challenge the flow, so to speak. I mean, they didn't seem like they wouldn't be receptive to me asking questions or making comments.

"Seems to me like a woman whose been hurt doesn't always receive compliments too well or perhaps doesn't trust one coming from a man" I said.

They both looked at each other. Then they looked at me. They told me they agreed with that statement but believed that men were the same way.

"Nah, we'll still believe anything you tell us regardless of if we been hurt. Shoot, compliments feel good and when a man is down, he needs a pick me up. Words can deliver that feeling..."

One of the ladies laughed at me and said "typical man..." The other told me that I was just trying to impress. I ducked under her sarcasm and countered with another compliment. I loved how she was rockin the bangles on her wrist and the large earrings. Her accessories had a little afrocentric/70's vibe going on. I've been taking notes on that sort of look recently because I'm doing a photoshoot with this model who plans to wear a lot of that for each shot.

The lady who I hadn't complimented asked me a question. She said "so, if I told you you were a good looking man, umph! Would you believe me?"

"Nope."

They both chimed in "why not?"

"Because at this point I'd be thinking you're just playing with me. If you approached me out of the blue and said it, I might believe you. I would then think that the motivation to say it was purely your idea and not just you saying it because of what we been talking about. When I complimented your friend, I think you knew I was being real because of the way I said it. It was like a surprise to me. The light hit her just right and in that moment, I was like damn... the compliment was necessary; completely motivated by some serious energy going on..."

"He's too much for me..." The complimented one blushed and then said "shut-up Anthony."

I wanted to speak to her on a personal level. I chose to read words on a page, camouflaged as something I'd written long ago. I couldn't make eye contact with her but my voice was solid; every word connected despite all that surrounded us; the foot traffic, and the voices in the distance. She leaned in closer. She wanted to see the words too, as I read them. Funny thing though, not every word was on the page. She searched for them herself. She smiled. I knew because by then, her face was close enough for me to feel the rise in her left cheek. "Liar," she whispered. "I gotta watch out for you quiet guys..." "You don't see what I'm saying?" I asked her. She paused for a moment. We made eye contact. She said, "I do now..."

Where My Elders At?

Ahh...today I saw and witnessed this beautiful lady. I'd seen her briefly once before about four months ago in a similar situation. There she was dancing to the beat of african drums; moving her body to the rhythm. When she dances, she celebrates. She blew me away the first time I'd seen her but I never thought it would happen again; me seeing her- though I imagined it. Then as I'm checking out the scene and enjoying the rhythms myself, there she is, dancing in the circle and blowing me away all over again... I snapped a few shots of her. She noticed me. She glanced at me, glanced away, glanced back again... A hint of a smile.. It was like that old game of stealing looks but not making it obvious that we're looking directly at each other. I felt like Kunte Kente, hoping an elder or two would step to me and ask "are you making eyes at her?" And I'd gladly say yes, hoping the elders could hook me up... Ha haa...but, reality steps in. Ain't no elders around though someone in front of me did say to their friend "I think she's lookin at this tall guy.." and then it appeared she had to go. A female friend of hers seemed anxious to leave. The beautiful lady exited the circle from the opposite side of where I stood. As the two walk away together, I tried to make my way to the other side but I'm too late... I tried to follow but I'm too far... Maybe another time, another place, another chance... If not, it's okay. I enjoyed the moment, the stolen glances, the beautiful smiles... the possibilities... the inspiration.

Take good care, he said...

A writer, a dreamer... hoping that his love for words finds its way into the hearts of others. Dreaming that his expressions based upon experience change what has become his life. Praying that each mis-step were simply lessons that will point him in the direction of success. Believing that no matter how dark the days, there's still hope?

Sadness & Beauty

Saturday was a sort of breezy cool day for me, metaphorically speaking; not so much weather-wise. It rained off and on throughout the day but I still had to get out for a little while. After I traveled to my first destination, I couldn't resist going inside this huge cemetery nearby. I'd always been curious to look inside. I have friends and family of friends buried there. I walked around, took a few pictures of statues and a beautiful water fountain. Then I came upon this headstone with a really nice picture. Seems like a lot more headstones have pictures nowadays. This one caught my attention because for one I could see that this woman left the world much too soon and not only was it a great picture but she looks so happy. I read the headstone, which paid tribute to her as a daughter, a wife, and a mother. The flowers lying on top were all wilted and pretty much gone. I saw a deflated heart shaped balloon close by. Perhaps it was brought by this woman's family or maybe even the husband placed it there for Valentines Day. I imagined him being heartbroken and missing his lady; missing all the great times they shared and all the dreams they'd hoped to live for and share together... As a couple they were one and now he must carry on without her. Life is precious and so is love. Even if what you embrace are memories and the spirit of someone passed on, that love remains very special and very crucial to your life as you continue on... It began to rain as I took one last shot of this woman's headstone and in a short distance away, someone else was being put to rest... More love passing on yet hopefully never forgotten...

Cool Image Weekend...

This was a good weekend, photographically speaking.. I took this great shot of a woman dancing her heart out. She was into her every movement. She had fun. She blessed the drum circle that she danced inside of, along with a few other ladies... I also enjoyed the presence of a buddy of mine as we discussed something happening before our eyes in the distance. It was a display of jealousy by a man who seemed to quietly object to his girlfriend wanting to dance and bless the circle as well. It was pretty sad because she was wasting all this great energy and joy outside of the circle. He was diffusing her beautiful spirit and denying her from shining. He should've encouraged and pushed her forward considering the direction she so eagerly wanted to go was a very positive one. Luckily the positivity won out and once she stepped inside the circle, it was a beautiful union of rhythms and joy. The man stood with a sour look on his face, which eventually gave way to recognition. Someone felt his negative vibe and offered that he contribute by taking that energy out on a drum. He did and positivity prevailed all around... My buddy and I agreed that because this man changed his tune, so to speak, tonight he'll probably get some extra good lovin and more than that, he and his lady shared in something that they can talk and laugh about later... To me, that's what it's all about if you have someone special. Experience moments together and build upon it. Create new memories together and turn them into special traditions that you look forward to doing again and again... I hope that man learned something from today's experience... I know I had a blast just being a part of the whole vibe.

Happy Valentines Day/Week..

Here's a little something to aspire to... Love... mixed with mutual pride. The world may be the stage but what's most important is that they have each other... The same can be practiced on the local level... meaning, everybody can have this... I wish everyone the best kind of love, however you may dream it to be...

Change Don't Happen Much

Five minutes away from where this beautiful creation(Watts Towers) was erected and preserved over the years for all to see and experience, there was another tradition going down that unfortunately serves as a reminder on how not much has changed. the trading of lives; bullet for a bullet mentality continues. There were hundreds gathered in a cemetery, celebrating the life of a fallen loved one. They mourned, they cried, they looked angry... A great number of them were dressed in white t-shirts. A lot of bravado. Young men standing tall with their chests stuck out. Most fighting back tears. The fallen one had many friends and the amount of cars that lined the street leading into the cemetery stretched a very long distance on both sides of the street. And on every corner in the vicinity there were police officers parked; waiting for any trouble that might occur. With the exception of the anger, sadness and tension that filled the hearts of those saying their final goodbyes, peace prevailed but all one has to do is listen to the news, read the paper, and decipher the writing on the walls. You'll discover that change don't happen much despite this country's possibility that something historic is on the verge of becoming reality... maybe. Sometimes hope ain't always the most convincing argument and love is often used as motivation for battle rather than healing, coming together and building a stronger bridge that connects understanding and compassion in a way that doesn't blow over so easily... Folks gotta get it together because what goes on in the hood aint a priority for the White House or the Governor's Mansion, no matter who's in it...

Black History kick-off..

February is here and it brings with it the so-called “Black History” celebration time, which is definitely important and a beautiful thing. Me being black, I like to think I celebrate it every day, every month but since this is the official time of the year, I want to kick things off with my own celebration and tribute. I’m hoping one of these years I’ll be able to celebrate with the relase of my much delayed epic novel, Until Again which should’ve been out this month but nevertheless, its on the way.. *smile* Be that as it may and without further delay, I want to honor someone who to me is worthy of a black history tribute/celebration trophy for his accomplishments and for representing himself as a multi-faceted black man. Perhaps he’s not famous to the average Joe and Jenny on the street but he’s known by friends and family. He’s known by teachers, scholars, and students. He’s known in the hood, the country, and the classrooms. He’s blessed by his two beautiful children, which he plays an extremely active role in raising them. No doubt his son and daugther will be amazing individuals when they grow up. I’ve admired this dude since the day we met on his home turf in Memphis, Tennessee so I write this little tribute with a smile on my face. His name is Torrance Stephens.

You ever meet someone in life that instantly reminds you of family? You ever meet someone who you just want to sit and listen to because you instantly respect that person? You ever meet someone who no matter their age, you feel like this is someone to look up to like an older sibling? You ever meet someone who is so cool and down to earth, you wish them nothing but happiness and success no matter how much time passes before you see them again? Thanks to the internet, I can check on what’s going on in the prolific mind of this brotha because he’s probably got the best blog (http://rawdawgb.blogspot.com/) in the internet hemisphere… You’re always sure to learn something, be inspired, forced to think, and entertained all at the same time. I always imagined that if you peel open this man’s mind and stretched out every thought and piece of knowledge inside, it would probably wrap around planet earth several times. He’s got the street intelligence, the country boy work ethic and the intellectual scholar ingredients that would make anyone envious but he’d never have you feeling that way because he’s cool like that. My admiration is endless. I mean, my man Torrance has traveled to other countries to speak to folks on behavioral sciences and health education, written countless articles and chapters on some very serious issues like AIDS/HIV and other infectious diseases but he's still a country boy and a father which means you'll find him coaching his son in life and athletics all the while finding time to eat some stew that's got ingredients like pork, possum, rabbit and squirrel in the mix. *smile* Besides all that, he's also an author of some very deep stories like "Fast And Gamin," "Butter Brown," "For U Who Left Me While I Slept," "Matter Of Attention," and "Rockstar, Stud, Gigolo." What? A scholar writing books with titles like that? Yeah, 'cause he's cool like that so dig beneath the titles and see what he's talking about. You can check those out at www.BBOTW.com Here's a quote that shines a little light on the man as an author....

"In the tradition of Iceberg Slim, his work carries the immediacy of corner stoop storytelling but is that rare creation--African American oral tradition in a literary form." LISA RICHARDSON- LOS ANGELES TIMES

Anyway, I wanna send a sincere shout-out to Torrance Stephens PhD, rawdawg buffalo as I kick-off Black History month on Super Bowl Sunday to salute this good dude... Peace and continued blessings...

From the chronicles of why it gotta be like this!

Today, I was listening to an interview on a hip hop station. It was interesting in all kinds of ways... Informative? Nah... and I definitely aint trying to put down hip hop in any kind of way but I just found today's interview of Prodigy from Mobb Deep interesting. It had me wondering what folks will remember about the music and the artists from the genre, twenty years from now. No doubt, there's some great history in hip hop but the way they were talking on the radio today the only history they celebrated was violence rather than the...MUSIC. Prodigy talked about being able to afford a bullet proof car. He spoke about various beefs aka disagreements he had with other rappers that would lead to violence if he had run into that person. The interviewer brought up questions about Tupac's ability to fight because of things she's heard, which really doesn't matter.. Around every corner there's someone who could get the best of you in a fight and vice verse, but my main point is, what does that have to do with the music??? Me being a huge fan of Tupac, I didn’t really appreciate the comments made about him but everybody got their own perspective. The interviewer to me sounded like she was motivated by the very same hearsay and unnecessary bravado which fueled the kind of environment that brought down such a prolific artist. He had his issues and was at times a victim of his own young ego but he was an amazing artist, a brilliant mind, very well read, and was extremely driven, albeit the motivation could’ve been because he feared the end was coming soon but he was able to accomplish a lot in a short time. Funny thing though, in the four or five times I’d seen him around LA, when he was driving he was alone and had the top down on his convertible. When I saw him hanging out at the Glam Slam niteclub many years ago in downtown LA, he was alone. But the bottomline with respect to how I’d like to remember him most is by his contribution, which was music and film. There's some incredible hip hop musical moments and great artists that have come and gone and that's what should be talked about/celebrated.

As I listened to the interview, it made me think about a conversation I had not too long ago with a friend of mine. We talked about music and brought up memories that had us both smiling and feeling the goose bumps all over. This fella is older than me so he could recall a little more than I could, from Miles to Hendrix on forward but then I brought up Parliament/Funkadelic and he laughed in a proud way... "Ahh yes, the mothership!" I told him about how as a kid, I got into a few of those Parliament shows for free because my father promoted some of the concerts in Houston along with a couple buddies of his.
He asked me "what year was that?"
"Around 77, 78, 79..."
"Ahh okay, then you got to see them in they prime. Eddie Hazel, Hampton, Glenn and of course George was on top of his game then..."
"Yeah, I even saw them that year when they had that funny lookin dude from the Spinners singing with them.."
"Phillpe Wynne... yeah, okay... You seen some music history back then, man."
"Yeah, but I didn't know it at the time, being so young. I would just be lookin at how crazy everybody was dressed!"

The conversation continued on to other musical groups and artists that became legends and/or well respected musicians, singers, performers but the thing is, all we talked about were these artists contributions to music. We didn't need to go into who shot who, who had beef with who, etc etc. Of course there's always been a shady side to the music industry and there are stories that go way way back; tragedies, early loss of life but music folks from back in the day wear a badge of honor that reflects what they accomplished musically... Think about Curtis Mayfield and all the incredible songs he wrote for others and himself... Isaac Hayes and his amazing body of work... Barry White, Earth Wind & Fire, Aretha, Minnie Riperton, Marvin Gaye, Donny Hathaway, Stevie Wonder, the list goes on and on forever and again, despite whatever tragedies and behind the scenes drama that might have occurred, it's all about the music.. I dont think any of those folks still living or no longer around are thinking to themselves, "I wish I would've bought a bullet proof car..." Just my two cents as I wonder why stuff has come to be the way it is or as I said, why it gotta be like this! *smile* Anyway, peep out Parliament live from the Houston Summit Arena. I was there backstage representin with my father and company...

Cali Surf's Up!

Here's a little video showcasing recent shots taken of and inspired by the many surfers that I've run into on the Southern California coastal areas... You can't help but capture the moments...

Days Like This I Miss (what happened?)

My father used to talk a lot about this one mechanic that he knew. It was this man named Chet who owned an auto shop down on Venice and Western Blvd a long long time ago. Chet was the most honest man you'd ever want to meet. He worked hard every day and took care of your car as if you were trusting him with your life. Your satisfaction is what motivated him and your paying for a job well done was a blessing. Chet would always say "no problem, just leave the car and I'll have it done." My father's fondest memory of Chet was that this man would never take money from my mother. He'd basically fix the car perfectly, have it all tuned up and cleaned up but would wait until my father came around to pay him. He wouldn't worry. He was a man driven by honesty and wanting to be appreciated for not only that honesty but for his quality work. He didn't even have to preface his actions by saying "you have my word, it'll get done." In today's world, people say those words all the time and then you have to keep calling and asking them when will it get done. People today seem to lean on the shoulders of excuses. They embrace laziness. They don't care. A lie feels more natural. The truth is abnormal. Chet was a good man, did incredible work but times changed and finding a person like him is rare... Your word is your most valuable, transportable possession. You carry it everywhere you go. You wear it like a badge of honor, connected inside, hanging from your heart and soul. It shines when a soul is true. You can see it reflected in the eyes of others. Have someone ask others that know you, what their impression is of you. I hope they come back with more than just you looked good, made money or had nice things...

R.I.P.

Rest in peace to 2007; one of the worst years of my life(not all bad) but also probably the single most powerful lesson that I will ever live/experience. I leave this year in the past but I’m amazed at what I had to endure. It will affect me for a long time and has changed my outlook on many things; underline trust. The way I used to trust must change. And as I attempt to repair the damage done, I have to go on and return to simply living again. There’s a certain someone out there with false assumptions. She believes that all was resolved back in July concerning a bad decision I made. It wasn’t and may never be but I'm surviving... I had to take that chance regardless of how it looked or what I might lose. Sometimes you gotta do something for yourself... "do for you, for once" as a few people have said to me recently.

The last seven months have been the most significant part of this lesson. I’ve had to endure losing my freedom to live the way I was always accustomed to. I’ve had to struggle like never before. Every day, week after week I've had to deal with trying to get back what I’d lost due to a very bad decision that was motivated by love and also by what sounded like an easy way to obtain something that’s better to achieve through hard work and perseverance. I also lost a great deal of my own self respect; feeling trapped every day inside of a nightmare that I had no control over. I allowed someone to steal my joy and almost destroy my spirit. I felt like a slave or a prisoner waiting for freedom and during this time the calls of misguided assumption kept on coming. In a strange way, those calls gave me strength. They validated my decision to walk away despite wishing that things could've been different. I wish that it could've all turned into the beautiful dream that I imagined from the start but for whatever reason this was one puzzle in life that no piece could fit. I had to make a decision for me. I wouldn’t have been able to survive these past seven months if I didn’t make that decision.

As the holidays approached, things got worse. Keeping my spirits up and believing that an end to this craziness would come soon began to wear me down. I tried to find motivation by planning a special trip. The only thing that really gave me some degree of excitement was the fact that all aspects of my creativity were improving. I guess when you feel in a sense, imprisoned; you find other ways of escape. You turn up the notch with respect to reading more, writing, and in my case you can add to that, music and photography as well. All of those things gave me a sense of pride and kept me holding on. The holidays were nothing to me. They came and went like regular days. I felt nothing but the worry of my mother who continued to watch me struggle. I had one night of escape when I went to see Denzel Washington’s “The Great Debaters.” That put me in the mindset of east Texas where my family comes from on my father’s side. That made me think of all the fun, the inspiration and beautiful connections to the past that I’ve enjoyed in previous years. But, as I exited the theatre, walked down the escalator and headed to my car, I truly hated how I felt as that feeling of escape inside of the movie theatre quickly wore off. I had to return to my own life and the darkness of feeling so disappointed in myself that I hated to see the next day arrive...

In the last few days I've had to reach down and pull myself up. I've been writing like crazy working on a few stories. I've re-written and edited my most powerful novel, Until Again and half done with the sequel to my last book, My Life Is All I Have, which ironically was about life decisions. I'm down but not out... I don't believe I deserve what has happened but it happened. Somehow, I'll get back what I've lost ten times over... I accomplished something at the beginning of 2007 that I must now say goodbye to. It hurts my heart but one day even this loss will be ten times less than what I believe I can accomplish.

A couple of people have sent me quotes that they live by and refer to whenever feeling down. As I say rest in peace to 2007 and look ahead to rebuilding my life, I leave you with these two quotes...

"No weapon formed against me shall prosper..."

and

"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it..."

I wish everyone much happiness, joy, and what I hope to find.... peace..

The result of trusting...

Because of you, all I do is exist. No more life; I sit around waiting. A never-ending nightmare is the only thing that comes true. Daily promises that I hold onto thinking this is finally it. Then that day comes filled with disappointment like a hole big enough for me to slip- in. What a decision I've made. I'm stuck in a deep, long bottomless pit; a place designed for fools like me that trust so easily. Life doesn't feel like it goes on when you've blown the best chance given by God to get it right. No matter how good love looks like on the outside, doesn't mean its guaranteed to become that beautiful connect you always dreamed of. This really isn't about love though; not about an ex but just an attempt at trying to understand why honesty and sincerity serve no purpose. Those that resemble champions of the art of a good lie dish out compliments and receive rewards. Those that scratch their heads wondering (like me), discover more roads for suffering; unable to relate to the concept of being joyous and feeling blessed. Echoes of someone saying "don't do something stupid" only sound like the opposite could be more true. That which is perceived as stupid sometimes feels like the best way out...

This is a featured shot from the Dreamstyle Photography collection... Once again looking forward to the showings and very grateful for the encouragement from Daryl of BRIMM Magazine..

BRIMM Spotlight

Thanks so much to BRIMM Magazine for the spotlight in this month's issue... BRIMM is an incredible magazine based out of Atlanta. I'm also looking forward to the showings of my photography work sponsored by this magazine. What a beautiful feeling to be recognized in a positive way... Life is precious. Gotta keep it moving in a positive direction...

Protest...

This was a cool experience to be a part of...

Productive weekend..

Big shoutout to a good friend of mine named Jaime Saucedo. Gotta thank him for giving me good ideas on how to enjoy the weekend. The ideas I hesitated on at first. My spirit was a little low and a little too comfortable. I needed to get out of that comfort zone known as laziness and get my butt up. Do something different.. A different route and of course, bring my camera too.. Jaime suggested that on Saturday I checkout the anti-war protest going on downtown and then maybe on Sunday hangout and vibe off of the atmosphere of good people, african rhythms, and a positive vibe... I did just that and found myself enjoying the kind of weekend that I haven't had in a very long time... It felt like the old me coming to the foreground and was great opportunity to capture images of life that I could use for my portfolio as well as this spotlight going on right now via BRIMM magazine that's got me featured as a "Best Kept Secret." I'm honored by the spotlight, especially because they noticed me via my photography.

Saturday was cool at the anti-war protest. A lot of people came up with the most creative rhythmic chants to protest Iraq, Iran, Jena six, New Orleans, etc. It wasn't just the same we shall overcome sort of thing but even when they did something like that, they twisted the beat a little bit.. *smile* The signs were real cool too... I'll be putting up a little montage of the images in the next post from the protest.

Sunday, I enjoyed myself a lot. Great conversation with Jaime and incredible opportunities for some picture taking. The lady above represents one of the many that were in attendance as the sound of drums carried on until night fall. A woman known possibly as Oma Oya spoke with me and gave me blessings... And then I missed out on a lovely dancer that I wanted to approach but I'll find her again... and again, I hope.. She was incredible... and so was this weekend.. A return to me as I prepare for a special journey coming real soon. I miss being on the road but I'll be there soon...

October life and death..

Seems like every year October brings with it a passing... I've lost several members of my family during this month over the years and almost left this earth myself a couple years ago. My friend Angela was a witness to that moment in time. This year October has been quiet on an immediate family level but a good friend of mine lost his mother last week. I attended a fiesta that was already planned in her(Emiliana) honor as well as her viewing and eventual burial held this past weekend. The funeral was on monday. It was from beginning to end a beautiful celebration of life. All the children, grand children, etc that she leaves behind. My friend is truly blessed with a big beautiful and close family; something that I wish I had or at least a close one no matter the size. The years have added distance to my family.

The events held in honor of Emiliana were interesting to me. I felt honored because many of them see me as a member of the family. I've known my friend Ed for many years and he's always invited me to family events so I've been able to see some of the kids grow up into young adults now. At the viewing I observed how a lot of these family members reminded me of my own family from years past. The faces looked familiar except these people come from a different cultural background but the personalities are the same. Uncles looked familiar, cousins, aunts, etc etc... The laughter, the jokes, the sadness, the celebration, the worries, the hope... It was all the same. Unfortunately the events were overshadowed by a younger member of the family, Ed's nephew(RJ) who was paralyzed from the neck down in a freak accident on the night after his mother passed away. My prayers go out to RJ. Life is never without its moments that remind you not to take each second for granted. So much negativity is allowed in our lives; people with motives, game playing, etc. What happened to the days of truly appreciating one another for who we are? I felt appreciated at Emilana's viewing just for simply being me and they all appreciated me for joining them in their time of loss... Appreciation and thoughtfulness.... it's lost in this world that overflows with shoulder shrugs and dont care attitudes... It goes without saying that Emiliana is truly in a better place but what a blessing it is to know that she leaves behind so much love and family closeness...

In the middle of downtown this lady hangs her clothes out to dry. The streets is her home and she made due with whatever she could find, borrowing money from passersby. I seen her soak the clothes in a bucket. The money she collected I imagine she'll use for more important things than water, which she found for free by turning on the faucet coming out of a wall a few steps away. I gave her a couple dollars. She bowed and said thank you. I took a picture of her from the front. She had an interesting face; her eyes had a softness to them despite all that she's probably seen in her lifetime. Her skin was definitely affected by the elements but her spirit seemed strong. She continued to smile and collect any change that anyone might give to her as she waited for her clothes to dry. I didn't mean no harm but I wondered how often she wore the black lace that she had hanging on the steel rod fence. Much respect to this lady and her survival...

Home...

From the pages of a forthcoming novel

She lives on an ugly street pulling out weeds just for friends she meets. She waits for time to remind her of all her mistakes. She figures that's enough inspiration to see what more she can take. She leans on false hope in dark corners. Deals with men less likely to love or honor her. I loved her, though. Sacrificing everything I had to give her more than I'd ever dream. An investment in love is like guessing with your eyes closed. You mean well but without the legs of time to stand on, you never know if your decision is as sound and true as the wanting invading the walls of your soul from head to toe. I made mistakes and therefore I struggle. I suffer because I'm hard on myself. Too much time on my hands forces me to look into the mrror of hindsight. I underline thoughts translated as, you should've known better. Now I walk around as a man others fear to touch but that's nothing compared to my fear to love. It just seems like too much sacrifice at this point and I'm just a little too tired right now...

Franklin Gregory
Copr.2007

Photographic movie..

Amazing

Over time or as time goes by you discover an occasional person that you've touched in some kind of way. I'm truly blown away and amazed by these moments because I never expect that what I write or how I may express myself toward someone would linger in their mind and heart longer than the brief encounter which again, I take as a great blessing. Today I received a really nice reminder of what just being good to people can do. Being good doesn't cost a thing but the rewards always come when you least expect it and need it the most.

Let me back track for a second....This morning I woke up very early at 4:45am feeling restless. I couldn't sleep. I mean, my original plan was to sleep at least until 11am since this is Saturday and I've just finished a long hard work week combined with some very stressful moments in my personal life. Anyway, I got up and decided to venture out to the beach. I was curious to see what it looked like at such an early hour. I live quite a ways from the beach so when I got there(Marina Del Rey) it was about 5:30am. The only folks on the beach at that hour were a few runners, some dogs chasing tennis balls into the water, and a few homeless people covering up in an effort to block that early morning sunlight. There I was, walking through the sand with camera in hand snapping a few shots and just taking in the ocean breeze. It felt good but to a certain degree I felt lonely though not so much in that I wish I had someone by my side; I just felt lonely. Life has been rough recently; still is and it's made me feel something that I've never felt before. I mean, I'm not so sure I even walk with that natural quiet cockiness any more that folks say I have or that "kolohe spark" that a special Hawaii friend(Jody) would say I had. I dont feel it... That something that I've never felt before in the past is pure vulnerability... It makes me feel less like I want to get out and about. My camera is probably responsible for the little bit that I do get out because it inspires me to go out and capture life so that I may escape for a moment while composing the shot.

Well, I continued to walk the beach. I saw a couple surfers out doing there thing including the one fella in the picture above looking so content. I could relate to his feeling of solitude though contentment wasn't something we had in common. I walked from Marina Del Rey to Santa Monica beach which is quite a good walk, especially in the sand all the way. Anyone familiar with the area would say "damn, you walked a long ways!" And being that I had to turn around and walk back made the journey one long thought process as I found myself for a moment forgetting about my camera and escaping into a story that I pictured myself in. I dont want to give a whole lot of details because I can see this story becoming a novel but essentially it deals with the major subjects in life; love, relationships, and everyone's personal journey as a result of our choices relating to those subjects. The story is narrated by a woman but is about a man. I could hear this woman's voice so clearly and relate to each step that the man had taken before crossing paths with the lady. As I walked along the shore of Santa Monica, Venice, and Marina Del Rey beaches, I had composed in my head pretty much the entire outline of the story. When I got home I wrote the first chapter and then I took the suggestion of a friend and rested my mind because despite having an interesting morning, my early rise sort of threw off my day.

And now I get to the point of this blog entry as I really back tracked bigtime there. After my nap I checked my email and found a really cool email from someone I had touched via one of my stories many months ago. A woman that I remember because of her cool name; Suraya Leona. To me, the real true gift/reward of being an author is in how you touch people with your written words. This wonderful lady took the time to email me while on vacation in Egypt. I mean, its not like we've kept in touch at all but for whatever reason she thought of me and reached out. I'm amazed by that kind of thing. Blown away.. I feel blessed and am very thankful. She said in her email that I had helped her a lot when we last wrote to each other. I'm not sure what I did but I do remember her kindness and for that and especially for her reaching back to say hello; I say thank you Suraya.

On another very special note I have to once again say thank you as I did with my picture in the sand to Angela. Her voice and spirit also came at a time when I needed it and still need it the most... Amazing...

When, I keep asking..

Humility, vulnerability, life, lessons, struggle, different light, hurt, pain, worry, anxiety, stuck, alone, money, hate, can't, love, swimming thru rough waters, holding tears inside my soul, watching others celebrate life as I hide from the sun planning my future with nothing. A world of dreams and accomplishments coming to an end. Floating on memories until the oxygen thins. This time in my life has rocked the core of my soul that is the foundation of me and changed my outlook as well as the way I look inward. Gone is the excitement and desire to find you/love...


You ever felt like you were dying inside; living on hopes, dreams, wishes, wants and all those positive things that you believe in your heart should be your destiny? How could these tough times invade your path? How could life throw you the kind of curve ball that feels like it's suspended in air forever. You keep swinging at it to make it go away. You pray, you try to stay strong as others suggest; keep your chin up, etc but its still here; still there. What's worse is when you can sit back, imagine and recognize that you had it ALL before; your life was truly good but then you saw a glimmer of that perceived extra-special-something that you always wanted but was out of reach so you look the other way; the opposite direction of good common sense and you go for it. Your decision only makes sense during that moment when you might as well had worn a blindfold because now that your vision is clear you live your life in fear of what will come behind a mistake that has you labeling this as the worst ever year; a year that seems to have no end...

Just thinking....

As life goes through its motions, you find yourself enduring some sort of heartache. And, if you’re a creative person you find your ways of expression becoming a little deeper because of what you've been though. If you write; you have more things to say. If you play music; you find a little more of an emotional connection to your instrument. If you paint you’ll find a little more realism reflected in your art. I’ve been through a few things in life though I never claim to be alone in my experiences. One can always find another who is worse off or who has suffered and endured greater challenges but to each comes its own trials and tribulations. Lately, I’ve found myself lost in thought, writing down ideas and words that will make for great stories. Hopefully what I express will help others and perhaps entertain. Maybe what I say will even give second thoughts to those that might be on the verge of following a similar path; right or wrong.

One thing that I do claim myself to be and am very proud of is that I am indeed a very creative being. I use many ways to creatively express myself. Perhaps it has to do with being the introspective person that I am; quite often put down because I don’t talk as much as some say I should talk. I figure all the differences that every single individual brings to the table of life is what makes this world go round and round. In other words, despite any ups, downs, and in betweens, I am me and for the most part I’m proud of that fact. I only say for the most part because I’m not proud of all decisions that I’ve made in life but then again, that brings me back to the point I’m trying to make. Life adds depth to the ways in which we express ourselves, especially with respect to those whose means of expression have to do with creativity.

Lately, I’ve noticed an improvement or perhaps more depth in two other things that I do creatively. One is my guitar playing. I love the guitar and have always messed around with it. I’ve been a big fan of the instrument as well as those famous and not so famous who play it. I used to play in a group with my uncle and we’d play at weddings and backyard parties with just me, him and a drum machine back when the technology wasn’t so great and the sound was so cheesy. Back then I hadn’t really lived and experienced all that I can now look back on so from a creative stand point I’ve come to realize that I had very little emotional history, if you will to put inside my playing. Now I find myself up late at night sometimes restless, thinking about tomorrow; I reach for my acoustic guitar and start to strum. I play with feeling. I strum chords that sound really good. The guitar feels like a natural extension of my body as if it belonged in my hands. I grip chords with ease and don’t always have to look at the instrument. Playing relaxes me; thus I’ve found more depth in this creative form of expression, which I imagine is due to my life and the living that I’ve done.

Photography has turned into a passion of mine unlike I’ve ever imagined it would. Perhaps it was handed down by my father who was a real serious photographer and had about twenty cameras and a professional dark room/studio in his house. Anyway, my need to capture moments in time has become a sort of daily craving. Many times when I don’t have my camera in hand, I find myself capturing moments visually with my mind or looking at things differently because I’m trying to figure out how I‘d photograph the subject. I look at people, scenery, objects, etc with so much more in mind than a simple glance. I believe that my photography is now showing a lot more depth not only due to me becoming that much more familiar with my camera but mostly because of that certain vision inside of me which sees things in my own way based upon my life’s experience. I really believe that if you have two photographers taking pictures of the same thing, you’ll likely see two very different visions. I experienced this recently by comparing a shot of a wall that I had taken in downtown Atlanta. It was the very same half brick and concrete, graffiti covered wall that a friend of mine had photographed before. She chose to highlight the entire wall and bring out the soft yellow tones of the concrete area whereas, I chose to focus in on the red brick area, which included a window with broken glass. I brought out the red, white and black tones of that section of the wall. I look at my photographs and wonder what goes through my mind before hand and why I chose that particular subject. I’m not sure most times. It's basically a gut feeling... I just feel some sort of emotional thing while at the same time I’m surprised by the end result because I’ll see a little bit more than what I’d seen when I initially took the shot. I love photography and most of all, I love being creative. And with life comes a deeper means of expression especially if you pay attention to every detail of it; good and bad, right or wrong.... but anyway...

Scenes from the forthcoming Timothy Beekerwood

"Damn, Timothy had the kind of gift that we all wish he would've passed down to somebody in the family. Maybe seeing what he saw could've helped one of us pick the right lottery numbers. I guess what he saw was a little bit too much for a normal person to handle. Even in church, the elders used talk about it all the time but now that they gone it seems like ol' Timothy finding other ways to let us know he been here before."

"What happened to the elders?"

"Pastor run them away with his triflin ways. You know how it is. Tradition is gone and folks got they own set of rules. Way too much drama to tell you about it right now but if you stick around long enough, you'll hear all about it. Plus being that you staying in Timothy grand mama's house, you libel to hear more than you ever bargained for. I'll be around to check on you. Enjoy your vacation. What you say your name was, again?"

"Andre' Christopher..."

Timothy Beekerwood, copr.2007
Coming soon....

Land Of Wonder

I was like Anthony in Wonderland this past week, spending wonderful time with myself in an area that felt like a blessing. It was miles away from my day to day life and worlds away from the past few months... I hungout in areas that I'd been introduced to last year and found the same warmth and good feeling from total strangers but the best part was just me being creative, snapping real cool shots like this beautiful entrance and enjoying all the R&R I possibly could... This was one of those moments where I wish I could control the hands of time...

Usually whenever I would wish time to stand still, I'd be in some beautiful company.. Like the time when she asked me to "fly," which then led to our very first kiss. Or the time in Seattle that was reminiscent of the movie, "Before Sunrise" where we stayed up all night and didn't want to chance closing our eyes for fear that we might miss something. Or the special birthday celebration on Tennison Road, the magical nights spent on a plantation in St. Francisville, Louisiana, the beautiful night in Vicksburg once again on a plantation and the special nights in New Orleans. In those instances, time standing still would've been heaven and this past weekend, time standing still would've been bliss... I guess I have to settle for the inspiration. It was a real good time...all by myself..

Soon to be featured in a downtown LA art gallery. A special piece photographed in the Five Points area of Atlanta, Georgia.

Dreamstyle Photography Inc.
copr. 2007

Home Is Everywhere...

The first words I heard were "Anthony's home!" and then I was greeted with a warm hug, smiles and concern.
"You lost some weight!" she said.
"Yeah, but it dont look bad on him.." another said.
"Chile, you been on my mind and I've been meaning to call you but then one situation after another come up and then some things that I wanted to do just slip my mind."
"Yeah, I know about situations..."
"I'll bet you do. Sit down-"
"Thanks.."
Cousin Maggie and I sat on the couch and after we chatted for a moment about my life, she then gave me a long sermon about life's ups and downs and in between's. She was both hard on me and forgiving but the main thing was that she embraced me and showed me what's in store if I just hold tight to my dreams, work hard and always remember to take care of myself. Then she updated me on all the latest family news.
"Cousin Charlene had a rough time before she passed-"
"Oh?"
"Yeah, she slipped and fell inside her house then they took her to the hospital where she just refused all help. She argued with everybody and meanwhile back at her apartment they evicted her. We always wondered why Charlene stayed locked up inside her place so much. She probably had three bolted locks on her door. She didn't last long once they put her in a nursing home but they had to since she had no place to go. She was blessed with people that cared about her because everybody raised enough money once she was gone so that she'd have a beautiful funeral and a very nice casket."
"She's the last to go of my grandfather's brother's and sister's, huh?"
"Yeah, she was the last... I remember how the others left this earth one after the other so fast. I remember Rosetta and how she locked her eyes in a corner and then started making that death rattle. I sat in the other room just listening and I just knew she would be leaving us soon. Your grandfather was a proud man so he refused all visitors in the end except for you. I remember they snuck you in. You was just a little boy then."
"Yeah, I didn't stay long. He was curled up like he was cold but he kept saying my name. I never forgot that sound."
"It's good to see you..."
I took a long deep breath... "It's good to be here..."
"You staying long?"
"Nah, leaving tomorrow..."

The fires...

"Don't fan the flames of negativity..."

I've decided to get back to the positivity... I've got a whole series of posts that I would love to share about what I just been through.. The love, the beauty, the nightmare, the ugliness that now invades my day to day... She reaching out in threatening ways which is very sad. Accusing me of this and that when it's so unnecessary... Perhaps it's best to leave it alone and continue my successful direction so I will but I'm sure she'll say something in some kind of way soon and thus she will feel better?

Anyway, stay tuned to some beautiful pictures and other surprises around the corner... I've got so much to give and none of it has to do with attempting to ruin someone's life.. God bless her.... Peace...

The Devil In Someone's Heart

Love has come to this... she spends her nights calling my phone(s) constantly and now she's decided to send me text messages over and over; a silly attempt to harass me. An indication of a soul with too much time on their hands motivated by an ungliness inside their heart. The message she sends me; "LOST SOUL." Is she talking about me? I'm totally found and living a good positive life thanks to my decision to turn away from her. She puts out constant negativity. She speaks with curse words and mean-ness that she's picked up over the years because of how she's been treated. My love for her was complete unselfishness, taking on responsibilities that I shouldn't have and I guarantee you, no man in their right mind ever would or ever will. I sacrificed beyond the call of duty, buying her groceries, new clothes, getting her hair done, coming to the rescue all the time when she needed this or that for herself and in the meantime draining my funds, leaving my refrigerator empty, not buying anything new for me and only making sure to pay my bills. I carried a heavy load, doing it for love? Is that what love is supposed to be like? A never ending cycle of being on call, day and night to give and give until you can't give no more? I will forever love her daughters. I will miss them and pray that they live a beautiful life but I too must live my own beautiful life.. The life that was mine before though granted, she and I weren't all bad... I conveyed beautiful messages right here on my blog and back then it was amazing but that's before reality mixed with selfishness stepped in... Her constant need, needs, needing takes precedent over anything, anyone, any and all... Her needs include an addiction that she's not honest with that controls her mind, her emotions, her way of life... So, the devil in someone's heart continues and she tries to reach me with her ugliness but I won't respond.. I dont pick up, I dont answer... I simply move on and live my life and at the same time wish her well, pray for her and hope that she wakes up with the realization that she can do so much better for herself. And she warned me in the beginning but I didn't listen. She even suggested many times that I seek another who could be better for me; give me the 100% love that I deserved. Well, that's the direction I'm taking though first I would like to give myself that 100% love and attention. I was told that I was the best man to come into her life. The "best thing to happen to her." She even told me this and said many other things that let me know I'd touched her heart and soul but at this point I just want the best life for me as well as her but in doing so she and I could never be and for that I am grateful. There was a time when my heart would go nuts at the thought of losing her but now I am overjoyed to carry the strength which has allowed me to turn away, move on, look forward and to keep my belief in love still intact. I'm not looking for love anytiime soon but if it's there I wont run... However I will be careful and I wont make the mistake of being consumed thereby leaving friends, family, and dreams behind as I did with this needy soul that I became so involved with... A needy soul with enough baggage to fill LAX. I've got about 12 text messages waiting to be deleted... And she's found her way to my blog, leaving messages as LaughingProphecy or perhaps she's having someone write the words for her because her skills aren't really that good. She's telling me I'm spineless because I will delete her message so I'm gonna be that and do that... spineless(lost soul that I am) but again, I wish her the very best that life and love have to offer...Life is beautiful now and all my friends see the return of me when they look in my eyes...

Life....

Flying Under The Radar..

As my man Slish would say, I've been "flying under the radar" and doing my thing so to speak or whatever that is but I will be back soon with much to say... Life has been a HUGE lesson of late. I hope the one, two, three or four folks that show me much love and interest on here will return when I return... I'll be back and I'll feel blessed by anyone and every one's visit... Thanks in advance... Prayers are always appreciated... VAR

When do you know you're in a place where you belong? You feel happy, content, at peace, relaxed, you never want to leave, you feel safe, protected, you can breathe, you can move about freely with no constraints and all you think about is enhancing everything you see, including self and whomever shares this space with you... I witnessed this yesterday..The happiness, the contentment, the peace... I could see it in her eyes. I could see the difference between who she was when she'd awaken in such a good place and who she was later when not and having to deal with situations that require way too much strength; more than anyone should have to bear. She's amazing that way; a survivor... She's sacrificed and continues to sacrifice more than she should ever have to... She deserves a million years worth of non-stop happiness and all positive dream come trues awaiting at her doorstep each morning in baskets filled with beautiful tulips... In other words, yeah, she deserves the very best and that's a prayer that I send up daily! *smile*

Quiet man...

I don’t talk much but my mind is very active… My imagination carries me to a lot of places. Like a cloud floating over experiences; some I’ve had and some I imagine having. Everything from being the most sought after photojournalist to walking down the aisle with a certain someone... I’m not a man that jumps for joy but inside I feel joyous. I’m not a man that screams and shouts but there are moments when I want to. Sometimes I may even sound sad when I'm simply just very relaxed and happy to be in the moment... I’m very calm and not always easy to read via the expressions on my face. I don’t readily speak on how I feel at any given moment but I will share very easily if I’m able to grasp the words at that time. Seems like I dont do it that often; grasp the words and speak them verbally. It's not an easy flow for me like it is when typing on the keys or writing with a pen... I’m so used to thinking first, which means there’s typically a delayed reaction and when pressured to respond, I fumble with my words. I sometimes worry that my quiet nature will be so misunderstood that I lose the most important gift God has ever given or perhaps returned to me... LOVE...love...love... One thing I know how to do very well is love and giving is a strong part of that… I love to give and I’m in love right now; very much. This is who I am, a quiet man sometimes misunderstood though I’m always trying to learn and find ways to be understood. I'm a student of life. I can't know something until I've learned first...but love, I do know... I’ve also always possessed something that has been a blessing and a curse though more so a blessing in my mind... I’ve had my writing which has served as my outlet for anything on my mind and yet my writing seems to work hand in hand with the way that I am; a quiet man…

I think sometimes about why I’m so quiet. I don’t mind being this way but because it's often questioned, I wonder about it too. Most times I feel very at peace, looking at the world and observing all sides from the balcony of my quiet persona… I can take in the worst and the best without revealing my reaction… I can appreciate the most beautiful that walk this earth like the woman I’m in love with… I’m in awe whenever I see her in more ways than she may ever know... My reaction to this blessing I do reveal constantly because I dont believe I've ever gone more than five minutes at a time without thinking about how much I love this woman... Still, I look back on my life and wonder… During my childhood there were many times when I was told to shut-up and go into my room. If you talk with my uncle he’ll tell you how funny I was as a young teen and how I used to tell stories at night whenever he would sleep over. My uncle is only four years older than I so we basically grew up together like brothers. I would tell real funny, comical stories; making them up using my wild imagination and have him rolling around in laughter. Those were great times but in between those times there were moments with my father who would tell me to shut-up. It would kill my spirit and I’d always promise myself that if I were ever blessed with my own children, I would never prevent them from expressing themselves unless that child was doing something disrespectful. But if that child is being creative and happy, let that child be joyous... Back then I would go to my room and begin to escape into my imagination. I would learn to have fun without making a lot of noise. Learn to enjoy myself without really being seen or heard. Then there would be times when I’d be out with my father. I’d be so quiet and respectful that older folks would say “your son is so well behaved; such a gentleman…” It seemed like I was seeing some kind of confirmation that my father was right. So, quiet I remained… my personality shaping and me becoming who I became though it’s definitely not a bad thing and I don’t put it all on my father but yet and still, there’s probably something to it… And once again, me being the writer I have my outlet to express my thoughts…No, as I said, I dont always do it verbally like perhaps I should but this is me and all I can pray and hope for is to be loved for that reason... me being me... a good man.. My outlet being here right now, sharing what’s inside of me with anyone willing to perhaps listen to the words expressed on this page… Love and many thanks...

This man...

This man that loves you is one that's dreamt of belonging to you since the day we met 16 years ago. And then when we became separated in time he's carried a feeling of being suspended in air and taken through experiences which allowed him to grow up, become a better man, and be prepared for when he'd find you again. I believe in destiny and fate. I believe God has a plan and who am I to deviate from a plan designed to give us real happiness. A plan covered with love. The kind of love that I've always wanted to share and be a part of with someone; with you... I've never in my life looked at a woman and seen so much promise for an incredible future. I've never thought about God so much in my life before but when I see you, when I think about you, I feel more and more in his presence... I remember something once said by this actor named Avery Brooks back in the day as he spoke about a woman he was in love with. He said "a woman is the breath of the power of God." As I spend time with you, that statement rings true in more ways than I ever imagined... Who am I and why do I love you so much? I need an eternity to express every which way I'd like to answer those questions... I need a lifetime with you... There's no other place that I'd rather be... I can't imagine no other destiny than me belonging to you... God wants it that way and I am so grateful.

Vegas

Las Vegas... It was wild out there last weekend. I had a blast observing it all and getting in the middle of a couple parties and nonstop craziness.. I meant to write about it when I returned last Sunday but for some reason I just didn't feel that compelled to do so. I arrived in Vegas really early on friday morning around 9:30am after an all night drive that I actually enjoyed. They hooked me up with a room right away at the Monte Carlo. I had reserved it last year when they first announced that the NBA Allstar game would be in Vegas. I'd been looking forward to it ever since because I knew it would be a sight to see.. I never expected the amount of women that I saw.. Whoa, that town was filled with the finest, wildest, beautiful-est women you can imagine and then some... Seemed to me like the ladies out numbered the fellas but then again, my head was turning everytime I saw some fine lady and that was every half second. I ignored words like "there go Jay Z!" or "Jamie Foxx got a room up here somewhere.." or "checkout Kevin Garnett at that table..." Nah, I was amazed by the amount of women just parading around.

Anyway, all week long I've been hearing the reports about how things got out of hand in vegas. All the arrests, the fights, the stupidity in the stripclub, the foolishness in parties and nightclubs... I saw a lot of ignorance portrayed by everybody, all people of all colors but the reports I've been reading of late only points fingers at black folks. I heard they're considering taking the Allstar game to Europe next year.. I guess they figure all the rappers, bloods and crips, pimps and ho's and regular black folks ain't gonna buy a plane ticket to go out there! Nah, we probably wont but despite all the so called trouble, I bet Vegas still made a ton of money over last weekend...

But anyways, enough of that... The highlights for me last weekend were the incredible performance by Prince over at his club 3121. Whew.. talk about a blessed and abundantly talented brotha! he opened the show with an old obscure but personal favorite of mine called "Something In The Water" from the 1999 album and closed the show with some great guest performances by Will I Am, Natalie Cole and Celo performing Crazy with Prince's band. he never sounded better! I also love the way they slowly get the crowd going inside that club by having the DJ play a mix of tunes at a low volume. Then they increase the volume and the amount of songs until before you know it, you're watching a really cool live Prince video followed by the man himself coming onstage and blowing everyone away... He was all over the place interacting with the crowd and making a few ladies very happy by reaching into the crowd and pulling them up onstage himself. Incredible show...

Anoher highlight was the surprise conversation I had while waiting on the tram to take me from Mandalay Bay hotel to the Excalibur. I noticed these two brothas dressed in black suits. One had a hat on and I instantly recognized him. It made me proud to see him. It was Terry Lewis. Then all of a sudden I noticed Jerome Benton. For those not knowing, they are original members of The Time and of course you may remember Terry Lewis producing all those incredible hits with his partner Jimmy Jam. Without those two, janet ain't making no kind of musical noise... Jerome struck up a conversation with me after I jokingly said "why aint you over at the Rio?"(3121 club is there) He smiled and said "we been there a bunch of times.." After that we just had a real cool conversation as the tram took forever to get there. Those two were very down to earth people.

Other highlights included the various ladies who approached me thinking I was a basketball player, striking up nice conversations and making me feel like I had it going on. Ha haaa... *smile* It was cool.. I told them I was retired but still had the money... yeah, they laughed at me too... *smile* It was fun... I got in a lot of walking and had some bomb pina colada's at the Paris Hotel. It was hot in Vegas so those drinks came in handy... Other mentionable highlights also include the slamdunk competition and all the really cool exhibits and NBA stuff at the Mandalay Bay Hotel. It was a cool but wild time... Viva Las Vegas... I was actually glad to get out of there because by saturday night I was tired of it.. My vote is that they have the Allstar game in New Orleans next year!! Yeah!! Ha haa....

Life Meets Fiction Meets Life Finds Love...possible

Art imitates life and fiction is a dream in the making. Sometimes they collide, revealing the true essence and power of the human spirit. You ever willed something to happen? You dreamed about it or perhaps as the case with me, wrote a book about it? You ever made a mark on someone's soul and knew that one day they'd be a part of your life again when it was time and when you were ready? I question whether my life the past years has been preparation for this moment. I answer that question before I even finished asking it. The answer ripped right through the package of wonderment. Y-E-S I count my blessings. I never forget the past. I stay within the boundaries of wisdom. I step head first into this new chapter. I remain open to all possibilities as I bring from those years of preparation the courageous ability to say no when it's necessary. I am here for a certain someone to join me in happiness if she's ready, willing, and daring enough to step out of a situation and into bliss because the connection we share is what many will search a lifetime to find... It's all about this..right here.. be still and dont run away. Everything is possible...

Compliment of the year so far...

This is the compliment of the year so far as I received it from a very insightful woman from across the pond, representing sistahs all over the world from her home base in the United Kingdom, London..

"I feel that you are perhaps a very easy man to love but a difficult man to live with? I am sure you frustrate us women because of your quintessential feminine energy. It sure would rival the woman in us. And it is such a creative force, to be reckon with!!!"


Thank you Meserette. I'm looking forward to more frustrations..lol.. in a good way of course... Perhaps I'll be blessed by M..A.. Either way, this is a great journey...

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day to everyone that had a blessed day... Mine was very interesting.. I actually forgot to wish a certain person a very Happy Valentines day as I hugged her while standing in front of an elevator. The hug was special, familiar, forgotten because it's been perhaps 15 years since we were in each other's presence. Today was mindblowing to be reunited with someone from my past.. A very important someone.. She saw me first, coming down a hallway. I saw her too but I didn't recognize her from the distance. I was only thinking about how beautiful this lady looked wearing green. I didn't realize at the time who it was. Then as I walked past where she stood, she said my name and there she was.. wow.. still beautiful after all these years. She told me about her daughter who I also haven't seen in a very long time and hearing the great news that her daughter is doing so well expanded my heart. Her beautiful angel was always special to me. I dedicated my first novel to them both called Daughter By Spirit. This moment today made for a very special Valentines eventhough it lasted but a few minutes. It was incredible seeing you Pookie.. *smile* If my memory serves me correctly, you once told me that was your nickname.