V. Anthony Rivers

It's More Fun In The Philippines... yep.. :-)

2012-01-27T02:22:00.000-08:00

My yearly blessing has come once again for the third time. Three times- in the Philippines. They have a campaign going on right now to attract tourists called “More Fun In The Philippines.” I agree 100 percent with that idea though my reason may differ in depth. I mean, there are some gorgeous and stunningly beautiful scenery there but give me the hidden beauty of the small villages, the provinces with farmlands, the trees, the crowded town propers, and most of all, the people and you’ll find me having that fun they speak of. I went to Makati for the first time and it was beautiful. I could definitely see the growth and potential for more growth but hopefully not at the expense of the people... The SM mall, Glorietta, etc are enormous in size and have every store and restaurant you could wish for or imagine. A place of pure heaven for my love... Her eyes widened with excitement. But where do I truly get excited? In love's home province of Pangasinan! Let me eat some Lechon Manok, Rellenong Bangus and drink Sparkle or Royal soda. Puto in Calasiao. Hang with the beautiful children in the Rabon area of San Fabian, Pangasinan. More fun, yes! That’s where heaven is for me, especially since I get to enjoy all of this together with love. She’s my reason for this blessing in the first place... I'm so grateful. And what a blessing it was when she came up with the idea to feed the local kids after noticing how each day when I walked back to the house after visiting with them, I'd always have a few kids following me home. "Why not invite 25 or so and we can feed them.." she suggested. That 25 turned into 100 kids and a few mom's but that just made the experience so much more fun and they were all so kind and appreciative... We also gave away slippers for the children but we only had 37 pair after giving three pair to children standing outside the store that we purchased the slippers at. Maybe next time.. *smile* This trip was so special and it was capped off by the great 75th birthday celebration for love's mom and not to mention all the friends, classmates, and especially family that were there along with us... Bringing in the New Year in the Philippines. What an incredible way to start the year off... Thanks to love and thanks to the people we encountered each moment. Every hello meant something special.... Can't wait to go back!!

OccupyLA

2011-10-10T00:16:00.000-07:00

I'm lovin the power and energy of the movement that's going on right now. I've had the pleasure of going downtown to the Los Angeles version of what's going on in NYC and the Occupy Wall Street. I've heard about other cities across the country that have the same movement. It's pretty amazing. Sort of like the 60's again and it's definitely needed. Too much has happened and too many people have been asleep at the wheel of comfort, watching from the sidelines. And when you watch the politicians play childish games and debate trivial issues at the expense of lives, you wonder why is this allowed to happen. I'm glad to see what's happening with the various "occupations" and I pray something vital comes of all of it. For sure Washington is listening and watching but them actually doing something is a whole different thing. I don't believe the system will change or be overhauled so to speak but I do hope all this sweat, blood and energy will force things in the right direction and keep the so-called political leaders in check. I was also blessed to see Dr. Cornel West and Tavis Smiley speak at the OccupyLA site downtown and that was a real treat. I'll definitely make my way downtown again to capture more incredible moments like these... God Bless those good people sacrificing for everyone...

Overcast Dayz...

2011-09-16T19:59:00.000-07:00

Today was a beautiful, peaceful, overcast day. I was off from work so I decided to visit a couple of cemeteries where my mom and grandmother were laid to rest. Normally, it might take me an hour or and hour and a half to visit both locations but being that this is LA traffic on a friday, it took me twice that amount of time. Still, it was nice to visit and place flowers on their graves, say a few prayers and take in the moment. I sometimes wonder if other family visit as I feel that no one should ever forget and always pay respect to loved ones. I realize we all have our own ways and hold onto the belief that those spirits are perhaps with us all the time but nevertheless, I feel its important to still visit the places where we lay their bodies to rest. Just doing that today made it a special day but after that, LA traffic took away my motivation to do anything else.. I guess I'm not into driving too much like I used to be... God Bless mom and grandmother; Gloria Rivers and Alzata Moorings....

Back again for more...

2011-04-22T05:03:00.000-07:00

"When there's never enough time, you always look forward."
-VAR

There's an old saying that I hear from time to time when I least expect a moment of reminiscing and that is "if only they could see me now" or something to that effect. Usually when I hear that in my mind, I'm thinking about my mom. So many times I wish she were here to be a part of what has become so special in my life. I can recall many moments when she wished she could see and experience what it would be like to visit other countries. It didn't matter which one, though she did have at the top of her list, Great Britain, France, maybe China but if she were still around, she would've experienced the beautiful times I've had now in the Philippines. She would've gotten spoiled and amazed by her discovery and probably asked my love if she could simply stay in her house by the beach and do absolutely nothing. Out there she might miss her TV shows and especially her sports but she'd love the scenery and those delicious sausages every morning aka Longaniza.

Anyway, I say all that to say that recently I returned to the Philippines for my second visit. It was just as wonderful as the first time around. It felt again like home though this time my love and I just stuck around the home province rather than venturing off to other places like Boracay, Tagaytay, etc. This time it felt as if we were practicing being retired and in between all of that practicing was adventure, drama, baptism, lots of love, me sort of getting sick and gorgeous mornings followed by beautiful sunset filled evenings. Wow... watching a sunset every single evening never gets old. It was better than TV. And the highlight for me was the same as the first time around; the people. The kindness and endless smiles... This time, many of those smiles came from young children, especially those close by to my love's house. A stroll down the beach will find you in the middle of some wonderful people and the sweetest children who laugh, smile and wave at the mere sight of someone seemingly different from them. That someone being me. I had the greatest time just walking in the area, which was something that I wanted to do more so than anything on my return visit. I'm hoping for more of the same the next time we go. Again, I wish my mom could've been there. True, she's always with me in spirit but what an incredible time it would've been to hear her famous words of expression when she'd witness so much kindness from those that are seeing you for the very first time. She'd say "goodness!" and then she'd laugh in amazement.

I love the pride I see in the Philippines amongst everyone. I pray they never lose it or become jaded or take for granted that feeling which keeps them so positive despite the obvious poverty or lack of the so-called finer things. There was a lot of pride in the U.S. back in the day; a lot of smiles too. Now, you see anger, arrogance, a lack of caring, which sometimes gets the most attention. The spotlight loves that sort of thing in a strange way but nevertheless, it feels amazing when you come across pure goodness no matter what country you're in. And when it comes to the Philippines, I would say 95% of the time it's that kind of good feeling, at least so far... *smile* No doubt they have issues as we all have. As I said, there was drama on our trip; the kind that's controlled by man's inability to see what he has or to recognize the importance of time that goes away in a heartbeat. And many times, that drama got in the way; our way.

Pangasinan is such a great province to be in. I love the small towns and cities. To me, everything is there. All you could ever need with respect to food, fun and scenery. I'm amazed by all the various town fiestas that happen throughout the year and if you dont mind being out in the crowds, the heat and everything else then every day would be a party in those places like Mangaldan, Dagupan City, etc. I was hoping to find a really good spot where we could sit and do some people watching but we didn't discover that just yet. Next time, perhaps but it was still great.I could go on forever as the discovery continues even for me in memory. I think and imagine the times that my love and I have shared in her home country, including my very special baptism, which was something that my mother wished for and wanted to see even just before she passed away. She told me during those final days that it was her only regret. Looking forward to my next visit and the one of a kind special moment that will become the highlight.... Last year around this time we were in the final days of our vacation in the Philippines. Time is so fast but in memory, it lasts forever!

Just a day...

2011-04-17T00:57:00.000-07:00

Today seemed to be one of those days when my senses were heightened, I suppose. I mean, I could pick up on a lot of things, with respect to human behavior in this crazy town of LA. I haven't felt this since the best days of my writing when I was actively seeking these sort of moments. It was funny, it was weird at times, it was cool; each and every moment. I had planned several errands to take care of today and at first I was lazy. It's hot outside and I didn't want to leave the comforts of home. It took me a while to get out but after basically shouting at myself to get up and take care of business, I did just that. Had some bills to pay, buy some stamps, smog check, grocery store. Nothing major but still it needed to get done rather than to be put off and remain on my mind.

At the post-office when I walked in, I noticed several people standing with the arms folded, some tapping their feet and some taking in huge breaths. I knew then that, uh-oh, someone is taking forever and driving folks crazy. The post-office had three windows open and two of them had people who asked a million questions. They tried every angle they could to get out of paying too much money. One guy even brought a print out of the rules and regulations about priority mail shipping and tried to debate the person behind the counter. He kept underlining things and saying the clerk was wrong. At the other window was a woman who didn't understand the difference between international and domestic mail. She kept saying that when she mails things to New York its not that expensive. So the clerk said "but this is going to Germany, ma'am? International rates are different." They went back and forth and were still debating each other as I was leaving. And I was five people behind the other debating customer. That was a trip, especially to hear all the whispers, deep breaths, laughter, and maybe one or two people saying "I don't fricken believe this!"

The smog test place was cool. I was pleasantly surprised by the nice help, good atmosphere, and quick service. Not much to observe there except for the expensive price of sixty-five dollars but as I waited, I had a chance to say hello to my love, which of course is always a blessing and keeps me smiling...

Smart & Final was funny... The guy working there that brings in the carts had major attitude and when I approached the cart area to grab one, he gave me the evil eye but didn't make eye contact. He just stared at my shoes. I was gonna greet him and say hello but there was just too much weirdness going on there. Haha.. Anyway, inside the store as I browsed the aisles this guy with a great southern accent greeted me as he was searching for his coffee. He explained to me the differences price-wise with the coffee and he was right. He pointed to this tiny bag of flavored coffee that cost over twelve dollars and then showed me the seven dollar, very large bag of regular coffee that he had and smiled. "Ya see what I mean?" He wished me a nice day and a great weekend and when I said to him to have a great weekend too, he responded with a very hearty "YESSS!! I will certainly do that!" He had me feeling happy just to be in the store... Haha Haha... Then I must say, it was funny to hear this guy talking on his cellphone. I usually try to ignore or getaway if I can from folks who talk way too loud on their cellphones but this guy was funny as he said to the caller "I can't hear you right now, I'm walking past the aisle with the pancakes and muffins so its probably screwing up the coverage. Can you hear me now!?!?!" Several of us laughed that were standing in the area...

So, that was about an hour and a half of my day... It's nice to know that my antenna still works as I still believe every moment of our lives is important, even the most trivial because there's a story waiting to be told everywhere. And as I was returning to my car at Smart & Final, I saw the cart guy again, he still gave me the evil eye but he looked up and almost smiled but I guess it's just not cool in his mind to be nice rather than weird.. *smile* Such is life.... at least out here..

Last Sunday...

2011-04-08T04:46:00.000-07:00

Time is so unforgiving because it flies by without giving you much time to reflect or to absorb and observe each moment to the fullest. Seems like the days, nights; the hours and minutes zip by a lot faster than many years ago when it felt like days would last forever. They say it’s because when you’re older, that comes with the territory; time flying by. I used to agree with that but several times I’ve even heard some that fall under the category of being “young,” curse the days because they went by so fast.

“School again! What happened to the weekend; dang!”

This is why I try not to do as we all have done; fall into that groove of taking each day for granted. Do I ever take it for granted? “Sometimes” is the answer as everyone is guilty, including me. It’s another reason why I try to appreciate each moment with love and to feel so grateful when she spoils the heck out of me; which she does constantly. And this past trip we took to her home in the Philippines, though we didn’t do a lot of “exciting things” nevertheless it was beautiful and wonderful. It was like a pre-cursor to being retired together and not having a care in the world, which was almost the case due to some drama from a swindler (first initial ‘D’”) and some land issues and some umm, spirits visiting, but that’s a long still in development story. *smile* The bulk of our time there was fabulous.

Anyway, my main reason for writing this was/is to pay tribute and respect to not only the passing of a wonderful lady but also the beauty of a tradition that I believe should be practiced by everyone. I’m speaking of the tradition of celebrating the 40th day after the passing of a loved one. It gives you a chance not only to pray for their soul but to also gather and keep strong, the bond between family. That’s a moment that should never go un-appreciated. This past Sunday was the day for such a celebration in memory of Emiliana Perez; the grandmother of my love. I looked forward to it because I knew it would be plenty of smiles, laughter, great food and just an overall special time. I enjoy even just the voices that I hear. They remind me so much of the voices I'd hear from my Texas family on my father's side back in the day. The similarities are interesting. I could visualize not only stories from what I hear but great memories; both in the past and in the making... I also enjoy the handshakes; seeing my hero Julius *smile* and gazing at my love and the closeness she shares with her two sisters. Their bond makes you smile and their laughter is contagious. And, not to mention, their beautiful mom continuing on in the tradition of Emiliana. Truly a great family. 40 days, I can’t believe have already gone by! Just like with my mom, I can't believe the time since her passing so much that I hate counting just how long its been...

Still...

2011-02-09T01:50:00.000-08:00

As Valentines Day approaches, I'd like to make mention of my grandfather, who remains an inspiration to me after so many years and even decades since his death. I continue to think about him and perhaps feel his presence. I even remember his voice not only during the good times when he'd smile and take me around the small town of Mt. Pleasant Texas but also the time when my parents snuck me into the intensive care area of the hospital to see him one last time. He was curled up in bed and in a lot of pain due to stomach cancer. He said my name as I walked in the room and his voice stuck with me ever since. From that moment, I never forgot the love, just as I've never forgotten the inspiration and dream set forth by his love for my grandmother. I've always prayed, wished, hoped for the same sort of love that I knew would be possible if I could be placed in that moment to where I stood face to face with a special someone who could give and receive the same sort of love that I believe could exist between two people. I've seen it in action thanks to my grandparents. Passionate, respectful, sweet, endearing, always caring, prideful and true.... LOVE... Yes, I found that in someone who not only reminds me of my grandmother but also my mother. And it makes me feel the same sort of thing that I believe my grandfather felt when I'd see him in his favorite rocking chair, smiling with so much pride flowing from his heart and beginning from the deepest part of his soul... My grandfather was always in love until the very end and my guess, they're up there in heaven, celebrating Valentines Day all the time. Love always has the potential of being truly amazing. And when I think of my grandfather, that's when I realize love IS amazing.. Happy Valentines Day to my grandparents and especially the love of my life.... it's a blessing that should never be taken for granted..

Happy New Year Review..

2011-01-12T03:19:00.000-08:00

"It's one of those things where if you let it, it'll make you a better person.." I remember this guy telling me one time as we sat in a dark club with music pounding; money and drinks flowing everywhere. This was back in the early part of the last decade when I would frequent a local stripclub and became a noticeable regular. They pretty much knew what I would drink or eat without me having to order. Those days are interesting now as I look back on them; a sort of habit of the moment, at the time... That period in my life seemed to go hand in hand with what I look at now as being somewhat superficial fun. Age and maturity I guess does that to you. I mean, the jerseys over some jeans and Timberland boots. The chain around the neck. The nice watch and large amounts of money to waste and toss in the air. I did too much of that but it was fun- at the time. I was basically living in the moment, impressed by what seemed to appear as cool until noticing I’d become a caricature what was in. Then there were those nights when I’d run across actual good conversations, enlightening moments, and times that ended up as inspiration for what I would write about later. And occasionally, there are times when those voices from the club come to the forefront of my mind. Just the other day as I sat wondering what I would write about for my year end review, I couldn’t think of much to say. I struggled with this tradition I created for my blog... 2010 went by so fast and ended without any sort of feeling that, wow! It’s time to scream Happy New Year!! I didn’t feel like screaming but instead just wanted to relax and feel good because I had a three day weekend to enjoy with family and my love who makes every day, celebration in the deepest sort of way. 2010, where did it go and what happened? I don’t remember much except the end as my love had to go through the unexpected experience of losing her father. It hasn’t been a good feeling to see her go through it but at the same time, its been a blessing to be there by her side and to also be a part of such a great family that comes together and supports each other. And as that voice from the club re-entered my mind, I remembered that particular conversation was about adversity; the ups and downs of life. I remember this guy loved to speak in a serious but reflective tone for a moment and follow that with a satisfied smile. His satisfaction almost seemed like discovery as if he were surprised by the wisdom that accompanied his voice. Adversity, life changes, loss, and even the best of times can teach a great deal, if you let it but it’s those down times that cut the deepest and stain you with some sort of realization. The key is to pay attention and not allow it to knock you off your feet. You might trip but try not to fall. I don’t want to say 2010 represented adversity because it didn’t. It just ended with loss but for the most part, it was decent. The best part was my trip to the Philippines and the day to day, moment to moment love that I’m blessed to share with someone so special. She makes me feel like it's finally alright to love someone passionately... Other than that, each day blended into the next and at work, it was all about change, preparation, and vice verse. 2011 will probably be more of the same but with any luck, it’ll be highlighted by great times, adventures, and escapes from the day to day. So, I say Happy New year and just like every year now since late 2009, I miss my mom and pray she’s watching over me with pride.

Follow up tribute..

2010-12-16T02:10:00.000-08:00

I’m old enough to have been blessed with the kind of experiences where I never feel like I’m missing out when it comes to the wild, the crazy, or the sort of experiences of today that are considered the “in” thing to do. What I miss is the potential of what could’ve been and how special the potential long lasting memory would feel like after having gone through it. Such is the case when I think about Mr. Narciso Peralta. The funeral has come and gone. He is missed especially by his daughters, his son, his wife and grandchildren. And I miss him very much too. It makes me question time and why things happen when they happen. Though he lived a full and wonderful life, I wish God could’ve given him many more years so I could enjoy his presence a little longer.

After experiencing my first trip to the Philippines last year, I placed within my heart a new dream to look forward to that would coincide with the dream that I experience every day. Like when I see my love’s smile or hear her voice or rest my head on her shoulder. My new dream and it may sound simple to others, but I truly looked forward to that day when I could hangout on the front porch with Narciso in San Carlos, Pangasinan in the Philippines and also going walking with his wife, Myrna to the market or to church; anywhere as long as I could experience what to me would feel really nice and special. I’m a strong believer in moments and how much they can potentially mean to your life, though it’s probably human nature to waste time and not realize the greatness of what you have. As I’ve grown older, I’ve gotten better at appreciating what means the most and what I can carry with me regardless of where I travel. That sort of thing is carried within the heart and soul, filed under experience and hopefully exuded through some kind of wisdom that allows you to see and actually care about all that you’ve endured. Right now, this is a moment to endure because the pleasure that I could’ve received had that simple dream been allowed to come true would have been enormous. Not to mention the blessed occasion of seeing Narciso and Myrna enjoy their golden wedding anniversary and all the smiles, laughter, and togetherness of the family. Wow, it would’ve been the ultimate in good times.

Sadly, reality is a different story and dreams have to climb in the backseat sometimes. There will still be incredible moments and a lot of love shared amongst family but the presence of Narciso will be missed a great deal. His memory however, will be treasured forever… He’s gone too soon... Another one of those, “life ain’t fair” moments.

Narciso Peralta

2010-12-04T23:53:00.000-08:00

God took with him another great one from this world. But this man leaves behind one of the most incredible families to ever exist on this planet. I'm sure he feels proud though he left too soon because I was looking so forward to many more smiles, great stories and blessings on the front porch. I will miss Narciso Peralta very much but the little time that I've had in his presence will carry me a long way in memory. And each one of those memories makes me smile. I was just wishing he could be there for the special days ahead and what a thrill it would've been to sit with him on a porch somewhere in the Philippines. I imagine he'll simply be there in spirit and I look forward to that moment. For now I pray he watches over his beautiful family and guide them from heaven. Rest in peace and in love..... always....

Shining Moment...

2010-12-02T01:32:00.001-08:00

I had a nice shining moment today. I was honored at work with what they call the Presidential Award. I felt like Obama with my nice new suit purchased at the Hollywood Suit Outlet for a nice low price.... *smile* The moment was nice. I was honored and touched. As always, missing my mom and wishing she could've spent that moment with me but as they say, she's watching down on me with pride. If there had been a moment of words given to us who received this award, would've definitely raised the trophy in her honor. Nevertheless, I was blessed to share the moment with friends and my love who keeps me shining from within, always.... So, cheers to the moment!

What's the curve on this midterm?

2010-11-04T03:34:00.000-07:00

"In a perfect world where America is sincere about helping or even allowing Obama to do good things for this country, everything would surely be alright for everyone or at least headed in that direction. Right now, direction is about as sure as a coin toss."

Leftcoast Sanity

2010-10-30T12:54:00.001-07:00

I hungout on a Saturday morning checking out the "Rally For Sanity" put on by John Stewart. Or, I should say, a smaller version of it held in Los Angeles. It was okay... I'm not sure if it inspires sanity but hopefully the overall effect of it inspires folks to go to the polls and vote intelligently. The event here in LA looked like there was maybe a little over 100 folks in MacArthur Park; all watching a slightly large projection screen that broadcasted the actual rally held in Washington DC today. It looked like a pretty amazing event to experience live in person. I've always wondered what it would be like to stand in the Washington mall and witness a sea of people as far as the eye can see. I heard a report stating that this event today was "this generation's Woodstock." Yikes! *smile* Respectfully, I dont think so. A major event. A pretty cool idea, but a couple hours can no way equate to 3 days of a life changing, true representation of the culture during that time. This event will fade away. Woodstock; we will forever continue to watch the movie and be amazed by what went down... Still, I think John Stewart has something to be proud about. I wish the turnout in LA was larger and with a greater representation from all that make up this huge city but nevertheless, it was cool... Now, time to vote...

And Then...

2010-10-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

and then it was Grandma's turn as she waited for her bus to heaven. In the end, her strength was all but zapped from her completely. She couldn't communicate, she couldn't walk, she couldn't do for herself, and she couldn't even understand completely when her son passed away before her. As much as it might seem ideal to be able to avoid pain and sorrow, I think an individual misses out when one doesn't feel and experience the whole gamut of emotions... Perhaps later on she understood. After she was wheeled in front of the casket, she became a little more quiet. After she'd seen the tears rolling down my face, she kept her head down. And when she was brought home, she didn't eat much... And then three years later on this day(Oct. 23rd) grandma passed away. Senora Mae Rivers. I'm grateful her beautiful spirit remains and the many lessons in life that she taught me through example and pride....

Another anniversary..

2010-10-12T14:25:00.001-07:00

Time is like a double edged sword. It flies by and leaves behind moments of loss yet at the same time when it's good, it serves as foundation for something really special like the love I share with someone that gets more and more incredible because it's so real and so right... Anyway, last October 3rd marked the 12th year anniversary of my father's passing. It's mindblowing how much time has passed and how the so-called life journey has unfolded since then. And as I get older and relive memories in my mind, they become much more powerful as if I were stepping back in time. It's a weird feeling now to the point where I have to physically shake myself to snap out of the memory. Maybe that's how it is when you get older. And as another anniversary passes, I'm thinking I no longer have to say rest in peace to my father but rather, continue in peace and I hope all is wonderful where you are...

40 Years...

2010-09-18T03:06:00.001-07:00

It's mindblowing that it's now been 40 years since Jimi Hendrix passed away. September 18, 1970. It would be many years later that I would learn about him and discover his art and I can pretty much recall the many times that I did discover something new, starting with the times I would just see his image on an album cover and wonder who he was. Then there was many years when I denied his music because I bought into the whole stereotype of being black, which meant you really shouldn't be into so-called "rock" music but that's silly... I was uninformed and not simply following whatever tickled my soul in a musical, artistic way. Then I embraced Hendrix music and loved his style, creatively, artistically.. His passion for what he did and/or wished to do. His struggles were obvious. so much pressure thanks to the world around him/us and who really knows what or how the drugs played a part in it. I've seen articles saying he did everything in sight and other articles saying his reported drug use was overly exaggerated. Either way, what's most important is his contribution to the world of music and how what he left behind has kept his spirit alive for decades after he's gone. People still talk about him. People wear his image on t-shirts and other garments, tattoos, etc etc... Artists influenced by his style, his music, his musicianship, etc... His voice is heard somewhere in this world every day and night.. Axis Bold As Love, Hey Joe, Wind Cries Mary, Little Wing, Machine Gun, Power Of Soul, Angel, Manic Depression, Castles Made Of Sand.. the list goes on and on... Songs that will keep him forever around...

Blasts From The Past..

2010-09-12T03:12:00.001-07:00

These images bring good times to mind. That's the blessing about capturing moments, which later serve as reminders of where you've been, traveled, and ultimately wish to return to. There's one image that represents a time that I will never be able to return to. The image in which I'm standing on a fence on land which once upon a time belonged to my family. Sometimes I wish I still owned it and other times I realize that everything happens for a reason and; it happens when it's supposed to. That image represents the first time after my father passed away that I visited the farm and was met with the challenge of taking care of not only it but also my grandmother who was still alive then. I had a lot of help because my mom was also still alive. She kept me strong during what was a really tough time. One of those crossroads of life. I remember setting the timer on my little camera(pre-digital days) and running to jump on the fence to strike a pose. I stood tall and proud and I wondered, what was next in life...

The image of the colorful vehicle represents one of the first things I saw when love and I went to the Philippines. It was an exciting and curious moment. I was like "whoa, this is cool." In my mind, I felt like I was in photography heaven because in every direction I found the coolest things to capture with my camera. And as we drove further along I'd see the most interesting people along the way. It was the beginning of a journey and a moment in time that spoiled me beyond belief... I have no doubt the second time around will be even better. The challenge is making that happen and hopefully soon...

The image of the man represents when I went to Atlanta to visit a home that I owned there at the time. It was also one of those moments in my life that I wasn't most proud of because I was escaping a bad time in my life after allowing poor decision making to stir me in the wrong direction; pursuing unrealistic dreams with the worst kind of people pulling me down. Getting away to Atlanta by way of stopovers in Texas and Louisiana was a reminder of what I loved so much; photography. As I sat in a downtown park in Atlanta, I saw this man on the verge of walking right past me. I didn't have time to raise my camera all the way up, aim, focus and shoot so instead I lifted my camera slightly and snapped the shot really quickly. I prayed that I captured him in the shot and had no clue until I viewed the image later that evening. My discovery is what you see. I was excited. That excitement took me away from any and all problems or stress that I had in my life at the time. That was magic.

Finally, the image of the bed and the ocean outside the window was pure heaven. It was what my first morning in the Philippines looked like. And the feeling was pure magic, lots of love for SHE is the reason why heaven existed and still exists, and the best part that warms my heart was the sounds of roosters crowing in one direction mixed with the sights and sounds of the ocean outside. (a reminder of how I grew up during summer visits to Texas. No ocean but sounds of roosters) All I could think and feel was that I'd been blessed with the best of both worlds thanks to the love of my life. Her home in the Philippines is simply amazing and what could possibly be better than to have two people in love, surrounded by love, enjoying an incredible breakfast of longanisa, eggs, garlic rice, delicious pancakes, great coffee, and fresh mangos... It truly was heaven in more ways than I'd ever thought possible... the only thing missing was being able to call my mother and tell her what an incredible time I was having. Instead, I had to believe that somehow she was there in spirit with me or perhaps watching down on love and I from heaven above...

Most of this is written somewhere on this blog but tonight I had to revisit these moments in time. I happened to be browsing thru old images and these stood out... Life is truly an amazing journey, through all the good and bad... ups and down... crossroads and high times.... it is whatever it is....

Weekend of Anniversaries..

2010-08-29T22:46:00.000-07:00

Emmett Till was abducted and later killed after whistling at a white woman. 1955
Barack Obama accepted democratic nomination, 2008.
Police clashed with anti-war demonstrators in Chicago, 1968
I Have a Dream Speech, August 28, 1963
Hurricane Katrina 2005
Beatles played their last major concert in Candlestick Park.
Lets Go Crazy by Prince released in 1984
Michael Jackson birthday.. August 29, 1958

Everyday this past week I kept hearing about an anniversary of some major event. It was mind blowing just to hear each one and how far or not so far this country has gone... And each story would be amazing to sit and relive via book or movie created in its honor... There's an event this weekend that I hope gets swept under the rug but sadly the news will cover it nonstop and the silliness of it will be covered extensively on Ed Shultz and Keith Olberman's show... God Bless America and it's incredible history...

Gen. Powell said it best...

2010-08-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

It's a real shame this debate and all the subsequent protests, talks, airtime filling up news channels. All this anger continues to flood life's airwaves at the moment. I often wonder if the destiny of Obama's presidency was/is to bring to light the fact that America has simply had a bandaid over it's deep wound of racism all this time... No longer hidden, no longer disguised, no longer waiting outside the backdoor... it's here and on display.. the world is watching and probably laughing... I also thought religious conviction breeds a certain peace, understanding and empathy... This image/portrait that Gen. Colin Powell mentions in his comments should be held up high for all to see, especially those who carry so much anger based on perception rather than fact or reality...

Overall this moment doesn't seem so teachable as much as it appears to be an affirmation of the way things are...

The Lack...

2010-08-14T02:07:00.000-07:00

“A lack of communication is the key to so much misunderstanding”

I often wonder why so many choose that route when it comes to their direction each day. What’s the motivation there? I know of two individuals in my workplace who use to greet me all the time. I’ve known them both more than ten years, just to throw a figure out there yet in this year they’ve taken it upon themselves to no longer speak to me, greet me, etc. Not that I mind. (laughter follows) I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything… But, as someone who likes to sit back and take note of various personalities and ways of life; I find the whole thing fascinating because there’s no reason for it. There’s been no arguments, no unkind words, not even conversation taken out of context. It’s just a scenario of wake up one day and notice poked out lips mixed with apprehension everytime you’re in the vicinity. Imagine the difference if there was communication? "Foolishness is a hard explanation to find," I once heard. So instead, I encounter like today for example; one of the poked-out-lip squad walking in the opposite direction, coming my way. She leaving work and me coming into work. She commences to stiffen her neck, hold her head straight, eyes pointed forward, maybe even holding her breath… It was funny looking from my vantage point; the ultimate in silly, unnecessary behavior. I wanted to laugh but instead I played the game too, though I looked at her because I wanted to see how long she could hold the stiff neck position. Actually, now that I think about it, the above quote has no merit in this situation only in that this person is not really someone I see or converse with on the regular so I feel like she would have no right to display such attitude but some folks fall into that other category. The one with a strong odor of ignorance. The one spelled out in two words, sometimes hyphenated and sometimes not. First word begins with an ‘A’ and the other an ‘H’.

What a wonderful thing..

2010-07-26T12:34:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful thing, love is.. I was listening to this song(Al Green) today and it immediately took me back... Not too far, though. Mentally and heart-fully, if you will, it took me back to this past weekend when I was feeling so lucky and blessed each time I looked over at a certain someone who truly in every sense of the phrase, "makes my life complete." She does. I always long to have her near. To touch her. To hear her voice. To wake up and see her smile. It's something very special happening all the time.. I always wish it had happened sooner but as always, gotta write it off as being the way it's supposed to be. God's will in good time, as it should be sort of thing... As I always say to her.. "wow!"

2010- Twenty-Ten

2010-07-10T02:15:00.000-07:00

My all time number one, numero uno artist, musician, performer, creative being of all time and forever has a new collection that I have to make mention of because it's super hot! I'm excited for Prince. I mean, I'll admit to being a little disappointed in recent past with respect to some of the recordings he's made, the productions, the songs, etc though he never disappoints live. He blows everybody out of the water when it comes to live performance and playing his instruments, etc.. but right now? His latest CD is hot!!! The songs take you back to better more interesting times when he was on the lips of everybody who claims to be in the know of "Pop Culture." Prince never went anywhere so I hate to use that cliche' of "he's back" so I'll just say that what he's rockin right now is super hot-hot-hot! I hope people show love and support and I wish him the world... :-)

Surf's Up On A Fourth Of July!

2010-07-05T00:13:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July weekend! Not much to report for my fun in the sun except plenty of eating, most notably the 14 hotdogs that were delicious!! Had some fabulous BBQ ribs, some pasta with garlic shrimp made by my love and some other goodies that she threw together... Did some shopping with family and took these cool shots of surfers on the first day of this holiday weekend.. Other than that, not much going on... writing inspiration has been slow but love remains constant so that's always wonderful..

Still touching hearts...

2010-07-01T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'm blessed and humbled by the mere fact that a story I wrote like a million years ago is still out there not only getting read but also finding its way into people's hearts... Honestly, I think I wrote the story back in 1998 or 99? I just know it came after a couple of trying moments in my life with respect to love and before a couple more moments that would rock my world as the lessons I'd learn previously went forgotten... But, the second time became the charm and I've awaken from it with something that I knew could exist without all the drama, frustrations, silliness, anger, negativity, foolishness, etc etc. True love fits nowhere inside that puzzle.. Anyway, I'm speaking of my story called Love Is 2 Blame, which is included in the ZANE anthology, Love Is Never Painless. I was truly blessed to be apart of that collection and to even have been asked. I'm no longer blessed to be apart of the Zane collection of authors mostly due to misunderstanding and direction but I am truly forever grateful to have had the opportunity as I've always been about simply creating something that could touch hearts and inspire thought. This story about love and exposing the inner thoughts of a man going thru a breakup has seemed to have connected with many. As recently as yesterday, I received yet another email praising the story and its character's. This particular reader (Christine) related mostly to the character of Shaylisa who was basically the heartbreaker of the story. The young lady with her own agenda and lack of concern for anything that doesn't result in her getting what she wants. Love is just a tool rather than a blessing or a gift to be cherished and developed into the ultimate... Christine wrote that the character of Malcolm(the one who's heart is broken) reminded her of her boyfriend. Ahhh well.. *smile*

Anyway, it's been more than ten years and that short story is still touching hearts.. Hmm.. I dont know, maybe it should be deemed a "classic" like Love Jones.. ha ha.. *smile* Either way, I'm as I said, blessed and I'm hoping that one day my story(Until Again) which I've talked about for years and years before can achieve the same classic impression as it is the love story that tops everything in my opinion.. *smile* Thanks to anyone who has read Love Is 2 Blame...

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T00:14:00.001-07:00

It's been more than ten years since my father passed, but his presence and spirit remain in my heart and in memory. I remember everything about him and even his voice. I've come to appreciate his creativity a lot more. His photography was pretty cool, his business and going after it was great, and his talent as a carpenter/builder was pretty amazing.. I guess I inherited the creative side along with the love for traveling. I wish I could do that carpentry stuff and I wish I had his drive when it comes to starting your own business and hustling to make it work. Dad was good at that. He had his ups and downs and even went through a couple moments where he trusted the wrong folks and got burned financially as a result. That too we have in common... I miss his presence and wish he could've stuck around longer.. I think as I've grown older, he and I would've probably had a lot more to talk about on many different levels but the cards of life are played in ways you cant control but if you look beyond yourself, you can probably figure out why... My father loved using that old expression from the seventies; "far out!" when impressed by something. I think if he saw my photography work, he'd probably be using that expression all the time. Happy Father's Day, Dad... see you in memory again, soon...

Happy Juneteenth

2010-06-19T10:27:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days when I wish I was in Texas, on the farm, grilling some hotdogs and chasing it down with a long tall glass of red soda water.. *smile* Or in most cases, we would dust off an old looking bottle of Dr. Pepper. Times like these were incredible back in the day though as always, we don't appreciate it enough until it becomes a memory.

For those that don't know about Juneteenth and the major celebration that goes on, especially in Texas.. This day commemorates the announcement of the abolition of slavery in Galveston, Texas, on June 19, 1865 — two years after President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation. For whatever reason, Texas got the news late.. Some say they killed the messenger along the way but its amazing, the history of this country and how much lies beneath us as foundation for where we are now. But as we forget, move on and move forward, its sad that much of the blood sweat and tears of our foundation goes forgotten. There's a lot of kids out there that have no clue and many grown ups who don't want to hear anything about what once was so long ago.. Required viewing for everyone should be Alex Haley's Roots, Once Upon A Time When We Were Colored, and the Jane Pittman Story. I'm old enough to remember back in the day when Roots was on every night and all families from coast to coast were glued to the television. News shows would do stories on all the gatherings that people had as they sat and watched each episode of Roots. That was a really special time.. Anyway, Happy Juneteenth Celebration! Major props to Leimert Park in Los Angeles for throwing a big Juneteenth celebration and God Bless my grandparents on my mother's side. I visited their grave today. It's always important to pay homage and never forget no matter how great the loss...

Look Beyond Shadows Of Doubt

2010-06-18T04:01:00.000-07:00

Look Beyond Shadows Of Doubt by V. Anthony Rivers | Make Your Own Book

June 8, 2010

2010-06-08T13:11:00.001-07:00

Amazing.. that time thing again... it moves so fast and today marks that one year anniversary of the passing of my mom, Gloria Ann Rivers. I can't believe how fast it went but I always thought about how I would feel when this moment would come. I miss my mom and never stop thinking about her... That's a day to day blessing and a pleasure.. I never imagined she would be gone this soon.. I was hoping she would at least live to be in her eighties. I even thought she would outlast me. There were at least two to three times where that almost came to be but someone else I suppose had the plans already drawn out; moving things in the direction to where we'd learn our greatest lessons in life... I wish my mom would've expressed many of her thoughts as she came to the end but she held on and just worried mostly.. Me? I've learned and learned some more... picking up life lessons along the way that make me mad while at the same time wake me up. I can see clearly.... most times... And then I look to the blessings, especially love who blows me away with her thoughtfulness and caring. She puts forth the energy and thoughtfulness for telling me to make sure I acknowledge my mom's passing and visit her grave, etc.. She shows love and respect for mom's memory... That's an incredible thing. It leaves me in such appreciation for what I have now and the struggle it took to get here. The life lessons... So, here we are, a year gone by leaving behind memories that I'll never forget. Even those images that burn in your mind that you wish you could remove like looking closely at my mom's face, listening for her breath and realizing that she was gone. Then a few hours later seeing her body carried out of the house in a white body bag and knowing that just a month or two prior she was still able to drive and was more concerned about me having my favorite frozen yogurt which she found on sale at Ralph's grocery store... Time.... its fast and we take it for granted always... My visit to the cemetery was peaceful and this morning was a perfect backdrop to a time spent reflecting.. The weather was cloudy and grey. The temperature cool.. Not many around though from the looks of my mom's resting place, there's been a lot of people passing on recently and many visitors leaving behind beautiful flowers in their memory. I cleaned the area where my mom is and placed a few flowers. I reflected for a moment and then went to the church where her service was held. Unfortunately, the doors were locked. I sat outside and just enjoyed the breeze... I felt... okay.. Then I felt proud that I at least began this day doing something my mom always did and was proud of. I voted in the same polling place she always did... It felt like a milestone... time...

A Catch Up Moment

2010-06-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't "blogged" in a minute. Time seems to be flying and in the process, I've been lazy; moving at a snails pace though my mind races like crazy as it always does... Thinking, imagining, wishing, dreaming, praying, appreciating, loving.. I'm feeling proud about my book on the Philippines. I think it's a beautiful reflection not only of the people, the country but most importantly for me..... Love... I can't say enough about the time I/we spent there and look forward to the next time...

Jump ahead to today... my first day in a couple weeks of not being lazy... Nope.. I got my butt up this morning. Took the car into the shop.. Ouch! Huge bill coming... but I expected that sort of financial damage just not that much!! I think I punished myself today as I usually do when I know a visit to the dealer is gonna lighten my wallet. I walked home.. It's probably a five mile or more walk. A good long walk is great for the soul, great time for thinking and watching the world.. I had my music playing on the iPhone and before I knew it, I was home... I took a quick breather and then decided it was time to do some yard work. I was in the backyard kicking up dust and dirt. I was reminded how this time last year I had the garden in the back looking incredible because I wanted something visually beautiful for my mom to see though she couldn't because she was struggling to stay alive.. Her last days and I could feel it but I still did what I could and kept the garden watered. She did get to see it a few times before she was completely bedridden... What a rough time that was. And then time flew by and here we are again... All I can wonder is what's next and all I can actually do, is make the best of even the worst when its necessary... Thank God for strength and the will to keep on keepin' on as they say....

Brand new book thang.. :-)

2010-05-22T03:24:00.000-07:00

Random Discoveries by V. Anthony Rivers | Make Your Own Book

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T00:18:00.001-07:00

Wow, this will be my first Mother's Day without my mother actually here in the flesh. I can definitely feel her spirit. I've had dreams of her recently in the last month or two. She's smiling in each one. I've seen her (in my dreams) sitting with my grandmother and both appear happy and at peace. It's a welcome vision from the last time I saw her-here... I will never ever forget last year, especially during this time as the changes in her mind and body began to happen quickly. The inevitable became more and more visible and I had to recognize that she wouldn't be here. It was a time when I had to reach for a kind of strength that I didn't know I had. The good thing about this blog is that I can look back to May of last year and see what was on my mind. It was a lot of reminiscing going on. A lot of wishing I could turn back the clock. I still wish that and many times as I discover new joys in my life, I wish even harder that my mom was still here. The other day I was thinking about two things introduced to me by the love of my life. Two things that I would love for my mother to enjoy. One is this dish called Rellenong Bangus, which is "stuffed milk fish." The taste is sooooo delicious and just the texture of the food reminds me of something my mother would enjoy eating like crazy. Then there's the trip that I took, of course to the Philippines and spending time at Love's beautiful place on the beach. My mother was crazy about Love(Lorna) and she probably would've smiled with so much pride to see such a beautiful place. She would've said "wow!" and "oh my goodness!" many times and when I was there, I did have one dream of my mother. It was quick like a flash... She was smiling... Maybe in spirit she's enjoying all of this too... And seeing me blessed with this kind of real, special and truly supportive love probably has her feeling completely at peace... probably another reason why in those dreams I see her smiling... I also remember this time of the year as a time I would struggle, trying to figure out what the perfect gift would be. I had to work extra hard because the following weekend is always her birthday. Sometimes she'd try to let me off the hook so to speak by announcing that once again she'd be going to Las Vegas with my aunt Tamer for her birthday weekend. That being said I would buy her one of those gigantic extra large greeting cards for effect and place inside of it some money to use for gambling in Vegas. That seemed to always please her but then again, she's a mother and mother's are special... *smile* Happy Mother's Day..

The Most Unique Gift Of All

2010-04-21T14:38:00.001-07:00

"We don't have forever to get it right but for those of us blessed with time, we can at least learn how.."

Life affords us so much that many dont take into account. In my mind, my opinion, it seems better to stack the chips of experience rather than marvel at the size of the bank account. Money is nice too, don't get me wrong. I could use a healthy sum and put it to use in the name of heaven about 12 hours flight away from here.. But anyway, today as I was doing some much needed chores inside and around the house, my mind drifted... I was thinking about "time" and faith, not in the religious way though it all comes out in a spiritual way to some degree. It's like time/life affords us the gift of learning and its not free. It cost everything you can ever imagine and everything you can't even foresee. It's like when they give you the cliche that things happen for a reason; it does. Timing is everything; it is.. but what we do with all that is the determining factor in all of the above... In my mind today I kept saying "have faith, it'll all workout." And even if it doesn't, that too is as it should be because if your heart is in the right place and you are true and deserving, there's probably a better and more fruitful path to that rainbow you wish to see... Have faith, believe, stay true and do the unthinkable in this day and age by occasionally being nice. That part don't cost you nothing, as Ashford & Simpson once sang. *smile*

On my recent trip to the Philippines, it reminded me of so much as I've mentioned in previous posts. And despite me being born and raised in the big juicy city of Los Angeles, California, I am so grateful and thankful to my parents and my grandparents for exposing me to the other side of life known as "simplicity" during a time when things were just that; simple. It changed over time and I swam along with that; going thru my this and that, here and there experiences that brought me to this day; still living and blessed with the ability to look back with hopefully that lightbulb of wisdom that illuminates future steps and mis-steps before they happen. Man, in the Philippines, despite the obvious hardships and poverty etc etc that's truly a shame when you look around, I still witnessed happiness, smiles, laughter and endearment from those that were in that sort of predicament. The will of people is very strong and we can all sustain in the face of so much. It makes you wonder how and why in our own lives we would get upset over something as simple as our favorite whatever being out of stock at a store or those who are blessed with so much getting upset over the slightest inconvenience happening one day out of the blue... We trip so hard when there's no reason to even travel that direction. Life through its ups and downs, speed bumps, joys, disappointments, assholes getting in the way, victories, losses, and on and on and on and on is truly amazing... What a world we live in and yet we see so many adding their ingredients to a very large stew, causing so much bitterness, difficulties and strife... But that simple life that I spoke of? That was like sugar... Like a small bag of equal being added to half a cup of hot coffee... *smile* when it hits your taste buds, it feels just right.. God Bless it all and umm... it's always so nice to think... *smile* Kaibigan. I love the sound of that word for some reason...

Another Look At The Philippines..

2010-04-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

Here's another video look at my recent trip to the Philippines.. Looking forward to my return there one day in the hopefully not too distant future... This ranks up there as one of my best vacations ever!

Thank you 2 The Moments..

2010-04-10T01:49:00.000-07:00

As I continue to embrace the memories that's been hitting me from time to time this week following my special journey to the Philippines, I can't resist talking about those moments that made me smile really big. Of course, I was always smiling inside thanks to love spoiling the heck out of me as she always does no matter where we be but there was also some really cool moments that I will remember and continue to take with me... Those moments when in a faraway land, mean something extra special to you. Hanging in the Philippines, there were those chance moments when I'd come across another black person. In Boracay I noticed this fella walking along the beautiful seashore, nodding his head with excitement like a yesssss moment when a sense of pride overwhelms you. Then I realized he was doing that because of me. Love said "there's a brother!" I laughed and then I greeted the brother from a distance with a smile. It was like a strong handshake that squeezed tighter out of real true sincerity and it felt good. He continued on his way but the prideful moment lasts forever. In Tagaytay there were a group of singers moving from table to table at a restaurant called Leslie's. They could sing any song you requested and they did it very well. One of the singers was a tall fella that looked to be a cool mixture of black and filipino. When he approached our table and made eye contact with me, he put his palms together and bowed with pride. I nodded in agreement that it was a blessing to make the connection and he was a helluva singer... In Manila at Green Hills Mall, an elderly black woman greeted me the moment she saw me. "Hello, how are you?" she said in a very distinguished voice. I returned the greeting and she continued on her way... Those were good moments and sometimes that's all you need to put strength in your heart for those times when the flow of life ain't so good. Downtimes are inevitable but so are the upswing moments if you keep striving, think positive and be faithful to your pursuit in knowing that you are deserving... That's one of the main reasons I was blessed with love... the right time and as she says, "God's will.."

Video Celebration of my Philippines Visit...

2010-04-10T01:45:00.000-07:00

Thank You Philippines from Anthony Rivers on Vimeo.

Children of the Philippines

2010-04-05T04:42:00.000-07:00

I have to say that during my recent trip to the Philippines, I got a big kick out of photographing the children. It just happened by chance. I didn't plan to take so many pictures of children but you cant help it, or at least I couldn't. Every shot I took I wondered what the future held for them. Many of them were either begging for money or selling fruit and other items to make money. I pray this phase of their lives is a short one and they prosper in every way they dream and imagine or better yet, find a way to become inspired to do and become more than what's been shown to them... I have to thank them for all the great smiles and hellos given to me... Salamat..

Thank You Philippines...

2010-04-05T04:24:00.000-07:00

Imagine traveling thousands of miles to another part of the world to find what you've not only been missing but what you've been looking for every time you return to the birthplace of your parents. Such has been the case with me. My parents were born in Texas. I love that state with a passion as well as neighboring, Louisiana. I can never get enough. For many years I would travel there at the same time of the year, seeking, searching and hoping I could find and reunite with old feeling and experiences from the days gone by. Meaning, the incredible summers I would spend in Mt. Pleasant Texas as a child with my grand parents, Virgil and Senora Rivers. And all those moments and times with my parents(Virgil Jr. and Gloria Rivers) visiting the farm in Texas. I've learned by experiencing the last year of my mom's life recently that preparation is everything and so much of my life prepared me for the incredible trip/journey that I took to the Philippines thanks to my special love(Lorna/Mitos) who showed me her birthplace and so much more.

I was warned of the heat that I'd experience in the Philippines. I smiled. Everyday I kept asking, "so umm, when does it get hot out here?" *smile* Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi and Georgia prepared me for any kind of heat. When I got off the plane in Manila, I felt like I was in Atlanta. The only difference was the fellas trying to pull my luggage away from me just so they could get us in the position of having to tip them. It was just the beginning of what would become one of the best trips of my life. I was also warned of the mosquitos. I didn't really notice them until almost the end of the trip when I saw a couple bites. The only minor annoyance was the funny looking lizard that kept making a funny sound late at night. His sound is the exact same thing as if some one were beating on glass with the edge of a coin. tick tick tick tick... When I first heard the sound, I said to love "is someone knocking on your window?" She laughed and told me it was the tick tick lizard... The only major annoyance was the guys selling sunglasses on the beach in Boracay. One after the other makes you feel like "dang!!!!! didn't you see me two seconds ago say no to the other guy!!" They drove me crazy along with the DVD sellers in the Green Hills mall.

Anyway, the Philippines felt like home right away. We hit the highway, headed for Pangasinan. I felt like a kid watching the best cartoons except my TV screen was the car windows. I didn't take pictures right away. I just sat there watching this part of the world. Traffic was crazy in Manila and it took a while to get out of the city but I loved just being there. I was fascinated by the poverty followed by the more well to do areas. It was different from what you see in the states on one level but at the same time as we got outside the big city and I saw more scattered areas of poverty, it reminded me of the Mississippi delta region.

My first really fun moment was getting stuck in the middle of traffic somewhere in the Pangasinan province. I'm not quite sure where we were exactly but traffic was at a stand still and that's when I grabbed my camera and started shooting. I looked all around and noticed how colorful everything was. The jeepney's, the trike's, the bike's, etc etc.. Everybody revving up their engines and blowing horns at each other but no one appeared angry. In Cali, I'm sure a traffic situation like that would result in a bunch of fist fights and road rage. There, they just blew horns and inched their way forward until somehow the gridlock of traffic unlocked itself. Soon after that we made our way to a place called Calasiao where love said I'd be able to eat the best "puto" you'll find anywhere. When we pulled into the area, young women reached their hands forward and began to desperately wave for us to come to them. I guess you can say competition is stiff right there and every peso counts. I also experienced my first moment where young children came over to beg for coins. It's somewhat heartbreaking to see the little faces pressed up against the windshield of your car, begging for you to roll down the window and give them something...I pointed to love so they waited for her. *smile*

And then finally we reached San Fabian, the place where love flourishes and the incredible Efren and Violi work hard to keep the beautiful beach house estate looking just that... beautiful.. And I was blessed to be able to stay there and be spoiled constantly... i'm not used to that sort of thing; being spoiled and having others do so much for me...

Anyway, there's so many moments I can go over and eventually I will as they come to me. That was just part of the first day's arrival in the Philippines and believe me, from day one to the end of the trip, it was filled with moment after moment.. We were super busy, back and forth from Manila to Pangasinan to Tagaytay to Boracay... I'll write more as it all comes back to me but I just wanted to share something really quickly before going to sleep and preparing for my back to reality moment. I'm back home in Cali and already missing the Philippines. But more importantly, I'm so thankful for love, her fabulous friends, batchmates aka classmates, and her truly amazing family... I am truly blessed and I hope my mom is watching from above, maybe smiling or shaking her head and saying "wow Anthony... " Thanks again to the Philippines!! Mabuhay!

The Strange..

2010-03-13T12:21:00.000-08:00

People are strange. People waste so much time not doing or being who they pretend to be. Imagine a life where no one takes advantage of anyone. Where no one tells a lie to get over. Where no one evades and avoids the truth in order to keep you waiting for something they had no intentions of doing in the first place. The world is full of folks like this and I keep running into them. This instance isn't as bad as the one which almost ruined my life and became a headache in the worst most undefinable way but nevertheless, this encounter was so unnecessary and a complete waste of time. Just someone who claims to provide a service but is too lazy to do things the right way. She keeps you wondering, waiting, calling, asking why, when and nervously she responds "tomorrow..I'll call you..." and then.... no call... Yeah, this encounter reminds me of the first one.. Another woman who lives her life telling lies every single day. They say that kind of stuff catches up to you. I'm kind of hoping I'll hear about it when it does catch her or maybe it has already. She'll be the subject of something I'm looking into... I thank God this latest encounter with a clueless individual only lasted a few weeks and yesterday I felt exhausted. Dealing with liars is an exhausting journey. The first one(PT) lasted three years and she still didn't honor her promise. The second(LL) is just plain stupid. Yeah, those are initials... *smile*

But life is just and things happen for a reason.. I fall back on love for comfort and find hope in the fact that another anniversary is around the corner for a very special union that began two years ago and is still so passionate, full of smiles, and without stress... I dont know how long I'll survive in this world with all the truck load of BS you have to negotiate around but whenever I go, I will feel like I was at least able to discover, to find what I always dreamed of in a woman, a lover, a friend.. someone who could be your everything and make you feel like sleeping with your eyes closed is actually okay and when you wake up the next morning, guess what? She's smiling again... Aint nothing strange about that... Pure blessing.. The other stuff, the other ish... I'll find a way to survive...

Valentines Weekend...

2010-02-14T20:29:00.001-08:00

Love is always in the air for me and has been so for a couple years now. I am truly blessed despite the ups and downs that life and this world may bring at times. This weekend brings me memories of life changing decisions and incredible moments of celebration… discovery.. love… appreciation.. The incredible outweighs the bad but sometimes the bad is like a staple so hard to remove that instead you fold the page just to avoid it for the time being. Still, sometimes you return to that page, unfold it and analyze the significance.. Then you realize, no mater how much you relive and re-think the moment, it all boils down to cliché’ wisdom.. That verbal write-off when you say; it was mean’t to be; things happen for a reason… somebody up there somewhere, pulling the strings…. Life providing you with a test to see if you’ve learned anything from before... Anyway, on this Valentines Weekend, the time machine in my mind that kicks in from time to time for whatever reason took me back to a few years ago.. three or four when I was living the high life… riding high, money, chillin in Vegas during the NBA All-star weekend, being impressed by all that is fleeting and truly not real.. I was the perfect candidate for what was to come soon thereafter… The big tumble, the fall, the brink of disaster and so many other words that describe the result of poor decision making and not listening to previous life lessons; stepping backwards and falling down... But again, the cliché wisdom flashes across the screen and perhaps its one of those defining moments that you can take several lessons from… I have and it’s kept me thankful in the most profound way with respect to where I am now. There’s a whole lot of moments in my life that I wish I could return to, but that’s one that I never want to relive so I appreciate to the fullest what’s been given to me now and who has been placed in my life… another one of those meant to be exclamation marks, yet in this instance it has more to do with the lessons learned than reaching for something akin to forcing a square peg into a round hole. Some things aint supposed to fit but try as we might, we eventually wake up, most times after the consequence… So, on this Valentines Day, I say happy Thanksgiving *smile* because I’m so thankful to still be able, be willing, be desiring, be anxious to give… Give of myself and receive something so beautiful, so incredibly special in return… This time it’s so very true…

Always moving toward the dream...

2010-02-09T02:52:00.001-08:00

Congrats to the New Orleans Saints..

2010-02-09T02:42:00.001-08:00

BIG BIG congrats to the New Orleans Saints. Super Bowl Champions!! I picked them to win and it was the most satisfying pick I ever made because I simply love that city! Aint nothing like being in New Orleans and as I say to everybody, you haven't truly lived unless you've experienced it once or twice or three times or more.. Congrats and God Bless that great city..

Last January Weekend..

2010-02-01T01:24:00.000-08:00

It wasn't a busy weekend but I did manage to squeeze in a photo shoot and a relaxing time at the beach... I missed LOVE and just kept myself creatively occupied. Great things on the horizon.. February is here now.. Happy Black History Month...

Colorful Candy Necklace

2010-01-27T02:10:00.000-08:00

I had a thought; a memory the other day about some childhood trips to the liquor store. These were the good ol days... I remember waking up on a few wonderful Saturday mornings. I could smell the pancakes cooking in the kitchen and noises coming from the den, which was typically my father working on something or listening to his 8 track player. As I said, this is way back when; the good ol days. I’d eat breakfast, watch the Jackson Five cartoon and then later on I would be checking out Soultrain. Back then, Soultrain was the best thing on TV with real soul sistas and brothas, afros, velvet looking pants, mini-skirts, bell bottoms and that afro-comb that came in a pouch. I had one of those. My mother ordered it for me from the commercial that came on during Soultrain. The pouch had a large peace sign on it and the comb had a fist at the end. I wish I still had it. I lost it somewhere along the way and my cream colored “apple cap” that I used to wear.

Anyway, after Soultrain was over, I somehow would get the urge to walk from our house on Carmona Avenue to this liquor store around the corner about a block from Rodeo Road. I would go to this liquor store because they sold these colorful candy necklaces that I could both suck on and wear as a fashion piece.. One Saturday the guy behind the counter thought I was trying to steal something. I had turned my back towards him and was digging in my pocket. I didn’t realize it until much later how my actions translated into something potentially wrong. The man said “hey!” and I turned around still holding the necklace in one hand and digging in my pocket with the other, trying to pull out a large wad of pennies. Once I did, the man breathed a sigh of relief and started laughing. He could see the innocence written clearly on my very young face because I wasn't really startled by his assumption. I simply and honestly was trying to pull the money out of my tight pocket. I was clueless but I did have exactly the right amount of pennies collected from the previous days, contemplating that moment when I’d proudly buy my colorful candy necklace.

Another time I went to the liquor store, I remember seeing a woman drop her purse and wallet. A bunch of money flew out. She picked up everything except for a five dollar bill that was slightly underneath a nearby car. I didn’t say anything. I just stared at the money but for some strange reason I was afraid to pick it up. The car had driven away and the five dollar bill laid there, uncovered, edges sticking up and I guess in a way, staring right back at me. If it had a voice it would probably say, “well, aren’t you gonna pick me up?” I probably would’ve shrugged in response but instead, I just looked at it. Then some guy came by. Looked like an older teenager. He looked at the direction of my eyes and noticed that five dollar bill too. The grin on his face slowly developed. He didn’t hesitate to pick up the money, in fact he snatched it off the ground and disappeared just as quickly. I bought my colorful candy necklace with my pennies and for some reason after that, I don’t remember ever returning to the liquor store to buy another… That little adventure had ended for me in a way as if the excitement had gone away and I didn't need that any more…

So much expectation...

2010-01-23T02:56:00.001-08:00

In this grand expectation of change, it seems as though folks have already forgotten the moment when it felt like this entire country was one.. Everyone was proud of our newly elected son. It didn't matter the reflection though the achievement was definitely noted in the pages and hearts of history and our-story.. But it seems now, everything matters... He didn't fix the economy, he didn't create more jobs, he didn't get healthcare for all, he hasn't won the war on terrorism, he hasn't killed Bin laden, he hasn't fulfilled all of his campaign promises and we've got CNN, Fox News and all the fact-check-he-said-she-said websites to prove it... It don't matter that it's only been one year into his Presidency. He was supposed to change the entire world and make everyone of all race, color, creed, nationality and situation super rich, happy and healthy during his first six months! Right now, we're all supposed to be just chillin.. taking it easy and watching the NFL playoffs on our 100 inch TV screens... But nooooooooooooooo... and why not!?! It's HIS fault!! I'm sounding ridiculous on purpose because that's how a lot of people are sounding these days to me... I saw an interview with some ladies in Massachusetts who justified their changing vote from Democrat to Republican by saying that their former party and especially the President are very arrogant. I dont get the whole premise and definition of arrogance as it relates to the President. Seems like Bush was fairly arrogant himself. He had a swagger constantly and enjoyed it. But Obama? Is he supposed to keep his head down and speak softly? If he did then seconds later, they'll be saying he's not tough enough which they always say as well... Personally, I wish he would show more arrogance and toughness though that would probably threaten some folks a little too much. I think he's always gonna have it rough in the White House and any little inch of progress he can achieve will be the equivalent of winning a world war over and over and over again... I can't remember any President being watched and scrutinized so closely as this one. He (Obama)basically put the excitement back into Politics in recent years. It's that excitement that from what I remember even got Jay Leno to want to have that prime time show so he could do political humor. It's that excitement that generated more interest in folks watching CNN, MSNBC, etc etc... It's that excitement that probably caused more reporters, writers, camera people and others to have work on the various networks, cable channels, internet news/video channels, etc etc... All this excitement that kinda sorta went away in one aspect.. Now they aim and poke in a different direction... Why haven't you fixed this nation and the world, Mister Obama!?!?! Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!! It takes a WHOLE LOT OF TIME to undo and bring it all back to where we once were... And now that the Supreme Court decided to do something supremely silly, the cards are truly stacked against Obama and anyone else hoping to do good for the people, now, today, and generations to come... corporate greed I imagine is about to get another huge dose of adrenaline..

The Rain The Rain..

2010-01-23T02:41:00.000-08:00

We're supposed to dread times like these but I was personally loving the rain... all that wonderful water overflowing from the sky and causing folks to act like fools, driving super fast on the wet roads... I didn't love that part but I did get a kick out of so much rain... Hearing the water outside is a great sound to kick back and fall asleep to. And as they always say, we needed all this water because there has been a shortage to the point where we cant have the sprinklers on during certain periods and no more than five minutes, etc etc.. The rain helped all of that and made for a bunch of beautiful green front lawns all down the street. Unfortunately there's a lot of potholes out there caused by so much water but we survived it.. Rain aint nothing compared to what other folks in another part of this world have had to deal with.. Now, they're predicting a few days of glorious California sunshine and we can go back to being spoiled... Ha!

God Bless Haiti and it's People

2010-01-15T01:28:00.001-08:00

You've got to love, honor and respect the strength of the Haitian people. I pray their pride holds up during this unimaginable crisis. I was blown away especially by the images and video of people being buried in graves that belonged to someone else. I don't know if that's a good thing but the desperation embedded upon the faces of the people is truly heartbreaking.... What's even more devastating to imagine is what Anderson Cooper of CNN kept reporting during his coverage. He said people who have died will simply disappear because there's no way of identifying them. That is the saddest thing of all.. Women, children, men, father's, mother's grandparents, babies, etc.. gone... Someone who was smiling that morning and perhaps looking forward to a good day. Someone dreading the work week but had major plans to party on the weekend. Someone struggling to make ends meet but using every day to it's full advantage by working, hustling, dreaming, achieving... whatever it takes; whatever it took.. Gone.... And now just like Wyclef holding the flag with pride, hopefully somehow, someway they can achieve the seemingly impossible... survival.. God Bless... donate..

RIP Teddy Pendergrass

2010-01-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

Rest in peace and much love and respect for Teddy Pendergrass... wow.. he was such a big part of my life through his music, which I heard so so much thanks to my mother. She wore out his records. I still have the LP's/Vinyl in boxes in the garage. Memories! At times, I would say to myself "not again" as my mother would spin the same song over and over. There were times when she would be playing that song "And If I had" and she would turn it up louder each time. I knew she was feeling down; thinking about my father and feeling heartbroken. I'd peek down the hallway and see a half full glass of wine on the coffee table. Her foot would move slowly to the beat. I'd try to listen closely, not so much to the music but for tears that she might be releasing.. My mother never experienced Teddy live except for a video that I bought her but I was able to see him perform in concert at the Houston Summit arena with my father. As I look back now, I cant believe all the now legends of music that I basically witnessed in that arena but that's another story... I was still in Junior Highschool when I saw this concert and besides seeing and hearing so many women screaming so loud as if they were either losing their minds or having an orgasm, I remember so vividly two men getting into an argument in the next row and immediately throwing punches. Neither was able to connect with each other because they were large men wearing very tight suits with large lapels. One fell over the seats and the other perhaps slipped because of all the soda or beer that was on the ground beneath. When it was all over, the women accompanying those two men helped them up, sat them down and told them how foolish they were. Both just sat there with lips poked out like little kids for the rest of the concert while the women continued to dance, party, and be blown away by the incredible passionate voice of Mr. Teddy Pendergrass. He was in his serious prime around that time. He lit up the arena with his smile and shook the building with his performance. And of course during the slow jams, he brought intimacy to a whole new level all the while building the song and the moment to a climax... I actually saw him again perhaps that same year or the year after; I cant remember exactly but that performance was in a smaller arena with a round stage. Again the performance was passionate and powerful but a little more intimate and personal. He showed off his more playful, one to one side... his sense of humor.. his powerful control over the gift that was his voice... his soul.. He was on fire back then. I was blessed to be able to see it for myself like I definitely grew up at the right time... Rest In Peace & Love.. Teddy Pendergrass.

2009 Year in Review...

2010-01-03T21:32:00.000-08:00

2010 is here now and another year has come to an end. It’s amazing to even see the new number; 2010. I can remember when thinking about any year beyond 2000 was like a fantasy. And then when my life flashes before my minds eye, I cant help but wonder how I/we got here. The steps/experiences have been many and the life lessons enormous, especially recently. But right now, it’s all about remembering another chapter of life closed with an exclamation point because of 2009 being the year that my mother passed on to the heavens above. Even as I reminisce about her struggle and fight with cancer, it blows me away how the time went by and how it all started. One moment she’s in vegas enjoying her bingo playing, eating mexican food and sharing a fun outing with her sister. The next moment she’s telling me that she may have cancer and she’s not so sure how bad it could be. Soon thereafter, she knew how bad it could be and then began to get things in order and guide me through the process of what would become the end of her life. A life filled with some ups, downs and disappointments.. but also a life where she’d found her place in the end and was really joyous about her self discovery, her friends, and her life as a very active, young spirited senior citizen. Her only complications at that point was the worry and concern she had for me as I’d become knee deep in my own trials and tribulations. My mistakes and mis-trusts of certain individuals only ended up preparing me in a huge way for what was to come with my mother. And even as she fought until her last breath, she maintained her concern and preparation for me to be ready once she was gone. She worried that I still had to deal with a situation that seemed never-ending due to a certain individual who champions excuses over truth and simply doing what’s right. It’s pathetic but the negative energy by no means blocks the blessings of all that my mom left behind and all that she instilled in me. The best part was that she met and and enjoyed the presence of the special someone who blesses my life unselfishly to no end and her family who remind me of how times used to be when all of my family was still here on earth.. Those times when gift giving was made special by the effort, the smiling faces, the hugs, the visits as we’d travel from house to house all over LA on a cool Cali night sharing Christmas cheer. Then we’d return home eventually for some sweets, some eggnog and watching Santa Claus or Rudolph The Rednose Raindeer or The Grinch. My love’s family is incredible; truly and I feel beyond blessed that I’m embraced by them. I was thinking the other day that sometimes you can have experiences that basically kick your behind so tough that if you’re smart and truly gracious, you’ll discover the kind of humility that will always keep you appreciative… as I said, I’m beyond blessed, thankful, grateful…

But anyways, here we are now… 2009 has come to an end.. Unfortunately, I don’t think all the negativity that we see in the news and on TV will cease. And lord knows those folks out there who love to bash Obama wont give up until he’s gone. And then they’ll let up on him and probably begin to recognize his accomplishments and sincere desire to do what’s right. I question him sometimes as well and wish he would fight back harder against the critics and nitpickers but nevertheless he’s got my support and prayer. I’d like him to realize a lot of successes before he leaves office and then when he’s done, I hope he puts out a serious tell-all memoirs that details what has got to be an extraordinary experience in the White House; good, bad, sad and unbelievable… So many expect so much like he’s the second coming and others hate hate hate because of his complexion/reflection in their eyes.

I cant think of many more reasons to talk about 2009 as the major moment of losing my mother pretty much dominated it. I’m so grateful for the continued growth of my creativity and look forward to discovering more of it. And love being the greatest gift of all is truly all of that… I watched the usual year-end review of all the important individuals who left this earth in 2009 and the list is truly awesome…. Percy Sutton, Gene Barry, Oral Roberts, Edward Kennedy, Les Paul, Eunice Shriver, John Hughes, Walter Cronkite, Karl Malden, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Keith Carradine, Dom Deluise, Bea Arthur, Ricardo Montalban, Soupy Sales, James Whitmore, Paul Harvey, Altovise Davis, Wayman Tisdale, Koko Taylor, Fred Travalena, Dominick Dunne, Steve McNair, Patrick Swayze, and my mom, GLORIA RIVERS.... Her train to heaven was filled with a lot of other first class individuals… I wonder what 2010 has in store for this world… Happy New Year… Peace?

Merry Christmas 2009

2009-12-25T02:20:00.000-08:00

Christmas is here again... I can hear a combination Charlie Brown instrumental coming at one ear and Prince's, Another Lonely Christmas aimed at the other ear.. I love both those songs... though, I'm not really lonely as my everything continues to spoil me no matter what time of year it is. Because of her I feel beyond blessed. She is beyond amazing and just like the perfect puzzle, we fit. When I rest my head on her shoulder, the comfort is instant. When I wrap my arms around her, I become a part of her.. it's just right..

I miss my mom on this semi-cold night in LA. Her voice would always greet me on this night/day, "Merry Christmas, Anthony Rivers..." and if it was a phone call she'd punctuate that with "this is your mother speaking..." I miss that sound though I can hear it in my mind... I miss the card with some money in it, attached to a box with some t-shirts in it. The card would have a note attached telling me she wasn't sure what I wanted but figured I could get something with the money.. It didn't matter. What was most important was how she went out of her way to make sure there was an abundance of Christmas spirit surrounding me and not to mention the delicious pies and pineapple upside down cake or even the big strawberry cake she use to make... whew.. delicious! Recently, I've been receiving cards from people I dont really know but who knew and seemed to have cherished my mother. Each of them I've written back to let them know of my mother's passing. I hope those people say a prayer and simply think of the good times with my mom rather than allow the news to sadden them too much... I thank them sincerely for thinking of my mom..

Anyway, I cant say that I've put much effort in the Christmas spirit this year. I tried, I thought about it, planned to do something special with respect to decorations around the house but when all was said and done, I did nothing.. No tree, no decorations except for the wooden Santa Claus that I bought a few years ago in my favorite Louisiana town, Natchitoches. I wish I was there for Christmas. They always have a really big celebration with a fantastic light show along the Cane River. I took a picture of my mother in that town and it instantly became her favorite picture not so much because of the shot but because she fell in love with that town as well and felt really good sitting there in such a peaceful place. She was healthy and happy during that moment. That was a good time. Just before she passed she asked that that picture be placed on the front of her funeral program.

Now it's time to rest up for Christmas Day.. Hopefully it'll be a good time... I'm sure Love will make sure I'm alright and my mother looking down will watch over me closely... Merry Christmas to any and all passing by... WarmBlessings..

Dreamstyle Project: Volume One

2009-12-10T13:35:00.000-08:00

Nation Of Forgetters- Tiger Woods

2009-12-03T14:19:00.000-08:00

As Yukimi Nagano of Little Dragon sings, "we're a nation of forgetters," the Tiger Woods saga instantly comes to mind. Folks will forget, especially once he gets on the golf field and starts to win, tournament after tournament. He'll probably see and receive a bunch of boos, angry letters, see some mean signs being held up and maybe a threat or two or three as well. He'll probably have to keep a big bodyguard or two handy nearby and all the other precautions necessary to protect when a so-called major personality/sports figure disappoints "the world." I feel more sorry for the kids and the wife than I do the world, for its them who will carry this for a long time and have to deal with some serious embarrassment. They'll also go through the torture of what's outside their window.... news media hounds trying to get the first scoop so they can sell their story to the world since everybody out there on radio and television pretty much report the same thing.. over and over and over again... How many times have I now heard Tiger's alleged voicemail message? Whew... way too many times!! Tiger doesn't seem to really be handling his situation right and perhaps feeding the flames of media curiosity more and more but then again, what is the right way to make up for your own very public indiscretion followed by your own moment of panic on such a wonderful day like Thanksgiving. Ha! The media thanks you for this story, Tiger. A sports hero-darling who seemingly could never do anything wrong though I'm old enough to remember when they thought the same thing of O.J. Simpson though he's in that category of stupidest person on the planet. Tiger's not there yet but he is where Kobe once was and just like Kobe, all he gotta do is win and win big on the field... people will forget.. Ultimately, it's really not the people who matter... it's family who is most important and perhaps the lesson learned, be it a positive lesson or just saying "I better not do voicemail, email, or text message any more..." *smile* Tiger is probably thinking, life was so much easier back in the days of pay phones and no round the clock internet/24 hour news channels... Life never gets a break now. It's broadcast every milli-second... My motto, if you will that I always like to say is that once you begin to feel invincible, that's usually when God steps in to remind you just how human you really are... Perhaps this is one of Tiger's moment to be reminded.

Hmmm...& why...

2009-12-03T00:56:00.000-08:00

Why is it that habitual liars always repeat themselves?

Why is it that if you’re sitting alone in a room with 100 empty chairs, more than likely the next person entering the room will sit right next to you?

Why is it that we’re always trying to replace that which we love?

Why must someone who consistently makes efforts to do positive things, constantly fight an uphill battle against others who seemingly want the same thing?

Why do some say “huh?” before the first word rolls off your tongue?

Why do some assume they can call you something based upon the mere fact that your skin color, gender, height, weight, etc. might be different than theirs? (ie. what up! dude! Thanks boss! Hey bro! or the ‘over-indulgent handshake’)

RIP Tommy Jaquette

2009-12-03T00:39:00.001-08:00

I wish I had known about this man before a call came out from a famous passerby to let everyone know about a celebration happening on November 28th, 2009 in Watts, California. The famous passerby was congress-woman Maxine Waters. I was stopped at a light, waiting for the commuter train to go by and she yelled out “here, take these and give them to friends and family!” They were flyers she wanted to hand to me but I couldn’t reach them. A man who was selling items near the little train station ran over, grabbed the flyers from her hand and gave them to me. Maybe he recognized her voice instantly just as I had. On the beautifully done flyers was Tommy Jacquette and when I saw the name, curiosity hit me hard. I really didn’t know who he was and from the dates listed on the flyers, I could see that he’d passed away recently. As soon as I got home and logged onto my computer, I looked him up. Ahh.. it was a cool discovery… This man is/was someone I should’ve know a great deal about and been inspired by. A great story. A man who definitely filled his life with purpose, sparked by an event that was/is historic. Thus, he made his life historic as well through struggle, hardwork, effort, believing, never giving up, and accomplishment. From what I could determine, he did what politicians only talk about and/or promise to do in an area where many forget exist. I hear more about cities, towns and places on the other side of the world than I do of the city of Watts. I often wonder about that but that’s how it is, unfortunately. Seems like Mr. Jacquette maintained his pride for Watts throughout his entire life and tried his hardest to reflect that in not only himself but all who were blessed to see and/or know him. I wish I had known of him before but I believe also that it’s never too late to learn, appreciate, respect, admire and say God Bless…. Rest in peace…

Thanksgiving Day 09

2009-11-27T01:16:00.000-08:00

Today is not a day for very many words or at least I can't seem to find them. Mostly I just think, feel and miss my mom. This being my first holiday season without her. It's been a lot of years with her spoiling me and making sure that I feel and experience some sort of Christmas/holiday spirit. Thanksgiving was always very special too. I miss her dressing. I tried to make some for myself this time. Two attempts in the last couple days but the second attempt was a success. Not as great as my mom's but still good. I held the plate up to heaven so she could smell it. It was a good day but one day could never be enough to give thanks to all she's given me...

Another Grand Escape

2009-11-10T10:33:00.000-08:00

Hours ago the whole return to reality took shape. That’s just a fancy way of saying I’m back in LA after enjoying another incredible escape/journey, etched in forever because once again it involved someone so very special enjoying the experience along with me. The best part about the trips each time is the unexpected eventhough at the moment they happen they sometimes seem a little ridiculous, unnecessary, interesting, strange, disappointing, etc etc. We ran through the gammot of experiences from prejudice moments, to the not so good food, to weird personalities stretched across some of the most beautiful country landscapes and city environments you can find. One of the coolest moments was seeing the Cadillac Ranch up close and personal. I’d read about this landmark for many years, seen pictures of it and wondered how it would look whenever I got a chance to capture the scenery with my own camera. With all the folks who spray paint the cars over the many years that it’s existed, it’s got to be truly interesting to see what the cars looked like when the idea first hit the man who created this unique display.

Anyway, the Cadillac Ranch was really our second stop. The first was the semi-well known establishment called the Big Texan where they make a 72 ounce steak and challenge you to eat it with all the sides included in one hour. Our waitress told us that two guys had tried to eat the steak earlier but failed and almost threw up everything they ate. The atmosphere is fun and pretty cool. The waitress was very VERY talkative though she overdid it at times with the “how else may I help y’all” that ended every visit to our table which was like every twenty seconds or less. The food? Well, we left thinking that maybe the cook was having an off night or perhaps he/she was tired since it was just about an hour and a half left to go before the place would close for the night. If neither of those hold truth then we could only say that the actual taste of the food doesn't come close to all the hype. Hers was over-cooked and charred. Mine was just charred though eatable. The best for me were the so-called “mountain oysters” and strawberry margarita. The mac and cheese they need to remove from the menu completely.. *smile* The adjoining hotel is cool from the outside and just okay from the inside but it’s pretty much about the old time Texas/cowboy experience so I appreciated it just for that and for it being a part of the journey.

The next day we headed to Mt. Pleasant, Texas. The drive was long; a little over six hours but still very interesting.. I love Texas, the smell in the air, the little towns along the way, the great scenery of mostly farms and especially the beautiful horses. I also love it when a ‘DQ’ sign pops up aka Dairy Queen up ahead. My love and I always smile because we do love to treat ourselves to a big juicy beltbuster hamburger. We stopped at one small town after leaving Amarillo and the Cadillac Ranch where we noticed some subtle prejudice in the way we were treated as oppose to the several others that were there but again, it just added to the experience. *smile* We stopped at a really nice rest stop, which there were a couple along that highway. The sign read “watchout for rattlesnakes.” Didn't see any...

Night fell fast after a few hours of driving and I found myself relying heavily on the GPS to guide me the correct way. We drove down long two lane highways and breathed a sign of relief when we found ourselves in Paris, Texas where they at least had a nice freeway. Paris looked like a nice size city, too. I wished we would’ve gotten there earlier in the day but this was after six. We kept going and soon I saw signs that we were getting close to Mt. Pleasant; my second home since so many of my family are buried there. Love made sure I paid my respects and placed flowers on the graves and I felt blessed to have someone who showed so much appreciation, respect and love for what she knew and felt was important to me… Incredible. We ended the night with dinner at the brand new local IHop. *smile* Just like most places in Texas, it was clean, comfortable and we always got a kick out of the accents coming from those that lived in the area.

Next day it was time to hit the road again. I wanted to share another interesting place with my love and also see it for myself again. I hadn’t been to this interesting/historic mansion in many many years so I was curious to see how it looked this time around. The mansion is located in Mississippi near the river and not too far from the border of Louisiana. And just like the first time I’d gone there, I found it interesting how rundown the surrounding neighborhood is compared to the actual grounds of the mansion. Only thing is, the mansion didn’t appear to be very well kept up over the years since I’d last seen it or maybe it’s the affects of hard times, lack of interest and the “economy” causing it not to be as great as it was. For the most part the people there were very nice, except for the bartender who seemed to have a complex about his own reflection demonstrated by his reaction to me as oppose to the other patrons. *wink* But nevertheless it was all good as they say, except for the food which looked better on paper than on the taste buds. And the atmosphere was more highbrow society than downhome delicious. Most impressive was our waiter who did his best and seemed very sincere in wanting us to enjoy our food.

Time seemed to fly by once this evening was over. Before we knew it, it was time to head back to Texas. The drive was great. Love fell asleep and left me to my thoughts while cruising down the highway. I saw plenty of DQ signs but I kept going since she was asleep. *smile* Gas prices were wonderful compared to what you find in Cali, which seems to always be the case. Not to mention the rental car I was driving was super cool and comfortble; a 2010 Chevy Malibu with a two tone interior. It was very nice! First stop on the way back was Jefferson, Texas. Still looking beautifully historic and filled with the best places to go for antique shopping. I bought some old fashion syrup and jelly. Back in Mt. Pleasant we made a return to the incredible Walmart, which looked bigger than I remember it being in past years. Bought a bunch of “Pittsburg Hotlinks” and “Summer Sausages.” The trip had come to an end but the experience is forever… That’s the best part of traveling and the gift of actually paying attention to the moment in time. This is just a small reflection of that experience… till next time.. *smile*

Forward thinking..

2009-11-02T14:05:00.001-08:00

Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal..

Urban Surf Riders

2009-10-31T23:28:00.001-07:00

I have to say I get a kick out of watching skateboarders ride the concrete waves, if you will. And when you find some that truly have a command for what they're doing, it can be a jaw dropping experience just to stand on the sidelines watching the display of creativity meets physical ability and guts, basically. I caught some of that with these fellas and since I had my camera with me, I tried my best to capture a great shot...

What's Inside Keeps Them Around

2009-10-31T23:23:00.000-07:00

The beauty in the discovery of past lives is something I’m always fascinated by. I was never one that was interested in futuristic stories or movies. The last time I went to a Star Wars-ish, Fantastic Four-ish type of movie, I was asleep within the first ten minutes. I’m just not moved by the stuff. But give me a story showing the growth, the struggle, the survival, the triumph of the human spirit and you will keep me fascinated from beginning to end.. I especially love it when the stories are true; told by someone who received the gift generations later like with me with respect to my family and other’s who carry stories from so long ago and pass it down.. I always tried to get my mother to speak about the past and anything she may have learned from those that came before her but many times she would say she didn't remember or she would kind of brush me off. In the end as she battled cancer and found the end of her journey to be right around the corner, she began to open up and tell me more about the past. She didn't share all that she could and when I pressed for more details, she stopped. That's the one thing we didn't have in common. She held onto or suppressed so much that she couldn't remember stories. Me personally, I love to share any and all stories that I know about family, friends, experiences and anything else that reflects lives that have been lived hopefully to the fullest and even those that dont live it to the fullest we can learn from. Some miss out on their potential and others stifle any potential by embracing negativity, jealousy, and selfishness. They're everywhere among us... But imagine this, looking into the eyes of someone who is coming to grips with their own mortality as they watch a loved one whose days on earth could be over very soon. They smile and open up by sharing stories of the past. You watch as they find comfort in rediscovering the experiences and I felt really blessed to listen in. The human spirit on display, finding pictures in forgotten places and discovering hidden thoughts that resurface out of the need to feel closer to what once was... better times and places....

As 1-Concert

2009-10-18T23:52:00.000-07:00

Saturday night in Pasadena was a beautiful concert experience. It was both celebration and tribute. It was also a moving and very thought-provoking experience. I attended the AS-1 concert at the Pasadena Civic Center. As-1 features the incredible talents of Gary Valenciano and Martin Nievera. This was a new experience for me eventhough I am very much familiar with both entertainers via watching them on the TFC channel or just hearing their music via youtube. However, in person these two put on an amazing show and what's really great about them is the way they work together. The songs, the talent, the humor especially from Martin Nievera, and of course the pure energy and excitement of Gary Valenciano. This was different for me because my concert experience is usually Prince and more Prince.. *smile* and at the same time this show was attended by a mostly filipino audience and it was one of the most positive and celebratory experiences I've ever been a part of. I was impressed by the band and how they went from playing songs made famous by both performers and then going into sections of the show where they played a bunch of Michael Jackson songs and closed the show with about 4 or 5 Earth Wind and Fire tunes that truly rocked the house! I was most impressed by how personable these two performers were/are and as they spoke to the audience, you could hear a pin drop between the laughter because everyone paid close attention to what was being said. Case in point was when Gary Valenciano spoke about the "eye of the storm" being inside the concert hall. Meaning that for that 3 hour show, it was pure escape from the world outside but of course once the show was over, we know we have to return to what goes on outside in the world... the cellphone, the text messages, emails, traffic, and all that comes with our daily lives... I believe in trying to find that escape every weekend and every night when I rest from the days work. Escape from the world, refresh yourself so that you can meet tomorrow's basket of whatever life brings you... And inside that concert hall on Saturday night, it was a truly incredible experience that I was blessed to share with the most incredible special someone in my life... She too is my beautiful escape from all that this crazy world brings...

Blast From My Recent Past

2009-10-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

I’ve been seeing really cool reminders of my recent past.. The literary blessing, so to speak.. Books/stories that I’ve written a long while ago have been getting great responses from those that have discovered them by accident. And then even with myself, as I open up old programs and stuff that I created for the purpose of promoting the stories, I feel a sense of pride about where I’ve been in my life. With all the ups, downs, mistakes, good feelings, triumphs, etc etc, I feel like I’ve had a pretty interesting journey and with that, I’ve also held onto the many stories passed down to me from those that came before in my family. Sometimes it makes me hunger for the chance to pass down what I’ve learned or heard about… Even with all it’s sadness attached, life is truly amazing but of course it aint over but at the same time, one must cherish each single second because you just never know… And even as we all recognize and agree with the old cliché about not taking life for granted, we always do and we forget until something happens… The challenge of self should always be to consistently remind oneself to not forget and to truly live. Never forget real true loved ones and never forget to truly live your life…

In Memory..

2009-10-08T22:34:00.000-07:00

Usually around this time of year, my mother reminds me of the passing of my father. Sometimes we kind of just look at each other, share a memory and silence then keep moving forward. This year is so different now and something I will from now on have to get used to. My mother not being here though funny thing, this morning I could swear I heard her voice. I felt myself drifting into a deep sleep yet before that I knew that soon I'd be hearing the alarm go off so I could get up early for work. Instead of the alarm, when I sank into that very restful/peaceful type of sleep to where it felt as if all air had been released from my body, that's when I heard my mother's voice. "Anthony?" And then it was like I jumped up; wide awake I turned off the alarm ten minutes before it was due to sound off. So, all day today in between being focused on work, I thought about my parents and promised myself I'd do a little tribute to my father before the night was over. One of many things we shared in common besides our love for the highway, blues music, guitar, and Pittsburg Texas Hotlinks, is the love for photography. I developed the love and passion for it not too long ago but I was always aware of my father's love for capturing images the old fashion way with film and actually developing it inside his personal dark room he created in the closet. Amazing how things have changed when I can simply sit here at the computer and make magic with the images. I recently found myself re-discovering photographs that were taken by my father. Some have faded over the years but I tried my best to fix the images and keep them for myself on my computer. A few of these images I showcased in the video as a tribute and to say "miss you dad.." The years seem to fly by when someone is no longer around...

Special mention

2009-09-17T23:36:00.001-07:00

Special mention to my mother. I visited the place where her ashes reside and as always, the tears fell down my face. I miss her voice and presence. She'd have a lot to say or perhaps sigh about right now with the way things are going on and she'd probably escape the day to day by losing herself in some football on sundays and a good game of bingo. I thought I might keep up her tradition of writing and logging down all the football scores each weekend but it's just not in me. I have patience for some things but not all things. She kept the scores of every game since the mid seventies and her last time tracking the scores was last year. Anyway, last weekend I was happy to see the plaque on the wall with my mother's name. It took a while for them to do it but it's there now. As Forrest Gump would say "that's all I have to say about that..." for now anyway... God Bless my mom...

Our Climate Divide

2009-09-17T23:23:00.000-07:00

What happened to having class in this world? What happened to common sense, good natured, celebrating and respecting the differences in each other? What happened to basic respect? I'm watching all these shows; folks arguing left and right about healthcare yet they hold so much disdain and anger in their hearts. Healthcare and hatred don't seem like they should be living on the same block but hypocrisy has always been a part of the fabric hasn't it? There's also a whole lot of denial going on as some try to defend arguing as a healthy ingredient to coming up with the final plan; the final bill that will satisfy us all and give us "affordable healthcare." Maybe one day that's gonna be a beautiful achievement but in the meantime and right now, there's a lot of anger that doesn't give me the impression of people gathered together for the good of everyone. That's more like a mirage... The climate is strange and it's good that some in the media talk about it; make people aware... It's scary and then you wonder on one hand why the White House denies it but common sense also says that it might be to their detriment if they did acknowledge the hatred. What they say behind the walls is for sure much different than what they say behind the mic while eyes and pens wait for mistakes... Then as much as I appreciate Pelosi, the folks at MSNBC, and others speaking up about the climate getting worse and the potential dangers, it also gets to a point where it seems as if everyone is positioning themselves to be THAT ONE individual who said, "I told you so." And should the unthinkable happen, they'll say that and others will try to prove they were the ones who said it first... It's like an out of control snowball rolling down the hill making a huge racket; so noisy you can't hear yourself scream. But the thing is, this snowball that's laced with disrespect, anger, rudeness, and contempt has been building for a longtime, waiting for an opportunity like now. You see it on a small scale in every day life in how some treat others, and how some embrace stupidity and unnecessary acts over simple kindness and caring... Stuff that takes very little effort. But all this anger? Whew... that takes a lot of effort and that's why so many walk, talk and act like the end of the world is on their shoulders... But somehow, they muster up a smile because they relish in the possibility of screwing up your day or being that thorn that sticks deeper in your side.... The world is a trip and here we are.... what's next?

Little Inspiration From Life..

2009-09-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

Attempt to live right and learn from your mistakes. Any tests that follow are as they should be or should’ve been; keeping you on your right path if you listen. Those that never learn and continue to laugh in the face bad decision making will ultimately suffer the tried and true cliché of what comes around…. goes around. Be humble and grateful. Once you get over the hump, adore what you’ve been blessed with and remain passionate about your dreams. Humility and passion is a positively beautiful combination when focused upon all gifts and blessings placed in your path...

Reunion Reunited

2009-09-08T13:50:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago(a few weeks), I had the pleasure of witnessing real true friends unite. It was a beautiful occasion for a wedding that turned into a reunion. I stood back and watched eventhough I felt so much apart of it. The best part was seeing my love so happy and enjoying the moment. There was no way I would resist being there right with her.. The wedding was wonderful The church was beautiful. Sort of like a big circle inside whereby the audience can basically sit around the entire stage though everyone in attendance sat on one side. After the ceremonies and during the time that pictures were being taken, the old friends/classmates reunited. Faces were filled with wide eyes and uncontrollable smiles. People saying names with question marks because they weren't sure if that truly was the person they were remembering. And then there were embraces and more smiles. I stood back and captured the moment with my camera. A lot of times when I'd see the ladies together, standing side by side lost in memory and reunited, they reminded me of the ladies on that show, Sex In The City having fun together. It didn't matter that they hadn't seen each other in maybe 28 years as one said. To me it seemed like they'd just seen each other yesterday because they picked right up where they left off; great friends having a great time together... It was great to witness it...

Labor Day 09

2009-09-08T01:39:00.000-07:00

Labor Day Weekend was a beautiful moment... Started off with a great time hanging out with the 3Kings. A friend of mine named Marquise and his very talented bestfriends reaching for their dreams in the Hip Hop world. I wish them the very best and I enjoyed doing the photoshoot for them/ with them... Then I capped off the weekend checking out my uncle Richard grabbing the crowd in Leimert Park in Los Angeles as he performed with the incredible LTD music group. I captured some cool images of the performance and other happenings in the park. But as always, the weekend was a beautiful and always needed escape from the world thanks to love who keeps me right there in her arms; spoiled and blessed like never before... It was hard to come outside...

RIP: Ted Kennedy

2009-08-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

I've never known the full extent of Ted Kennedy's presence, his life, his impact but I've always heard his name pretty much my entire life. My mother loved it whenever she'd hear about him or see him on TV. "There goes Teddy" or "Poor Teddy" or "What has he done now?" would always echo in the house. As I watched some of the tribute and memorial service today, I kept thinking how sad and how glued to the TV my mother would be right now if she were here. Pretty much everything makes me think of my mom after her recent passing but this one really makes me picture her face, her eyes, her shaking her head because of life's twists and turns but I know she'd be the first out there in line collecting any magazines or newspapers that might have a tribute to Ted Kennedy. I am truly amazed by his life, how full and how varied the experiences have been. The tragedies are tremendous though the strength and resiliency of he and his family is even more tremendous by far.. Sometimes you can measure a life by the stories left behind, falling from the lips of friends, acquaintances, family, and even to a very small extent; enemies, jealous foes, and advantage takers. Ted Kennedy's measuring stick seems quite long and with that, it's kind of cool to see a smile attached to a tearful eye from so many that he touched regardless of the closeness or distances between he and them... Aint no more pain for him; he's smiling and perhaps being welcomed home by his brothers....

Bittersweet Discovery

2009-08-07T04:51:00.001-07:00

Eight years ago I discovered an old letter hidden deep inside the bedroom closet of my grandmother's house in Mt. Pleasant, Texas. It was a love letter written by her to my grandfather in 1930 something. Just a couple days ago I discovered another letter. This time it was written by my father in 1971 and addressed to my mother. What a find; a bittersweet discovery because in the letter my father talked about being so thankful and claiming that "someone up there likes us!" when speaking about doing so well with roof over head, a wife and a son. He wrote in the letter, "I look forward to spending the next 100 years together..." A few years after that, I can recall when my mother ran crying into my room, telling me that my father no longer wanted to be with us. It was kind of a shattering moment. One of those times that changes everything... I'm amazed my mother continued to hold onto this letter and kept it close by for all these years... Despite the heartache, her love remained forever. Now I suppose she's in heaven looking for him. Perhaps hoping to share something about life that she learned and join in a whole lot of prayer, hoping their son does alright...

So Many Memories..

2009-08-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

The Gates Affair

2009-07-25T02:04:00.001-07:00

The Professor Henry Gates situation is a wild one.. I figure I'll weigh in with some thoughts, opinions, common experience and uncommon ground... First thing that came to mind when hearing about this was my own recent encounter, which wasn't at all like the good professor. Actually, my experience was a positive one... Maybe it was positive because I didn't over-react. I didn't display the higher than thou or invading my space posture. The police were recently called to my place, responding to an alarm that had gone off a little while before I arrived home. I had no clue. The alarm was functioning normal. When the police arrived, the lead officer asked for my ID and I like the good professor I had to go into another room to get it. The police didn't follow me but he asked for my name before I went to get my ID. I imagine he could see from my demeanor and non-threatening posture that I was cool. I made a joke that I was happy to see the alarm actually worked. Police laughed. Incident over. Police gone. Hmmm.. where's my invite to the White House now? *smile*

From what I can see with the Gates thing, it was a lot of overreacting going on from a lot of folks; Gates, the Prez, the media, and even the news conference holding police folk. And the media(the worse) has truly gone overboard with the coverage though at the same time, it's a good thing that the situation got folks talking. The only thing is, when race gets involved, people lose that part of the brain that holds tight to common sense. I was watching Rick Sanchez today on CNN. He's not one of my favorites but I do check him out from time to time. I think he half reads stuff and sensationalizes the most trivial things, mostly because it's his show and he likes to be in charge of the conversation. Don't upstage or look like you know more than him... Rowan Martin was on the show. He's funny. Makes good sense and has good common sense. There was also Bey Buchanon(probably spelling it wrong-yawn) who I totally can't stand and another guy who didn't really speak loud enough to get in between the semi-heated moments between the other three. After the segment was over, I could only shake my head and think how much of a waste of time that was. No one really providing any enlightenment upon the big issue because the issue is so much bigger than many are comprehending if they only focus on Gates and his moment in the police spotlight. It took this to get him to understand the vulnerable feeling that others beneath his blessed status in the world experience everyday... His first time, it appears...

I've had a few encounters/experiences throughout my life and know of others who've had it a lot worse. For me, most of my experiences in hindsight make me laugh or smile because the memory has lived with me for so long. Moments like when my mother was driving and in the back seat was myself and my uncle, both young teenagers at the time with afros. The police pulled my mother over and immediately asked if she was alright. My mother being such a light-skinned woman; she was mistaken at that moment for a white person. The officer had one of those classic egg on the face looks when my mother said we were her son and youngest brother.... Me and my uncle looked at each other in confusion like saying "uh, what did you do?" "Huh? Nuttin... what you do?" "Nuttin.."

Then another time during my Junior Highschool years, I was stopped by the police while walking home. It happened twice on the same day within a five block radius on the same street; Palms Blvd. At the time, this neighborhood was predominantly white. There were maybe three black families in that area. The first police said I fit the description of a liquor store robbery suspect. I shrugged. I was clueless and wanted to continue on home. They got in their car and drove off. No thanks, goodbye, apology or anything... A second police car pulled up a couple blocks later, questioned me and said I fit the description of a gas station robbery suspect. And I wonder what was the description? *smile* yep, my complexion was in demand that day. I shrugged again... And from that point on, I had loads of encounters, especially later on once I started driving and even though the encounters have ceased in one way, I still get the suspicious looks, stares and glares that's meant to let you know whose in charge... All that good stuff that Professor Gates has now discovered... So when I get my invite, tell the President I prefer Mountain Dew over beer. And if there's food being served then yeah, I'm like Magic Johnson; I'll have some grilled chicken.. *smile* I hope the hoopla is over...

The Trip That Changed A Lifetime

2009-07-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Everything was packed, boxes were everywhere. I sat on the floor next to my dog. I imagine we both had a look of bewilderment; wondering what was going on and what would life be like in the coming months. My mother was sad because with the change of scenery came separation. She’d be miles away from her mother, sister and brothers and once we’d reach our destination, she’d live on the other side of town from my father. That alone made the move one of the worse events of our lives.

It was a strange drive from Los Angeles to Texas. For the most part it was very quiet with a lot of pretending going on. I can say that now in hindsight. I remember my mother always looking back to check on me and my father being extra nice. My dog sat quietly in the very back of the station wagon. That was a rare moment for him that lasted a couple days. When my father drove at night, the dark shadows of his silhouette played tricks on my mind. I would sink down in the backseat and stare at him. The shape of his head appeared to change; sometimes forming into the shape of Frankenstein. I stared at him for long periods of time before drifting off to sleep. In between that, all I can remember is that we drove and drove all night and day. I don’t remember us stopping somewhere to spend the night or stopping for food, though I’m sure we did, stop for food. I guess my mind chose to release some parts of the memory so that other images might linger a little longer or possibly forever.

The image that always haunted me was when we pulled into the Dallas airport. My mother and I looked around wondering what was going on. She started to tear up and to make matters worse, it began to thunder outside. The rain came down hard as my father announced he’d be flying on to Houston because he had things to tend to with the business. He said we’d be alright and we’d have only one hundred miles left to drive before reaching the small town in east Texas where his mother lived.

My father never looked back. He couldn’t sense that he had a son staring at him with his hand pressed against the window waiting for a chance to wave goodbye. My father walked faster so he could get out of the rain. My mother took a while before she’d move over to the driver side. She cried. There were three pairs of sad eyes sitting in that station wagon; her’s, mine, and my dog. All my mother could say was that she felt completely lost. She had no clue how to find the highway that would take us up the road to east Texas. We eventually found our way but it would be a lot of years gone by before we’d truly find our way in every sense of the word. That moment changed everything...

40 already..

2009-07-19T00:59:00.001-07:00

Time flies, especially when someone is no longer around. The 40 day mark after my mother's passing is already here. It's crazy. It's like the ten years that's already behind me since my father's passing. You look up and wonder where did the time go and revisit everything that's transpired since then; the ups and downs, highs, super lows, and the blessing of being able to find your way back better than before. I'm grateful but I sure miss my mom. I smile and feel joy when I think of all the memories and yet I ache when I think about those final months, seeing her deteriorate or the finality of watching her lifeless body being carried out the front door. Before this life forced me into adulthood, they never warned me about the images/memories that would be imbedded inside my head and heart as if branded with a hot iron. Again, it's not all bad but if you truly pay attention and appreciate your journey, it can be quite powerful... what's next...

Michael Jackson (I Wish You Heaven)

2009-06-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

Rest in peace and love to Mr. Michael Jackson. I guess you can say that life moves on, moves forward and in many mysterious directions, good and bad. I've been dealing with the loss of my mother and as such, have given much tribute to her here on my blog and I'm sure there will be more times when my thoughts of her will be revealed here but now I want to take a moment to give my respect to Michael Jackson's incredible talent and gift to the world. I was blessed to have actually seen him in performance way way back when I was a young kid. My father took me to see the then Jackson Five at the Hollywood Bowl and for some reason, I can remember the experience, the vibe much more so than I can remember details of the moment. From then I was hooked on the group; watching the cartoon show every Saturday morning and using some of the songs like "Got To Be There" as the background soundtrack to when I would be talking to one of my kindergarden honeys over the phone... *smile* I would later graduate to Prince but that's another story. I continued to enjoy the incredible creativity and voice of Michael and his brothers for many years to follow though I have to be honest and say that I'm actually one of the few on the planet that wasn't really into the Thriller album but prior to that with the Off The Wall album and everything before that, I was lovin it! I was chatting with someone the other day about the songs that dont get much mention but to me are the songs that get me moving and smiling.. I can hear the grooves as soon as I mention the titles.. I'm talking about "I Am Love," "Get It Together," "Maybe Tomorrow," "Looking Through The Window," "Corner In The Sky," "Forever Came Today." I can remember listening to many of these songs one year when I drove from Los Angeles to east Texas. My intention was to truly drive back in time since I was headed to a place that holds so many past memories for myself. Listening to those songs really takes me back to a time when all loved ones were still around. A belief in forever is a nonexistent thing, especially when your mother is no longer among the living. That being said, I imagine many hold the same sort of loving feeling for Michael Jackson. I hope that on the strength of those feelings they keep within their heart a positive memory of the man who was without a doubt, one of the greatest entertainers to strut from coast to coast, all over this planet. And on that note, let me leave you with this really cool video from another very creative soul; a true artist... Dwele. His tribute is way too cool...

Memories Unexpectedly

2009-06-23T23:39:00.001-07:00

I'm in the beginning stages of going thru some of my mother's things. It's not a task I've looked forward to but at the same time it's necessary and to a certain degree, very interesting/fulfilling... Once again it feels like going back in time. It also feels like discovery and surprise. I'm amazed at all the stuff my mother held on to for a lot of years. One moment I'm finding in one folder, my birth certificate, her birth certificate, her marriage license, divorce papers, an unused passport that she'd planned to use when my father promised to take her out of the country. I found old collectible magazines and more family pictures that I hadn't seen before. She hadn't placed them in one of her many photo albums. I laughed when I saw an old ticket stub from 1985. It was for Prince and the Revolution performing at the Fabulous Forum in Inglewood. That was the infamous Purple Rain Tour.

I found a ton of pens and old unused greeting cards for every occasion that might come in handy. My mother collected some things and I can remember a long long time ago tell her how cool it would've been if she'd collected things as a kid or if her parents and grand parents collected things that she could bring forth into the present and pass them on. She agreed though she didn't do that before but she quickly changed that habit. Her favorite things to collect were the magazines, stamps, and anything else she could organize into some cool folder with tabs. I'm sure I'll discover more as time goes on but for now I'm just grateful for the time and the memories...

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

I meant to post this yesterday but I'll post it now for posterity sake as I say Happy Father's Day to my dad in heaven. Father's Day is for me a sad reminder of the passing of my dad ten years ago and my mom on June 8th. I'm grateful to all the love and concern shown my way recently. The folks making me promise to call them or they'll call me sort of thing. The list is becoming long; a blessed thing so it may become hard to fulfill that promise. I know they connect or relate with the fact that here I am an only child with no parents or even grand parents left in the world. That gives me pause and deep sighs because I miss all of them and so much time has passed by that it's just mind blowing. I didn't know my grandfather on my mother's side too well because I was so young but I do forever remember his huge grin and smile. His german features to the point where you could definitely see the german mixed with black heritage in him... I was very close to my grand father on my father's side. I feel like that closeness remained even after his passing so long ago in the early 70's. There's never a day that goes by without me thinking of him in some way. His influence on me was/is strong despite the short time we spent together. He is the man I always aspired to be like. Strong, hardworking, honest, carrying himself tall/confident yet gentle at the same time. I've always felt like he was/is my guardian angel all these years though perhaps they all are and especially now that my mother has joined them in heaven, she's probably watching me the most.

My father, Virgil "Sonny" Rivers was special to me and he lived quite a life. We at times had some misunderstandings or lack of communication when physically at a distance from each other but typically when we were together, everything was alright. Sometimes, I even felt a little jealousy coming from him because I reminded him so much of his father. It didn't help that his mother/my grandmother kept telling him and reminding him that I was the reincarnation of my grandfather. Later on when she got really sick, she'd even mistake me for my grandfather. Nevertheless, I was always proud and always admired my father for his accomplishments and his skills. He was gifted at carpentry even though he spent the first half of his life in the music/record retail business. And as time goes by, memories become like historical literature that would make for great books or fascinating movies... I know my father had fun in his life though I'm not so sure he recognized or even at times appreciated his journey. I think that's the best part of living is to recognize the journey you're on and to pay close attention to every phase of it, good and bad...

I can recall way back when my father was traveling up and down the westcoast working for Fedco's music department. Sort of like a salesman and bringing in the latest hot product into their various stores. Then when he had promotional copies or extra copies of albums, he would bring them home. Needless to say, I was exposed to a wide variety of music as I can remember him bring home the first Beatles record, Hendrix, various Motown stuff, Miles Davis, Coltrane, Issac Hayes etc. I didn't really know what it was because I was a baby but I'd always notice the different album cover images. After a while in the mid seventies my father got the opportunity of a lifetime to head a chain of record stores in Houston called Budget Soul and he ran with it. That was seventies heaven with the afros, beautiful ladies, cadillac sevilles, corvettes, cash flowing everywhere, bell bottoms and open silk shirts with some kind of gold chain and medallion. He got into partnerships with various music business folks in the Houston area like George Fraizer who was a DJ at KYOK, Steve who was a promotion man, Big George who was the muscle, Gil Butron who was his most popular at his number one Budget Soul store on Alameda. They all formed a little concert promotion agency called Family Productions. It was the limelight, the highlife and everything else. It made it hard for my father to come down to the reality of the slow times on Carmona Avenue with wife and kid back in Los Angeles. The life he was then living in Houston where eventually the mayor awarded him a key to the city for being a black man running a record retail business and generating more than a million in sales had him truly feeling himself. My father is originally from Mt. Pleasant Texas which back in his day was very few people. It was a country town in the best sense of the word and tradition. He had no indoor plumbing, they took baths by filling up an aluminum bathtub with water they carried in from the well. My grandmother truly made everything from scratch, whether it be churning the butter, making preserves from fruit off the trees, vegetables grown outside, chicken that they raised, etc etc. That was his life before and the reason why when he got old enough, he left though from what he shared with me, his first stop was Chicago before he made his way to LA. I'm not sure what he did in Chicago. he never went into much detail about it except to say that he struggled a great deal and that it wasn't what he'd hoped for.

As times went on in Houston and he decided to end things with my mother, eventually even his hightimes took a downward spin. As I always say, once you start feeling invincible, that's usually when a higher power steps in to remind you just how human you really are. He had some health issues, he started to get tired of the music business because it began to change and transform into something less personal, if you will. I mean, Budget Soul Records was the kind of place where you walk in and get personal attention from the person behind the counter. Is you weren't sure what was new and hot, the person would put the needle on the record and play it for you. I remember working in my father's store on summer vacation and having this one guy come in from one of the neighborhood discos and asking me to just show him what was out. I went through pretty much the top 40 plus records at the time. he'd hear the intro to the record and would already know it was good. At the time the hot stuff was James Brown, Rufus & Chaka Khan, Brick, Brother's Johnson, Tower Of Power, Crusaders, Parliament-Funkadelic who we always soldout, Al Green, Curtis Mayfield, Barry White, and the list goes on and on when the music was incredible... Those were the days but then that change happened. In Houston it was a place called Cactus Records, which was similar to Big Ben's in LA where it was like a huge supermarket size record store that sold not just albums, tapes and cassettes but also electronics and everything else. No more personal attention. You just shop and purchase. That was the perfect opportunity for my father to get out and do something else he enjoyed that gave him real true personal satisfaction. He moved to northern Cali and got into contracting; building homes, doing bathrooms, kitchens, etc. As he and my mother redeveloped their friendship and closeness during these latter years, he was greatly encouraged by her and thru her pushing him he studied hard and got his contractors license. He did well enough to where he would work six months and then take time off to travel and see the world... He lived and that's what I appreciate about him. In the end I felt as if he were slowing down and really contemplating or perhaps re-evaluating his life, his friends, his surroundings but before it could all make sense so to speak, his time was up. He had a sudden and devastating heart attack on Oct. 3, 1998. His body was put to rest in his hometown, Mt. Pleasant. Unlike my mother who was blessed with time to get things in order and to make all of her wishes known, my father wasn't given that opportunity. Time was hectic after his death and that which perhaps he was re-evaluating made life very tough for myself and my mother as we attempted despite the aftermath to take care of his mother/my grandmother, Senora Rivers. I believe my father would've been proud of my mother in how she stepped in made sure things would be in order with Senora. It was rough because of others but easy because our hearts were in the right place. Life is precious and such an amazing journey.. My father had a great one.

That Moment

2009-06-17T14:07:00.000-07:00

There are split seconds of unconscious times that a camera cannot always capture. Mostly that happens because individuals become conscious of the fact that something is being pointed at them so they react in some way, either embracing the fact that they're being photographed or putting up a defense while reluctantly submitting to being captured by image/photograph. Anyway, I say this to say that yesterday, as I enjoyed spending time with family at the gathering/repass of my mother, I noticed in one split second as I looked in the direction of my uncle Cecil "Bubba" Moorings that he in his moment of expression looked exactly like his mother, my grandmother, Alzata Moorings.. It was one of those moments when I wished I had my camera but I knew that if I attempted to take the shot, he would've noticed and the expression would've disappeared. I often wonder when moments like that happen, are we simply being visited by the loved one that's passed on. was my grandmother there in some way. I believe she was and perhaps my mother was two alongside of her; both probably enjoying the love and togetherness of family. I hope we can share that love again very soon not only because of a passing but more so in remembrance and celebration of those watching over us as well as us taking care of each other right here on earth... My uncle Bubba said to me, "we gonna make it.. we gonna get thru this.." and I believe we will, though our hearts will forever wish, want and miss those that have passed on... most notably, Natalie(my cousin), Alzata(my grandmother), and now my mom, Gloria.

Gloria Ann Rivers: Part Two

2009-06-16T15:11:00.000-07:00

I can remember ten years ago seeing my mother on the couch, holding a picture of my father in her hands. I knew the reason without her saying anything. He'd passed on at the young age of 57 and in between that moment and today, time has flown by with various ups and downs, good moments, highs and lows; life lessons one after the other. Now here I am with my turn to hold the picture on what feels like a Black Tuesday; the day of my mother's memorial service.

I'd been feeling like a whole was placed inside my body the last week. I wasn't sure what to do or where to go. All I could hear were words of concern and talk about being strong. Those words mostly came from me and from voices that I hear from time to time in my head. I could also hear my mother and see her face; sometimes a smile and other times a smirk as she loved to do. She was a strong minded opinionated woman with a very large soft side too... I'm gonna miss every ounce of her personality but I know somehow I'll feel her spirit, her concern, her love for she was forever and always doing just that; being concerned and giving her love...

Now, though I started this day feeling like it would be Black Tuesday, thanks to my family, Tamer, Charles, Bubba, Mildred, Johnnie(her voice reminds me of Texas and all my ancestors), Vaughn, Dee Dee, Chris, my uncle/brother Richard, Sylvia, beautiful Lorna, David Jackson and Tyrone Griffin(two heros of mine) and a whole lot of friends and other family, this day was beautiful and the memorial, truly special... I'm so grateful for the service given by special friend, Rev. Daryl Street and family member Rev. A.K. Brown. It was a beautiful occasion and one that I believe my mother would be surprised and very proud of. I don't believe she imagined many would come but the turnout was tremendous and I'm forever grateful to all that came. My mother is at peace and now she can be peacefully proud.

I'm also forever grateful to my auntie Tamer for all that she did and has done for my mother even long before this cancer came into our lives. My mother has always been proud and always excited about the special bond and special moments that the two have shared together. Tamer Ruth Moorings, my mother's special and beautiful sister. She did my mom proud and truly took care of her until their mom(Alzata Moorings) came and showed her the way to heaven... God Bless...

Thanks to all Texas family that visit this blog; College Station, Mt. Pleasant, Houston, Dangerfield, Bryan, Longview, Gladewater, Dallas, etc. Hope you know that Gloria Ann Rivers was a very proud Texan and I carry on that part of her spirit with pride... Today for the memorial service, I played a different version of the video tribute to my mother. Hope you enjoy and also visit the previous posts, saluting my mommy... Love forever and always... son.. V. Anthony Rivers III

Gloria Ann Rivers

2009-06-08T20:28:00.000-07:00

How does one pay tribute to someone who gave them every ounce of life.. The memories that collide with one another deep inside my head and heart feel overwhelming at times. I try to be strong in the face of wanting to simply stop and cry but my mother is indeed in a better place right now, resting in peace. Though if her afterlife is anything like her life here on earth, she probably aint resting. Instead, she's writing up budget plans, taking notes, and putting enough money to the side so that she can enjoy a twice a month trip to the nearest casino to play bingo. Or maybe there's some sit and knit sessions going on in heaven. My mother didn't rest much until the powers that be placed cancer upon her shoulders and she had to take it easy, do a little less, cut back on those long drives out of town. I had two parents who loved to hit the highway and head to the promise land of east Texas and beyond. They passed that down to me. I live for moments on the road but I've had to stay close so I could be there for her.

Last year on June 23rd, my mother was diagnosed with gastric cancer. She fought hard and cooperated with all involved. She was a sweetheart in the midst of her frustration. She always questioned, why her and why now? She'd finally found HAPPINESS in a huge way. She wasn't without worry because I was around, working her nerves though not on purpose. *smile* Despite that, my mother found so much joy and purpose during what is now her very short retirement, cut even shorter. She just made five years after working so hard previously and putting in long long hours on the job. Sacrifice, dedication, love, concern, doing the best she could for me.. Every sense of the crown known as Motherhood, she displayed. She wasn't always a rock of gibraltar per se but she remained a constant cornerstone of support and caring, which always preceded her familiar sayings like "I tell you, Anthony Rivers" and "Oh God!" making you feel like the support might not come but it always did... always...

My imagination need not stretch when thinking about my mother. The memories are as complex as a Shakespeare play and as simple as an Isley Brothers groove circa the late seventies. I typically find myself wanting to go back in time and now is no exception. I would rob time if it meant I could go backwards to spend more moments with the love ones no longer here. Now that my mother is gone from this earth, I wish that to the tenth power... Life aint always fair but life is what it is.... time that doesn't always act in our favor. The only way to make it somewhat feel favorable is to take a little bit from my mother's consistent direction of prepare, stay prepared and never let a rainy day sneak up on you... She was prepared even for death despite the end in which the pain was severe and the mind not always clear. She handled it as best she could... Her sense of preparation reminded me of intuition. My mother’s intuition was a beautiful and blessed thing even when she still reluctantly allowed me to swim upstream against negative currents, go my own way, make my own choices, I still had her L-O-V-E. And along with it, she gave me a piece; a large chunk of her mind; advising me on what was good, what was wrong.. She’d give me her opinion on my choices; those that I allowed in my life that might bring strife. Mother’s intuition; she was right but I had to go my own way. Stubbornness pulls you that way sometimes... The best part though, is that in the end she found me happy, making the right decisions and allowing the right someone into my life…. someone she loved and approved of… someone she trusts and smiles at the mere sound and mention of the name… That’s an incredible feeling, blessing, honor and she was there too, with me as my mother joined my grandmother in heaven… My aunt Tamer said she prayed for Mother(Alzata) to come down and take her daughter with her to heaven and I believe she did... Love is that powerful and as they say, always on time... Rest in peace and love and I'll try my best to listen to every word of your wisdom... Love, Son

Words To Come Later...

2009-06-08T02:34:00.000-07:00

I felt her when she left this earth... today, my mother died....

Life-Decisions-Time

2009-06-04T01:22:00.000-07:00

I rush home to check on her. She struggles to breathe. Her heart is weak. Her chest resembling forced movement. By the grace of God, she's still in motion. I look in her eyes when she opens them. She's not completely there. Disoriented. Confused. Bewildered. Descriptions that never could be placed upon my mother at any point in her life yet now, close to the end, this is how it is. Decisions now placed upon me that she warned and prepared me for. She always knew how it would go and I did too but when it's your mom, a whole different perspective rides on your shoulders. I've seen the end stages before in dealing with both grandmothers but especially on my father's side; Senora Rivers. I was blessed with my mother to be the buffer during that time in my life but this time I'm somehow finding strength through experience and faith, family and love... I clutch tightly to all that keeps me going and very grateful for that which keeps me inspired to move forward in the midst of what will come tomorrow... remembrance and sorrow...

Torture of some kind...

2009-05-27T01:27:00.000-07:00

So much discussion about a memo of torture these days. Cheney defends the nonsense. Obama just wants it to go away so he can deal with more pressing issues. He’s got other very capable folks to handle the thorns in one’s side so he can move forward instead of side ways; stepping around all the BS. I’ve got my own personal torture and unlike Obama, mine is inevitable. Nothing is more pressing than to watch your own mother in the stages of losing a tough battle against cancer. She’s strong. She finds ways to smile and joke about something but at the same time I can hear the pain, which is constant. I see the shortness of breath. She can no longer get around or do for self. And it came out of nowhere; this recent deterioration. Last month she was doing somewhat okay. She could get around, she could eat and drink. Now, she’s shutting down. Time is few… This is real torture. Torture of the heart and soul. I thank God for my mother and I thank her for trying her best to prepare me for this time. As she’s gone thru this battle, she’s tried very hard to explain each part of the process to me. She worries about my life ahead of me but I believe I’ll be fine. Besides all that she’s done for me recently, the last two years of my life have been such a major lesson that in a lot of ways I can see the value of its experience despite the amount of negativity involved. I’m a stronger and hopefully wiser person for it. I allowed individuals to come into my life and control it’s direction. I turned a deaf ear to those who really and truly care, not to mention I forgot all promises made to myself. The downfall was huge but I discovered so much during my descent, which provided me with temporary wings, allowing me to return to the surface of sound thinking. Time is precious…

Mother's Day

2009-05-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day for me was reminiscent of most days lately.. Like daily revisits to the time capsule. Without really trying, I find myself thinking about the past and visualizing each moment so strongly that I can literally transport myself back. It just happens and it's not like an enjoyment thing. It happens because I see my mother struggling, battling and holding on. I wish for the days and years gone by to return. I never imagined a time like this would cause me to see my own life flash before me but maybe that's because such a major transition is around the corner. It's been quite a ride too; my life. Filled with so many emotional ups and downs, extremes, near deaths, dream come trues, dreams destroyed, celebrations, frustrations, exhaustions, exhilarations, etc.. And I constantly miss the road leading to my grandmother's house in Texas. A house of peace and rejuvenation that I've never felt anywhere else. I miss being able to go there and wish I could right now for the healing, rejuvenation and peace... I wish I could take my mother there right now.

Sometimes, I look back a couple years and wonder if I made a big mistake by selling such an incredible piece of family history. At the time it seemed and felt like the right thing to do for other reasons, not so much financial but because of the change I'd seen in the small town and the lack of being able to trust individuals who I looked upon to simply be good neighbors. That trust factor has always been a thorn in my side. I've made many mistakes by throwing caution to the wind and trusting blindly. I've paid hugely as a result. The lessons have been tremendous. Maybe this route I took to get to where I am now was necessary but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if I didn't sell. If I remained patient and ignored the changes around what was my own piece of heaven on Tennison Road. I sold history and though it may be a far fetched dream at this point, if I ever have the opportunity to get it back, I would without hesitation. Maybe one day in heaven I'll see the image that once was when we used to make that left turn down Tennison from the highway, drive down a few feet and turn left into the driveway; pull inside and the first thing you'd hear would be the moo of a cow followed by the slam of an old screen door and a beautiful southern voice saying "hey there!" My grandma would say and then smile real big with that gold tooth shining.

Today I sat with my mother at the hospital. She was there for a procedure. I watched as she struggled to drink a solution she needed for a test and then I watched as she looked at her hands. She said she could feel the "neuropathy" setting in. Just seeing her do that transported me back in time to where we were in east Texas on the fourth of July. It was hot but it didn't matter. When the night set in, you could see and hear fireworks in the distance. We watched from the front porch of the original house that my grandparents lived in at the time before my father eventually built a new house there. My mother decided to join in on the fireworks by tossing firecrackers. She'd light it and then toss. She kept doing one after the other until one she held a little bit too long and it exploded in her fingers. She was in obvious pain, opening and closing her hand; moving her fingers about. She recovered quickly and we continued watching the show in the sky. Today there's no recovery. The pain remains constant. Comfort is only temporary....

That's how it is for me right now.. life flashing before my eyes, memories coming from nowhere.. constant reminders of all that I've learned, things that I've seen, time that's wasted, time that's appreciated.. the good, the bad, the ugly, the wonderful, the deceiving, the celebration of life.. for there is a lot to celebrate but right now it's pretty rough... a tough test of inner strength...

May Day

2009-05-05T10:15:00.001-07:00

The first day of May has become an interesting one as I like to head downtown and experience the protest march/rally that typically goes on. Most times it felt more like a celebration of the past and continued efforts of marching on behalf of workers rights. When I went last year, the turnout was much larger but this time was still just as vocal and enthusiastic despite the smaller crowds. One thing that grabbed my attention and the focus of my camera was the punk rock band playing on the corner, surrounded very tightly by onlookers. I could barely squeeze in the shots but I got a few good ones... I liked their energy and sound...

Thinking & Wondering..

2009-04-22T11:57:00.001-07:00

More times than not, I'm blown away by human behavior or better yet, human disguise. The way folks treat each other, the way a lie feels more comfortable than truth, disrespect a function of not only the youth but everybody fifty on down to two! But a child knows no better unless taught so how about the many grown folks out there? How do we teach those who should already know? Or is this the downward never-ending spiral headed toward oblivion filled with minds whose mission it is to forever wreck havoc on those who simply want to live good, live free, live whole and complete. These folks are like unnecessary speed bumps on the road of life. Or perhaps they're not unnecessary because eventually you learn something. The trick is to not become that which frustrates the hell out of you thereby putting yourself under the cloak of hypocrisy. Like for example, I'm calling the bank wanting to payoff something, they send me an extension. This happens three times after speaking with three different people. I'm waiting for somebody to get it right. I don't know; maybe the word "payoff" or "purchase" isn't the politically correct term in 2009? Then on top of that, I'm still dealing with someone who swears by their word to get something done but in a month or two it'll be two years since they uttered the words, "I promise, this will be resolved by next week." Yeah, next week two years ago...I shake my head. It's become comical at this point. I often wonder why so many refuse to recognize the beauty, the power, the satisfaction of being true to your word, honest in your actions and reactions, and just being good to those you encounter. It makes life so much easier but it's like traffic that keeps stopping for no reason except that some place, somewhere out there, somebody is screwing things up by being self-centered and not recognizing that there's more to this world than themselves. Tunnel vision has become a serious disease. Folks who've lost all peripheral vision and only see themselves in the realm of everything! A good friend of mine who happens to be a very talented author along with just being a great person is experiencing the frustration of dealing with individuals who possess a talent for not delivering on simple promises. Every day they promise to deliver what's written in contract but consistently fall on excuses for the month to month to month delays... I wish her well in her struggle to get things resolved because no one deserves the silliness of waiting on someone to get it right and abide by simple uncomplicated honesty... The beautiful flow of life often gets re-routed by the heartless few but those are the same ones most likely to be introduced to karma.. what comes around... etc.

Still Interlude...

2009-04-14T02:47:00.001-07:00

Vacation Imagination

2009-04-11T23:32:00.000-07:00

She acts like she's leaving on a trip somewhere soon.. A vacation where she needs all her bags. She's talking about papers that need filing, make sure you do this and that, here's a folder for this and that.. She's sure she wont be around yet I say, why not appreciate each day and linger your mind in the belief that it feels good to be alive, no matter how short, how long, breathing, living, watching the world in all it's beauty and craziness, sadness and celebration, turn and continue.. But she doesn't.. she's focused on not being here.. She's waiting for the air conditioned bus, like going on weekend trip to Vegas to play bingo. Only difference is, that one returns..

Another Personal Year Gone By

2009-04-01T03:30:00.000-07:00

3-31 Style… I’ve always loved the sound of my birthdate.. Quite often I find myself turning my head toward the clock only to notice that it’s 3:31 pm or am. I look at a piece of paper and see the number 331 on there somewhere… a special coincidence… a lucky situation, I’m not sure. You’d think I’d use those numbers to play lotto with but I don’t. Actually, for the most part I keep my pride to myself when it comes to my birthdate. Typically never making mention of it. I figure those that care will announce it to the world and I’m blessed to say that I have good folks/friends in my life who do turn my day into celebration. Today was such a day. Me, being spoil by the most incredible yet sincere person I’ve ever been blessed to have in my life. She’s nonstop with her love to the point where it’s truly a brand new day, every day for me… the feeling is enormous and unreal in a real way at times. And then seeing my mother smile and wish me a Happy Birthday is always the best feeling. I tear up as she battles and fights her struggle. Her joy in seeing me happy is an incredible feeling. She asked me what I wanted for my birthday and the only thing that comes to mind is for her to be healthy…. HEALTHY… I’d give anything to turn back the hands of time to one of those years when we would pack the car and drive to Texas despite her kind of driving me crazy telling me to “watch your speed..” *smile* Good times that I miss…. When you’re young, you don’t see the chapters of life before you. The ups and downs, the crossroads, the empty valleys… you just think about the highlights and what you can get. Now I think about savoring each milli-second of time. I look deeper into each situation, good, bad and toss away the nonsense because some things just aint worth wasting time over… Imagine the celebratory feeling invading your entire soul when you realize how sweet it is to find time to love who you are and the impact when you discover others who give good love to you too... *smile* word.... it's nice...

Prince Live 3/28/09 Lotusflow3r

2009-03-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

Another beautiful yet interesting night with Prince. I look back over time, scanning thoughts from my mind(excuse the poetics); I’m amazed by how many times I’ve seen this incredible artist, musician, musical icon, living creative soul. I mean, I go back pre-Purple Rain days to the “For You” time period(his first album). I remember seeing him in venues like the Sam Houston auditorium, the Houston Summit arena, Santa Monica Civic Auditorium, The KeyClub, Hollywood Palladium, The Forum, Staples Center, The Wiltern Theatre, Hollywood Bowl, Universal Amphitheatre, New Orleans Superdome (he performed while moving around onstage on roller skates..lol.. blew my mind), Rio Hotel in Las Vegas(incredible show- opened with one of my favorite songs, Something In The Water and closed the show with Ceelo joining him onstage to sing Crazy) and now lastnight at the new Nokia Theatre, which unfortunately has a sub-par sound system and amateur folks working the boards and lighting. I’ve never seen a performer have to do sooooooooo much directing from onstage and still perform at the same time. It went something like, “clap your hands y’all!” and then “umm..adjust the mic, getting feedback, give me more bass, turn up the kick drum” then he’s singing, then he’s talking “it’s gonna be a beautiful night y’all… what y’all wanna hear!” then he’s saying “adjust the house lights a little, turn down the stage lights, turn up the house lights, give me sound from the side monitors please… thank you my brother…” lol.. It got to be hysterical after awhile but as Prince said while exercising tremendous patience, “I’m gonna play through it, y’all” and that’s what he did. I guess for me, I felt something might go wrong when they began playing a Michael Jackson song moments before Prince was due to hit the stage... lol.. And I said "whyeeee??" *smile* Battling that bad sound system Prince played and played and still seemed to have a great deal of fun. He definitely connected with the crowd and pulled us all in; no doubt a master of the stage. He only played a couple songs from the new CD’s and the rest was old stuff and a few covers from Kool and the Gang, Wild Cherry, and the Beatles. The Wild Cherry song (Play that Funky Music), Prince stepped away from the mic and allowed someone from the audience to sing. That person put on a show! Prince said “brother you turned it out so much we don’t ever have to play that song again!” Then jokingly he said “now get off the stage!” I was watching Prince perform and interact with the crowd so closely and at times I found myself reminiscing as he would say, “the Dayz of Wild”; past shows and experiences.. Remembering how he used to run across the stage, doing the splits, sliding across the floor, solo piano performances, jumping off the top of the piano, landing in a split and then jumping out of the split back up to the piano, not missing a beat and playing like a man possessed with unstoppable creativity. He may not dance around like he used to but creatively and musically he’s still unstoppable. To me he’s like the Michael Jordan of music. He totally loves to play and just like Jordan who relied on the jumpshot and picked and choosed his slamdunk moments carefully, Prince switched to his own version of a classic jumpshot; he mastered his instrument(s), plays the heck out of it/them and his slamdunk perhaps is of a personal nature as in my opinion he seems to be a man who has become extremely comfortable in his own skin, completely at peace spiritually, and definitely in control of all things creative. So many try to put him down, so many try to say he’s this or that based on what they’ve seen him do twenty years or more ago and I say to them, look where he is now and checkout how far he’s come. Don’t hold so tightly to a perception that it becomes a judgement. He’s aged gracefully and yet still ferocious musically… doing what he loves and he’s truly earned the status of musical icon, which is a whole lot better than joining the social-butterfly-trying-to-pass-themselves-off-as-artist crowd that exists today among the so-called famous folks out there now. And another note from lastnight’s show, during one of the encores, Prince played two songs from The Time and then did the Glamorous Life. Sheila E. came out to join him and that was great to see. They both seemed very happy onstage together. Lastnight was a beautiful night, a beautiful escape and for me personally it felt incredible to share that experience with a very special someone for her first time. Her perception was changed. Hope to see and experience Prince again in the near future. Maybe one day I’ll be blessed to experience one of those concerts at his mansion.. *smile* One can dream…

Anti-War/Pro-Jobs 3/21/09

2009-03-24T03:13:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a blast... a beautiful experience.. I always love checking out protest rallies and marches. I feel like it's a great way to basically put your finger on the pulse of how some folks might be feeling about various issues. I go to listen, learn, observe and of course, capture the moment(s) with my camera as I work in the direction of showcasing some photojournalistic chops. On this day, Saturday, March 21st, 2009, it marked the sixth anniversary of the Iraq War and these good folks marked the occasion with a very well organized march down Hollywood Blvd. The back drop of this area was a strange twist to the seriousness, passion and togetherness exhibited by the marchers. Someone I know told me that this sort of thing is a "waste of time and folks could use their energy in a better way to do something more real" or something to that effect... I was kind of surprised to hear that coming from this person but I know that's pretty much attributed to someone who doesn't understand, passing judgement on something they've never experienced or attempted to witness firsthand. Without folks taking to the streets, I think a whole lot of what is now important history would've never taken place and a whole lot of freedom's never achieved. We no doubt need it all.. the efforts in the streets, the boardrooms, the courtrooms, the churches, etc etc, but I truly believe it's folks like these who put themselves out there on behalf of others that keep us moving forward without forgetting the steps taken beforehand. Don't rest on the lazy boy cushion of success or try to sweep things under the rug just because it don't feel good to remember... Checkout Obama.... part of what makes him who he is, goes hand in hand with his love for getting out of the White House and taking his message to the streets, the town hall meetings, face to face, letting folks know what's up. But just like with these protest rallies and marches, I bet he finds his methods as a great way to stay grounded and keep an ear close to a healthy slice of real true public opinion. On March 21st, I witnessed a whole lot of truth and passion and a great sense of community/togetherness...

Soaking In The Words Of A Friend

2009-03-09T11:33:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed an email conversation with a sister-friend in Nashville today. She mentioned how she wanted to get back to financial comfort to where she could “travel a couple times a year to revitalize mind and spirit.” I sat back and said, ahh yessss… It felt like cool water against my face. I want that as well for myself and to be able to enjoy it with my special one… I long for a little country breeze and a southern breakfast. I can smell the scent and vizualize a full orange moon at the end of the highway like I experienced in east Texas one year. I tried my best to drive all the way to it but my destination had come up so instead I watched the moon for a while from the front porch. A life I miss so much now and wish I could turn the hands of time back to experience but bring that special one with me and show her what complete freedom and peace feel like. Whew.. if my financial situation was right, I’d try to reclaim what I sold a few years ago.

Lastnight as I was cleaning up and getting rid of old paper work and paid off statements, I came across several interesting notes, letters and images that I printed on glossy computer paper over the last years times five, six or more... Each one of these things not only brought memories to the forefront of my mind but also had me traveling back in time. There was an old letter from a couple years ago that I never sent. It was a response to someone no longer in my life. It gave me a feeling of darkness and unforgiving, unnecessary strain. I then found a listing printed out by my father that showed the names and birth’s of my family beginning with Joe Rivers and Lucy Royal, my great grand parents. There was a little stain on the bottom of the page thanks to me reading this on a kitchen table one morning in Mt. Pleasant, Texas. The page was slightly soaking in this very thick syrup that I was using on my pancakes at the time. It’s something they call, Ribbon Cane Syrup. That stuff is so thick and sweet.. Sort of reminds me of Brer Rabbit but thicker and sweeter.. I had gotten it after one of my cousin’s told me to buy some in downtown Mt. Pleasant. I was using that on everything I ate during that trip. My grandmother was still alive during this time and I can remember pulling this page with the family info out of one of the bibles in my grandmother’s living room.

One of the images that I noticed on the glossy paper was a picture of me during my 1999 road trip to Texas and beyond. I was at a rest stop somewhere. The image took me back. I was a few or perhaps many pounds lighter than I am now.. *smile* I remember eating sandwiches that I had prepared for my trip. My sandwiches had been sitting in the hot backseat area, softening the cheese, bread getting moist and blending together with the miracle whip and tasting delicious! Whew.. I always washed it down with some Welch’s grape soda, which also kept me awake on the road because of the high sugar content and carbonation in that drink. Again, those were the days but I’m here now, aching to return to yesterday but I know I can’t. However, I will be back on the road soon and in the country because my soul is begging for that kind of rejuvenation, which is something you can never get in these cities where the closest thing to escaping the daily grind is a cruise thru the canyon in the wee hours of the morning after the nightowls have gone to bed and before the early risers greet the new morning…The window of time is short but worth every second when you can find it… Thank God for memories and for the cool breeze of good conversation that inspires my soul to hold onto what was and still is so very important...

The Argument Fascination

2009-03-09T00:18:00.000-07:00

I look at television these days and wonder. For a long time I’ve been put off by the so-called reality shows and it seems like they’re here to stay for a while longer. I don’t get that stuff or why people enjoy it so much, just as I don’t understand the trend of shows that feature folks always arguing. Gone are the days of peaceful disagreements and calm voices of reason, with the exception of our President, of course. I turn to CNN; folks are arguing. I turn to ESPN; folks are arguing. I turn to MSNBC; same thing… I guess that stuff is popular and God forbid anyone should go their own route, be their own individual person and not follow trends, so as a result we get a lot of the same with just different faces. I wonder would Walter Conkrite enjoy today’s news business. I miss the good ol days of Tom Snyder late at night or even Ted Koppel although I’m still able to enjoy someone cool like Charlie Rose whenever I can catch him and even Tavis Smiley is a favorite too. I also enjoy Ed Gordon and love it when he’s on Chris Mathews show on MSNBC. Mind you, Chris has some argumentative moments but it doesn’t get out of hand because he has control of his “Hardball Show” and he seems to have a great deal of common sense.. Maybe it’s just me but respectfully, I just don’t get off on the argument style nor the unrealistic so-called reality TV shows that’s got regular folks imitating that stuff so that it becomes real…Like a mirror that’s held up with your image before you even step in front of it. If those shows are truly what we are, do and look like then I guess it’s no wonder why what we see happening in the world around us is the way it is… The only true reality in TV land that I think is interesting is in the way CNN reaches out to viewers and allows for instant reaction to stories and comments via the internet. I’ve used this several times myself and the whole iReport thing is pretty impressive especially when major things happen and someone with a camera is right there to capture the moment and send in the shot. That’s cool. Plus it’s cool seeing life through other folks eyes via images, words and thoughts shared. This sort of realness looks nothing like what I’ve seen briefly on those “reality” shows. Thank God for HGTV too… I like to dream and escape reality from time to time.. See a good movie, read a great story, listen to some incredible music, hear a wonderful speaker… Instead, everyone is on full volume, arguing, talking all at once, accomplishing nothing, trying to convince us that their consistently constant drama filled lives over silly things is important…*smile* Say that five times real fast.. I turned the channel the other day only to find some show about Hugh Hefner and his ex and some other lady and I’m thinking, this is important because why? This is entertaining, how? I waved my hand at the television, turned to CNN for five minutes and saw that they were repeating the same stories of the day. I turned to MSNBC and they’re showing back to back to back prison reality shows which at times can be interesting but ultimately make you depressed. I turned the TV off and returned to my computer. Thank God for Youtube and iTunes… My escape when I’m not creating or working on images captured from my own day to day…

The Reach

2009-02-21T09:25:00.000-08:00

Reaching for dreams away from the scene of the crime; obscene. The time I put into wasting away, sad, misery, fading in the game playing of another's existence. Walking around like hot sand stuck to my face; eyes hidden. I tasted something I never imagined but always knew could be reality. Like a magnet I flew head first; smack! It took a dream to pry myself away from the misery. A reminder like a brick thrown in my direction. The mirror shattered. I didn't need the view anyway. I wore my reflection on my sleeve. All I had to do was lift my arm and sniff. The dirt at the end of my sleeve represented my future in two ways. Either I was gonna jump or fly, make it or die, live, hurt, fight, climb, reach, use my mind again and remember those dreams that I put aside. Bring them back to the forefront. I'm making effort more than a try...

Times Have Been Swift

2009-02-09T12:16:00.000-08:00

Time never waits, never stalls, never blinks; it just keeps on going but it always leaves something behind in ways that everyone can relate. Everybody gotta story, a journey; a life… our footprints are etched in everything we do or have done during this time. Those footprints aren’t necessarily in the sand but in the hearts, minds, thoughts of others; be it good, bad or indifferent. Every once in a while time strikes me like lightning. I look around not so much literally but in searching through the pages of memories that flash throughout my mind. My mental file cabinet runs deep like the thousands of pages you’d find in some old county courthouse of small town America. It’s amazing to sift through pages like that. I used to go to the courthouse in Daingerfield, Texas where I’d discover family members I never knew about and some that I’ve heard about in stories handed down from family to family. Part of my main reason for the writing I’ve done in the past via this blog or in the stories that I’ve written is my desire for wanting to pass down not only something handed down to me but also stories, emotions, and situations that I’ve lived and/or have affected me in some kind of way. Right now my time is in an undefineable state or category. It’s like being in limbo wondering what’s next though at the same time being so thankful for the blessings that come during the trying times as well as the good times. A lot of that thankfulness comes from feeling like I’ve done all I can do and now must leave it up to whatever will be. I’ve made mistakes but the lessons resemble the hope filled bridge that I stand on now as I make my way forward. The thankfulness is also attributed to a special someone that keeps me so motivated, I’m always saying “wow!” That part of this time is defineable. Words come to mind like forever, incredible, special, grateful surrender… But time keeps marching on oblivious to what may come. If time were a person, he or she would probably be friendless because it never sticks around to see if you’re okay when you’ve fallen or congratulate when you’ve achieved. Sounds silly but I think about time like that, especially when those pages upon pages of memories flash various faces and/or experiences that have left me feeling some sort of emotion or even confusion because then I begin to think, why are some; actually, why are all people the way they are? Is it set in stone somewhere or is it just the result of decisions made throughout our personal journeys? Most times I believe, you know when you’re headed in the wrong direction. Something doesn’t feel right, similar to if you’re in your car looking for a destination that you found so easily on a map or googled and saw it so clearly on the satelite webcam thingy. You see stuff that doesn’t look right. Street names that make no sense. Nothing appears right and you get the feeling that every pedestrian that’s walking on the sidewalk is looking at you like you shouldn’t be where you’re currently at. The same is true when you’re at a point in life where you don’t belong except the only pedestrian is you standing in the mirror noticing a change… Hopefully that change is positive. A lot of times we keep going in the same direction and ignore all the warnings or oneway signs. I’ve been guilty many times of ignoring signs and even my own feelings. I’ve turned my head at suggestions coming from others who say “ask yourself is this right for you.” No need in asking myself if I’m already not listening. But then, time keeps marching on and that’s when, if you wake up, you can turn direction into wisdom rather than consequence because the latter is not a gratifying experience. But, depending upon your decision from this point on, consequence can do a complete turnaround. Thing is, it takes everything you got from rolling up your sleeves and getting back on track to every genuine ounce of humility that bleeds from your heart and soul... It’s not always certain if time will allow you that opportunity. He or she stays busy and makes no guarantees about who’s gonna be left around… Anyway.. (picture me sighing after this somewhat long ramble) I’m a thinking man, most times… :-)

His Invisible Wife By Shelia M. Goss

2009-02-01T19:55:00.000-08:00

I'm proud to create this video for one of my favorite authors and also very special sister-friend, Shelia M. Goss. This is for her new book due out very soon. I'm very happy to see her still doing her thang as an author. Still putting out great stories and accomplishing so much from one of the great states in this country, Louisiana! Enjoy and definitely support when the book comes out.. Available in bookstores and especially via Amazon.com. Pre-order that baby! :-)

Stumbling Cost...

2009-01-15T03:24:00.000-08:00

“Deceit always stumbles upon repetition.”

If you watch someone over time and notice that their main mission in life is to get over on others ie. take advantage of situations in order to reap some sort of self-perceived benefit, you will discover cracks in the roads they’ve traveled. Eventually something happens. Perhaps it’s karma. There’s those who will never learn. They’ve managed to embed their lies so deeply within that from their vantage point, all is true. They’ll proclaim themselves with passion and vigor about being a "good person." You’ll wonder who are they tying to convince; you or themselves. I’ve had to deal with this sort of individual(s). I file every moment under the category of “silly but unfortunately necessary.” A product of one aspect of life... It’s been eye opening. The human nature part of it intrigues me. I pay close attention to those that I know and those that I observe from a far. I’ve always done this to a certain extent but now I feel it’s on a deeper level probably because of two reasons. I’m older now and I’ve been through a wide range of life experiences in the last ten to fifteen years that should give me some kind of credential for making slight on point observations.

Another case in point: The last few months at the hospital I work at, I’ve observed a young surgeon as he moves closer to becoming a full fledge doctor. He’s in his first year of residency and seemingly unaware of the blessing he holds in his hands. His work ethic is non-existent unless you count the consistent effort in which he puts forth to try to get around his responsibilities. It appears he’s brought with him a playground sensibility or mentality. He does whatever he can and says whatever he needs to say in order to NOT do what he’s supposed to do. He’ll lie with ease. The sad part is I predicted his behavior after speaking with him during his first week at the hospital some months ago. He attempted to use his techniques on me and went into that give-a-brotha-a-break, feel-sorry-for-me mode. For what he was trying to avoid doing which took very ilttle effort and time, I knew then and there, this young man would be trouble. If it’s any indication on how he’ll be as a doctor and especially a surgeon, I fear for anyone having to be under his care. Hopefully he’ll wake up and realize the seriousness of his chosen career. I’ve seen other young doctors verbally whipped into shape by their more senior counterparts but this fella reminds me of a high school student holding his head up high because of the perception or belief of superior status rather than recognizing the incredible value of an academic foundation followed by career achievement. He may suffer from the "invincible syndrome" that many fall victim to these days including the first example. In the end, like most people who choose to deceive, the achievement resembles more so an image of pathetic behavior and conniving pursuit than anything else. Perhaps it elevates them in one respect but the eventual payoff could be a much longer and more painful drop when things go wrong… (?) Humility is the only pill that must be swallowed... IMHO *smile*

Dealing with it...

2009-01-13T10:38:00.000-08:00

Days and nights on the front porch with my man Jessie, I began to learn what made him tick though I'm sure he figured me out long before I reached any conclusions about him. We both shared life experiences thru conversation that was not only a trip for me to even divulge such personal stuff but also mind blowing to hear what another man been through from a different era. His situations sounded a whole lot like mine with the exception of his successful relationship with his lady. Thing is, I caught Jessie at a time in his life when he was battling a much different kind of opponent and there were times when he wasn't taking it on the chin and getting back up again like he would preach to me so many times. Frustration set in. He would be talking crazy like he looked forward to joining his wife where she was much more than enjoying what time he had left in this world. Sometimes I had to throw verbal bricks in his pathway. Meaning, I had to say things that might cause him to step back and think; sort of like what he would do to me whenever wisdom filled responses would enter his mind after I said something stupid. I get angry when out of frustration he'll warn me about the ways of the world and keeping myself together so I won't make the same mistakes I've made in the past; stuff that I would sometimes regret ever sharing with him. I lashed out a few times. The last time I caught him off guard.

I said, "I'm supposed to be afraid to live just because you afraid to die? If you frustrated and getting scared because your days are numbered then you need to just admit to what you feeling and deal with it!"

Jessie just looked at me and then a smirk came upon his face. He nodded his head a few times and then said in a husky voice, "okay, okay..." He cleared his throat and said the same thing one more time. After that moment, a few weeks went by and everything seemed cool but there were hints of the same frustrations coming out; little sly comments and remarks but I figured that's just the way it is when a man's been told that life could be ending soon. Until he comes to grip with his journey and the realization that there's always an end, he's just gonna keep planting seeds of self-pity. It's kind of like his garden will grow so fast that he'll lose himself deep inside all that selfish pride to where no one can find the true blessing of what he'd eventually leave behind. They always say with respect to money that you can't take it with you. Well, in the case of what's truly the most important; it does go with you. I'm talking about the wisdom carried through life experiences, the stories from what your eyes have seen during your lifetime, and every emotional step along the way. To me there's a lot more nuances to living than that final submission to death.

Excerpt from
Lynwood and Jessie
Copr.2009

The frustrating, the historical & the beautiful full circle

2009-01-08T14:10:00.000-08:00

2008 I can honestly say was a lot better than 2007 though life remained a struggle in so many ways. I lost and had to let go… The down times moving in and out on a weekly basis; still having to deal with the same frustrations created by bad decision making on my part but at the same time witnessing the beautiful growth of something that kept me sane, hopeful and escaping the reality that always set me in a mental backwards spiral… sometimes… The hopeful was and is love. I couldn’t ask for more than what I’ve been blessed with thus far; the kind of love that makes the world a little easier to deal with. It’s an escape from the present into the future; feeling like past dreams and beliefs of how good it can be, colliding with sincere efforts to make it is just that…. Really good… The beautiful full circle also included CREATIVITY… whew… It’s the fuel that drives my engine in ways that keeps me passionate about life because without it, I wouldn’t have come up from the negative depths of 2007 or risen above the frustrations which I was forced to bring with me in 2008 and still must continue to deal with in 2009. Sometimes individuals see not the reward in being true to their word, thus causing them to latch onto ways to get over, get around, and avoid simply doing what they promised. And dealing with that sort of thing as I’ve had to do can drive a person nuts when all you want to do is learn, move on and move forward in life. No one wants to keep reaching back to deal with that which should’ve been over, but in 2008 I had to; over and over again… still… the beautiful full circle does it’s thing represented by what you see above and what has been represented in past months with the photography shown in this blog. I’ve got a triple threat of creativity flowing thru me right now.. the writing… the photography… and the music, which is an incredible re-discovery and yet a reflection of what can come to the forefront after dealing with adversity and trying one’s best to simply pull yourself up and move on…

2008 was exciting in that I watched and really kept up with the whole campaign and rise of the days away, soon to be Preseident of the United States, Barack Obama. What a trip it is to listen to all the opinions, the talk, the hopes, the dreams, the expectations, the detractors, the supporters, the accountable holders, the history lovers, and the list goes on and on… Soon to be President Obama will earn any vacations he takes during his time because so many place so much on this man’s shoulders to solve and so many will unfortunately not make it an easy task for him to accomplish anything… The cameras will be and are focused on his every move. He may need to invest in the “Just For Men” product ‘cause his hair might go completely gray in less than two years. But on a personal as well as historical note, it’s a beautiful proud image to see him where he is; an image etched in forever… I’m glad I could see it and wish that many of my family were around to witness this as well. I look so forward to his inauguration… What a proud moment in time it will forever be…

My 2008 ended very quietly…. A glass raised, a kiss; time shared with new friends/family and quiet thoughts; the kind that keep you humble because eventhough I carry a great deal of hope and even excitement for the days ahead, time moving forward always has the potential of taking away… I feel it every time someone says “the years are going by so fast.” When I nod in agreement, a lot of times my whole life flashes before me in my mind. I always see and imagine family members faces; their spirits... I see moments in time, emotions that lifted me up and took me down, good times and bad; the whole gamut of my life in ways that make me stop and marvel at how much I’ve seen. I thank God for the vision because mentally speaking, I can travel to a lot of places and pull out of it some sort of emotional attachment similar to what most may experience when hearing an old jam from the past… So many times I wish I could reverse time or undo certain steps that I took but every moment is important, depending upon how one recovers or in essence, learns from it. Still, reversing time would be really nice right now, not only for reliving the past but more importantly, going back to a day in time when the most important person in my life was super healthy and had no limitations upon doing what brings her happiness. Nevertheless, time changes everything like a rollercoaster ride surrounded by a neverending change of backdrop and scenery all around you… Time doesn’t just heal wounds, it bounds each moment like chapters in a book; titles written boldly and just like Obama’s moment, etched in forever… This was my 2008 and every moment before that… Greetings to 2009. I welcome it in a somewhat bittersweet fashion but still hopeful and prayerful…

Xmas 2008

2009-01-03T14:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas was surprisingly good.. Here’s my tree.. A lot of love went into it combined with a special desire to fill the house with sincere Christmas spirit. It worked. It was a great escape from the usual and a nice spring board to hopefully a very positive, dream fulfilled, get over the bump in the road of life direction…

The Unimaginable Weight Of Honesty

2008-12-11T01:35:00.000-08:00

I see this unimaginable image floating around, waiting to be recognized. It’s like a yellow, greenish, orangish, silver and pink existence that comes near each of us; longing to be embraced. Some recognize it’s purity right away, realizing that if you grasp and hold onto it, the feeling it returns to you is euphoria mixed with fearlessness. It speaks not too often because once embraced, it fits you like a glove yet never is it an uncomfortable squeeze because it’s a no brainer dimension of life. It’s just there; apart of you... You know it but you need not call it’s name because the euphoria keeps you so much at peace… You walk taller. You’re at ease; suspended in the day to day reality of taking one moment at a time and doing the best you can with it. You greet the world with a peaceful spirit that only goes away momentarily when the twists and turns, bumps and bruises of life present themselves. But in the end, it’s all okay because you’re surrounded by the aura of that unimaginable existence. Sort of like being in a room filled with reassuring concerned, giving individuals that love you for you without a care for what you can do. The sad thing is that many choose to embrace it’s counterpart; holding it up like a badge of invincibility. It’s that heavy set, always needy, always wanting attention; forever needing to be remembered sort of existence that basically keeps them in a state of anxiety because it’s so easy to slip when standing upon the pile that’s created with each calculated self-absorbed step. When it piles up too much, it’s so hard to remember direction. It’s difficult for them to remember what they were supposed to say and do. Things get repeated. To the wiser, they appear incompetent but the badge worn is misleading, blinding; like the sun reflecting against the dirty windshield of an automobile. Sunvisors don’t remove dirt. They just soften the glare of neglect allowed as a representation of self, combined with the weakness which prevents the unimaginable… basic honesty…

Cadillac Records

2008-12-08T01:18:00.000-08:00

I'm shocking myself in that I actually liked this movie a lot... Maybe it's because I love the music so much and a lot of the scenes, the style, the southern influence, the whole vibe of the film took me back...way back to a place and time that I'd much rather be, strangely enough... I dont know. I've just always loved those times, perhaps romanticized in my mind but to me, it just seems like folks valued things, each other a little more... Of course times was rough, prejudice was serious and this movie more than depicted it on several occasions. The movie wasn't really historically correct from a musical standpoint; a lot was left out and a few important people completely left out of the story like Philip Chess(brother of Leonard Chess depicted in movie), Bo Diddley, and countless other musicians that would make the story very long and maybe less entertaining to a general audience. Each musician pretty much deserves a movie all to themselves, telling their story. The best way to describe this particular film, is a fictional account of the Chess Records story. And one thing its not, is an Etta James story... The previews kind of have you thinking that way.. It's not that at all... The characters of Leonard Chess and Muddy Waters dominated the story and also Little Walter was a big part of it as well... They went over the top with his way of hard living but I've read about him definitely having a penchant for getting into fights and basically dying young because of injuries sustained but musically speaking, he was the best harmonica player ever and in real life back in those days, Muddy Waters had the tightest band in all the land... Me being a music fan, a musician and a lover of the blues, I'd more like to hear stories about what was passed over briefly in this film... Stories about this man named Alan Lomax and why, how and what he discovered by traveling to the south to record these various musicians on behalf of the Library Of Congress... Must be some truly fascinating stories and images that he took with him from his travels... And then also why musicians from Mississippi and other areas of the south tended to travel to Chicago to eventually create the incredible music that they did... In the movie, they also touched upon a rivalry between Muddy Waters and Howlin Wolf and they had these two men not liking each other at all. I wonder if that was true. No doubt as musicians there was probably rivalry amongst everyone because of all the great players from Howlin Wolf to Muddy to Little Walter, Jimmy Rodgers, Hubert Sumland, Sonny Boy Williamson, Willie Dixon, John Lee Hooker, Bo Diddley, Elmore James, Jimmy Reed, Chuck Berry, and later on the incredible and often overlooked and appreciated, Buddy Guy who is a living legend right now..... Anyway, it was great to see this movie and I hope that it generates interest in these incredible stories, musicians, artists, people from the past... so many stories left behind and so many forgotten that should be told as often possible.... As a side note, I loved the strength and honest conviction portrayed in "Cadillac Records" by the character of Howlin Wolf. A strong man who took control.. Nice to see on the screen... I'm looking forward to the upcoming film, "Who Do You Love," which is also about Chess Records; sure to be entertaining as well and based upon the title, they haven't forgotten Bo Diddley in that one.